50+ Goldfish Jokes

The setup points the reader toward 'I once had a goldfish that could break-dance on a carpet,', then the trigger 'but only for like 20 seconds...' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'As told to me by an 85 year old shriner clown. Little 8 year old Susie is in her back yard digging a hole. Her neighb...', then the trigger 'Not sure he would get the whole reddit front page thing though.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'I have goldfish named Major, Minor, and Diminished.', then the trigger 'I can tell them apart by their scales.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'A boy goes up to a girl and says "hey baby what's up"... She says "I have a boyfriend", he says "I have a math test"....', then the trigger '* Some comments about me being 12 (I'm 35 BTW)' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is meta-humor with incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Little 8 year old Susie is in her back yard digging a hole.. ..Her neighbor Mr. Johnson peeks over the fence and says...', then the trigger 'Susie replies, *"Because my goldfish is inside your fucking cat".*' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'A guy takes a girl to the state fair for their first date. The guy asks her what she wants to do, she says, "I want t...', then the trigger '"Wousy," the girl replied.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Nancy and the gold fish Little Nancy is digging a hole in the back yard when her neighbor looks over the fence. "What...', then the trigger '"Not if it's inside your fucking cat."' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Bury the dead! One day little Timmy is in his back yard digging a hole. His neighbor, seeing him there, decides to in...', then the trigger 'Timmy shot back, "That's because he's inside your fuckin' cat!!!"' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is benign-violation.

The setup points the reader toward 'My daughter told me this one today and it had me in stitches. Two goldfish are in a tank...', then the trigger 'One turns to the other and says: "You man the guns, I'll drive"' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'When my pet goldfish died my parents thought it would be a great idea to replace it with a hamster...', then the trigger 'Poor little guy drowned in seconds..' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'About a Russian fisherman A Russian fisherman named Boris goes fishing one day. He catches a goldfish, which says "Do...', then the trigger 'Tonight you drink straight from the bottle."' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is meta-humor with incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Two Goldfish are in a Tank One turns to the other and says..', then the trigger '"Do you know how to drive this thing?"' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'What's the difference between a goldfish and a mountain goat?', then the trigger 'Goldfish like to muck around the fountain.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Hockey players are like goldfish', then the trigger 'The way we get their attention is to tap on the glass' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Two Goldfish were in a tank. What did one fish ask the other?', then the trigger 'So how do you drive this thing?' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'The best part about owning a pet. You can blame your dog for farting,', then the trigger 'you can blame your cat for things falling over at night, and you can blame your goldfish for the screaming in the bas...' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'My Grandpa says he has the heart of a lion and a lifetime of experience. The only problem is he also has the memory o...', then the trigger 'He went upstairs to get his glasses and ended up napping in the guest room because he forgot why he was there.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward '2 Goldfish are in a tank.', then the trigger 'One turns to the other and asks "Do you know how to drive this thing?"' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Epilepsy Paddy goes to the vet with his goldfish. “I think it’s got epilepsy” he tells the vet. Vet takes a look and...', then the trigger 'Paddy says, “I haven’t taken it out of the bowl yet.”' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'A man takes his son to see the fortune teller at the carnival After looking at the crystal ball for a bit, the old gy...', then the trigger '"I'm sorry honey I can't help it I just found out the milk man died today."' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is benign-violation.

The setup points the reader toward 'My Dad always calls me goldfish...', then the trigger 'I forget why' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Two goldfish are in a tank...', then the trigger 'One said, "you man the guns, and I'll drive".' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'How do you make a goldfish old?', then the trigger 'Take away the G.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'A young boy is digging a hole in his garden... A neighbour walks past and says "what's the hole for?" The boy replies...', then the trigger 'The boy replies once more "well yes, its got to fit your cat in it!"' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Two goldfish are alone in a tank,', then the trigger 'One says to the other one, "have any idea how to drive this thing?"' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'I'm going to buy my Dungeon Master a goldfish', then the trigger 'So I can carp a DM' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Two goldfish are sitting in a tank, one turns to the other and says...', then the trigger '"You man the turret, I'll drive"' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Two goldfish are in a tank...', then the trigger '...one says to the other, "You man the gun, I'll drive."' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'I once saw a goldfish that could break-dance on a carpet,', then the trigger 'but only for like 20 seconds...' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'How did one goldfish get the attention of another goldfish?', then the trigger 'He yelled, "A u, fish!"' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'How do you get a goldfish's attention? A U!', then the trigger 'Fish!' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'My wife wants to have a kid...', then the trigger 'I bought her a goldfish and told her to wait a few million years.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Two goldfish were in their tank... Two goldfish were in their tank.', then the trigger 'One turned to the other and said, "You man the guns; I'll drive."' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Why are goldfish crackers always smiling?', then the trigger 'Because they're baked..' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'There were 2 goldfish in a tank One said to the other,', then the trigger '"you man the guns, I drive."' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Two goldfish meet in a fishbowl One says, "Hi, I'm John!" The other says, "John, listen closely. We're trapped in thi...', then the trigger 'The first goldfish says, "Hi, I'm John!"' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Child: Dad, I don't like the goldfish...', then the trigger 'Dad: Shut up and eat your dinner.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Best goldfish joke ever told Two goldfish were in their tank.', then the trigger 'One turned to the other and said, "You man the guns; I'll drive."' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Little Nancy's dead goldfish Little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered over the fence...', then the trigger 'Nancy patted down the last heap of earth and then replied, "That's because he's inside your stupid cat."' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is benign-violation.

The setup points the reader toward 'HER GOLDFISH DIED Little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when Her neighbour peered over the fence. Interest...', then the trigger 'Nancy patted down the last heap of dirt then replied, "That`s because he`s inside your freakin cat."' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'I was listening to my German Student perform Goldfish by Debussy...', then the trigger 'Unfortunately, his playing was rather Vichy.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'What is the most expensive type of fish? A goldfish!', then the trigger 'I am not sorry.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'My friend asked me if goldfish suffer from depression', then the trigger 'i said "Yes, but very briefly..."' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'I don't know what's wrong with my goldfish...', then the trigger '...it was fine when I put it in its cage last night' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Hey, you know why goldfish are the only snack that smiles back?', then the trigger 'because they are baked.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'How I display my dominance I like to sit and eat goldfish in front of Mr.', then the trigger 'Bubbles to show him who's boss.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is superiority.

The setup points the reader toward 'Live Shark "Can I buy a live shark here?" "Lady, what do you want with a live shark?"', then the trigger '"A neighbor's cat has been eating my goldfish, and I want to teach him a lesson."' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'There are two goldfish in a tank. One says to the other...', then the trigger '"You man the guns, I'll drive!"' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'I went into a pet shop.', then the trigger 'I said, ‘Can I buy a goldfish?’ The guy said, ‘Do you want an aquarium?’ I said, ‘I don’t care what star sign it is.’' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'What’s the most expensive fish?', then the trigger 'A goldfish.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward '"Well there you have it" the man explained, "That's logical science at work.', then the trigger 'From finding out that you have a goldfish, I've discovered the size of your garden, all about your house, your family...' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is benign-violation.

The setup points the reader toward '"Let me explain" the first builder continued, "Do you', then the trigger 'have a goldfish at home?"' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'As any fan of cat jokes knows, it’s all fun and games until the spouse gets involved. So, retrieve pill from goldfish...', then the trigger 'Call spouse from the garden.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Yo mama so fat she makes "Free Willy"', then the trigger 'look like a goldfish.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'What is the richest fish in the world?', then the trigger 'A goldfish' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Did you hear about the goldfish who went bankrupt?', then the trigger 'Now he's a bronze fish.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Doing His Homework! When Mother came home she was amazed to see Nathan sitting on a horse, writing something. ‘What o...', then the trigger '‘Well, the teacher told us to write an essay on our favorite animal.’ Answered Nathan, ‘That’s why I’m here and that’...' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'A pregnant goldfish is called a twit.', then the trigger 'A pregnant goldfish is called a twit.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'What is the most expensive kind of fish?', then the trigger 'a goldfish' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward '"My goldfish died," replied the boy tearfully,', then the trigger 'without looking up.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Catfish? No, Cat Fish! Every cat picture tells a story.', then the trigger 'Let us hope that only lovers of funny cat pictures browse these pages and there are no goldfish aficionados around.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'What did Dr. Frankenstein get when he put a goldfish brain in the body of his dog?', then the trigger 'I don’t know, but it is great at chasing submarines.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'The neighbor was concerned.', then the trigger '"That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish,' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward '"Let me explain" the man continued, "Do you have', then the trigger 'a goldfish at home?"' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'A blonde had some goldfish and she did not', then the trigger 'know how to feed them.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward '3 blondes caught a goldfish, and the fish said if they let her go she will grant them one wish each. The first blonde...', then the trigger 'In the morning they woke up and the first blonde turned into a brunette, second black and the third one had become a...' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Little Nancy was in the backyard filling in a hole when her neighbour peered over the fence. Interested in what the g...', then the trigger 'Nancy patted down the last heap of earth and then replied, "That's because he's inside your f*****g cat!"' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'What is more peculiar than watching a catfish?', then the trigger 'Watching a goldfish bowl.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Where does Batman's goldfish live ? In the BAT-TUB!!', then the trigger 'ahahaha...' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'A redhead, brunette and a blonde went to the doctor. As they sat in the waiting room, the redhead got bored and went...', then the trigger 'After five minutes, the blonde began to open and close her mouth repeatedly.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Where does Superman's goldfish live ?', then the trigger 'In the superbowl....' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Which fish is the most valuable in the sea?', then the trigger 'A goldfish.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'A "jiffy" is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second. A dime has 118 ridges around the edge. A cat has 32 musc...', then the trigger 'A goldfish has a memory span of 3 seconds.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Q. Why do young blondes carry goldfish in their pockets? A.', then the trigger 'So they can smell like old blondes.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the litt...', then the trigger 'Nancy patted down the last heap of earth and then replied, "That's because he's inside your stupid cat."' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is superiority.

The setup points the reader toward 'Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray my sanity to keep. For if some peace I do not find, I'm pretty sure I'll lose my m...', then the trigger 'I must have lost them long ago!' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is benign-violation.

The setup points the reader toward 'Its weird that goldfish will eat other goldfish but wont eat goldfish crackers.', then the trigger 'Life sure is complicated sometimes.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Toddlers are the only life form that can exist entirely on their own snot, one goldfish', then the trigger 'cracker, and half a chicken nugget a day.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward '"fool me once, shame on u. fool me once, shame on u.', then the trigger 'fool me once, shame on u" - a goldfish :(' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is superiority.

The setup points the reader toward 'There are two goldfishes in a bowl. There are two goldfishes in a fish bowl.', then the trigger 'One says to the other, "Trevor, why do the humans think us fish are stupid?" Trevor says, "Sorry, who are you again?"' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is superiority.

The setup points the reader toward 'I went to a pet shop to buy a goldfish today...', then the trigger 'The worker asked if I'd like an aquarium, but I told him "I don't care what starsign it is."' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'GOLDFISH: i swear i'll have your money by tomorrow GOLDFISH MOBSTER: what money? GOLDFISH: who are you?', then the trigger 'GOLDFISH MOBSTER: where's my mon' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'My wife thinks I'm too drunk to take the goldfish for', then the trigger 'a walk, but I'll show her!' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'What fish is the most valuable?', then the trigger 'A goldfish.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'If a cougar left her teeth next to my bed in a glass of water was that a tip? Do I have to change the water?', then the trigger 'Do I feed them like goldfish?' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Two Goldfish Are Sitting In A Tank One turns to the other and says', then the trigger '"I'll man the guns, you drive"' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Judge: Sir, need I remind you that you are under oath?', then the trigger 'Goldfish defendant: Yes.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Yo mama so ugly that not even', then the trigger 'goldfish crackers smile back' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'One goldfish to his tankmate: "If there's no God', then the trigger 'who changes the water?"' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'You may think I'm a loser, but to my goldfish I', then the trigger 'am "THE GOD OF FLAKES."' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'u can't pet a goldfish without taking it out of the water & even then', then the trigger 'it's not that satisfying for either party' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Q: What happens if you cross a goldfish's brain with a dog?', then the trigger 'A: I don't know, but it's great at chasing submarines' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward '[Pours goldfish into aquarium] You're free now "Mom?', then the trigger 'You know those are just crackers, right?"' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'BRAIN: you need to let loose a little, have some fun ME:', then the trigger 'rainbow colored goldfish crackers it is' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Just saw a car with a license plate that says FLSH ME. Ok, douche. What are you, a dead goldfish?', then the trigger 'Flush yourself.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is benign-violation.

The setup points the reader toward 'The goldfish just gave me the "just flush me" look. No way pal.', then the trigger 'If I have to stay so do you.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Today marks a full year of keeping the baby alive.', then the trigger 'Now I want a goldfish' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'it's always sad when you have to take your sick goldfish out to the', then the trigger 'pasture and shoot it in the head.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Him: drink? Me: I have a boyfriend Him: I have a goldfish Me: What???', then the trigger 'Him: I thought we were talking about shit that don't matter' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Son, always wait 30 minutes after eating before swimming "But dad we're goldfish"', then the trigger 'Oh yeah, I forgot "Forgot what?"' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.