50+ Princess Jokes

My girlfriend kept telling me to treat her like a princess. So I made her marry an old guy she's never met to secure an alliance with the French.

A young man was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess". The man bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week." The young man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do ANYTHING you want." Again the young man took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Next the frog yells, "Okay okay, If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you FOREVER and do ANYTHING you want." Again the young man took the frog out, then he chuckled at it and put it back in his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you forever, and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The young man said, "Look I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog is cool."

Why was Han Solo so suspicious when he put his penis inside Princess Leia for the first time? ...it was Luke warm.

My little daughter came to me all excited, saying, “Daddy! Daddy! Guess how old I’ll be in August!” I said, “Oh I don’t know princess, why don’t you tell me?” She gave me a huge smile and held up four fingers. It’s now three hours later, the police are annoyed and she *still* won’t say where she got them.

My friend wanted to feel like a princess on her wedding day So we made her marry a man she never met in order to secure a French alliance.

Why did Princess Diana cross the road? Because she wasn't wearing her seatbelt.

My little daughter jumped up on my lap all excited shouting, “Daddy! Daddy! Guess how old I’ll be this April!” I chuckled, “Oh I don’t know princess, why don’t you tell me?” She gave me a huge smile and held up four fingers. It’s now three hours later, the police are annoyed and she still won’t say where she got them!

Dark jokes 1. Why can't orphans play baseball? They don't know where home is 2. What's the worst part about breaking up with a japanese person? You have to drop the bomb twice before they get the message 3. What did kermit the frog say at Jim henson's funeral? Nothing 4. What's white on top and black on the bottom? Society 5. What's the difference between john wayne and jack daniels? Jack daniels is still killing indians 6. Penn State moved the Jerry Sandusky statue to the library. When you see him, you have to stay quiet. 7. Why does dr pepper come in a bottle? His wife is dead 8. What's the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chick pea? I wouldn't pay 40 bucks to have a garbanzo bean on my face. 9. What is the last thing a redneck says before he dies? Hold my beer 10. Who's the opposite of christopher reeves? Christopher walkin 11. What's the difference between usian bolt and hitler? Usian bolt can finish a race 12. Why did princess diana cross the road? She wasn't wearing a seatbelt 13. How many potatoes does it take to kill an irishman? Zero 14. What did the left tower say to the right tower? Can't talk right now, gotta catch a flight 15. Why are suicide jokes long? Cause people who commited suicide lived shorter 16. What's the difference between a lawyer and an onion? People cry when they cut up an onion 17. What did the disabled boy get for christmas? Cancer

My daughter demanded she be treated like a princess... so I married her off to secure an alliance with the French.

My daughter told me to treat her like a princess... so I made her marry a man she has never met before in order to secure an alliance with France.

3 clueless men Three very conservative men were sitting in a bar discussing their daughters. The first man said: "I am so disappointed in my little girl. I was going through her room the other day, and found a bottle of Vodka. I did not know she drank" The second man continued: "I know how you feel. I was going through my princess' room and found a pack of cigarettes. I had no idea that she smoked." The third man looked at his friends longingly: "you two are very lucky. I found a condom in my daughter's room. I had no idea that she had a penis."

Kiss me "A male engineering student was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, “If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess.” He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week.” The engineering student took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it; and returned it to his pocket. The frog then cried out, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I’ll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want.” Again the boy took the frog out, smiled at it, and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, “What is the matter? I’ve told you I’m a beautiful princess, that I’ll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won’t you kiss me?” The boy said, “Look I’m an engineer. I don’t have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog is cool."

Why did princess Diana cross the road? She wasn't wearing her seatbelt.

Why was Han Solo suspicious when he first put his penis in Princess Leia? It was Luke warm

Russian Joke: A little girl goes up to her mother... ...and asks her, "Mommy, why does everyone say my face looks like an ass?" Her mother replies, "Oh honey no, you're beautiful! Don't listen to them, just go talk to your father." So the little girl finds her father and asks him, "Papa, why does everyone say that my face looks like an ass?" And her father replies, "No honey...don't listen to them. You're my beautiful little princess! Why don't you go talk to your grandfather? He's outside digging a well nearby." So the little girl goes outside and finds the well, which her grandfather is inside of, digging. She leans over the edge and shouts down the well, "Grandpa! Grandpa!" And her Grandfather looks up, squints his eyes, and then suddenly shouts in panic, "DON'T SHIT! DON'T SHIT!!!"

What's the difference between Pink Floyd and Princess Diana? Pink Floyd kept going after the wall.

My flight was being served My flight was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who seemed to put everyone in a good mood as he served us food and drinks. As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and told us that 'Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be landing the big scary plane shortly, so lovely people, if you could just put your trays up , that would be super.' On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed this well-dressed and rather Arabic looking woman hadn't moved a muscle. 'Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines but I asked you to raise your trazy-poo, so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground.' She calmly turned her head and said, 'In my country, I am called a Princess and I take orders from no one.' To which the flight attendant replied , without missing a beat, Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country I'm called a Queen, so I outrank you. Tray-up, Bitch!'

If Tiger Wood and Princess Diana played a round of golf who would win? Tiger Woods! because he has a better driver! I'll be in hell if you need me.

Mother Teresa is PISSED! Mother Teresa dies and is on her way up to heaven. She meets St. Peter at the pearly gates and is adorned with a halo. "Come on this way," St. Peter says, "I'll give you the tour." Mother Teresa is taken aback by the beauty of the angels, clouds and fountains. The pair come across a beautiful Princess Diana, who has a very large ring around her head. "Why does she have a bigger halo than I do?" Mother Teresa asks in disbelief. "Don't worry about it. Come on, I'll show you the rest of the tour," St. Peter says. Mother Teresa starts tugging at St. Peter's robe, proclaiming "Why does that bitch have a bigger halo than I do?" Again, St. Peter tries to move on, "Look, just drop it, it's not important." Mother Teresa then starts violently shaking St. Peter's shoulders and yells "WHY IN THE WORLD DOES THAT FUCKING WHORE HAVE A BIGGER HALO THAN I DO?!?!??!?" St. Peter kneels over to Mother Teresa and whispers in her ear. "It's not a halo, it's a steering wheel."

A man takes his wife out to dinner A man takes his wife out to dinner one night. The wife says, "I want you to treat me like a princess." The husband drives his Mercedes into a wall.

The three knights (NSFW) Okay, so the king employs three new knights to guard his daughter's bedroom as she sleeps. He warns them: "If you try to sleep with my daughter, I will kill you." However, he does not expect the new knights to heed his warning, and so he makes the daughter put a knife inside of her vagina. That night, while the three knights are guarding the princess' bedroom, one knight enters the room. a couple of minutes later, a scream is heard from the room, and the knight walks out, writhing in pain. The second knight walks in to the room also, and once again, within a couple of minutes, a cry is heard, and the knight falls out of the room, screeching out of pure agony. Finally, the third knight walks in, and again, a scream is heard, and the knight walks out crying like a baby. The next morning, the king approaches the knights outside of the bedroom, and asks the first knight "Did you sleep with my daughter last night?" The knight replied "No." The king then ordered the man's pants to be dropped, and upon seeing the knight's sliced penis, ordered him to be taken away and executed. The king repeated to the second knight, "Did *you* sleep with my daughter?" The second knight owned up and said, "Yes." The king ordered the man to be executed immediately. The king then said to the third knight, "Did you attempt to sleep with my daughter?" and the knight opened his mouth, and said "I wpluod nefew twi to fwuk yow dertur."

Princess and the Frog - er, *Engineer* and the frog An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, “If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess.” He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog then cried out, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I’ll stay with you for one week and do ANYTHING you want.” Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, “What is the matter? I’ve told you I’m a beautiful princess and that I’ll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won’t you kiss me?” The engineer said, “Look, I’m an engineer. I don’t have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that’s cool.”

The old man and the frog. An old man is walking down the street one day when he hears a voice. "Excuse me, sir." The old man looks around, but there's nobody nearby, so he continues walking. He doesn't make it another step when he hears the voice again. "Down here." The man stops, and looks down at the ground where a frog is sitting casually. The old man looks around again, just to make sure there's nobody to witness him actually trying to talk to a frog, and says, "That can't have been you." "Yes sir, it was," said the frog. "I'm not really a frog though. I'm actually a young, beautiful princess who was cursed into this form. If you kiss me, I will revert back to my human self and will grant you the wildest night of sex you've ever had." The old man ponders this for a moment, looks left, looks right, then bends down, picks up the frog, puts it in his pocket, and continues on his way. A muffled voice comes from his pocket saying, "Wait! Didn't you hear what I said?" The old man replies, "Oh, I heard you just fine. At my age though, I think I'd rather have a talking frog."

Late one night, Han and Leia are hanging out getting a bit drunk.... when Leia starts bitching about never being able to understand Chewy. Han, fed up with Leia's attitude replied..... "look princess, there's nothing I can do about it, that's just the way the wookie mumbles"

My Wife told me to treat her like a princess So I put her in the back of my car and crashed it into a tunnel

Why was Han solo so suspicious after sticking his dick in Princess Leia for the first time? ...it was Luke warm.

A long, long time ago in a galaxy far, far away... There lived a Jedi known as Luke Skywalker. Luke was a mighty warrior, and quite the ladies man. His use of his 'lightsaber' attracted the eye of the beautiful Princess Leah. Luke wooed the Princess, and they fell in love. All was great in the world, until Han Solo, the ex lover of Princess Leah, filled Luke in on a little secret. Princess Leah is Luke's sister! Luke was obviously distraught! Freaking out, he went to find his master, Obi Wan Kenobi. Luke said to him, "Master Obi Wan! My beautiful wife is my sister! What do I do?!" Master Kenobi, keeping his cool, looked his apprentice in the eye and said, "Luke, use divorce."

Why did Princess Diana cross the road? No seatbelt.

Gates of Heaven One night Dolly Parton and Princess Diana were playing a Poker game when both of them spontaneous combust, and died. Both are sent up to the gates of Heaven and put in front of God. God says, "For either of you to get into heaven, you must tell me something about you that qualifies you to enter the gates." Dolly steps up first saying, "Well God, I have these enormous breasts the world has appreciated throughout my career." God retorts with, "I'm sorry, but that does not allow you to enter." Princess Diana comes up to God and says, "Well God, at least once a day I would douche my vagina." God responds, "Very well Diana, you may enter into heaven." Stunned, Dolly asks, "Why was she allowed to enter for douching once a day and my breasts don't allow me to enter Heaven?" God responds, "Come on Dolly, everyone knows a royal flush beats a great pair."

So Mario is talking to Luigi. "So I breka up with tha princess last night. But I told her, it's a not you, it's a me! Mario!"

Why couldn't Princess Leia find love? She was looking in Alderaan places.

What do Princess Diana and Pink Floyd have in common? Their last big hits were The Wall.

THE ENGINEER AND THE FROG An engineer crosses a road when a frog calls out to him, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bends over, picks up the frog and puts it in his pocket. The frog speaks up again and says, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week." The engineer takes the frog out of his pocket, smiles at it and returns it to the pocket. The frog then cries out, "If you kiss me and turn me back, I'll do whatever you say!" Again the engineer takes the frog out, smiles at it and puts it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asks, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, I'll stay with you for a month and do whatever you say. What more do you want?" The engineer says, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool!"

What do you call a person whose wife was the Queen, daughter is a Princess and his boss is the Emperor, but he himself is no royal? Darth Vader.

How do you ruin a date with Princess Leia? By saying Alderaan things.

The Gay Flight Attendant A flight was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who seemed to put everyone in a good mood as he served food and drinks. As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and told everyone that 'Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be landing the bigscary plane shortly, so lovely people, if you could just put your trays up, that would be super.' On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed this well-dressed and rather Arabic looking woman hadn't moved a muscle. 'Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines but I asked you to raise your trazy-poo, so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground.' She calmly turned her head and said, 'In my country, I am called a Princess and I take orders from no one.' To which the flight attendant replied, without missing a beat, 'Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country I'm called a Queen, so I outrank you. Tray-up, Bitch. EDiT : Changed narration from 1st Person to 3rd.

Why did Princess Diana cross the road? She didn't have her seatbelt on

I asked my wife what she wanted for Valentine's Day and she said 'treat me like a princess!' I'm having her killed in a traffic accident in Paris.

What Does Pink Floyd and Princess Diana Have in Common? Their biggest hit was the wall.

What do Princess Diana and Pink Floyd have in common? Their last big hit was the wall.

Dolly Parton and Princess Diana are at the pearly gates of Heaven... St Peter, standing guard, asks them to share their contributions with him. Dolly Parton lifts her shirt and shows him her boobs. Then Princess Diana takes a cup, pees in it, and hands it to St Peter. St Peter asks them to hold on for a moment and then walks away. When he returns, he lets Princess Diana in but refuses entry to Dolly Parton. Dolly Parton is shocked and asks why she can't come in. St Peter replies, "Sorry, but a royal flush beats a pair."

Like a princess A man takes his girlfriend out on a date, and as they are leaving he says "I'm going to treat you like a princess". So they jump in his Mercedes and he drives into a wall.

So MotherTeresa is in heaven, but... she notices that Princess Diana has a bigger halo than her. So Mother Teresa goes to God and asks why Princess Diana has a larger halo. God laughs and responds, "Oh, that's not a halo, that's the steering wheel." My grandmother told me this joke, all credit to her.

So this gentleman is walking through the forest... when suddenly he finds a little frog. The little frog looks at him and says, help me sweet sir, I've been cursed by an evil witch! she turned me into this hideous frog, because she's jealous of my beauty; but if you have sex with me, I will turn into a beautiful princess. Moved by this story, the gentleman removed his pants and started to fuck the frog. right in the middle of the act, the frog transformed into a gorgeous 16 year old girl. and that's the version of my client, your honor...

What is the difference between Princess Diana and Tiger Woods? One of them has a good driver.

An old lady received 3 wishes... An old lady sat on her front porch, rocking away the last days of her long life, when all of a sudden, a fairy godmother appeared and informed her that she would be granted three wishes. Well, now,” said the old lady, ”I guess I would like to be really rich.” *POOF* Her rocking chair turned into solid gold. ”And, gee, I guess I wouldn’t mind being a young, beautiful princess.” *POOF* She turned into a beautiful young woman. ”Your third wish?” asked the fairy godmother. Just then the old woman’s cat wandered across the porch in front of them. ”Ooh – can you change him into a handsome prince?” she asked. *POOF* And there before her stood a young man more handsome than anyone could have possibly imagined. She stared at him, smitten. With a smile that made her knees weak, he sauntered across the porch and whispered in her ear, ”Bet you’re sorry you had me neutered.”

Why did Princess Diana cross the road? Inertia.

How do police know that princess Diana had dandruff? They found her head and shoulders under the steering wheel.

Old Lady and the Fairy Godmother An old lady is rocking away the last of her days on her front porch, reflecting on her long life, when, all of a sudden, a fairy godmother appears in front of her and informs her that she will be granted three wishes. “Well, now,” says the old lady, “I guess I would like to be really, really rich.” *POOF* Her rocking chair turns to solid gold. She smiles and says, “Gee, I guess I wouldn’t mind being a young, beautiful princess.” *POOF* She turns into a beautiful young woman. “Your third wish?” asked the fairy godmother. Just then the old woman’s cat wanders across the porch in front of them. “Ooh… can you change him into a handsome prince?” she asks. *POOF* There before her stands a young man, more handsome than anyone could possibly imagine. She stares at him, smitten. With a smile that makes her knees weak. He saunters across the porch and whispers in her ear, “Bet you’re sorry you had me neutered!”

Halo Mother Teresa passed away and was on her way up to Heaven when she finally met St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. He looked at her with such pride and said, "Mother Teresa! Thank you for everything you did for the world. Because of the good you did, I will give you this halo. Only the greatest figures in world history get these ." She thanked him as he placed the halo upon her head. She then walked into heaven and saw some of these amazing figures wearing halos, too. People like Martin Luther King, Jr., Abe Lincoln, etc. Then she looked over and noticed Princess Diana with a bigger halo than everyone else. Mother Teresa stormed over to St. Peter, and started yelling, "You know, I was born into wealth, and gave that all away to live in complete poverty. The scum of the Earth my whole life!" To which he replied, "I know! We greatly appreciate it. What is the problem?" She replied, "How come Princess Diana gets a halo? She was born into wealth, stayed wealthy her whole life, and I just don't think she did anything above and beyond to deserve that halo." St. Peter was confused. He looked at Mother Teresa and said, "Um, that isn't a halo. That's a fuckin' steering wheel."

What is globalization? Question : What is globalization? Answer : Princess Diana's death Question : How come? Answer : An English princess with an Egyptian boyfriend crashes in a French tunnel, driving a German car with a Dutch engine, driven by a Belgian who was high on Scottish whiskey, followed closely by Italian Paparazzi, on Japanese motorcycles, treated by an American doctor, using Brazilian medicines! And this is sent to you by a Canadian, using Bill Gates' technology which he got from the Japanese. And you are probably reading this on one of the IBM clones that use Philippine-made chips, and Korean made monitors, assembled by Bangladeshi workers in a Singapore plant, transported by lorries driven by Indians, hijacked by Indonesians and finally sold to you by a Chinese!

What do Pink Floyd and Princess Diana have in common? Their last hit was the wall.

I just added Princess Diana to my xbox friends list. I don't think she has any games though, all she does is spend all day on the dashboard...

How do we know Princess Diana had dandruff? They found her head and shoulders in the glove compartment.

Why did Princess Diana cross the road? She was not wearing a seatbelt…

What do you call a man whose wife was the Queen, his daughter a Princess and his boss an Emperor, but he himself is no royal? Darth Vader.

Did you know princess diana was on the radio during her car accident? She was also on the dash, windshield and the hood

What do Pink Floyd and Princess Diana have in common? Both of their last big hits were The Wall.

A male fairy tale... A Male Fairy Tale: Once upon a time, a Prince asked a beautiful Princess, "Will you marry me?" The Princess said, "No!!!" And the Prince lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and banged skinny long-legged big-titted babes and went rowing and watched rugby and went to naked bars and dated women half his age and drank Bell's, Castle and Captain Morgan and never heard bitching and never paid child support or alimony and ate pies and potato chips and baked beans and blew enormous farts and never got cheated on while he was at work and all his friends and family thought he was frikin cool as hell and he had tons of money in the bank and left the toilet seat up. The end.

What it Princess Zelda's favorite food? Hot Links

Why did Princess Leia spit and not swallow? Because it was Chewy

Why did Princess Diana cross the road? Because she wasn't wearing a seatbelt

An old man goes fishing by himself.... He has been a widower for the last 15 years and really has not been social since his wife passed. One day he decides to go out fishing early in the morning, so he packs up his canoe and gear and heads out to a local pond. Hours pass and he has not caught a thing, from the other side of the pond he hears a voice yell "Hey old man over here!". The old man cannot see anyone but he paddles over to where he thought he heard the sound. Again, the voice is heard " Old man im over here, down by the lillies!" The old man looks over and atop a lilly pad he sees a bullfrog..."What are you?" said the old man. "Well truly im princess but i got turned into a frog. If you kiss me i will turn back into a princess and give you the best sex of your life till your end." The old man is very suspicious so he picks up the frog and throws it in his shirt pocket...."Hey old man didn't hear what i said?? i said if you kiss me i will give you the best sex of your life!"....the old man replies "at this point in my life...i think id rather have a talking frog".

The Queen of England dies and goes to heaven. Naturally, she spends her first few hours there catching up with all of her dead friends and family members. Eventually, she sees Princess Diana, and they start chatting, but Queen Elizabeth is clearly distracted. Eventually, she finally asks, "Diana, dear, why is it that nobody else here has a halo except for you?" A furious Diana responds, "That's a steering wheel, bitch!"

Why was Princess Peach worried when Mario wanted to use her laptop? She forgot to delete her Bowser history

My girlfriend wants me to take her to Paris, and treat her like a princess The only thing is, I don't know which to pick: the guillotine or the Mercedes.

Talking with animals. A princess was passing by a small farm and sees the farmer taking care of his animals, she then decide to have a little chat. Princess: Good morning Mr. Farmer, that's a cute dog that you have! Mind if I speak with him? The farmer, a bit confused: Of course, but I'm afraid my dog can't speak, your Highness. Princess: Hello little dog, how are you? Dog: I'm very good your Highness! The farmer looks extremely shocked Princess: It's this farmer your owner? How does he treat you? Dog: Yes, he is, your Highness! He treats me real good. Feeds me great food and take me to hunt ducks with him! The princess then look to the horse and start talking. Princess: Good morning horse! Are you working hard today? The horse promptly responds: Horse: Indeed I am, your Highness! I always work hard along with the farmer! The farmer is looking absolutely dumbfounded at this point. Princess: And he treats you good? Horse:Yes he does! He feeds me with fresh food and brushes me down very often! He also gave me a nice barn where I feel protected at night! The princess then turns her eyes to the sheep and friendly says: Hello fluffy sheep! And how you have been treated? At this moment the farmer starts screaming: THE SHEEP IS A LIAR! THE SHEEP IS A LIAR!

One evening, a man on his way home encounters an old hag saying she's a beautiful princess of a certain kingdom before, because of her unparalled beauty an envied witch cursed her making her looks like a hundred year old hag and to lift the curse someone must satisfy her sexual desires. The man being heroic help her to lift the said curse so he satisfy her sexual desires the whole night. A morning came and man noticed that old hag still looks like a hundred year old hag, he blurted "why are you still looked like that? You should've turned to princess right now", and the old hag replied "How old are you young man?" "30" "You're that old and you still believe in fairy tales??"

My girlfriend wanted me to treat her like a princess. So I gave her to a gorilla for him to throw barrels at me.

Why did princess Diana cross the street? Because she wasn't wearing her seatbelt.

My Girlfriend wanted me to treat her like a princess for her birthday So I took her out, got her drunk, and crashed the car.

My girlfriend said she wanted to be treated like a princess... So I hired paparazzi to follow her and she died in a car accident.

After Luke Skywalker found out Princess Leia was his sister... He became best friends with hand solo.

Why did princess Diana cross the road? She wasn't wearing a seatbelt.

What was Princess Diana's favorite thing about the Xbox 360? The dashboard.

Whats the difference between Pink Floyd and Princess Diana? Nothing, their last big hit was the wall.

Who's Bill Cosby's favourite Disney princess? Sleeping Beauty

How did the media find out that princess Diana had dandruff? They saw her head and shoulders in the glove compartment

Why isn't Sean Connery allowed to play Super Mario Bros. any more? He kept trying to shave the princess.

Did you hear about Princess Dianas car crash? She was all over the radio. And the dash. And the windshield...

How are Princess Diana and Pink Floyd alike? Their last big hit was The Wall.

Why did Princess Leia take so long to find her hair brush? She kept looking for it in Alderaan places.

What's the difference between a princess and a witch? 2 years of marriage.

Princess Diana goes to heaven... Princess Diana goes to heaven and meets St. Peter. He says to her: Here in heaven we are all equal, so you need to take off the crown. She replies: This is not a crown, it's a rim

A member at a golf club Joe is a member of his local golf club. He walks into the locker room after finishing his round and sees his friend Tim with an annoyed look on his face. "Hey Tim, were you playing today?" Asks Joe "Yeah, wasn't very good though, had a Princess Diana round" replied Tim "A Princess Diana round?" "Yeah, the driver fucking killed me"

Daughter asked me she wants to feel like a princess so I forced her on a marriage with a man she's never met to secure our alliance with the French.

What do Pink Floyd and Princess Diana have in common? Their last big hit was the wall... :)

A prince asked a beautiful princess to marry him.. And she said no. The prince lived happily ever after.

My wife said she wanted to be treated like a princess So I put her into the back of a Mercedes and drove her into a wall.

How did they know Princess Diana had dandruff? They found her head and shoulders in the glove box.

Difference between Tiger Woods and Princess Diana Tiger Woods has a better driver

What do Princess Diana and Pink Floyd have in common? The Wall was their last big hit. (ripped off a dark jokes thread a while back)

Why did Luke Skywalker and Princess Leia never get together? Because Luke was looking for love in Alderaan places!!

Chickens are Illuminati As of 2011 there is an estimated 19 billion chickens in the world or 3 for every person. What has 3 sides? A triangle. Where can you see triangles? The pyramids. Where are the pyramids? Egypt. What did Egyptians worship? Cats and dogs. Cats and dogs are rivals such as chickens and turkeys. When do people eat turkey the most? Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving is a few weeks away from Christmas in the USA. What's on the other side of the world from the USA? Japan. What do Japanese people eat on Christmas? KFC. What is the 3rd letter in KFC? Chicken. Notice how I said 3rd letter; 3rd as in the final side of the triangle. Notice how I have also mentioned chickens 3 times in this theory; 3 sides like 3 sides of a triangle. That makes 3 triangles. When you put 3 triangles together, what do you get? The Tri-force. What is one of the most famous things in the Legend of Zelda? The Tri-force. What do people get mixed up in the Legend of Zelda series? Link and Zelda's names. Link has a triangle hat. Zelda is the princess of Hyrule. What animal is found in Hyrule? Chickens. What happens when you attack chickens too much in Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past and games after that? A bunch of chickens start flying at you and try to kill you. Wake up, America. Our government is run by lizards and chickens are the Illumunati.

When Luke(Skywalker) fell in love with (Princess) Leia, you could say... he was looking for love in Alderaan places!

I knew a person who was against warrior princesses He was a Xenaphobe

What's the fastest way to become a general in the Rebel Alliance? Leia Princess!

Why Did Princess Diana Cross The Street? Because she wasn't wearing a seatbelt

How do they know that Princess Diana had dandruff? They found her Head & Shoulders on the dashboard.

Which Disney princess would be the best judge? Snow White, because she's the Fairest One of All.