100+ Valentines Jokes

The setup points the reader toward 'There's love without sex and there's sex without love... Then there's You, without either.', then the trigger 'Happy Valentines' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is benign-violation.

The setup points the reader toward 'I finally got someone to be my valentine!', then the trigger 'I wish I could post this in any other sub.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'My wife just called me. She said, "Three of the girls in the office have just received some flowers for Valentines Da...', then the trigger 'I said, "Well that's probably why they've received flowers then."' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'For a moment, i had a different opinion on 'Chinese girls' This Valentines day, I asked a Chinese girl for her number...', then the trigger 'Then her friend said, "She means 666-3629."' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is benign-violation.

The setup points the reader toward 'If any of you are sad about being alone on valentines day, just remember...', then the trigger 'that nobody loves you on any other day of the year, and valentine's day shouldn't be any different.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'My wife said she wanted to feel special this Valentines Day.', then the trigger 'So I bought her a helmet and some crayons.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'If Valentine's Day is for couples, what day is for single men? Palm Sunday.', then the trigger 'First time posting, please be gentle.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'My Valentine is like the square root of -100...', then the trigger 'A 10, but imaginary' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'What's the difference between you and a calendar?', then the trigger 'A calendar has a date for Valentine's Day.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Arnold Schwarzenegger can’t stand Christmas, too many presents. Thanksgiving is no better, he’s allergic to turkey. H...', then the trigger 'Have to love Easter, baby' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Valentine's day', then the trigger 'Mothers have mothers day, father's have father's day, couples have valentine's day and I have palm sunday' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'I have a tip for all you lonely ladies on valentine's day...', then the trigger 'Or you can just take the whole thing.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'My wife called me on Valentine's Day She said, "Three of the girls in the office have just received some flowers for...', then the trigger 'I said, "Well that's probably why they've received flowers then."' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'At the post office.... A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the count...', then the trigger '"I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is superiority.

The setup points the reader toward 'I already got a date this valentine's day. Her name is Emma,', then the trigger 'Emma Gination.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'I have my entire Valentine's day planned with my toaster!', then the trigger 'Okay, so first, we're going to take a bath.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Girl, if your beauty was represented in stocks, I'd invest everything... Because you're at an all-time low.', then the trigger '(Use it to seal the deal on Valentine's Day)' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'I bought my wife a new puppy for Valentine's Day! She's such a beautiful dog! Unfortunately, I forgot my wife is alle...', then the trigger 'Free to good home.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'I confided with my best friend that my girlfriend broke up with me. "Oh no! What happened?" he asked. "I don't know....', then the trigger '"Nothing."' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Wife on Valentine's day... A wife, being the romantic sort, sent her husband a text “If you are sleeping, send me you...', then the trigger 'Please advise.."' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'My wife told me "For Valentine's Day, nothing would make me happier than a diamond necklace"', then the trigger 'So I got her nothing.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'My missus asked me where her Valentine's day card was.', then the trigger 'I said, "Sorry, I had a headache."' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'To those who are sad because nobody loves them at Valentine's Day, worry not...', then the trigger '...nobody loves you on any of the other days of the year either.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Every time I have sex with my girlfriend I put a dollar in a jar.', then the trigger 'On Valentine's Day I use what I saved to buy a gift for her.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is benign-violation.

The setup points the reader toward 'It must suck to have your period on valentines day', then the trigger 'But an even bigger pain in the ass.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'How do you kiss a girl on valentines day?', then the trigger 'You use tulips.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'I asked my wife what she wanted for Valentine's Day and she said 'treat me like a princess!'', then the trigger 'I'm having her killed in a traffic accident in Paris.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is benign-violation.

The setup points the reader toward 'Valentine’s Day dream Joke A young woman was taking an afternoon nap. After she woke up, she told her husband, “I jus...', then the trigger 'She found a book entitled “The Meaning of Dreams”.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Single?', then the trigger 'Give your sexual partner a Valentine's Day treat by having a manicure.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is benign-violation.

The setup points the reader toward 'How do single people honor valentine's day?', then the trigger 'By Celibating!' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'I am going out with my valentine tonight', then the trigger 'I wish I could post it on different sub' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Had a three-way on Valentine's night... Me and Ben & Jerrys.', then the trigger 'I'm so lonely.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'I bought a Valentine's Day card for everyone at our local Tourettes Society.', then the trigger 'It's the thought that cunts!' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'The Smiths invite the Jones' over for dinner... After dinner, Mrs. Smith is cleaning dishes in the kitchen while Mr....', then the trigger 'WHAT WAS THAT RESTAURANT WE ATE AT LAST WEEK?!"' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Wished my wife a 'Happy Valentine's ay!'', then the trigger 'I'll give her the D later.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Do you have a date for Valentine's Day?', then the trigger 'Yes February 14th.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward '"The Meaning of Dreams" After she woke up, a woman told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklac...', then the trigger 'Delighted, she opened it to find a book entitled "The Meaning of Dreams"' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'An old lady was talking to her husband on Valentine's day evening.... "Dear, honestly answer this. What did you think...', then the trigger 'He says without skipping a beat " I think I did a fairly good job!"' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'For Valentine's Day, me and the girlfriend are just gonna stay in and watch a movie.', then the trigger 'Can anyone recommend a good girlfriend?' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Roses are red, violets are blue. If he's busy on Valentines Day...', then the trigger '...the side chick is you.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Valentine's Day Gift A young lady was caught napping one afternoon on Valentine's Day. She woke up when she heard the...', then the trigger 'Delighted, she opened it and found a book entitled "The meaning of dreams."' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'A Frenchman, an Englishman and an Arab... A Frenchman, an Englishman and an Arab were being interviewed by a reporter...', then the trigger 'If she not like za Farrari she can go fuck herself!' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Has anyone found a date for Valentine's? I did! It's on 14th Feb!', then the trigger 'Laugh please I'm pathetic' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'This Valentines Day, I want to really surprise my wife.', then the trigger 'So I'm gonna introduce her to my girlfriend.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Does anyone else get as excited about Valentine's Day coming up as they did about Christmas when they were little?', then the trigger 'Or is it just because I'm Jewish?' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'To all the single people this Valentines weekend', then the trigger 'Go fuck yourself ;-)' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'My high-school English teacher was well known for being a fair My high-school English teacher was well known for bein...', then the trigger 'It read: “Thank you, but it’s still BE MINE-US.”' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Penguin puns Not sure if I'm in the right subreddit or not. Sorry if I am. Anyways I'm trying to write a Valentine's...', then the trigger 'Anyone know any?' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'What did the french chef give his wife on Valentine's day?', then the trigger 'A hug and a little quiche.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'A man asks his wife what she wants for Valentine's Day. "I want you to get something that will make me look sexy," sh...', then the trigger 'So he goes shopping and returns home with a case of beer.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is benign-violation.

The setup points the reader toward 'What's the difference between you and a Calendar?', then the trigger 'A Calendar has a date on Valentine's day.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'This Valentine's Day I'm single by choice', then the trigger 'Just not my choice' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Happy Valentines!', then the trigger 'A little early I know, but l suffer from premature congratulation' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'For Valentine's Day, my wife finally fulfilled a fantasy of mine when dressed up as a nurse.', then the trigger 'At last, I got to roleplay having access to healthcare.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'The Peanut Gallery Somewhere back in the era of grainy black-and-white TV, there was a Saturday kid's show called "Ri...', then the trigger 'The show never aired again.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Last Valentine's day I recieved so many cards from my girlfriends that I couldn't open the front door...', then the trigger 'Because my wife had the locks changed' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Pencil Me In Boy: Do you have a date for Valentine’s Day?', then the trigger 'Girl: Yes, February 14th.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Roses are gray. Violets are gray. I'm a dog.', then the trigger 'Happy Valentine's Day!' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Valentine's Day Gift! A Frenchman, an Englishman and an Arab were being interviewed by a reporter with regard to what...', then the trigger 'If she not like za Farrari she can go fuck herself !!' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'What do single people call Valentine's Day?', then the trigger 'Independence Day' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'A poem for Valentine's Day', then the trigger 'Love is the fart of every heart, for when held in it pains the host, but when released pains others most.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Rhyming Couplet A local daily ran a competition around Valentine's Day asking for a two line rhyme with the most roma...', then the trigger '[Source](http://smile.xonaki.com/Joke/EN?categoryCode=EN&jokeId=562#mainBody)' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is benign-violation.

The setup points the reader toward 'What did the runaway melon say to the honeydew on Valentine's Day?', then the trigger 'I cantaloupe.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'For the valentines spirit', then the trigger 'Roses are red violets are blue I am pregnant but it is not from you' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'What do fat women get for valentines day?', then the trigger 'Depressed.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Anybody know where I can get a Game of Thrones Valentine's day card?', then the trigger 'It's for my sister.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'When m'y girlfriend said let's not bother and do nothing this year for valentine's day', then the trigger 'I agreed and realised way later that included sex' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is benign-violation.

The setup points the reader toward 'I had a threesome planned for Valentines Day...', then the trigger 'There were a couple of no-shows, but I had a good time anyway.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'So there's a child molester and a little boy walking into the woods... They keep walking deeper and deeper, and its g...', then the trigger 'Edit*: from the film Blue Valentine' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'I told my gf she'd look hotter with her hair back. Apparently, that is an insensitive thing to say to a cancer patien...', then the trigger '(Combined 2 jokes I heard plus added the last part).' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Where did I take my pet Cow on Valentines Day?', then the trigger 'To the Moooovies' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'A boyfriend says to his girlfriend, "Baby, you're kind of like Charles Barkley..." "...You've been on the team for so...', then the trigger 'Happy Valentines day!"' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'I already have a date for Valentine's Day', then the trigger 'February 14th' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'I work with mentally disabled people. Today I tried to tell a client the Nacho Cheese joke. "Hey, you have nachos! Wh...', then the trigger 'Happy Valentine's Day everybody!' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Someone asked me, "How can you celebrate Christmas if you don't believe in God?"', then the trigger 'I responded with, "How can you celebrate Valentine's Day if nobody loves you?"' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Valentine's day fights My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, 'What's on TV?...', then the trigger 'And then the fight started....' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Valentine' Day A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter metho...', then the trigger '“I’m a divorce lawyer,” the man replies.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is superiority.

The setup points the reader toward 'Need a joke for valentines card Valentines is tomorrow and i just wondering anyone could tell me a jokes so i can wri...', then the trigger 'Thank you!!' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Happy Valentine's day! Do you know what the word of the day is?', then the trigger 'Legs!.....Should we go back to my place and spread the word?' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'They told me to keep it in my pants... But it was too hard.', then the trigger 'Happy Valentine's Day folks!' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'So, there was an earthquake in Georgia.', then the trigger 'Guess your mom had a good Valentine's Day.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'A Pair of Slippers and A Dildo Two guys are sitting around talking about what they got their wives for Valentines Day...', then the trigger 'If she doesn't like the slippers, then she can go fuck herself"' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'You're my one and only love. One day, a gorgeous young woman comes into the stationery and asks the clerk: -Do you ha...', then the trigger '-Good, I'll take a dozen please.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Band Names as Descriptions of Bowel Movements I haven't seen this game on here before, but it's one of my favorite ga...', then the trigger 'So, /r/jokes, what are some of your favorite bowel movements?' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'This valentines day be sure not to buy flowers from any Monks.', then the trigger 'Because only you can prevent florist friars!' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Man gets his wife roses for Valentine's Day Wife says "I guess I have to open my legs now". Man says "Why?', then the trigger 'Don't we have a vase"?' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Why do skunks celebrate valentines day?', then the trigger 'Because they are very scentimental.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'I've never understood giving flowers to someone on Valentine's Day. "Here's a dying plant...', then the trigger 'because i love you?"' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Guess who? A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodica...', then the trigger '"I'm a divorce lawyer."' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is superiority.

The setup points the reader toward 'Role play on Valentine's Day I am driving with my girlfriend on Valentine’s Day, when we decide to stop over in a qui...', then the trigger '[Source](http://www.yoaca.com/jokes/valentines-day/)' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Since Valentine's is approaching, my friend posted "I love my girlfriend <3"', then the trigger 'I knew he liked them young but that is fucking ridiculous.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Told my wife I was going to give her something for Valentines I've never given her before', then the trigger 'She said "An orgasm?"' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'In honor of Valentine's Day - what's better than a rose on a piano?', then the trigger 'Tulips on an organ.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'A boyfriend asks his girlfriend: "What gift would you like to receive during the St. Valentine's Day?" "Well, I don't...', then the trigger '"OK, that I give you another year to think about it…"' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Roses are red... Valentine's Day is Crap!', then the trigger 'I don't have a girlfriend so FAP FAP FAP!' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'What do French people do on Valentine's Day?', then the trigger 'They d'éclair their love to each other.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Valentines Day Flowers Blonde #1: Oh how I hate when he brings me flowers. All night I'll be on my back with my legs...', then the trigger 'Blonde #2: Don't you own a vase?' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Let's ask ISIS to be our Valentine Little Thelma comes home from first grade and tells her father that they learned a...', then the trigger '"I know," Thelma says, "and once that gets them out in the open, the Marines could blast the shit out of them."' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'This year I got my Valentines Day cards mixed up.', then the trigger 'My girlfriend thinks I love her and my wife thinks I want to fuck her.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'The best part for a man who is in an incestuous relationship with his mother', then the trigger '...is that he gets to celebrate mothers day and valentine's day for the same reasons.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.