50+ Psychic Jokes
Psychic jokes, fortune-teller humor, and crystal-ball punchlines.
What do you call a fat psychic? A four chin teller.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'What do you call a fat psychic?', then the trigger 'A four chin teller.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
When I was 11, the psychic at the state fair gasped while tracing my palmline and begged me not to go outside on my 43rd birthday. Ten years later, pinned between the summit and the impending snowstorm, I can't remember why I ever let a $7 carnie make me believe myself invincible.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'When I was 11, the psychic at the state fair gasped while tracing my palmline and begged me not to go outside on my 4...', then the trigger 'Ten years later, pinned between the summit and the impending snowstorm, I can't remember why I ever let a $7 carnie m...' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
When the psychic told me my wife would soon die in childbirth, I knew it was all a scam because my wife is infertile. I should have considered that she is also a midwife.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'When the psychic told me my wife would soon die in childbirth, I knew it was all a scam because my wife is infertile.', then the trigger 'I should have considered that she is also a midwife.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
If It Ain’t in the Ticket, It Ain’t My Problem I used to work IT support at a mid-sized company that thought it was a Fortune 500. We were understaffed, underpaid, and expected to be psychic. People would call or corner us in the hallway saying things like “Hey, my printer’s acting weird, can you swing by?” while we were juggling five tickets and trying not to lose our minds. Our manager, a guy named Curtis who had never touched a server in his life, brought in some consultant who told him we needed “more structure.” So Curtis implemented a new policy: No work gets done unless there’s a formal ticket. No exceptions. At first we were like, okay, whatever, more paperwork, but at least it protects us. Then Curtis took it further. He said if we did any task not in a ticket, even if it was five seconds to plug something in, we’d get a write-up. He called it “discipline for procedural drift.” Fine. Message received. The very next week, the VP of Sales—big name, big ego—storms into the IT office yelling that his laptop won’t connect to Wi-Fi and he has a Zoom call in ten minutes. I look up and ask, “Did you put in a ticket?” He goes, “No, I don’t have time for that, just come fix it.” I smile. “Sorry, we’re not allowed to do anything without a ticket. New policy.” He scoffs and storms out. Two minutes later, we get a ticket: Urgent: VP cannot connect to Wi-Fi. Fix ASAP. But here’s the fun part. The system had a rule. Tickets came in first come, first served, unless they were escalated by Curtis. Which this one wasn’t. So I tagged the ticket and slotted it behind six password resets, two printer jobs, and one guy asking how to insert a picture in PowerPoint. Meanwhile the VP is pacing like he’s waiting for a kidney transplant. Fifteen minutes go by. He calls Curtis. Curtis calls me. “You need to go help him right now.” I say, “Absolutely. Can you go into the system and escalate the ticket?” Long pause. “You know I can’t do that without a director-level override.” “Exactly,” I say. Forty-five minutes later, the VP has to call into his Zoom meeting from his phone. He sounds like he’s standing inside a fish tank. After the meeting, he comes stomping back in, furious. I point to the open ticket queue. “We’re happy to help,” I say. “Just waiting for it to rise to the top.” The next day, Curtis quietly changed the policy: “Tickets are still required, but urgent issues may be addressed immediately at IT’s discretion.” We kept the printout of that original policy on the office fridge for months.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'If It Ain’t in the Ticket, It Ain’t My Problem I used to work IT support at a mid-sized company that thought it was a...', then the trigger 'We kept the printout of that original policy on the office fridge for months.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is imitation.
Don't want to pay be for being on call? Ok I won't be Hey there, just wanted to share my compliance with you. Its been a few years but i still am proud of it. Background: I worked in it in a medium sized company. We were a team of about 20 persons, with always 2 specialists for every topic. For example server / database and mine - network and firewalls. Due to laws in our country we had a gentlemen's agreement with our company. As noone could be forced to be on call pretty much 24/7 every 2 weeks, but the company needing exactly that they paid us about 500€ per month, and we would be on call - but with less harsh rules (you were supposed to call back in a larger timeframe, it wasn't expected that you could start working within a specific frame etc.). The calls were not frequent so this was okay for us. Every team was called like 2-3 times a year, so it was decent money for a psychic burden, more then for real work. The problem: I was the new one. So I worked there for several years and my boss just left me out of the agreement. At the beginning it was ok, because I wasn't called and also wasn't able to help immediately. But after 2 years my higher boss blatantly stated "well if there is a problem, we'll just call him" to other colleagues and my direct boss when it came to my partner going into vacations or illness. The first problem: As you might expect I was pissed. And low and behold, the time came and they needed help from the whole department, because there was a computer problem with all systems. The higher boss didn't even have the balls to call me himself, he made one of the other colleagues do it. I answered and it was hard to leave them hanging, but I declined, knowing everyone would have more work with less people. The Solution : After being set into such a harsh spot, I chose to solve the problem myself. You don't want me on call? You won't be able to call me. I switched my mobile number, only giving it to my direct partner, who also agreed with it being unfair, like my direct boss. He would simply lie that he didn't have it either if he was asked. Everyone knew I was pissed, so they agreed with my solution. Then i turned off my home phone, which I didn't use anyway and gave hr the number of my parents, telling them to only contact me, if there was a real problem, nothing just work related. And then I waited. And waited. The Crashout & Aftermath: And then my time came. Colleague was out of country on holiday. I had a nice weekend. On Monday I came in and everyone was like: everything crashed on the weekend. Turns out the firewall as main gateway had a network interface going up and down. Noone even had a login expect my colleague and me. They had to get a specialist from the support to help them, which cost them the whole weekend to solve this, meaning critical calculations didn't run as planned. I was immediately called into my boss (unfortunately not the higher one again) office. He instantly promoted me to being on call, no matter the consequences. Everything with HR and the bigger boss would be done afterwards, I just had to make sure I was on call when leaving the building this day. So I went ahead and gave them my number, and after that I was never even questioned about it again. Bonus for me: Other departments always were pissed about our "free bonus money" and I was the only one who always just went ahead and told everyone I would actually give it up again, if I had my personal freedom and space back. I actually prefer my space over the money. Left some years afterwards for a 8-16 it job without being in the constant awareness that someone might call. The money might sound great at first. But about 3000€ per year for always having your work in the back of your head just isn't worth it for me. Hope you enjoyed my MC Have a good one Edit for clarification: 500€ a month, at about 42% tax rate. It's quite usual to make it simple and just half the initial income. So it would have been around 3400€. Nothing was split, every one on call got the 500
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'Don't want to pay be for being on call? Ok I won't be Hey there, just wanted to share my compliance with you. Its bee...', then the trigger 'Nothing was split, every one on call got the 500' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is superiority.
A psychic told me that in ten to fifteen years I would experience unimaginable grief. That news upset me so much I had to go buy a puppy to cheer myself up.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'A psychic told me that in ten to fifteen years I would experience unimaginable grief.', then the trigger 'That news upset me so much I had to go buy a puppy to cheer myself up.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
Bar Psychic I was telling a girl in a bar about my ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling her boobs... "Really?" she said, "Go on then...try." After about thirty seconds of fondling she lost patience and demanded "Come on, what day was I born?" “Yesterday." I replied.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'Bar Psychic I was telling a girl in a bar about my ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling her boo...', then the trigger '“Yesterday." I replied.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
I once had a psychic girlfriend, she left me before we met.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'I once had a psychic girlfriend, she left', then the trigger 'me before we met.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
I had an appointment to see my psychic next week, but she called me up and told me I wouldn't be able to make it.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'I had an appointment to see my psychic next week, but she called me up and told', then the trigger 'me I wouldn't be able to make it.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
What do you call an obese psychic? >!a four-chin teller.!<
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'What do you call an obese psychic?', then the trigger '>!a four-chin teller.!<' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
Nothing embarrasses a psychic more than a surprise party.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'Nothing embarrasses a psychic more than', then the trigger 'a surprise party.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
Psychic wanted: You know where to apply.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'Psychic wanted:', then the trigger 'You know where to apply.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
I went to go see a psychic the other day.. I asked her if I'd ever be going to jail some time in the future. She said no, so I robbed her.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'I went to go see a psychic the other day.. I asked her if I'd ever be going to jail some time in the future.', then the trigger 'She said no, so I robbed her.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
Psychic buys clothing Employee: How about this one? Psychic: That shirt is too small Employee: You didn't even try it on Psychic: I'm a medium
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'Psychic buys clothing Employee: How about this one? Psychic: That shirt is too small Employee: You didn't even try it on', then the trigger 'Psychic: I'm a medium' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
What do you call an overweight psychic? A four-chin teller.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'What do you call an overweight psychic?', then the trigger 'A four-chin teller.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
The Psychic Fearing her marriage is crumbling, a middle-aged woman visits a highly respected psychic renown for the accuracy of her predictions. In a dark and hazy room, she tells the psychic of her fears and growing unhappiness. The mystic peers into her crystal ball, then looks at the woman and delivers the grave news: "There's no easy way to say this... Your husband is planning to move all of the money in your joint account to an offshore bank, then file for divorce and marry his tennis instructor." She sighs heavily, peers again into the crystal ball, then gasps. "Wait!" she says. "You must prepare yourself. Before he can do these things, he will die a violent and horrible death." Visibly shaken, the woman stares at the psychic's lined face, then at the crystal ball, then down at her hands. She takes a few deep breaths to compose herself. She simply has to know. She meets the fortune teller's gaze, steadies her voice, and asks: "Will I be acquitted?"
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'The Psychic Fearing her marriage is crumbling, a middle-aged woman visits a highly respected psychic renown for the a...', then the trigger 'She meets the fortune teller's gaze, steadies her voice, and asks: "Will I be acquitted?"' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is benign-violation.
Two psychics pass each other in the street.. One says to the other: "You're doing fine. How am I?"
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'Two psychics pass each other in the street.. One says to the other: "You're doing fine.', then the trigger 'How am I?"' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
What do you call a psychic midget who just escaped from prison? A small medium at large.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'What do you call a psychic midget who just escaped from prison?', then the trigger 'A small medium at large.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
What's the Best Way To Embarrass A Psychic On Their Birthday? Throw Them A Surprise Party.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'What's the Best Way To Embarrass A Psychic On Their Birthday?', then the trigger 'Throw Them A Surprise Party.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
I impregnated a psychic, but thankfully she took the morning before pill
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'I impregnated a psychic, but thankfully she took', then the trigger 'the morning before pill' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
I knew the psychic was a fraud the second she accepted my check
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'I knew the psychic was a fraud', then the trigger 'the second she accepted my check' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
Here is a joke for all the mind readers and psychics
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'Here is a joke for all the', then the trigger 'mind readers and psychics' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
Two psychics bump into each other on the street... The first one says, "You're fine, how am I?"
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'Two psychics bump into each other on the street...', then the trigger 'The first one says, "You're fine, how am I?"' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
A psychic goes into a clothing store A psychic walks into a clothing store looking for a new shirt. Employee: "How about this shirt?" Psychic: "That shirt is too small." Employee: "You didn't even try it on" Psychic: "Because I am a medium"
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'A psychic goes into a clothing store A psychic walks into a clothing store looking for a new shirt. Employee: "How ab...', then the trigger 'Psychic: "Because I am a medium"' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
What do you call a midget psychic that broke out of jail? A small medium at large
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'What do you call a midget psychic that broke out of jail?', then the trigger 'A small medium at large' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
Because he always knew what the punchline would be. Why didn't the psychic laugh at any jokes?
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'Because he always knew what the punchline would be.', then the trigger 'Why didn't the psychic laugh at any jokes?' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
One How many psychics does it take to change a lightbulb?
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'One', then the trigger 'How many psychics does it take to change a lightbulb?' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
I went to see a psychic last night... I went to see a psychic last night. She looked at me and said, "In five years time you will have 3 children." "But I already have 4 children!" I laughed. She said, "I know, leukaemia is a bastard."
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'I went to see a psychic last night... I went to see a psychic last night. She looked at me and said, "In five years t...', then the trigger 'She said, "I know, leukaemia is a bastard."' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
Why did the psychic get fired? Because she didn't see it coming.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'Why did the psychic get fired?', then the trigger 'Because she didn't see it coming.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
Jokes so Bad that They're Funny The midget psychic broke out of prison. He was a small medium at large. A boiled egg in the morning is really hard to beat. Newspaper headline reads: Cartoonist found dead at home. Details are sketchy. I once heard a joke about amnesia, but I forget how it goes. Here's a poem by a dog (Bo Burnham): Roses are grey, violets are another shade of grey, let's go chase cars. The frustrated cannibal threw up his hands. What did the cannibal get when he showed up to the party late? A cold shoulder. (I'll see myself out.)
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'Jokes so Bad that They're Funny The midget psychic broke out of prison. He was a small medium at large. A boiled egg...', then the trigger '(I'll see myself out.)' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is benign-violation.
A Psychic Buying Clothes Employee: How about this one? Psychic: That shirt is too small. Employee: You didn't even try it on. Psychic: I'm a medium.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'A Psychic Buying Clothes Employee: How about this one? Psychic: That shirt is too small. Employee: You didn't even tr...', then the trigger 'Psychic: I'm a medium.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
A 3 foot tall psychic escapes prison, then he gets a look at the newspaper "Small medium at large"
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'A 3 foot tall psychic escapes prison, then he gets a look at the newspaper', then the trigger '"Small medium at large"' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
A psychic dwarf escaped from prison There's a small medium at large.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'A psychic dwarf escaped from prison', then the trigger 'There's a small medium at large.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
Why did the dyslexic engineer fail college? Because he didn't understand psychics.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'Why did the dyslexic engineer fail college?', then the trigger 'Because he didn't understand psychics.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
What do you call a psychic midget wanted by the police? A small medium at large.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'What do you call a psychic midget wanted by the police?', then the trigger 'A small medium at large.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
An alcoholic, a chain-smoker and a homosexual walk into a bar... ...and each sit at a bar stool. After a couple of drinks a psychic approaches them and tells each one of them how they were going to die. He said to the alcoholic: "If you drink one more time, you are going to die." He says to the chain-smoker "If you smoke one more time, you are going to die." Finally he says to the homosexual "If you get turned on by a man one more time, you are going to die." The psychic left right after leaving the 3 men baffled and confused. "I call bull-shit! There's no way that's even possible!" exclaimed the alcoholic just as he took one big drink of his beer. He quickly collapsed and died right there on the bar floor. Both the homosexual and the chain-smoker were horrified as they realized that the psychic was right about his predictions. After taking their friend to the hospital they both leave and start walking to their car. Just then, the chain smoker spotted a full carton of cigarettes right outside of his car. "Dude no way! Today's my lucky day!" Just as the chain-smoker was about about to pick up the carton, the homosexual shouted: "STOP! If you bend over to pick them up, we're both going to die."
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'An alcoholic, a chain-smoker and a homosexual walk into a bar... ...and each sit at a bar stool. After a couple of dr...', then the trigger 'If you bend over to pick them up, we're both going to die."' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is benign-violation.
I put out a Want ad for a psychic... It said, "You know when and where to show up. Don't be late."
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'I put out a Want ad for a psychic... It said, "You know when and where to show up.', then the trigger 'Don't be late."' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
I went to a psychic today. Ended up accidentally breaking her crystal ball. It cost me a fortune.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'I went to a psychic today. Ended up accidentally breaking her crystal ball.', then the trigger 'It cost me a fortune.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met...
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left', then the trigger 'me before we met...' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
Did you hear about that psychic who performed self-immolation in public today? It's rare to see a medium well done.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'Did you hear about that psychic who performed self-immolation in public today?', then the trigger 'It's rare to see a medium well done.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
One. How many psychics does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'One.', then the trigger 'How many psychics does it take to screw in a light bulb?' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
Did you hear about the psychic midget who is wanted by the FBI? She's a small medium at large.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'Did you hear about the psychic midget who is wanted by the FBI?', then the trigger 'She's a small medium at large.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
What do you call a psychic midget that broke out of jail? A small medium at large
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'What do you call a psychic midget that broke out of jail?', then the trigger 'A small medium at large' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
Psychic fellatio It'll blow your mind
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'Psychic fellatio', then the trigger 'It'll blow your mind' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
A midget, who was a self proclaimed psychic, escaped prison today. Now he is a small medium at large.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'A midget, who was a self proclaimed psychic, escaped prison today.', then the trigger 'Now he is a small medium at large.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
Two psychics run into each other in the street The first one says, "You're fine, how am I?"
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'Two psychics run into each other in the street', then the trigger 'The first one says, "You're fine, how am I?"' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
I knew the Psychic was a phony as soon as she accepted my check.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'I knew the Psychic was a phony as soon', then the trigger 'as she accepted my check.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
I have an amazing psychic ability to find objects just before people lose them. Unfortunately, the police call it theft.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'I have an amazing psychic ability to find objects just before people lose them.', then the trigger 'Unfortunately, the police call it theft.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
What do you call a midget psychic that escapes from prison? A small medium at large
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'What do you call a midget psychic that escapes from prison?', then the trigger 'A small medium at large' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
FROG'S DREAM GIRL A frog goes to a fortune teller and asks if he is going meet a young girl. The psychic tells him, "Yes, you are." The frog replies, "Where? In a bar or at a party?" The psychic says, "In biology class."
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'FROG'S DREAM GIRL A frog goes to a fortune teller and asks if he is going meet a young girl. The psychic tells him, "...', then the trigger 'The psychic says, "In biology class."' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
What do you call a psychic midget that just escaped from prison? A small medium at large.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'What do you call a psychic midget that just escaped from prison?', then the trigger 'A small medium at large.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
At the fortune teller Hymie went to see a fortune teller. After he had sat down in the darkened room, the fortune teller said, ”I will read your palm for fifty dollars, and that entitles you to ask three questions.” ”Questions about what?” asked Hymie. ”About anything,” replied the psychic. ”But is not fifty dollars an awful lot to charge for that?” complained Hymie. ”Maybe,” said the palmist, ”and what is your last question?”
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'At the fortune teller Hymie went to see a fortune teller. After he had sat down in the darkened room, the fortune tel...', then the trigger '”Maybe,” said the palmist, ”and what is your last question?”' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
What do a call a midget psychic that just robbed a bank? A Small, Medium, at Large
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'What do a call a midget psychic that just robbed a bank?', then the trigger 'A Small, Medium, at Large' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
What do you call a short psychic who's escaped from rehab? A small medium at large.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'What do you call a short psychic who's escaped from rehab?', then the trigger 'A small medium at large.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
Psychic convention canceled due to unforeseen circumstances
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'Psychic convention canceled', then the trigger 'due to unforeseen circumstances' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
Excuse me -are you a psychic hooker? **cuz you just blew my mind.** *full credit: gavin mcginnes via streetboners blog from about 5 years ago.*
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'Excuse me -are you a psychic hooker? **cuz you just blew my mind.**', then the trigger '*full credit: gavin mcginnes via streetboners blog from about 5 years ago.*' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
What do you call a psychic midget who escaped from prison? A small medium at large.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'What do you call a psychic midget who escaped from prison?', then the trigger 'A small medium at large.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
A psychic midget just escaped from prison The news report said there was a small medium at large.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'A psychic midget just escaped from prison', then the trigger 'The news report said there was a small medium at large.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
What do you call a psychic dwarf that escapes from a prison? A small medium at large.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'What do you call a psychic dwarf that escapes from a prison?', then the trigger 'A small medium at large.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
What do you call a psychic on /b/? A 4Chan-Teller
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'What do you call a psychic on /b/?', then the trigger 'A 4Chan-Teller' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
I recently saw a psychic, a mystic, a palm reader, and a fortune teller all laughing together at something I couldn't understand. Must have been an insight joke...
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'I recently saw a psychic, a mystic, a palm reader, and a fortune teller all laughing together at something I couldn't...', then the trigger 'Must have been an insight joke...' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
Psychic fair cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'Psychic fair cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances.', then the trigger 'Psychic fair cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
What do you call a midget psychic that's on the run from the law? A small medium at large.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'What do you call a midget psychic that's on the run from the law?', then the trigger 'A small medium at large.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
I started seeing a psychic. I knew she was good because she told me she's voted best in the city 2017 and 2018.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'I started seeing a psychic.', then the trigger 'I knew she was good because she told me she's voted best in the city 2017 and 2018.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
Did you see the story about the psychic dwarf escaping prison? The headline was "Small medium at large".
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'Did you see the story about the psychic dwarf escaping prison?', then the trigger 'The headline was "Small medium at large".' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
Have you heard about the psychic dwarf that escaped from prison last week? You should see the headlines: "Small Medium at Large"
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'Have you heard about the psychic dwarf that escaped from prison last week?', then the trigger 'You should see the headlines: "Small Medium at Large"' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
An elderly lady phoned her telephone company... An elderly lady phoned her telephone company to report that her telephone failed to ring when her friends called - and that on the few occasions when it did ring, her pet dog always moaned right before the phone rang. The telephone repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see this psychic dog or senile elderly lady. He climbed a nearby telephone pole, hooked in his test set, and dialed the subscriber's house. The phone didn't ring right away, but then the dog moaned loudly and the telephone began to ring. Climbing down from the pole, the telephone repairman found: 1. The dog was tied to the telephone system's ground wire via a steel chain and collar. 2. The wire connection to the ground rod was loose. 3. The dog was receiving 90 volts of signaling current when the phone number was called. 4. After a couple of such jolts, the dog would start moaning and then urinate on himself and the ground. 5. The wet ground would complete the circuit, thus causing the phone to ring. Which demonstrates that some problems CAN be fixed by pissing and moaning.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'An elderly lady phoned her telephone company... An elderly lady phoned her telephone company to report that her telep...', then the trigger 'Which demonstrates that some problems CAN be fixed by pissing and moaning.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
Did you hear about the midget psychic who escaped from prison? He's a small medium at large.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'Did you hear about the midget psychic who escaped from prison?', then the trigger 'He's a small medium at large.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
Have you ever seen a ghost? An expert in psychic phenomena is giving a conference to a group in Dublin. The speaker asks, "If I may be so bold, has anyone here ever seen a ghost?" Some people raise their hands. "Good" he says. "Now, has anyone here ever touched a ghost?" Again, a few people raise their hands. "Excellent. I see we have an experienced group! But... Has anyone here ever had sex with a ghost?" One little man at the back raises his hand. Intrigued, the speaker says, "Good grief! Do you mean to say you've actually had sex with a ghost?" "Oh, a ghost?" says the man, "I thought you said a GOAT."
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'Have you ever seen a ghost? An expert in psychic phenomena is giving a conference to a group in Dublin. The speaker a...', then the trigger '"Oh, a ghost?" says the man, "I thought you said a GOAT."' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is benign-violation.
What do you call a psychic midget who escaped from prison to go to Death Valley to shoot up? What do you call a psychic midget who escaped from prison to go to Death Valley to shoot up? A high low small medium at large.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'What do you call a psychic midget who escaped from prison to go to Death Valley to shoot up? What do you call a psych...', then the trigger 'A high low small medium at large.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is benign-violation.
A high school senior visits a psychic... "I've applied to 10 different colleges," the student said. "Which ones will accept me? Which one will I attend?" "That is hard to say," said the psychic. "But you will spend an absurd sum of money." "How do you know this?" the student asked. The psychic replied, "It's mostly intuition."
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'A high school senior visits a psychic... "I've applied to 10 different colleges," the student said. "Which ones will...', then the trigger '"It's mostly intuition."' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is absurdism.
What do you call a dwarf psychic who has escaped jail? Small medium at large
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'What do you call a dwarf psychic who has escaped jail?', then the trigger 'Small medium at large' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
My psychic friend told me that she could tell me what my favourite band is... I said No Doubt
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'My psychic friend told me that she could tell me what my favourite band is...', then the trigger 'I said No Doubt' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
A man found out that his wife is pregnant with twins A man found out that his wife is pregnant with twins. He went to his psychic and asked her how well the twins will do in life. She replied: "One of them will go out into the world and become a leader of men. He will gain great wealth and accomplish many things. He will live in a mansion and have many expensive cars. He will have a truly bright future." "The other is a girl".
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'A man found out that his wife is pregnant with twins A man found out that his wife is pregnant with twins. He went to...', then the trigger '"The other is a girl".' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
I went to an illiterate psychic I couldn't get a reading
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'I went to an illiterate psychic', then the trigger 'I couldn't get a reading' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
A psychic child and his psychiatrist are on a passenger liner traveling from the UK to the US. As the ship is fairly close to the coastline, the child begins screaming and covering his eyes. His psychiatrist immediately asks "What is it, what happened?" The child responds, "Icy dead people[.](/r/feghoot)"
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'A psychic child and his psychiatrist are on a passenger liner traveling from the UK to the US. As the ship is fairly...', then the trigger 'The child responds, "Icy dead people[.](/r/feghoot)"' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is benign-violation.
Nothing embarrasses a psychic more than throwing them a surprise party.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'Nothing embarrasses a psychic more than', then the trigger 'throwing them a surprise party.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
A midget with psychic abilities escaped from prison. The headline read: SMALL MEDIUM AT LARGE!
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'A midget with psychic abilities escaped from prison. The headline read:', then the trigger 'SMALL MEDIUM AT LARGE!' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
What did the prostitute say to the psychic? I don't do aural. You're welcome and I'll show myself out.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'What did the prostitute say to the psychic? I don't do aural.', then the trigger 'You're welcome and I'll show myself out.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
Did you hear about the fugitive midget psychic? He's a small medium at large.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'Did you hear about the fugitive midget psychic?', then the trigger 'He's a small medium at large.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
Psychic Desperate to know her future, a woman decided to go visit a psychic. In a dark and gloomy room, gazing at the tarot cards laid out before her, the psychic delivered the bad news... 'There is no easy way to say this so I'll be blunt. Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and horrible death this year.' Visibly shaken, the woman stared at the psychic's lined face, then at the single flickering candle and then looked down at her hands. She took a few deep breaths to compose herself and decided to ask the question she desperately needed to know. She met the psychic's gaze, steadied her voice, and asked, 'Will I get away with it?'
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'Psychic Desperate to know her future, a woman decided to go visit a psychic. In a dark and gloomy room, gazing at the...', then the trigger 'She met the psychic's gaze, steadied her voice, and asked, 'Will I get away with it?'' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is benign-violation.
What do you call a room full of psychics? A scam!
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'What do you call a room full of psychics?', then the trigger 'A scam!' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
What do you call a dwarf psychic on the run? A small medium at large.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'What do you call a dwarf psychic on the run?', then the trigger 'A small medium at large.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
a psychic midget escaped from jail Yes, we have a small medium at large
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'a psychic midget escaped from jail', then the trigger 'Yes, we have a small medium at large' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
What do you call it when a psychic midget escapes from prison? A small medium at large.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'What do you call it when a psychic midget escapes from prison?', then the trigger 'A small medium at large.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
What do you call a prisoner who's psychic,has dwarfism and escaped the prison? A small medium at large!
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'What do you call a prisoner who's psychic,has dwarfism and escaped the prison?', then the trigger 'A small medium at large!' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
How does a psychic cokehead tell the future? With a magic 8-ball
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'How does a psychic cokehead tell the future?', then the trigger 'With a magic 8-ball' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
My grandfather knew the exact time, date, and year that he was going to die. He wasn’t psychic. The judge told him.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'My grandfather knew the exact time, date, and year that he was going to die. He wasn’t psychic.', then the trigger 'The judge told him.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
There's nothing more awkward than... There's nothing more awkward than throwing a surprise party for a psychic.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'There's nothing more awkward than...', then the trigger 'There's nothing more awkward than throwing a surprise party for a psychic.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
What do you call a psychic midget who has escaped from prison? A small medium at large!
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'What do you call a psychic midget who has escaped from prison?', then the trigger 'A small medium at large!' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
America's favorite psychic Ms Cleo passed away No one saw this coming.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'America's favorite psychic Ms Cleo passed away', then the trigger 'No one saw this coming.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
I should have been a psychic I hear they make a fortune.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'I should have been a psychic', then the trigger 'I hear they make a fortune.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
What did the psychic velociraptor say to his friend? "Dino what you're thinking."
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'What did the psychic velociraptor say to his friend?', then the trigger '"Dino what you're thinking."' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
Did you hear about that psychic dwarf that escaped from prison? They're a small medium at large
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'Did you hear about that psychic dwarf that escaped from prison?', then the trigger 'They're a small medium at large' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
What do you call a fake psychic who was found out and now shoots up in ditches? A high medium low
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'What do you call a fake psychic who was found out and now shoots up in ditches?', then the trigger 'A high medium low' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
I was trying to recall what size shirt to get my friend the psychic, then I remembered…..medium, of course.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'I was trying to recall what size shirt to get my friend the psychic,', then the trigger 'then I remembered…..medium, of course.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
A Psychic punches a blind man. The blind man didn't see it coming, but the psychic did.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'A Psychic punches a blind man.', then the trigger 'The blind man didn't see it coming, but the psychic did.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
What do you call a midget, that escaped prison, that is also a psychic? A small medium at large.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'What do you call a midget, that escaped prison, that is also a psychic?', then the trigger 'A small medium at large.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
What do you call a midget psychic that just robbed a bank? Small medium at large
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'What do you call a midget psychic that just robbed a bank?', then the trigger 'Small medium at large' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
I think I'm psychic. Now now I know what you're thinking..
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'I think I'm psychic.', then the trigger 'Now now I know what you're thinking..' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
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