50+ Tennis Jokes

There was this tramp. One cold winter's morning he was walking along a country road, when he heard a cry for help from a nearby lake. Without a moment's hesitation he ran out onto the ice and slipped and slided over to a little girl. He managed to pull her out without breaking the ice further and carried her back to the road. He took off his coat and wrapped her in it then began looking for a car to flag down. Coincidentally the father drives up. "How can I ever thank you sir?" he says after putting his daughter into the warmth of the limo. "Just name your price - I'm a wealthy man." "Ah, well..." stammers the tramp, "... uh, I'm a little short of cash, perhaps you could help me out." "Oh dear," says the father, "I don't carry much cash with me, I only have ten pounds - but come home with me and I'll get more from the safe." "No! No!" says the tramp, "Why ten pounds is more money than I've seen in my whole life - that'll be plenty." "Ten pounds," thinks the tramp, "I'm rich! I'm rich!" and off he goes to the town to buy himself a holiday. He finds a travel agent, walks in - much to the disgust of the staff - and goes up to the desk. "I'll have one holiday please!" "Ahem, which holiday would sir like?" asked the girl at the desk, forcing a smile. "Oh, any holiday I don't mind, anything up to ten pounds," replies the tramp. "TEN POUNDS! You'll NEVER get a holiday for ten pounds," says the girl incredulously. She goes into the back of the shop, and searches in the deepest, dustiest filing drawers she can find. There - to her amazement - she finds an old file. "Well you'll never believe it," she says to the tramp, back in the shop. "I've got you a holiday - its a super-duper, ultra-hyper, mega-economy class round the world cruise - and it costs ten pounds." "Yippee!" exclaims the tramp, "I'll take it!" A few days later he arrives at the port, and there in the dock is the most beautiful, most elaborately decorated, most expensive looking ocean-going liner he has ever seen. "Get off my ship ye dirty bum!" shouts a voice, and an irate captain storms down the gangplank and kicks the tramp down onto the dockside. "But I've got my ticket!", responds the tramp, "super-duper, ultra-hyper, mega-economy class, and I want on!" "Well okay," says the captain, "but you can't come on just now, I don't want my first-class passengers seeing you. Come back at midnight when it's dark and I'll let you on then." So the tramp finds himself a quiet spot among some cargo cases on the dockside, and he falls asleep. "Psst," says a voice, waking him with a start. It was the captain. "Hurry up, it's midnight, let's get you to your cabin." The tramp toddles after the captain, along the dockside, up the gangway, and onto the ship - and what a ship! First they went down through the first class level: Oriental carpets - 6" pile. A genuine Rembrandt on every wall. Leave your shoes outside for cleaning, and the steward brings a new pair. 24 ct gold trim everywhere. Then the second class: As above, but perhaps the carpets were only 3" deep, and so on... 3rd, 4th, 5th class, down past the casinos, and the ballrooms, down through the crew's quarters, down through the galleys, and the engine rooms, until finally, at the lowest point in the ship, against the very hull, the captain opens a watertight door into a tiny 7' x 4' cabin, with a hammock, a bedside table, and an alarm clock. "Sheer luxury!" exclaimed the tramp, "A room of my very own." "I'm glad you like it," replies the captain, "but there is one more thing... Your class of ticket only allows you to use the facilities of the ship, at night - when all the other passengers are asleep. So that's what the alarm clock is for. Enjoy your cruise." Well the cruise began, and the tramp had a whale of a time. Sleeping by day, and up on deck at night - he loved it. One-man-tennis, clay pigeon shooting, more food than he'd ever seen... Then one morning, a week or so into the cruise, the tramp decided he'd have a go on the diving board of the pool. He had just enough time for one dive before he had to go below. He climbed up the ladder, stepped onto the board tip, bounced, and dived... ... and what a dive...! Perfectly poised in the air, he hit the water without so much as a ripple. Now unknown to him, the captain - who'd grown rather fond of the poor old tramp - was standing watching this. "That was amazing!" exclaimed the captain, "Where did you learn to dive like that?" "Um, well I've never actually dived before," replied the tramp. "Well that's incredible!" says the captain, "I've never seen..." He broke off. "Hey, I've got an idea", he started again. "How would you like to train a bit, and we'll put on a show for the other passengers. I'll pay you, and you can then afford to go first class!" "It's a deal!" says our man. For the next 3 weeks the tramp practices like he's never practiced before. Back-flips, front-flips, triple-back sideways axled dives, you name i

A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Frank." Passenger: "Who?" Cabbie: "Frank Feldman. He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time." Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody." Cabbie: "Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy." Passenger: "Sounds like he was really something special." Cabbie: "There's more. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman could do everything right.” Passenger: "Wow, what a guy!" Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too. He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman." Passenger: "How did you meet him?" Cabbie: "I never actually met Frank. He died and I married his wife."

50% of Roger Federer's name is "er" Stolen from r/tennis

My wife was disappointed to find out why my nickname in college was “The Love Machine.” It’s because I sucked at tennis.

A man got on the bus with both of his front trouser pockets full of golf balls and sat down next to a beautiful blonde. The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets. Finally, after many glances from her, he said, "It's golf balls." The blonde continued to look at him for a very long time, thinking deeply about what he had said. Finally, unable to contain her curiosity any longer, she asked, "Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?"

One day Bill complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts, I guess I should see a doctor." His friend said, "Don't do that. There's a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. Just put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs ten dollars." Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed: You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water. Avoid heavy lifting. It will be better in two weeks. Late that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled. He decided to give it a try. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction. He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample, and deposited the $10. The computer made the usual noise and printed out the following message: Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog has worms. Get him vitamins. Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. Your wife is pregnant with twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. And if you don't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better

A woman comes home and finds a letter from her husband on the dinner table. She opens it and reads: *"My Dear Wife, You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, as a 54 year-old, can no longer satisfy. I'm very happy with you and I value you as a good wife. However, after reading this letter, I hope you will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending the evening with my 18 year-old secretary at the Comfort Inn. Please don't be upset, I shall be back before midnight."* When the man came home late that night, he found a reply to his letter on the dining room table: *"My Dear Husband, I received your letter and thank you for your honesty about my being 54 years old. I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that you are also 54 years old. I would like to inform you that, while you read this, I will be at the Hotel Fiesta with one of my students, who is also an assistant tennis coach. He is young, virile and, like your secretary, he is 18. You, being a successful businessman with an excellent knowledge of mathematics, will understand that we are in the same situation, although with one small difference - 18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18..."*

You can't park here! OK so some background. I am a delivery driver working for one of the big delivery companies in the US. Today's delivery route includes a very high end neighborhood with very narrow streets that have cars parked on both sides. So even more narrow for my big delivery truck. My next package is a big one definitely a desk or flat pack furniture weighing at least 80lbs. I stop at the address and park my vehicle basically in the middle of the street. But i will be quick and I have my flashers on so no problem. From the delivery address a little old lady with the anger of Satan comes flying out yelling " you can't park here!" I say back " ok well where can I park to deliver this?" She says " the nearest parking for non residence is at the tennis court a half mile away " lugging a 80lb desk a half mile when I'm already stupid far behind and it's 110f outside no thanks. ...wait a minute reads label on package " are you Karen?" She responds "Well yeah but what does that have to do with you parking here" malicious compliance. Pulls emergency brake slams vehicle in drive seat belt still on " i am not in park so not parked " wiggles heavy big package out the window while holding down the brake. Placing it standing up at her feet scanned as left with resident. I yell as I drive off "package delivered safely have a nice day" I think i hear her say " wait you can't just "as i drive off I look into my side view to see a very confused old lady looking at her desk then looking at my delivery truck barely fitting down her street. Yes there were better ways of handling this but all would require me to walk a half mile in the heat either to leave a notice or carry a desk. Either way I simply didn't have time for that. Not the best story on here but it made me feel good in the moment and I felt like I had to tell someone. Sorry for the format and grammar. On mobile and typed this up on my very short break.

Three new cellmates are contemplating their life sentences in prison. The first guy pulls out a deck of playing cards and says, "Don't worry, guys. I brought these cards with me so that we can play poker to pass the time." The second guy pulls out a harmonica and says, "I brought this harmonica so that I can play some music to cheer us up when we're feeling down." The third guy pulls out a box of tampons. "What the hell are we supposed to do with those!?" ask the first two. "Well, it says on the back that I can ride, swim, ski, *and* play tennis with these."

Never date a tennis player Love means nothing to them

Never ever marry a tennis player Love means nothing to them

My wife said she has 14 reasons to leave me Including my obsession with tennis. I said that's 15 love

Never marry a tennis player... Love means nothing to them.

What do you call a woman standing in the middle of a tennis court? Annette

My wife said, "I can think of 14 reasons to leave you, plus your obsession with Tennis. I replied, "That's 15 love."

An old man walks into a bar... ...and orders a beer. The bartender notices the guy's head is the size of a tennis ball. "I have to ask, sir," says the bartender. "Without sounding rude, what happened to your head?" The old guy sighs and tells him, "My ship was torpedoed by the Germans in WWII. A mermaid rescued me and promised to grant me three wishes. For my first wish, I asked to return to the States. My second wish was to have all the money I would ever need. Finally, my third wish was to have sex with the mermaid." "That doesn't sound too bad," says the bartender. "Then what happened?" "Well," sighs the man, "mermaids can't have sex, so I asked her if I could just have a little head... ."

My 5 year old daughter wants a Tampon for Christmas She has no idea what it is, but she knows what you can do with it. Swim, ride, hike, dance, play tennis, ...

Blonde and Golf Balls A man got on a bus with both of his front trouser pockets full of golf balls. He sat down next to a beautiful blonde. The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets. Finally, after many glances from her, he said, "It's golf balls." The blonde continued to look at him for a very long time, thinking deeply about what he had said. After several minutes, not being able to contain her curiosity any longer, she asked, "Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?"

Two brothers live together, and one of them makes tennis equipment for people with gigantism. Late one night, he is up, hard at work, when his brother knocks on the door. He gets up from his desk, and answers the door. "What do you want?" he asks. His brother responds: "Hey, I'm trying to sleep. Can you stop making a huge racket?"

Why should you never date a tennis player? Because love means nothing to them.

A woman wakes up in a hospital bed to find that she's been in a coma after a car accident. She sees a doctor next to her and quickly asks, "Where's my son? He's really good at soccer and has a long career ahead of him." The doctor replies, "I'm so sorry- in the accident he lost his leg. He will not be able to kick a soccer ball any more." Getting anxious, the woman asks about her daughter. "Doctor, where is my daughter? She's a tennis prodigy, and will likely win the US Open one day!" The doctor says, "Sorry, but in the accident she lost her arm and will not be able to pick up a racket ever again." The woman begins to cry. "Doctor, how long have I been in this coma?" "About a month," he replies. "So what's the date?" asks the woman. "April 1st," the doctor says, grinning. The woman begins to laugh. "Ha, so you were joking all along, weren't you?" Chuckling, the doctor says, "Yep! They both died on impact!"

I invented a new game. Quiet tennis Just like regular tennis but without the racket

What do you call a girl who stands in the middle of a tennis court? Annette.

Take that back Olympics Here are the top nine comments made by sports commentators during the Olympics that they would like to take back.... 1. Weightlifting commentator: "This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria . I saw her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing." 2. Dressage commentator: "This is really a lovely horse and I speak from personal experience since I once mounted her mother." 3. Paul Hamm, Gymnast: "I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father." 4. Boxing Analyst: "Sure there have been injuries, and even some deaths in boxing, but none of them really that serious." 5. Softball announcer: "If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again." 6. Basketball analyst: "He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn't like it. In fact you can see it all over their faces." 7. At the rowing medal ceremony: "Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of the IOC president is hugging the cox of the British crew." 8. Soccer commentator: "Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field." 9. Tennis commentator: "One of the reasons Andy is playing so well is that, before the final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them . . . Oh my God, what have I just said?...:)

What do you call a tennis match between Helen Keller and Stevie Wonder? Endless love

The Psychic Fearing her marriage is crumbling, a middle-aged woman visits a highly respected psychic renown for the accuracy of her predictions. In a dark and hazy room, she tells the psychic of her fears and growing unhappiness. The mystic peers into her crystal ball, then looks at the woman and delivers the grave news: "There's no easy way to say this... Your husband is planning to move all of the money in your joint account to an offshore bank, then file for divorce and marry his tennis instructor." She sighs heavily, peers again into the crystal ball, then gasps. "Wait!" she says. "You must prepare yourself. Before he can do these things, he will die a violent and horrible death." Visibly shaken, the woman stares at the psychic's lined face, then at the crystal ball, then down at her hands. She takes a few deep breaths to compose herself. She simply has to know. She meets the fortune teller's gaze, steadies her voice, and asks: "Will I be acquitted?"

Two guys are playing tennis. After they finish their game, one turns to the other and tells his friend his elbow really hurts. His friend tells him to go down to the local pharmacy. At the pharmacy they have a machine where you put in $5 and a urine sample, and the machine will tell you what's wrong and how to cure it. The friend is astonished so he goes down. He puts in the $5 and a urine sample and the machine prints out a little sheet of paper. On the paper it says: You have tennis elbow, rest your elbow, stay away from strenuous activity, and it should go away. This guy is amazed. He drives home quickly, thinking he can test the machine. So, he grabs a big glass. He puts some tap water in, gets his wife and daughter to pee in it, and just for fun he masturbates into it. He goes back down puts in $5 and the sample. A large list prints out. It says: You have hard water get, a water softener, your daughter is addicted to heroin, get her into rehab, your wife is cheating on you, get a lawyer, and if you don't quit masturbating your tennis elbow is never going to go away.

What does love mean to a tennis player? Nothing

A billionaire decides to build a palace A billionaire decides to build a palace to bring the best musicians of the 60’s together in one place. After a year of hammering, sawing, and painting the palace is finally finished. It’s perfect – marble, chandeliers, and concert halls; dozens of swimming pools and tennis courts. Excited, the billionaire sends out his invitations. A few weeks later he sees Jefferson Airplane, The Beetles, Jimmy Hendrix and a hoard of 60’s luminaries standing in the grass, but none are coming inside. Paul McCartney is playing cards with Mick Jagger. The billionaire is stunned. “I’ve spent a year building this palace, making it perfect in every detail for the best musicians the 60’s has ever known. Why won’t you come inside?” John Lennon adjusts his glasses and calls out: “You forgot The Doors.”

What time does Sean Connery arrive at Wimbledon? Tennish.

Two men are in a bar.... Both men are married, and both have anniversaries coming up. They begin discussing the gifts they obtained for their spouses. The first gentleman says, "I got her a tennis bracelet, a spa membership, and a week long cruise. What about you?" "Oh. Um, I got mine a pair of slippers and a dildo." "Slippers, and a dildo?", the other patron choked. "Yea, if she doesn't like the slippers, she can go fuck herself."

I've just got back from a funeral of a friend who was killed after being hit in the head with a tennis ball. It was a lovely service.

English puns. She fell in love with a Banker but he showed no lnterest. She fell in love with an Astronaut but he wanted Space. She fell in love with a Gym trainer, but it didn't Work out. She fell in love with a Librarian, but his time was always Booked. She fell in love with an Electrician but for him there was no Spark. She fell in love with a Cardiologist but he broke her Heart. She fell in love with a Geologist, but the relationship was too Rocky. She fell in love with an Economist but he couldn’t supply her Demands She fell in love with a Violinist but he said, "No Strings attached." She fell in love with the Linguist but he left her Speechless She fell in love with a Seismologist, but he was always finding Fault. She fell in love with a Cook, but he left her on the back Burner She fell in love with a Mathematician but she couldn't Count on him. She fell in love with a Scuba diver--on the surface everything seemed to be fine, but Deep down she knew something Fishy was going on ... She fell in love with a Fisherman, but he wasn't a good Catch. She fell in love with a Mason but they never built a strong Foundation. She fell in love with a Teacher, but he had no Class! She fell in love with a Tennis player but Love meant nothing to him. She fell in love with the Magician but he kept turning Tricks. She fell in love with a Lawyer but he never took her to the Bar She fell in love with a Recovery agent and he Seized her At last she fell in love with an ED officer and got Attached 🤣

Never fall for a tennis player... Love means nothing to them.

After a 2 year study, the National Science Foundation announced the following results on America's recreational preferences: 1. The sport of choice for unemployed or incarcerated people is: basketball. 2. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is: bowling. 3. The sport of choice for blue-collar workers is: football. 4. The sport of choice for supervisors is: baseball. 5. The sport of choice for middle management is: tennis. 6. The sport of choice for corporate officers is: golf. Conclusion: The more money you make, the smaller your balls become.

Why should you never date a tennis player? Love means nothing to them.

Always date a tennis player They want to serve and expecting nothing in return Also if they are fault they are ready to serve again.

Unfair Christmas Two brothers open up their Christmas gifts. One got many gifts. Xbox One, PS4, tons of games, Legos, remote control vehicles, and much more. The other one got a used tennis ball. One brother says to the other "Look at all the gifts I got, and you got a shitty tennis ball. HAHA" the other replies "At least I don't have cancer."

Why doesn't Hitler play table tennis? Because he's dead.

Why did the old man hate living next to the tennis courts? He couldn't stand all the racket!

A man goes for a jog... ...as he passes the tennis courts he finds a tennis ball in the gutter. He picks it up and it seems to be a good find, so he puts it in his pocket and continues his jog. As he approaches home, he sees his next door neighbor outside watering the lawn. He stops to say hello and they start chatting. However, throughout their conversation the neighbor keeps looking down suspiciously at the bulge in the mans shorts. Finally the man tries to reassure his neighbor, "dont worry," he says, "it's just a tennis ball." "Oh my goodness!" exclaims the neighbor, "I am so sorry. I had tennis elbow once, and I thought THAT was bad!"

I'm making a documentary... I'm making a controversial documentary that reveals decades of covered-up sexual misconduct in youth tennis programs across the country. It's called *15 - Love*.

What Time Did Sean Connery Arrive at Wimbledon? Tennish

What time did Sean Connery arrive at the Wimbledon? Tennish

What time does Sean Connery get to Wimbledon? "Tennish"

A golfer goes out for a beer... After a round of golf, a golfer loads his trunk up with his clubs but puts his extra tees and balls in his pockets. He goes into the clubhouse for a beer. He sits down next to a blond woman at the bar. She sees the bulging pants of the golfer and barely stops herself from gasping. She cannot stop looking down at his pants, taking peeks. The golfer notices. He says to her, "Its just golf balls." The blond still looks aghast. And takes another couple glances. She says to him, "Does it hurt worse then tennis elbow?"

What time does Sean Connery show up to wimbledon? Tennish

Maria Sharipova has been banned from tennis for 2 years There's a sign at every court with her mugshot that says "do not serve this woman".

Why do orphans like tennis? Only place they can get love

I broke up with my tennis player girlfriend after she tried to tell me love means nothing to her.

Table tennis was invented in China during the late Ping and early Pong dynasties.

We play GTA because it let's us do things we wouldn't even think about doing in real life... Like golf, tennis and yoga.

Two tennis players got into a shouting match. They made quite a racket.

I had to use my glasses when playing tennis. Because its a no contact sport.

Sean Connery is standing at your door, wearing white shorts and a white shirt and holding a racket. What time is it? Tennish.

What's better than tennis? Elevenis

The neighbours kept me up last night because they were having sex into the early hours of the morning. I would have asked my wife to knock on their door, but she was out playing tennis with her friends.

Why do orphans play tennis? It's the only way they can get love.

I named my son "Tennis" but he doesn't mind being bullied about it. He's a good sport really.

Why should you never date a tennis player? Cause love means nothing to them

What's the definition of endless love? Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles playing tennis.

The Psychology Student A psychology student at a local university was sent on a field assignment to evaluate three patients in a local mental hospital. The first patient was locked in his room throwing tennis balls everywhere. The student asked why, and the patient answered "When I get out of here I am going to be a tennis pro." The second patient was locked in his room throwing baseballs everywhere. When asked why he said "When I get out of here I am going to be a professional baseball player." The student thought he was starting to get the hang of things, until he looked in on the third patient. There locked in the middle of the room was a naked man, masturbating with a peanut on the end of his penis. The student asked, "I understand about the others, but what are you going to be when you get out of here?" "They're never going to let me out of here," the patient said "I'm fucking nuts!"

Two guys were working at a sawmill... Two guys were working at a sawmill one day when one of the guys got too close to the blade and cut off his arm. His buddy put the severed arm in a plastic bag and rushed it down to the hospital to get re-attached. The next day he goes to see his chum, and finds him playing tennis. "Incredible!," says his friend. "Medical science is amazing." Another month goes by and the same two guys are again at the sawmill working when the same guy gets too close to the spinning blade and this time his leg gets cut off. Again his buddy takes the leg, puts it in a plastic bag and takes it to the hospital to get re-attached. The next day, he goes down to see his chum and finds him outside playing football. "Incredible!," says his friend. "Medical science is amazing!" Well another month goes by and again the same two friends are at the mill cutting wood when suddenly the same guy bends down too close to the blade and off comes his head. Well his friend takes the head, puts it in a plastic bag, and heads to the hospital to get it re-attached. The next day he goes to see his friend but can't find him. He sees the doctor walking down the hall and says, "Doc, where is my friend? I brought him in yesterday." The doctor thinks for a minute and says, "Oh yeah, some idiot put his head in a plastic bag and he suffocated."

Why shouldn't you date a tennis player? Because love means nothing to them.

Why does Ellen Pao play so much tennis? Its the only place she can get love.

What's Sean Connery's favorite sport and when does he play it? Tennish

Men at 26 plays football, Men at 26 plays football, Men at 40 plays tennis, Men at 60 plays golf, have you noticed every time you get older your ball gets smaller

The sport of choice ... After a 2 year study, the National Science Foundation announced the following results on America's recreational preferences: 1. The sport of choice for unemployed or incarcerated people is: basketball. 2. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is: bowling. 3. The sport of choice for blue-collar workers is: football. 4. The sport of choice for supervisors is: baseball. 5. The sport of choice for middle management is: tennis. 6. The sport of choice for corporate officers is: golf. Conclusion: The more money you make, the smaller your balls become.

I could never marry a tennis line judge... They always point out your faults.

Why are tennis equipment factories so loud? Because everyone's making a racket.

Why did the people living next door to the tennis factory call the cops? Because they were making a racquet.

According to a recent survey on American sports... 1. The sport of choice for the urban poor is BASKETBALL. 2. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is BOWLING. 3. The sport of choice for frontline workers is FOOTBALL. 4. The sport of choice for supervisors is BASEBALL. 5. The sport of choice for middle management is TENNIS. 6. The sport of choice for corporate officers is GOLF. CONCLUSION The higher you are in the corporate structure the smaller your balls become.

A man takes his new girlfriend golfing... She had never been before so he wanted to take her out for her very first time and impress her with how good he is. They get to the course and he says "hang on I gotta run into the clubhouse and pay for our round." He goes in and pays and while he's at the counter, picks up a sleeve (3 pack) of good golf balls, and puts them in his pocket. When he walks out of the clubhouse, he sees her staring at the bulge in his pants. He says "oh, those are just my golf balls." She replies with "is that something like Tennis Elbow?"

Why Should You Never Marry A Tennis Player? Because love means nothing to them!

About what time does Sean Connery go to Wimbledon? Tennish

Golf balls A man got on the bus with both of his front trouser pockets full of golf balls and sat down next to a beautiful blonde. The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets. Finally, after many glances from her, he said, "It's golf balls." The blonde continued to look at him for a very long time, thinking deeply about what he had said. Finally, unable to contain her curiosity any longer, she asked, "Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow..?" :)😨😨😨😨😨😨

At a country club tennis court, a man clutches his elbow in pain... He says to his friend, "Geez, my elbow aches. I think I should see a doctor about this". The friend says, "Well before you do, why don't you try that machine in the locker room. You pee in a cup, and it writes you a prescription!" Although skeptical, the man agrees to try out the machine. He pees in a cup, puts it into the machine. After some whirring and beeping, it prints out a prescription form. The paper reads, "You have tennis elbow. Ice 2x a day and rest it for 2 weeks." The man is astonished! He immediately races home in excitement. He thinks to himself that he can trick the machine. He has his wife pee in the cup, then his son, then his daughter. He even has his dog pee in the cup. And for good measure, he decides to put his own semen in. He drives back to the country club excited to stump the machine. He sticks the cup inside. It whirs and beeps and clunks. After a few minutes, it prints out another prescription form. It reads, "Your wife is pregnant with another man's baby. Divorce her. Your son uses heroin. Send him to rehab. Your daughter has gonorrhea. Get her antibiotics. Your dog has worms. Take him to the vet. And if you don't stop jacking off, your tennis elbow will never get better!"

Wife: (shouting) Stop watching porn.. ... I can hear it in the kitchen Husband:I'm not, it's Sharapova vs Serena... I'm watching tennis

You guys got any good old jokes (example inside) Example: Did you go to school by horse? I like to mess with my tennis teacher, he is over 50 and he gives it right back to me by how bad i play.

Never fall in love with a tennis player Love means nothing to them

Low wage workers play basketball. Tradesmen go bowling. Middle managers play softball. Upper managers play tennis. CEOs play golf. The lesson: the higher you climb, the smaller your balls get.

My tennis career has taught me that I can be the best basketball player ever Nothing but net

What time does Sean Connery go to Wimbledon? Tennish.

A guy is riding his bike... He's carrying a bag in each hand so he has trouble keeping his balance. After a couple of minutes he finally falls over and drops both bags. One of them breaks open and reveals a lot of five dollar bills. A police officer sees this and comes over to help. As he sees the bag full of money, he gets suspicious and asks: "Where did you get all that cash?" The guy says: "Well, I own a garden next to a tennis court and during breaks people often go there to take a piss. So i always stand there with a big knife and say: 'Gimme five bucks or I'll cut it off!'" "Ok...what's in the other bag?" "Well, everyone doesn't pay..."

Why do women sound like they're having an orgasm when they play tennis? And why does my mother play Tennis in her bedroom?

My girlfriend was devastated when she found out the reason why my nickname is “The Love Machine”. It’s because I’m terrible at tennis.

Basketball sued Tennis for no reason Now they have to go to court

What can be served but not eaten? A tennis ball.

A man got on a bus A man got on a bus with both of his front trouser pockets full of golf balls and sat down next to a beautiful ... (you guessed it) blonde. The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets. Finally, after many glances from her, he said, "It's golf balls." The blonde continued to look at him for a very long time, thinking deeply about what he had said. After several minutes, not being able to contain her curiosity any longer, she asked, "Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow ??!!"

After a two year long study, the National Science Foundation announced the following results on corporate America's recreation preferences. After a two year long study, the National Science Foundation announced the following results on corporate America's recreation preferences. 1. The sport of choice for unemployed or incarcerated people is: Basketball 2. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is: Bowling 3. The sport of choice for front line workers is: Football 4. The sport of choice for supervisors is: Baseball 5. The sport of choice for middle management is: Tennis 6. The sport of choice for corporate officers is: Golf Conclusion: The higher you are in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls become.

What do you call a woman standing in the middle of at tennis court? Annette!

A man complaining of pain in his arm A man is talking to his friend, and he mentions that his arm has been bothering him all week. He told his friend he was planning on making a doctor's appointment for the next day. His friend insists that instead he goes to the pharmacy, for they have a new machine that for $10 and a urine sample, it will give a diagnosis. So the guy decides to try it out. He goes to the pharmacy and finds the machine. So he inserts his $10 and the urine sample, and after minute or so a paper pops out and says >>You have tennis elbow. Soak your elbow in warm water for the next two weeks. The guy believes this machine is a scam, so he decides to perform a little experiment. He went home and made a mixture of water, his dog's urine, his daughter's urine, and to top it off, he added his own semen. So the next day he went back to the pharmacy, put $10 in the machine and inserted the concoction. Just as the last time, after about a minute a paper pops out that says: >>Your tap has lead, your dog has worms, your daughter's on drugs, and you're not her biological father. ---- I know this has been posted before (like a couple years ago), but this has a different ending based on the original I heard years ago on an old Comedy Central Joke App.

The tennis factory near me got closed down after local residents complained... Apparently they were making a racquet.

What time does Sean Connery leave to go to Wimbledon? Tennish.

I killed a squirrel once with a car. Twice with a tennis racket.

I just got back from my friend's funeral. He died after being hit on the head with a tennis ball... It was a lovely service.

What time does Sean Connery arrive at the Wimbledon? Tennish.

What do you get when you cross a Swedish tennis pro, a computer virus, and an insatiable hunger for mort flesh? Cyborg Bjorn Borg hosting smorgasbords at the morgue.

Politicians Play Marbles The sport of choice for the urban poor is BASKETBALL. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is BOWLING. The sport of choice for front-line workers is FOOTBALL. The sport of choice for supervisors is BASEBALL. The sport of choice for middle management is TENNIS. The sport of choice for corporate executives and officers is GOLF. Conclusion: The higher you go in the social power structure, the smaller your balls become. (Old but still true.) (Please note: NO sexist reference to Hillary was made here. Nor was there any reference to Donald playing with BB's.)

Why do tennis players never get married? Because Love means nothing to them.