100+ Soccer Jokes
Soccer jokes, football humor, and pitch-perfect punchlines.
“Show up 30 minutes early.” Sure Dave, as long as you do too! I am 15 years old and work as a soccer referee. I will normally arrive 10-15 minutes early to a game, which is plenty of time to check in players from both teams and make sure the field is in proper playing condition. One game I showed up to, as an assistant referee(AR). My center ref, 18 years old, let’s call him Dave, told me that all refs have to arrive 30 minutes early to every game. I know this is not true, and stayed silent. We reffed the game as usual, and returned to where we put our stuff at the end of the game. Dave told me that because I didn’t arrive 30 minutes early, he would mark that I didn’t show up, basically telling me that I wouldn’t get paid for the game we just worked. I complained that this was a rule that he made up. He left the game without saying anything else, figuring that would be all. Note: If you referee without any ARs, you get paid like 5$ more. I think this was Dave’s plan. When I got home, I made sure to sign up to be center referee at every game where Dave was an AR. Poor Dave showed up to his next game 15 minutes early, which is absolutely unacceptable. I said nothing the whole game, but only marked him absent, which means he wouldn’t get paid. This went on for a week and half until his paycheck came in, and he was about 120$ off of what his total should’ve been. (I did make sure every game that Dave was less then 30 minutes early) Dave emails one of the main referees(who run everything) to see what the problem was. One of the main referees, let’s call him John, told Dave that he wasn’t there, so he wouldn’t get paid. Dave put two and two together and realized what I did. Emails were sent between Dave, John, and I, until John had the full story. Dave was fired for making up rules, and I got paid for the first game with Dave. Don’t take advantage of young people. Take that Dave. Edit: Don’t take advantage of people, not just young people.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward '“Show up 30 minutes early.” Sure Dave, as long as you do too! I am 15 years old and work as a soccer referee. I will...', then the trigger 'Edit: Don’t take advantage of people, not just young people.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
A guy sits down on a bench next to a Thai kid wearing soccer cleats. "So, who are you rooting for in the World Cup Final?" the man asks, noticing the soccer gear. "I don't know, who's playing?" the boy answers. "Jesus Christ, have you been under a rock or something?"
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'A guy sits down on a bench next to a Thai kid wearing soccer cleats. "So, who are you rooting for in the World Cup Fi...', then the trigger '"Jesus Christ, have you been under a rock or something?"' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
What did the bad soccer announcer get for Christmas? COOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'What did the bad soccer announcer get for Christmas?', then the trigger 'COOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
12 of my favorite anti-jokes. 1. A horse walks into a bar, several of the patrons get up and leave quickly after assessing the danger of the situation. 2. How do you confuse a blonde? Paint yourself green and throw forks at her. 3. What's red and smells like blue paint? Red Paint. 4. I like my women like I like my coffee. Without a penis. 5. What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick. 6. Why doesn't jesus play hockey? Because soccer and baseball are much more popular in mexico. 7. What's green and has wheels? Grass, I lied about the wheels. 8. What do a banana and a helicopter have in common? Neither is a police officer. 9. Why isn't Helen Keller a good driver? Because she's dead. 10. Why did the old lady put roller skates on her walker? She has dementia. 11. Why did the dinosaur break through the brick wall? I don't know, that's why I'm asking you the question. 12. An owl and a squirrel are sitting in a tree. The squirrel looks at the owl and says, nothing because animals can't talk. The owl then continues to eat the squirrel, because it's a bird of prey. Bonus!: A gorilla walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "I'd like a banana martini please." The bartender thinks this is a little peculiar and becomes aware that he's actually dreaming. He wakes up and begins to tell his wife about the crazy dream he just had. His wife ignores him, and the man cries through the rest of the night with the realization that his marriage is in shambles.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward '12 of my favorite anti-jokes. 1. A horse walks into a bar, several of the patrons get up and leave quickly after asse...', then the trigger 'His wife ignores him, and the man cries through the rest of the night with the realization that his marriage is in sh...' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is absurdism.
Husband comes home while wife is cheating with another man Husband comes home while wife is cheating with another man. As the husband enters the house, the lover jumps into the closet and finds out that the son was watching the whole time. Son: Pretty dark here. Lover: mhmm Son: You know i have some old sneakers that i wanted to sell. Lover: How much? Son: 100 bucks Lover: You Crazy? Son: Not as crazy as my dad i bet. Lover: ok deal A few weeks later, same scenario. Lover gets nearly caught, runs into the closet and the boy already waits. Son: Pretty dark in here. Lover: mhmm Son: I also have a soccer ball i dont use. Lover: How much? Son: 150 Lover: fine...but thats the last time. Son: Sure. Another few weeks pass as the father wants to play soccer with his son. the Son admitting that he sold his shoes and soccer ball for 250.- bucks get send to the church for confession for usury. Son: Pretty dark in here. Pastor: STOP WITH THIS BULLSHIT!
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'Husband comes home while wife is cheating with another man Husband comes home while wife is cheating with another man...', then the trigger 'Pastor: STOP WITH THIS BULLSHIT!' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
Why is Cinderella so bad at soccer? She keeps running away from the ball.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'Why is Cinderella so bad at soccer?', then the trigger 'She keeps running away from the ball.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
So my new girlfriend plays soccer professionally I think she's a keeper
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'So my new girlfriend plays soccer professionally', then the trigger 'I think she's a keeper' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
A woman wakes up in a hospital bed to find that she's been in a coma after a car accident. She sees a doctor next to her and quickly asks, "Where's my son? He's really good at soccer and has a long career ahead of him." The doctor replies, "I'm so sorry- in the accident he lost his leg. He will not be able to kick a soccer ball any more." Getting anxious, the woman asks about her daughter. "Doctor, where is my daughter? She's a tennis prodigy, and will likely win the US Open one day!" The doctor says, "Sorry, but in the accident she lost her arm and will not be able to pick up a racket ever again." The woman begins to cry. "Doctor, how long have I been in this coma?" "About a month," he replies. "So what's the date?" asks the woman. "April 1st," the doctor says, grinning. The woman begins to laugh. "Ha, so you were joking all along, weren't you?" Chuckling, the doctor says, "Yep! They both died on impact!"
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'A woman wakes up in a hospital bed to find that she's been in a coma after a car accident. She sees a doctor next to...', then the trigger 'They both died on impact!"' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
Take that back Olympics Here are the top nine comments made by sports commentators during the Olympics that they would like to take back.... 1. Weightlifting commentator: "This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria . I saw her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing." 2. Dressage commentator: "This is really a lovely horse and I speak from personal experience since I once mounted her mother." 3. Paul Hamm, Gymnast: "I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father." 4. Boxing Analyst: "Sure there have been injuries, and even some deaths in boxing, but none of them really that serious." 5. Softball announcer: "If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again." 6. Basketball analyst: "He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn't like it. In fact you can see it all over their faces." 7. At the rowing medal ceremony: "Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of the IOC president is hugging the cox of the British crew." 8. Soccer commentator: "Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field." 9. Tennis commentator: "One of the reasons Andy is playing so well is that, before the final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them . . . Oh my God, what have I just said?...:)
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'Take that back Olympics Here are the top nine comments made by sports commentators during the Olympics that they woul...', then the trigger 'Oh my God, what have I just said?...:)' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is benign-violation.
I don't watch soccer... If I wanted to watch somebody struggle to score for 90 minutes, I would take my friends to the bar.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'I don't watch soccer...', then the trigger 'If I wanted to watch somebody struggle to score for 90 minutes, I would take my friends to the bar.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
My son played soccer in the mud all day. He was a little Messi.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'My son played soccer in the mud all day.', then the trigger 'He was a little Messi.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
Why can't Cinderella play soccer? Because she keeps running away from the ball
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'Why can't Cinderella play soccer?', then the trigger 'Because she keeps running away from the ball' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
Why is women’s soccer so rare? It’s quite hard to find enough women willing to wear the same outfit.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'Why is women’s soccer so rare?', then the trigger 'It’s quite hard to find enough women willing to wear the same outfit.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
England soccer team have got a new captain today His names George Smith and he'll be flying the A380 back to Heathrow..
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'England soccer team have got a new captain today', then the trigger 'His names George Smith and he'll be flying the A380 back to Heathrow..' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
A woman is in bed with her lover... A woman is in bed with her lover when her nine year old son walks in and hides in the closet. Suddenly, the door opens and the woman's husband walks in, and she hides her lover in the closet not knowing her son is there. "It's dark here" says the boy "It sure is" says the lover "I have a soccer ball" "That's good" "Would you like to buy it?" "No thanks" "My dad is outside" "OK how much?" "$250" With that, the kid sells his soccer ball. A few days later, the boy and the woman's lover meet in the closet again/ "It's dark here" "It sure is" "I have sneakers." The lover remembering what happened last time asks, "How much?" "$750" And the boy sells his sneakers. The next day his dad comes up to him and says "How about we go outside and play soccer?" "I can't, dad, I sold the ball and the shoes." "What? And how much did you sell them for?" "$1000" says the boy "That's terrible, son, how could you sell them for that much, when they are only worth $100 tops. You have to go to church and confess" With that, the father takes the boy by his hand and walks him to their church. The boy steps into the confessional and closes the door "It's dark here" says the boy "Please, kid, don't start this time"
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'A woman is in bed with her lover... A woman is in bed with her lover when her nine year old son walks in and hides in...', then the trigger '"Please, kid, don't start this time"' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
I'm watching TV My grandfather walks by: What's on? Me: Soccer Grandfather: Who's playing? Me: Austria-Hungary Grandfather:And Against who?
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'I'm watching TV My grandfather walks by: What's on? Me: Soccer Grandfather: Who's playing? Me: Austria-Hungary', then the trigger 'Grandfather:And Against who?' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
What's the difference between Snow White and the Brazil soccer team? Snow White had the excuse of being asleep when she let seven in.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'What's the difference between Snow White and the Brazil soccer team?', then the trigger 'Snow White had the excuse of being asleep when she let seven in.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
World Cut Soccer A little old Brazilian lady was walking down the street dragging two plastic garbage bags. One bag had a hole in it and $20 bills were flying out of it. A policeman stopped her and said, "Ma'am, you're losing a lot of bills from that bag." "Darnd!" she said, "Thanks for the warning. I'll go back and pick them up." "Hold on there! Where'd all that money come from? Did you steal it?" "Oh, no," she said. "My yard backs up on the stadium parking lot and, during tailgate parties, a lot of guys use my flower beds as bathrooms. So I stand behind a bush with my electric hedge clipper and when one is in mid-stream, I fire up the trimmer and say: '$20 or off it comes!'" "Wow. Good idea!" laughed the cop. "But what's in the other bag?" "Well," said the little old lady, "not all of them pay up!"
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'World Cut Soccer A little old Brazilian lady was walking down the street dragging two plastic garbage bags. One bag h...', then the trigger '"Well," said the little old lady, "not all of them pay up!"' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
Did you hear the score of the Egypt vs Ethiopia soccer game? Egypt 8, Ethiopia didn't.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'Did you hear the score of the Egypt vs Ethiopia soccer game?', then the trigger 'Egypt 8, Ethiopia didn't.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
Complaint from 3017: These children's long-term zero gravity soccer leagues are raising weak adults. Every kid gets atrophy.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'Complaint from 3017: These children's long-term zero gravity soccer leagues are raising weak adults.', then the trigger 'Every kid gets atrophy.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
Why can't Pakistanis play soccer? Whenever they get a corner they set up a convenience store
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'Why can't Pakistanis play soccer?', then the trigger 'Whenever they get a corner they set up a convenience store' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
As a German I have concerns about the European soccer championship... Last time it didn't end well when we sent a couple boys to France to defeat all of Europe.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'As a German I have concerns about the European soccer championship...', then the trigger 'Last time it didn't end well when we sent a couple boys to France to defeat all of Europe.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
I don't watch World Cup soccer. If I wanted to see grown men struggle to score for 90 minutes I'd go to a bar.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'I don't watch World Cup soccer.', then the trigger 'If I wanted to see grown men struggle to score for 90 minutes I'd go to a bar.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
Twilight's like soccer Twilight's like soccer. They run around for two hours, nobody scores, and its billion fans insist you just don't understand.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'Twilight's like soccer Twilight's like soccer.', then the trigger 'They run around for two hours, nobody scores, and its billion fans insist you just don't understand.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
The Hunger Games is like Soccer. Everyone runs around for two hours, nobody scores, and its billion fans insist you just don't understand.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'The Hunger Games is like Soccer.', then the trigger 'Everyone runs around for two hours, nobody scores, and its billion fans insist you just don't understand.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
The Spanish national soccer team visited an orphanage in Brazil today "It was hard to see their sad and hopeless faces", said one of the orphans
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'The Spanish national soccer team visited an orphanage in Brazil today', then the trigger '"It was hard to see their sad and hopeless faces", said one of the orphans' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
A doctor was checking up on his Patient at the psychiatric hospital Doctor: How are you feeling? Patient: I keep fantasizing about baboons playing soccer. Doctor: Ok, I will give you medicine today, you'll stop fantasizing... Patient: Give me the medicine tomorrow, today it's the finals!
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'A doctor was checking up on his Patient at the psychiatric hospital Doctor: How are you feeling? Patient: I keep fant...', then the trigger 'Patient: Give me the medicine tomorrow, today it's the finals!' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
Satan and St. Peter decided to hold a soccer game in paradise... Satan and St. Peter decided to hold a soccer game in paradise. It was to be hell versus heaven. When everything had been arranged, St. Peter said to Satan, "Look, I can't be dishonest with you. There is no way that your side can win. All soccer players are simple, pure people and when they die, they all go to heaven. Heaven is full of soccer players." "I thank you for your sincerity," replied Satan "but don't worry, we can defend ourselves." When St. Peter had left, Satan's secretary said, "St. Peter is right - we will lose the game. All the good soccer players go to heaven." "Don't worry," said Satan. "Where do you think all the judges go?"
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'Satan and St. Peter decided to hold a soccer game in paradise... Satan and St. Peter decided to hold a soccer game in...', then the trigger '"Where do you think all the judges go?"' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is benign-violation.
What is the KKK's favourite football (soccer) club? Blackburn
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'What is the KKK's favourite football (soccer) club?', then the trigger 'Blackburn' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
Why didn't Cinderella makes the Soccer Team? She kept running away from the ball
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'Why didn't Cinderella makes the Soccer Team?', then the trigger 'She kept running away from the ball' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
The hotel gardener. The was once a gardener who worked in a hotel. One day, he decides to walk in the garden and he spots a 50 pounds watermelon. He continues his walk in the garden to find a tomato as big as a soccer ball. Finding this very strange, he contacts the hotel's director and he takes an appointment with him for the next day. Tomorrow comes and he meets the hotel's director. As soon as the director finishes his greetings, the gardener says: "Listen boss, I don't care if the hotel shelters the Olympic Games, but please tell the athletes to stop peeing in the garden!
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'The hotel gardener. The was once a gardener who worked in a hotel. One day, he decides to walk in the garden and he s...', then the trigger 'As soon as the director finishes his greetings, the gardener says: "Listen boss, I don't care if the hotel shelters t...' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is superiority.
A Brazilian and Argentinian find a lamp after a football (soccer) match... On their way back from a very tight football match, two fans, one Brazilian and one Argentinian bump into each other and see a lamp at their feet. Assuming there is a genie inside, they begin arguing who gets to rub the lamp first. The Brazilian concedes and allows the Argentinian to go first, stating "Well, we won the football match, so I'll let you have this one." The extremely annoyed Argentinian rubs the lamp and a genie appears and says he will give him 1 wish. The Argentinian says "I want you to teleport all Argentinians in the world back to Argentina and build a wall around it that won't allow anything in or out; I can't stand these Brazilians anymore. " With that, the genie nods and builds a wall around Argentina and the man is teleported back to Argentina. The Brazilian then asks the genie, "So there's a wall around Argentina, with all the Argentinians inside and nothing can go in or out?" The genie nods yes. The man replies "Fill it with water."
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'A Brazilian and Argentinian find a lamp after a football (soccer) match... On their way back from a very tight footba...', then the trigger 'The man replies "Fill it with water."' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
You know your girlfriends a keeper If she wears gloves, soccer jersey and cleats
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'You know your girlfriends a keeper', then the trigger 'If she wears gloves, soccer jersey and cleats' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman are drinking in a bar... -You know - says the Englishman - I have 10 sons. That is almost a soccer team. -That's nothing. - says the Irishman - I have 14 sons. That is almost a rugby team. -Well - says the Scotsman - I have 17 daughters. That is almost a golf course.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman are drinking in a bar... -You know - says the Englishman - I have 10 sons....', then the trigger 'That is almost a golf course.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
Why do midgets always laugh when they play soccer? Because the grass tickles their balls.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'Why do midgets always laugh when they play soccer?', then the trigger 'Because the grass tickles their balls.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
Why did the tiny soccer player take a shower? He was a little Messi.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'Why did the tiny soccer player take a shower?', then the trigger 'He was a little Messi.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
LPT: If you are planning to settle down, don’t date a soccer player. There’s only a 1/11 chance they are a keeper.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'LPT: If you are planning to settle down, don’t date a soccer player.', then the trigger 'There’s only a 1/11 chance they are a keeper.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
What did the bad soccer announcer get in his stocking? COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAL!
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'What did the bad soccer announcer get in his stocking?', then the trigger 'COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAL!' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
What is a soccer player's favorite drink? Sham-pain.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'What is a soccer player's favorite drink?', then the trigger 'Sham-pain.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
In the jungle, there's a Football (Soccer) match between the Elephants and the Insects... By half-time the elephants are completely dominating the insects with a score of 36 - 0. At the start of the 2nd half the Millipede came on for the insects and he was the best player in the whole of the jungle! When the final whistle blew it was 37 - 36 to the insects!! After the game the elephant manager stomped up the insect manager and said "That millipede truly is the greatest player but why didn't you bring him on at the start of the game?" The insect manager replied "Well it takes him 45minutes to put his boots on!"
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'In the jungle, there's a Football (Soccer) match between the Elephants and the Insects... By half-time the elephants...', then the trigger 'The insect manager replied "Well it takes him 45minutes to put his boots on!"' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
A football/soccer coach yells at his team after the game "I TOLD YOU TO PLAY LIKE NEVER BEFORE, NOT PLAY LIKE YOU'VE NEVER PLAYED BEFORE"
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'A football/soccer coach yells at his team after the game', then the trigger '"I TOLD YOU TO PLAY LIKE NEVER BEFORE, NOT PLAY LIKE YOU'VE NEVER PLAYED BEFORE"' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
In the 90's Arsenal Soccer Club Had a player called David Dicks. When he was injured,the Newspaper wrote"Arsenal to play without Dicks". The coach was upset so the Newspaper changed the headline to read"Arsenal to play with Dicks out"... A record number of women attended the match
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'In the 90's Arsenal Soccer Club Had a player called David Dicks. When he was injured,the Newspaper wrote"Arsenal to p...', then the trigger 'A record number of women attended the match' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
“Grandpa, grandpa! I’m watching a soccer game!” Grandpa: “Who’s playing?” Grandson: “Austria-Hungary” Grandpa: “Against who?”
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward '“Grandpa, grandpa! I’m watching a soccer game!” Grandpa: “Who’s playing?” Grandson: “Austria-Hungary”', then the trigger 'Grandpa: “Against who?”' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
Lame joke of the day. Why did the turkey get ejected from the soccer game? He had tripped a fan.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'Lame joke of the day. Why did the turkey get ejected from the soccer game?', then the trigger 'He had tripped a fan.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
Why did the soccer player have to ask for a bib at the restaurant? Because he was Messi
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'Why did the soccer player have to ask for a bib at the restaurant?', then the trigger 'Because he was Messi' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
Soccer is like a high school date… It's 90 minutes of scoreless action and somehow everyone is proud of themselves.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'Soccer is like a high school date…', then the trigger 'It's 90 minutes of scoreless action and somehow everyone is proud of themselves.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
Why was Cinderella so bad at soccer?… She kept running away from the ball!… (This has probably already been posted on here, but I don’t really know, so I’m just going to post it…)
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'Why was Cinderella so bad at soccer?… She kept running away from the ball!…', then the trigger '(This has probably already been posted on here, but I don’t really know, so I’m just going to post it…)' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
What are the 3 best things you can say during sex and a soccer match? "Has to be the quickest finish ever." "He pulled it out at the last moment! What a save!" "I think the grass is a little bit too long."
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'What are the 3 best things you can say during sex and a soccer match? "Has to be the quickest finish ever." "He pulle...', then the trigger '"I think the grass is a little bit too long."' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is benign-violation.
My boyfriend made a save in a soccer game. That's how I knew he was a keeper.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'My boyfriend made a save in a soccer game.', then the trigger 'That's how I knew he was a keeper.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
My pet pig loves soccer. Usually he plays clean but as soon as he’s in mud he’s Messi.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'My pet pig loves soccer.', then the trigger 'Usually he plays clean but as soon as he’s in mud he’s Messi.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
Soccer is a strange game. Soccer is a bunch of people running away from their goals.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'Soccer is a strange game.', then the trigger 'Soccer is a bunch of people running away from their goals.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
What lights up a soccer stadium? A soccer match.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'What lights up a soccer stadium?', then the trigger 'A soccer match.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
Best African soccer team EVER! the French National team...
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'Best African soccer team EVER!', then the trigger 'the French National team...' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
Beavis & Butt-Head would be great soccer players Watching them fail to score is actually amusing.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'Beavis & Butt-Head would be great soccer players', then the trigger 'Watching them fail to score is actually amusing.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
Why do italians love soccer? Because halfway through they get to switch sides
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'Why do italians love soccer?', then the trigger 'Because halfway through they get to switch sides' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
Why was Cinderella so bad at Soccer? She kept running away from the ball.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'Why was Cinderella so bad at Soccer?', then the trigger 'She kept running away from the ball.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
Stoner goes to the doctor A stoner goes to the doctor complaining he sees cats playing soccer every night when he falls asleep. The doctor recommends he stays up for a night. Stoner says ok but he can't miss the final tonight.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'Stoner goes to the doctor A stoner goes to the doctor complaining he sees cats playing soccer every night when he fal...', then the trigger 'Stoner says ok but he can't miss the final tonight.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
My girlfriend said she was leaving me because of my obsession with soccer So I said "On loan or permanent transfer?"
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'My girlfriend said she was leaving me because of my obsession with soccer', then the trigger 'So I said "On loan or permanent transfer?"' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
Dentist A man came to dentist to check his teeth. After the examination the dentist said that everything was alright, but asked the man for a favor. \- No problem. What favor? \- Could you please now start screaming at the top of your lungs? \- But why? I feel no pain, and you say all is fine? \- Look! There are 10 people waiting behind this door, and I'm in a rush to get to a soccer game on time!
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'Dentist A man came to dentist to check his teeth. After the examination the dentist said that everything was alright,...', then the trigger 'There are 10 people waiting behind this door, and I'm in a rush to get to a soccer game on time!' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
Why wont Demi Lovato play soccer? She cant seem to kick anything
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'Why wont Demi Lovato play soccer?', then the trigger 'She cant seem to kick anything' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
Why should you date a girl who is good with her hands and plays soccer? Because she's probably a keeper.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'Why should you date a girl who is good with her hands and plays soccer?', then the trigger 'Because she's probably a keeper.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
Another Iranian wife at the husband's deathbed H: At this last moment, I have a question, have you ever cheated on me? W: Only 3 times and all for your own good. H: How so? W: Remember in our town you wanted to join the soccer team and the coach rejected you but then later admitted you? That was in return of a favor I did. H: Okay, I forgive that, what next? W: Remember you played soccer and the team members did not pass you the ball, but then later they made you the captain? All the team members did that as return of my favors. H: Hmm. And the the 3rd time? W: Remember in Azadi stadium in Tehran, 100'000 spectators booed you, but then later everybody cheered for you? They all did that as return to my favors.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'Another Iranian wife at the husband's deathbed H: At this last moment, I have a question, have you ever cheated on me...', then the trigger 'They all did that as return to my favors.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is benign-violation.
The college soccer team wants to interview me because I say I once ran two soccer teams on my resume Yes I used to own a foosball table, I’m their best choice.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'The college soccer team wants to interview me because I say I once ran two soccer teams on my resume', then the trigger 'Yes I used to own a foosball table, I’m their best choice.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
A football quarterback, soccer wing forward, baseball designated hitter, volleyball setter, hockey winger and cricket batsman walk into a bar... # POST REMOVED **Rule 10 -** Overly ***offensive*** content
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'A football quarterback, soccer wing forward, baseball designated hitter, volleyball setter, hockey winger and cricket...', then the trigger '**Rule 10 -** Overly ***offensive*** content' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
There was a guy playing soccer with his friends... and out of nowhere, he stops and makes a gesture of respect towards a funeral procession. A friend comes over and says, "Well, we should show respect." To which the first guy replies, "It's just that after 10 years of marriage, it's the least I can do.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'There was a guy playing soccer with his friends... and out of nowhere, he stops and makes a gesture of respect toward...', then the trigger 'A friend comes over and says, "Well, we should show respect." To which the first guy replies, "It's just that after 1...' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is benign-violation.
My wife cheated on me because I always think about soccer... Well, looks like she's on loan to my neighbor!
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'My wife cheated on me because I always think about soccer...', then the trigger 'Well, looks like she's on loan to my neighbor!' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
If Jesus played soccer, what position would he play? Not on the wing, he doesn't do well with crosses.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'If Jesus played soccer, what position would he play?', then the trigger 'Not on the wing, he doesn't do well with crosses.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
I made a bunch of custom t-shirts for my footballer friends, and they suddenly turned into philosophers. Must've been the soccer tees.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'I made a bunch of custom t-shirts for my footballer friends, and they suddenly turned into philosophers.', then the trigger 'Must've been the soccer tees.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
Don't date a soccer player... There's only a 1/11 chance they're a keeper.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'Don't date a soccer player...', then the trigger 'There's only a 1/11 chance they're a keeper.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
The Japanese soccer team visits an orphanage in Spain. "It's so sad to see the hopeless looks on their faces", said Rico, age 6.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'The Japanese soccer team visits an orphanage in Spain.', then the trigger '"It's so sad to see the hopeless looks on their faces", said Rico, age 6.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
Why do incels hate playing soccer? Because they’re not allowed to use their hands.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'Why do incels hate playing soccer?', then the trigger 'Because they’re not allowed to use their hands.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
They should end soccer games with an art competition. That way it would be win, lose or draw.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'They should end soccer games with an art competition.', then the trigger 'That way it would be win, lose or draw.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
Our soccer team is not too good. In the game today, the opposing team hit the bar twice in the first half. They could have at least waited till the end of the game to celebrate.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'Our soccer team is not too good. In the game today, the opposing team hit the bar twice in the first half.', then the trigger 'They could have at least waited till the end of the game to celebrate.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
A soccer mom walked into a tattoo parlor and asked for a Christmas tree on her left thigh and a turkey on the right thigh. When they were done the artist asked why she wanted these tattoos. She replied, "My husband always complains that there's nothing to eat between Thanksgiving and Christmas."
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'A soccer mom walked into a tattoo parlor and asked for a Christmas tree on her left thigh and a turkey on the right t...', then the trigger 'She replied, "My husband always complains that there's nothing to eat between Thanksgiving and Christmas."' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
Did you see the score to the Ethiopia vs Egypt soccer game? Egypt 8, Ethiopia didn't
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'Did you see the score to the Ethiopia vs Egypt soccer game?', then the trigger 'Egypt 8, Ethiopia didn't' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
Q: Why do dwarfs laugh when they play soccer? Because the grass tickles their balls.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'Q: Why do dwarfs laugh when they play soccer?', then the trigger 'Because the grass tickles their balls.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
How are third party candidates like soccer? They're only really popular in America once every four years.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'How are third party candidates like soccer?', then the trigger 'They're only really popular in America once every four years.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
Playing Soccer is addictve and I wanna stop, but I can't seem to kick the habit.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'Playing Soccer is addictve and I wanna stop,', then the trigger 'but I can't seem to kick the habit.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
What's the first reference to soccer in the bible? "And then Jesus went up for the cross"
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'What's the first reference to soccer in the bible?', then the trigger '"And then Jesus went up for the cross"' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
I don't watch Soccer... If I wanted to watch somebody struggle to score for 90 minutes I'd take my friends out to the bar.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'I don't watch Soccer...', then the trigger 'If I wanted to watch somebody struggle to score for 90 minutes I'd take my friends out to the bar.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
Why do the drwafs giggle when they play soccer? Because the grass tickles their balls.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'Why do the drwafs giggle when they play soccer?', then the trigger 'Because the grass tickles their balls.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
Who is Homer Simpson's favorite soccer player? Ronal-D'oh!
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'Who is Homer Simpson's favorite soccer player?', then the trigger 'Ronal-D'oh!' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
What did Santa bring the naughty soccer announcer? COOOOOAAAALLLLLL!!!!!
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'What did Santa bring the naughty soccer announcer?', then the trigger 'COOOOOAAAALLLLLL!!!!!' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
The US womens Soccer team finally got paid like the mens team! They preformed like the mens team too.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'The US womens Soccer team finally got paid like the mens team!', then the trigger 'They preformed like the mens team too.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
Why did Shakira marry a soccer player For his stamina mina eh eh!
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'Why did Shakira marry a soccer player', then the trigger 'For his stamina mina eh eh!' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
I watched a soccer game that ended in a 1-1 draw... No 1-1
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'I watched a soccer game that ended in a 1-1 draw...', then the trigger 'No 1-1' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
Why did the guy marry his wife above all the other women on the soccer team. She's a keeper.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'Why did the guy marry his wife above all the other women on the soccer team.', then the trigger 'She's a keeper.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
Why do midgets love playing soccer? The grass tickles their balls.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'Why do midgets love playing soccer?', then the trigger 'The grass tickles their balls.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
Did you hear about the Iranian who punched a guy at the soccer game? Well, the Shiite hit the fan. Sorry if it's a repost. :p
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'Did you hear about the Iranian who punched a guy at the soccer game? Well, the Shiite hit the fan. Sorry if it's a re...', then the trigger ':p' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
Just took an acting class.... Now I'm qualified to be a soccer player
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'Just took an acting class....', then the trigger 'Now I'm qualified to be a soccer player' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
Why do midgets always laugh when playing soccer? The grass tickles their balls!
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'Why do midgets always laugh when playing soccer?', then the trigger 'The grass tickles their balls!' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
Best joke in soccer right now. Mexico's national team.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'Best joke in soccer right now.', then the trigger 'Mexico's national team.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
One of my favorite jokes as a kid 3 men are being flown in an old-fashioned airplane with no windows. They're all enjoying the aerial view of the city when one of the guys finishes an apple, and throws the core off of the plane. The second guy follows his example, finishes his banana, and throws the peel off the plane. The third guy, isn't eating anything, but unbeknownst to the pilot and other passengers, is carrying a bomb to blow up the plane. He starts the countdown sequence, but it slips out of his hands and also starts to fall down. Meanwhile, in the city below, a doctor is performing a surgery, when a little girl comes running in. "Doctor, doctor, I tripped on an apple core while playing soccer, and I broke my shin!" The doctor replies, "Oh my, that looks terrible, I'll help you right after this surgery." The doctor continues his surgery, but another boy comes running in. "Doctor, doctor, I slipped on a banana peel while playing basketball and I shattered my wrist!" The doctor replies, "Thats horrible, I'll see to you right after this surgery and this little girl." Finally, as the doctor is about to complete his surgery, a chubby kid walks into the room, scared and out of breath. The doctor states, "Did you break somethin to?" The kid shakes his head. The doctor ask, "Well, then what happened?" "I farted, and the building next to me blew up."
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'One of my favorite jokes as a kid 3 men are being flown in an old-fashioned airplane with no windows. They're all enj...', then the trigger '"I farted, and the building next to me blew up."' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is absurdism.
This new girl joined our soccer team I was amazed, she was exactly what we wanted She was tall, she was athletic, her legs were long, she wasn't fragile and she was extremely good with her hands The moment I saw her I knew, She's a keeper.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'This new girl joined our soccer team I was amazed, she was exactly what we wanted She was tall, she was athletic, her...', then the trigger 'She's a keeper.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
Yo mamma so fat Her favourite soccer team is Hamburg
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'Yo mamma so fat', then the trigger 'Her favourite soccer team is Hamburg' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
Last weekend I went to see my gf's soccer match and she did this awesome save... ...She's definitely a keeper!
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'Last weekend I went to see my gf's soccer match and she did this awesome save...', then the trigger '...She's definitely a keeper!' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
They found a little hole in the wall of the women's soccer team changing rooms. Policemen are looking into it now.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'They found a little hole in the wall of the women's soccer team changing rooms.', then the trigger 'Policemen are looking into it now.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
What do you call two Mexicans playing soccer? Juan on Juan.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'What do you call two Mexicans playing soccer?', then the trigger 'Juan on Juan.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
I told my wife I love her like a Brit loves soccer... She looked worried and said, "So you're going to get drunk and yell at me?" EDIT: correcting auto-correct.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'I told my wife I love her like a Brit loves soccer... She looked worried and said, "So you're going to get drunk and...', then the trigger 'EDIT: correcting auto-correct.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
Why couldn't cinderella play soccer? She always ran away from the ball
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'Why couldn't cinderella play soccer?', then the trigger 'She always ran away from the ball' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
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