100+ Penguin Jokes

Guy runs into a bar, yells "Quick! How tall is a penguin?" Bartender says "Three feet tall." Guy says "Oh my God! I just ran over a nun!"

A vacationing penguin is driving through Arizona... ...and sees that the car's oil-pressure light is on.He gets out to look and sees oil dripping out of the motor. He drives to the nearest town and stops at the first gas station. After dropping the car off, the penguin goes for a walk around town. He sees an ice cream shop, and being a penguin in Arizona, decides that something cold would really hit the spot. He gets a big dish of vanilla ice cream and sits down to eat. Having no hands, he makes a real mess trying to eat with his little flippers. After finishing his ice cream, he goes back to the gas station and asks the mechanic if he's found the problem. The mechanic looks up from the engine and says, "It looks like you've blown a seal." "No, no," the penguin replies, wiping his mouth, "it's just ice cream."

A penguin walks into a bar and asks the barkeep, “Say, do you have any squid?” The barkeep says no, and the penguin walks out. The penguin comes in the next 3 days in a row, always asking, “Say, do you have any squid?”. The barkeep finally loses it and yells, “No we don’t have any squid! If you ask me that again, I’m gonna nail your tail to the wall!" The penguin leaves without a word, and isn’t seen for a few days. The barkeep's thinking he's gone for good, but he shows up a week later. The penguin walks in, and he and the barkeep exchange a long stare before the penguin finally breaks the silence. “Do you have a hammer?” “No” “How about nails, you got any?” “No” “So, say, do you have any squid?”

A man walks into a bar, orders a double bourbon, neat, and downs it in a single gulp. “How big is a penguin?” he asks. The barman says, “Around 18 inches.” He orders another double bourbon, neat, and gulps it down. “What’s the biggest a penguin can ever be?” The barman frowns. “Three feet, maybe an inch or two more.” The man orders a third double bourbon, neat, and gulps it down even quicker. He sighs. “I may have run over a nun.”

A horny guy went into a whorehouse... A horny guy went into a whorehouse and says, "I need a blow job, but I only have $5". "Okay", the owner said, "that is not much, but for $5 we can give you a penguin". "What's a penguin?" The man asked. "you'll see", she replied. So he went upstairs. A young woman came and started giving him a blow job. But just as he was about to finish, she stopped and walked away. Frustrated, he waddled after her with his pants around his ankles, screaming "What's a penguin?"

"Accidentally" destroying important manager documents cause they forced me in to give my doctors note, despite being sick. First: I am german and english is not my native language, so I apologise for any mistakes I may do A little bit of background: Due to horrible teachers and my easily intimidated personality, I developed the fear of making mistakes, since I was getting yelled at constantly for making some. Now, my body tried to avoid school and the stress that comes with it by developing the habit of vomiting, to prove my mother I was sick so I could stay home. Problem was, my body tries it a LOT when I get stressed out. Now I can surpress that habit to a certain degree, if I focus on my breathing and close my eyes. But sooner or later, I have to leave the stress causing situation or I vomit. Now a little bit of German background, since I don't know if this concept exist in other countries. We call it "Zeitarbeit" and google Translated it to "temporarily employment", but long story short, it just means that you don't apply at the company you want to work for, you apply for the "Zeitarbeit"-company (ZC) who then find jobs for you. You go to the ZC, give any important informations they need to find you a job you don't totally hate and if they find something, they call you and you have an interview with the new company you may work for. Then, if you agree to work there, you are a temporarily employee for 6 month. After the 6 month, they either let you go if the company believes it doesn't work out, or you get hired and now have a full job. In Theory, that sounds awesome. In practicallity, the companys spare money if they let go of the temporarily employee and circle to new ones, so your chance of staying is barely non existing. Not to mention, in the 6 month, they don't need a reason to let you go, other than to say "it doesn't work out". Now to the story: The first two jobs I got through ZC, I try hard to impress them, doing overtime, work more outside my job description, always beeing on time and never be sick. I ignored my mental problems and drown them at home to endure everything. However I wouldn't be here if I got hired. This story takes place in 2018, my 4th job, a factory where I have to pack and sort stuff. However now I was far less enthusiastic, no overtime, keeping to my job description but I still was always on time and stayed my 40 hours/week. HOWEVER, the manager "demanded" overtime nearly daily. I wasn't going to do it, not for minimum wage, and she didn't like it, but I was doing my job so I believe she kept me in for the full 6 months before they let me go. But then, I made an absolute fatal mistake by daring to get sick! I got a cyst very close to my private area and I could barely walk, stand or even sit. Laying was uncomfortable but at least not painful. I went to the doctor, got antibiotics and a doctors note for 7 days. (5 for the anti biotics and 2 to see if it helped enough). I called in my job to state I was sick for a week but my manager demanded I gave it to her in person, or she would let me go then and there. Now I was annoyed, tired and in pain that I have to go in, since I was just in my second month working there, so I accepted and my parents drove me in. I waddled like an X-legged Penguin through the factory into her office. She didn't saw me walk since she was writing something. I put the doctors notice on her desk, close to some other documents. She looked up at me and started talking . . . a LOT! Now, You can imagine that condescending Karen tone in her voice. She started lecturing me how she dislikes I don't do overtime and now that I'm lazy and went to the doctor to get a "week of paid vacation". That I need to work on my working morale and that my chances of getting hired are VERY slim and I need to put in 110% if I want to have a chance. Now, my pain around my private area started worsening due to me standing so I barely listened to her after that, but I noticed her voice got louder and louder and she, somehow, talked herself into rage, nearly yelling at this point. . . And I felt my stomache started turning. I started my strategies to keep my stomache calm since I knew, it would be maybe a few minutes of her complaining before I can leave. I tried to cut in to explain that I need to go home to rest but she had none of it and interrupt me, telling me how disrespectful it is to interrupt some. (The irony, lel). Cue my malicious compliance: I stopped calming down my stomache and let it does what it want to do and surprise, surprise, not even after a minute, everything comes out, hitting her desk and covers some of her documents AND half of my doctors note. Her face was absolutly priceless, though I wished I could enjoyed it more, next to my pain and new taste. After her initial shock and silent, she FINALLY sent me home to rest. I still think about it till today. After the week, I came back rather healthy and I got pulled into her office, where she and ano

A penguin walks into an airport... A TSA officer stops him and says "Penguins can't fly."

How tall is a penguin? A man rushes into a bar and screams at the bartender, "How tall is a penguin?" The bartender looks at him weirdly and says, "Excuse me?" The man repeats, "How tall is a penguin?" The bartender motions with his hands. "Uh, about this high." The color drains from the man's face as he says, "Oh shit I just ran over a nun."

A joke told by my Polish grandmother.... Two Russian policemen are walking down the road on patrol when they encounter a penguin crossing the street. One says to the other, "One of us should get him and take him to the zoo." The other volunteers, tells the first to wait until he returns, picks up the penguin and heads off down the street. The first officer stands waiting for half an hour...an hour...two hours...finally after almost three hours, the second policeman comes back still holding the penguin. The officer who stayed is exasperated, "What took you so long and why do you still have the penguin? Was the zoo closed?" "No," the second replied, "it was open. We had a very nice time. I'm think I'm going to take him to the movies now."

A man finds a penguin walking down the street He grabs the penguin and puts it in his car and starts to speed away when a cop pulls him over. The cop walks up to the car and asks the man what he's doing with the penguin. "He was just walking down the road," the man said. "Well, take him to the zoo and I won't give you a ticket for speeding." The man agrees and drives away. A week later the cop sees the same man drive by and he still has the penguin in the car. He pulls over the car again and says to the man, "I thought I told you to take that penguin to the zoo!?" "Yes," the man says, " I did. Today we're going to the movies."

The seven dwarves went to the Vatican and when the Pope answered the door, Dopey stepped forward... "Your Excellency," he said. "I wonder if you could tell me if there are any dwarf nuns in Rome?" "No, Dopey, there aren't," the Pope replied. Behind Dopey, the six dwarfs started to titter. "Well, are there any dwarf nuns in Italy?" Dopey persisted. "No, none in Italy," the Pope answered more sternly. A few more dwarfs began to laugh openly. "Well, are there any dwarf nuns in Europe?" This time the pope was much more firm. "Dopey, there are no dwarf nuns in Europe." By this point, the other dwarfs were laughing out loud and rolling on the ground. "Pope," Dopey demanded. "Are there any dwarf nuns in the world?" "No Dopey!" He snapped. "There are no dwarf nuns anywhere in the world." Whereupon the six dwarfs started jumping up and down chanting, "Dopey fucked a penguin! Dopey fucked a penguin!"

An officer, a gentleman and a penguin. One day a man is walking down a London street when he comes across a penguin. Not sure what to do, he picks up the penguin and continues his journey. A police patrol spots the man, "What are you doing with that penguin!?" the officer asks "I don't know...I just found it standing in the middle of the road..." replies the man, still confused by the ordeal. "Then take it to the zoo!" the officer exclaims The next day the same officer spots the same man walking around with the same penguin! "Oi, I thought I told you to take that penguin to the zoo!" "I did" replied the man, "we thoroughly enjoyed it, now we're off to the movies!"

A penguin has some car trouble... A vacationing penguin is driving his car through Arizona when he notices that the oil pressure light is on. He gets out to look and sees oil dripping out of the motor. He drives to the nearest town and stops at the first gas station. After dropping the car off, the penguin goes for a walk around town. He sees an ice-cream shop and, being a penguin in Arizona, decides that something cold would really hit the spot. He gets a big dish of ice cream and sits down to eat. Having no hands he makes a real mess trying to eat with his flippers. After finishing his ice cream, he goes back to the gas station and asks the mechanic if he's found the problem. The mechanic looks up and says "It looks like you blew a seal." "No no," the penguin replies, "it's just ice cream."

My sex life is like a penguin, I don't have a penguin.

Irish Nuns Two Irish nuns, old and young, were sitting at a traffic light in their car when a bunch of rowdy drunks pulled up alongside of them. "Hey, show us your tits, ye bloody penguins!" shouts one of the drunks. The Mother Superior thought this would be a good test for the novice, and turns to Sister Immaculata, "I don't think they know who we are - show them your cross." So, Sister Immaculata rolls down her window and shouts, "Screw off ye little fookin' wankers, before I come over there and rip yer balls off!" Sister Immaculata looks back at the Mother Superior and asks, "Was that cross enough, Sister?"

My favourite penguin joke A vacationing penguin is driving his car through Arizona when he notices that the oil pressure light is on. He gets out to look and sees oil dripping out of the motor. He drives to the nearest town and stops at the first gas station. After dropping the car off, the penguin goes for a walk around town. He sees an ice-cream shop and, being a penguin in Arizona, decides that something cold would really hit the spot. He gets a big dish of ice cream and sits down to eat. Having no hands he makes a real mess trying to eat with his flippers. After finishing his ice cream, he goes back to the gas station and asks the mechanic if he's found the problem. The mechanic looks up and says "It looks like you blew a seal." "No no," the penguin replies, "it's just ice cream."

A penguin walks into an airport The TSA officer stops him and says, "Sorry pal, penguins can't fly."

Two elves walk into Santa's office. Santa looks up and says, "Gary, Larry, how can I help you?" Gary and Larry look at each other, then turn to Santa. "Santa", Gary says, "Are there any elf nuns in the workshop?" Santa checks a list and says, "No, I'm sorry but there are no elf nuns in the workshop." Gary asks, "Well Santa, are there any elf nuns working any where in the compound?" Santa checks a list then says, "I'm sorry, but there are no elf nuns working in the coumpound." Gary looks at Larry and asks, "Santa, are there any elf nuns in the North Pole at all?" Santa looks at his list for a few minutes and says, "I'm sorry Gary, but there aren't any elf nuns in the North Pole." Larry finally busts out laughing and says, "See? I knew you fucked a penguin!" 'Tis the season for giving, post your best holiday joke!

A man finds a penguin on the road... A man finds a penguin on the road side. Thinking the penguin is lost the man takes it, drives until finding a police officer and asks what to do. - Take it to the zoo replies the officer. One week latter the policer officer sees the man driving with the penguin by his side. What are you doing with that penguin ? I told you to bring him to the zoo. I did exactly that. He loved it and now we are going to the movies .

Penguins and the cop Credit to u/Akatheerder A police officer is parked by the side of the road. He sees a pickup truck drive by and it's full of penguins. The officer flips his siren on and pulls the truck over. He approaches the window and asks the man, "Sir, what are you doing with these penguins?" "Well they're my pets, officer," the man replies. "I'm afraid you'll have to take these animals to the zoo," the officer says, and leaves. The next day, the police officer is parked in the same spot. He sees the same truck drive by. Now all the penguins are wearing sunglasses. He flips the siren on and pulls the truck over. Upon reaching the window he says, "Sir, I told you to take these animals to the zoo." "Yes officer, I did," replies the man. "Today we're going to the beach."

A man runs into a bar... A man runs into a bar, and demands to the barkeep: "Quick! How tall do penguins grow?" "About two foot sir" replies the bartender "Shit. I've just run over a nun."

A cop pulls over a man with 16 penguins in his car. The cop says, "what the hell are you doing!? Are these your penguins?" The man nods and the cop says, "Well take them to the zoo right this instant!" And the man drives off. The next day the same cop sees the same man driving the same car with the same 16 penguins and again the cop pulls the man over. "I told you yesterday to take these penguins to the zoo!" "I did," says the man. "And today we're going to the beach!"

A car full of Irish nuns is sitting at a traffic light in downtown Dublin, when a bunch of rowdy drunks pull up alongside of them. A car full of Irish nuns is sitting at a traffic light in downtown Dublin, when a bunch of rowdy drunks pull up alongside of them. "Hey, show us yer tits, ya bloody penguins!" shouts one of the drunks. Quite shocked, Mother Superior turns to Sister Mary Immaculata and says, "I don't think they know who we are; show them your cross." Sister Mary Immaculata rolls down her window and shouts, "Piss off, ya fookin' little wankers, before I come over there and rip yer balls off!" Sister Mary Immaculata then rolls up her window, looks back at Mother Superior, quite innocently, and asks, "Did that sound cross enough?

A penguin takes his car to the mechanic.... The mechanic tells him it'll take about an hour to fix. The penguin heads over to the 7-11 across the street to kill some time and have an ice cream. But because he has clumsy little flippers he gets the ice cream all over his beak. When he goes back to the mechanic, the mechanic tells him, "well, it looks like you blew a seal." The penguin says, "no, that's just a bit of ice cream."

Two Irish nuns were sitting at a traffic light ...in their car in Dublin when a bunch of rowdy drunks pull up alongside of them. "Hey, show us your chest, ye bloody penguins!" shouts one of the drunks. The Mother Superior turns to Sister Margaret, "I don't think they know who we are. Show them your cross." So Sister Mary Margaret rolls down her window and shouts, "Screw off ye little fookin' wankers, before I come over there and rip yer nuts off!" Sister Mary Margaret looks back at the Mother Superior and asks, "Was that cross enough?!"

While we're on nun jokes: one night, two leprechauns knocked at the door of the convent. The Mother Superior answered and was taken quite by surprise at the sight. One leprechaun was sullen and silent, while the other seemed quite friendly. This latter asked, "please pardon our intrusion, Mother Superior, but I wish to ask you, is there a nun at your convent who is about two and a half foot tall?" The Mother Superior recovered from her surprise to answer that no, there wasn't. "In any of the other convents of the city, Mother Superior," the friendly leprechaun asked, "is there a nun who stands about two and a half foot tall?" Again, she answered no. "In all of our nation, Mother Superior," the leprechaun continued, "in all of the convents of all the world, do you suppose there is a nun who is about two and a half foot tall?" Mother Superior said that no, it would be impossible. Having gotten this last answer, the friendly leprechaun bowed graciously and thanked the helpful Mother Superior. He took his sullen companion by the arm and led him away. As the two walked off, Mother Superior heard the talkative one say, "I tell you, Mikey, you've been fucking a penguin."

A penguin is driving his car... A penguin is driving his car when he notices that the check engine light is on. He gets out to look and sees oil dripping out of the motor. He drives to the nearest town and stops at the first auto shop. After dropping the car off, the penguin goes for a walk. He sees an ice-cream shop and decides that something cold would really hit the spot. He gets a big dish of ice cream and sits down to eat. Having no hands, he makes a real mess trying to eat. After finishing his ice cream, he goes back to the gas station and asks the mechanic if he's found the problem. The mechanic looks up and says "It looks like you blew a seal." "No no," the penguin replies, "it's just ice cream."

A man goes to a cathouse with only $5 to his name. "What can $5 get me?" he asked the lady inside. "Let's see.. well, I can give you a penguin job," she replied. The call girl unzips the man's pants and leaves them around his ankles, and goes to work with her mouth. "Oh wow, this is fantastic, you sure know what you're doing!" The man was really enjoying his $5 penguin job. It was only a short while before the climactic finish was approaching, and he made no delay with vocalizing this. "I'm going to come, I'm going to come!" The courtesan quickly stopped, got to her feet, and walked out the door of the room they were in. "Wait baby, wait, wait! Where are you going?!" The man, pants still down around his ankles, waddled after the woman as fast as he could. "That's a penguin job, and that'll be $5," she said, with a laugh.

This penguin was driving cross country, when suddenly his car starts to smoke. This penguin was driving cross country, when suddenly his car starts to smoke. he pulls into a small town and leaves his car with the local mechanic. The mechanic tells him it will be done in about 3 hours and he should go wander the town for a while. So the penguin wanders around, checking a few stores, and then getting ice cream. He checks his watch and realizes it had been 3 hours already. When he gets back, the mechanic tells him "Looks like you just blew a seal". The penguin quickly wiped his beak, embarrassed and replied "No no, I swear it's just ice cream!"

Blue seal This penguin is driving his car through Arizona when he notices the oil pressure light is on so he drives to the nearest town and stops at the first gas station. After dropping the car off, the penguin goes for a walk around town. He sees an ice-cream shop and, being a penguin in Arizona, decides that something cold would really hit the spot. He gets a big dish of ice cream and sits down to eat. Having no hands he makes a real mess trying to eat with his flippers. After finishing his ice cream, he goes back to the gas station and asks the mechanic if he's found the problem. The mechanic looks up and says, "It looks like you blew a seal." The penguin says, "no no, it's just ice cream."

Cop sees a blonde with a bunch of penguins in the back of her car So he stops her and asks her what she is doing with a bunch of penguins. She says she just saw them on the road and opened the door and they got in. "You've got to take those penguins to the zoo," he says. Next day he sees her again with the penguins still in the back of her car. Cop: Lady I thought I told you to take those penguins to the zoo. Blonde: I did and we had such a good time, today we're going to the park.

A penguin is driving his car When suddenly the car starts making rattling noises, smoke starts pouring from under the hood, and it continues to move forward by jumps and lurches. The Penguin sees an auto-shop up ahead and slowly pulls his car into the lot. The mechanic comes out and informs the penguin that's going to take about twenty minutes for him to take a look and diagnose the problem. The penguin looks around and sees an ice cream shop across the street and thinks, "It's a blistering hot day and I've got time to kill." So he waddles across the street and gets himself the biggest vanilla ice cream cone he can get. As the penguin is sitting outside the autoshop going to town on this ice cream cone without a care about manners, ice cream dripping all over his face, down the front of him, and all over the little bench he is sitting on the mechanic approaches him and says, "Well, it looks like you blew a seal." The penguin looks up amazed, wipes his face off, and says, "Oh no, this is just ice cream!"

The "penguin" A guy who's strapped for cash asks a prostitute what he can get for $10. She replies, "Well, for 10 bucks I'll give you a 'penguin.'" "Okay... Sure, I'll take it." So she gets down on her knees, lowers his pants, and begins giving him a blowjob. But right before he is about to cum, she gets up and walks away. The guy is confused, and starts to waddle after her, with his pants still around his ankles. "Wait, so this is a penguin?!?" Got this from an old PlayBoy magazine.

A penguin is driving.... down the street when his car starts sputtering. He pulls into the next mechanics shop and asks him to take a look. mechanic says it will be about an hour. While waiting the penguin decides to go next door to the malt shop and get an ice cream cone. an hour later the penguin goes back to the mechanic. the mechanic looks at him and says "looks like you blew a seal". "oh no I just had some ice cream" said the penguin wiping his face.

Two Irish nuns were sitting in their car at a traffic light when a bunch of rowdy drunks pulled up alongside. "Hey, show us your tits you bloody penguins!" shouted one of the drunks. The Mother Superior turns to Sister Margaret and says "I don't think they know who we are. Show them your cross!" So Sister Margaret rolls down her window and shouts, "Sod off you little fucking wankers before I get out and rip your goddam balls off!" Sister Margaret looks back at the Mother Superior and asks, "Was that cross enough?"

[NSFW] I'm so sad, my favorite dating site is shutting down Disney has announced they are shutting down Club Penguin. =(

A penguin is driving down a desert road... when his car begins to sputter. He pulls over into a service station and leaves his car with the mechanic. The penguin goes into a nearby ice cream shop and buys a vanilla ice cream cone to try and beat the heat. It's so hot outside that the ice cream begins to melt all over his hands and face as he eats it, leaving a mess. When he's finished his ice cream, he goes back to the service station to check on his car. The mechanic tells him "All fixed. Looks like you just blew a seal". The penguin replies, "No, it's just ice cream".

leprechauns, midgets and nuns Two leprechauns went to the convent and begged an audience with Mother Superior. "Well, how can I help you little people?" asked Mother Superior. The larger and more intelligent looking of the leprechauns asked: "Oh Mother Superior, would you be knowing of any midget nuns here at the convent?" "No," says Mother Superior, "I don't have any midget nuns here at the convent". "All right then, Mother Superior, would you be knowing of any midget nuns in all of Ireland then?" "No, no," replied Mother Superior, "I don't know of any nuns who are also midgets in all of Ireland at all." "Well then Mother Superior, in all of nundom, in the whole world of all the nuns, would you be knowing, then, of any midget nuns?' "No, I would not, there are no midget nuns in the whole of the world!" replied Mother Superior, "and would you please tell me what this is all about!!?" The asking leprechaun turned to the stupid leprechaun and said: "See, it's as I told you all along, you've been fucking a penguin."

The seven dwarves went to the Vatican... ...and when the pope answered the door, Dopey stepped forward: "Your Excellency," he said. "I wonder if you could tell me if there are any dwarf nuns in Rome?" "No Dopey, there aren't," the Pope replied. Behind Dopey, the six dwarves started to titter. "Well, are there any dwarf nuns in Italy?" Dopey persisted. "No, none in Italy," the Pope answered a little more sternly. A few of the dwarves now began to laugh more openly. "Well, are there any dwarf nuns in Europe?" This time the Pope was much more firm. "Dopey, there are no dwarf nuns in Europe." By this point, all the dwarves were laughing aloud and rolling around the ground. "Pope," Dopey demanded. "Are there any dwarf nuns in the whole world?" "No Dopey," the Pope snapped. "There are no dwarf nuns anywhere in the world. Whereupon the six dwarves started jumping up and down chanting, " Dopey fucked a penguin! Dopey fucked a penguin!"

Penguin's car breaks down It's a hot day and a penguin is driving his car around when it suddenly breaks down. He takes it to a mechanic who says it will be an hour before he'll know what's wrong with the thing. Now, Penguins do not like heat, so he decides to go get some vanilla ice cream. Flippers however are not good at handling ice cream cones, so he ends up making a big mess. when he goes back to check on his car the mechanic says, "Looks like you blew a seal." Penguin says, "No you don't understand, that's just ice cream"

So, a penguin is driving down the road... So, a penguin is driving down the road in his truck. His truck starts to sputter, so he pulls into a town and finds a mechanic shop. The mechanic says, "Well Mr. Penguin you should go downtown and get something to eat while I see what is wrong with your truck here." "Great idea!" says Mr. Penguin, "I am famished." So, the penguin starts walking do- well, waddling down town, and he sees an ice cream shop. Everyone knows that penguins fuckin' love ice cream so he orders an ice cream cone. He starts to eat it, but it gets all over his beak and face, because he doesn't have any opposable thumbs, he is a penguin. He starts to wal- ddle back to the mechanic shop. The mechanic, who is just finishing up, rolls out from under the truck and says to the penguin, "Well Mr. Penguin, it looks like you blew a seal." The penguin shrugs and replies, "Nah, that is just a bit of ice cream."

Penguin Needs Car Repairs A penguin is driving along the highway when, suddenly his engine starts running rough and he sees smoke in his rear view mirror. He pulls off the highway and finds the nearest service station, and pulls up to the garage with the car shaking and sputtering. He tells the mechanic what happened, and the mechanic says "OK, give me 10 minutes to check it out." Meanwhile, the penguin sees an ice cream shop across the street. Thinking this is a perfect time for a tasty treat, he heads over and gets himself an ice cream cone. After he finishes, he walks back over to the garage, and asks the mechanic "So, did you find out what's wrong?" The mechanic looks at the penguin and says "It looks like you blew a seal." The penguin quickly wipes his face and says "Oh, no, that's just the ice cream." (Not sure if this has been posted)

A penguin goes on holiday... A penguin goes on holiday to the desert. He's driving happily along in his car when it breaks down. Luckily, the car makes it to a service stop with a mechanic. So he asks the mechanic to have a look and the mechanic tells him it will be half an hour. Happy with this, the penguin goes to get an ice cream. Unfortunately, because he has flippers, he makes a right mess of the ice cream and gets it every where. After his ice cream, he goes back the mechanic. As he walks into the garage, the mechanic says to him "looks like you've blown a seal" to which the penguin replies "damn is it all over my face?"

A penguin was driving along... A penguin was driving along when he smelled something burning. He took his car to a mechanic to get it checked out. The mechanic said "It'll be about an hour" so the penguin went walking around town. He stopped at an ice cream parlor and ordered a cone. The penguin tried eating the ice cream, but made a mess because of his flippers. He went back to the mechanic who had just got under his car. The mechanic rolled out from underneath and said "looks like you blew a seal". The penguin replied "no, it's ice cream".

The Elusive Midget Nun Two Eskimos, a big one and a little one, walk up to the convent door. The big one nudges the little one and says, “Go ahead, knock on the door, knock on the door.” The Mother Superior answers the door. Again, the big Eskimo nudges the little one and says, “Go ahead, ask her the question, ask her the question.” The little Eskimo timidly says, “May we speak with the midget nun that lives here please?” The Mother Superior answers, “There are no midget nuns living here.” The big Eskimo starts nudging the little one again and says, “Go ahead, ask her the other question, ask her the other question.” The little Eskimo asks in a quavering voice, “Well, are there any midget nuns in Alaska?” The Mother Superior responds uncertainly, “I know most of the nuns in Alaska and I don’t believe so.” With this the big Eskimo falls down and rolls on the ground, clutching his belly as he laughs uncontrollably. “See,” he says to the little Eskimo, “I told you that you screwed a penguin!”

A driver gets pulled over . . . A man gets pulled over for rolling through a stop sign. While the officer is doing the routine license check, he spots two penguins sitting in the back seat of the car. The cop tells the driver, "I'll let you off this time, but you need to take those penguins straight to the zoo." The driver was happy to get off with just a warning, so he agrees. The next day, the officer sees the same car in another part of town, with some penguins peeking out the back windows. He pulls over the driver again. "Hey, I thought I told you to take these penguins to the zoo just yesterday!" "Your sure did," says the driver, "and what a great idea that was. We had so much fun that today I'm taking them to the beach!"

Penguin A bartender was working late at night when suddenly a man ran bursting through the door and asked the bartender. Man: "QUICK, HOW TALL IS A PENGUIN?" The bartender slightly confused, he simply said. Bartender: "about this tall" The man started to panic and said. Man: "Oh god i ran over a nun!"

Penguin Car Trouble A vacationing penguin is driving his car through Arizona when he notices that the oil pressure light is on. He gets out to look and sees oil dripping out of the motor. He drives to the nearest town and stops at the first gas station. After dropping the car off, the penguin goes for a walk around town. He sees an ice-cream shop and, being a penguin in Arizona, decides that something cold would really hit the spot. He gets a big dish of ice cream and sits down to eat. Having no hands he makes a real mess trying to eat with his flippers. After finishing his ice cream, he goes back to the gas station and asks the mechanic if he's found the problem. The mechanic looks up and says "It looks like you blew a seal." "No no," the penguin replies, "it's just ice cream."

A penguin has car trouble.. A penguin is driving along the highway when, suddenly his engine starts running rough and he sees smoke in his rear view mirror. He pulls off the highway and finds the nearest service station, and pulls up to the garage with the car shaking and sputtering. He tells the mechanic what happened, and the mechanic says "OK, give me 10 minutes to check it out." Meanwhile, the penguin sees an ice cream shop across the street. Thinking this is a perfect time for a tasty treat, he heads over and gets himself an ice cream cone. After he finishes, he walks back over to the garage, and asks the mechanic "So, did you find out what's wrong?" The mechanic looks at the penguin and says "It looks like you blew a seal." The penguin quickly wipes his face and says "Oh, no, that's just the ice cream."

Another penguin joke This was my grandpa's favorite joke, I had to share it here. A penguin was driving down a desert freeway during a very hot summer. The penguin didn't mind the heat outside, because it had fantastic air conditioning in its car. ...until its car broke down. Luckily, there was a payphone within walking distance and the penguin was towed to the nearest roadside gas station/auto repair shop/convenience store. In the auto repair shop, the mechanic popped the hood and told the penguin that they'd call the penguin back once the mechanic could figure out what the problem was. The penguin walked into the convenience store to try and escape the heat. Unfortunately for the penguin, the store air conditioning was not nearly cool enough to keep the penguin comfortable. The penguin frantically searched for anything that could provide relief. Down one of the few isles available, the penguin found a freezer section with a couple tubs of vanilla ice cream. The penguin bought one and buried its head into the cold, refreshing ice cream. A few moments later, the penguin heard an announcement over the store intercom instructing the penguin to return back to the auto repair shop. The penguin pulled its head out of the vanilla ice cream and waddled into the repair shop. The mechanic looked up at the penguin as it approached and said, "Welp, it looks like ya blew a seal." The penguin replied, "Oh no, this is just vanilla ice cream."

Two drunk guys knock on the door of the local Nunnery. Mother Superior comes out and one asks "Mother Superior, do you have any nuns that are midgets?" She thinks and says "I know of no midget Nuns in the entire country." The guy then says "Can we call the Vatican and ask if there are ANY midget nuns anywhere?" Mother Superior agrees and they do. The Vatican spokesman confirms - there are no midget nuns anywhere in the world. The guy looks at his friend and says "See?! I told you that you were fucking a penguin..."

[NSFW] A penguin goes to the car mechanic... ...to figure out why his truck keeps making such weird noises as he goes down the highway. When he arrived, the mechanic said that he'd take a look and it'd be about a half hour wait. "Well that's okay," the penguin muttered to himself as he walked out of the shop, "I can find something to do for half an hour." He came across an ice cream shop and decided that there was no better way to spend his time than eating ice cream. Having flippers instead of fingers made enjoying the ice cream difficult, and by the time he was finished, a perfect half hour later, he had vanilla ice cream all over himself. Face, beak, flippers, belly-- everywhere. He waddled back to the mechanic, right on time. "So what do you think?" The penguin asked. The mechanic scooted out from under the car and, looking at the penguin, cleared his throat. "Well, it looks like you blew a seal."

A penguin notices his car is leaking fluid... so he takes it to the closest garage. Mechanic says he'll check it out, and to come back in a half hour. The penguin sees a Dairy Queen, strolls over, and buys himself a vanilla cone. Being a penguin, without hands, he makes quite a mess, getting ice cream all over himself. When he gets back to check on his car, the mechanic looks up, shakes his head, and says, "Looks like you blew a seal." The penguin replies, "Na, it's just ice cream."

A police officer sees a man driving around with a pickup truck full of penguins. He pulls the guy over and says: "You can't drive around with penguins in this town! Take them to the zoo immediately." The guy says OK, and drives away. The next day, the officer sees the guy still driving around with the truck full of penguins, and they're all wearing sun glasses. He pulls the guy over and demands: "I thought I told you to take these penguins to the zoo yesterday?" The guy replies: "I did ... today I'm taking them to the beach!"

What's a killer whale's favorite pasta? Penguini

Sister Immaculate A car full of Irish nuns is sitting at a traffic light, when a bunch of rowdy drunks pulls up alongside of them. "Hey penguins, show us your boobs!" shouts one of the drunks. Quite shocked, Mother Superior turns to Sister Immaculate, "I don't think they know who we are. Show them your cross." Sister Immaculate rolls down her window and shouts, "Screw off ye fookin' little wankers, before I come over there and rip yer balls off!" Sister Immaculate then looks back at Mother Superior, quite innocently, and asks, "Was that cross enough?"

Why are there no penguins in Britain? They're scared of Wales.

So a penguin is driving along one day... ... and has engine trouble. So he stops at an autoshop and they get to work on his car. It's a rather hot day, so he walks over to the convenience story and buys an ice cream cone. As he's finishing the cone, the mechanic walks over to him and says "Looks like you blew a seal." "No no!" he cries, "It's just ice cream!"

A penguin's car breaks down So he takes it to the mechanic. The mechanic tells him that its going to be a couple of hours until he can get to it. "Oh man," the penguin replies. "It's too hot here for me, I'm a penguin after all." The mechanic tells him there is a grocery store across the street, maybe he can wait there. So the penguin goes to the grocery store, and crawls into the freezer. "This is great!" The penguin exclaims, "so nice and chilly." He then proceeds to relax, eat some ice cream and take a nap. After a few hours he returns to the mechanic. "Did you figure out what was wrong with my car?" "It looks like you blew a seal." "Oh no, this is just ice cream."

A police officer sitting in his car on coffee break see's a car full of penguins drive by... He throw's his cruiser in gear, calls it in on the radio and immediately pulls the penguin stuffed vehicle over. He walks up to the drivers side door, and being far too curious for formalities and protocol bluntly asks: "What in the hell do you think your doing driving aroud with all these damn penguins?? The driver, clearly nervous and confused began to stammer: " Well i, i just...." but the officer immediatly cut him him off and said assertively: "What you need to do is take these penguins to the zoo, right now." The drivers face seemed to light up at the new idea and he happily agreed and was on his way. The next day the same officer was sitting in the same spot drinking coffee again, when the same car stuffed full of penguins drives by again. The officer cursed under his breath and was taken aback when he realized all of the penguins were wearing sunglasses..."Does this idiot think he can disquise these penguins from me or something??" He thought to himself as he flipped his lights on and pulled the penguinmobile over again. Angry, he brisky walks up to the window and yells: "Hey mister i thought i told you to take these penguins to the zoo!! And whats with the sunglasses??" The driver, unruffled and confident this time says: "I did take them to the zoo yesterday, and we had so much fun that today WE'RE GOING TO THE BEACH!!!"

Drunk driver and penguins So a drunk driver is flying down the highway and a cop pulls him over. Before the cop can even tell the man anything, the drunk slurs to the officer, "Officer you gotta help me! Are there 3 foot penguins?" Shocked but obviously amused by the drunk he plays along. "Yeah they get that big. But I pulled you over beca-" "Ok but officer are there 4 foot penguins?" "Yeah buddy they get that big, but you are clearly intoxicated and-" "Ok ok ok, but here's the important part...are there 5 foot penguins" The officer thinks for a moment, "Nah they don't get that big buddy." The man bursts into tears, "Aw fuck! Okay...officer I think I just hit a nun."

A penguin takes a road trip A penguin decided to take a road trip. Halfway through, his car breaks down and he gets it towed to the nearest mechanic. The mechanic tells him it will take about 20 minutes to diagnose the problem, so the penguin decides to walk around a bit and check out the small town. It's hot out, and being a penguin, he's used to cooler weather, so he stops and buys himself a huge ice cream cone. He's eating the ice cream as fast as he can as he's walking around, but it's hot out, and a lot of it melted all over his hands and face. 20 minutes go by, and he heads back to the mechanic. When he gets there, the mechanic says "Well, it looks like you blew a seal", and the penguin says "Nah, man, that's just some ice cream"

Penguins A policemen is driving around when he sees a man driving a pick-up truck with the bed filled with penguins. He pulls the man over and tells him, " you shouldnt be driving these penguins around, you should take them to the zoo!" The man said, " you know. you are right", and drives off The following day the policeman sees the same man driving the same pick-up truck with the same penguins. He pulls the guy over and asks him, "Didn't I tell you to take these penguins to the zoo?". The man replies "I did. Today we're going to the beach!".

So a guy is walking in New York City when he sees a penguin in the street... The man takes the penguin and goes to ask a woman police officer he sees down the road what to do. He explains to her, "Ma'am I've found this penguin wandering around just a block up the road and I was curious as what to do with it." The cop then replies, "Well, I would consider taking it to the zoo." The man says, "Ah yes, of course!" He thanks her and is on his way. The next day, the police officer sees the man and penguin walking next to each other. Puzzled as to why, she approaches the man and asks, "Hey! What are you doing with that penguin? I thought I told you to take it to the zoo!" The man answers back, "I did! Now I'm taking him to the movies!"

Dopey asks the pope The seven dwarfs go to the vatican and the pope gives them an audience. "Any questions?' Asks the Pope. After being nudged by the others, Dopey reluctantly raises his hands. "Yes, Dopey?" the pope asks kindly "Your holiness, are there any nuns in Alaska?" "Of course there are" Dopey says thanks, but the other dwarves keep gauding him to ask another question. "Your holiness," says Dopey, "are there any black nuns in Alaska?" "Er, I can't say for sure," says the pope, "But I can't see why not..." The other dwarves carry on nudging Dopey so Dopey raises his hand once more, "Your holiness, are there any black midget nuns in Alaska?" The pope a little exasperated at this point, says, "You know what Dopey? I don't think there are any black midget nuns in Alaska." The other six dwarks fall about laughing screeching: "Dopey fucked a penguin, Dopey fucked a penguin!!".

What do you get when you cross human DNA with a penguin? A life time ban at the zoo

Two penguins walk into a bar... Two penguins walk into a bar. They look around for a second and then one turn to the other and says, "God damn it, Frank! We overdressed!"

A traffic cop and some penguins So a traffic cop is sitting in his car on the side of the road. The cars go past, nobody is speeding. However, as police officer is watching, a car with a dozen penguins drives past. The cop pulls the man over and says, "Sir! Why do you have all these penguins in your car?" The man shrugs and says. "I dunno." The officer tells him, "You gotta take these penguins to the zoo!" The man says "Okay." and drives off. A couple of hours later, the traffic cop is about to end his shift when he see the same car drive past... and it STILL has all the penguins in it. Furious, the officer pull the man over again and says, "I thought I told you to take these penguins to the zoo!" The man replies, "I did! Now we're going to the movies!"

A man is driving through the desert with a penguin in the passenger seat His gas light comes on and he pulls off at the next fuel station to fill up. He walks inside and the clerk looks at him, then the car with the penguin sitting inside and says "It's entirely too hot out here for a penguin! You need to take that thing to the zoo right away!" The man nods his head in agreement and replies "Yeah, that's probably a good idea." A week passes and the man pulls into the same fuel station with the penguin sitting comfortably in the passenger seat again. The man walks inside and the clerk angrily says "I thought I told you to take that penguin to the zoo!" The man looks at the clerk and calmly replies "Yeah I did! We had a wonderful time!"

A drunk man goes to a bar and asks the Bartender " How tall is a Penguin"? To which bartender replies "hmm, 2 feet" Man: Don't they get any taller? Bartender: 3 ft at most , no taller than that. Why? Man : Shit, in that case i just drove over a nun.

Why was there a penguin in the middle of a desert? It was in Antartica. Antartica is a desert.

A man was driving (longish) one day when he noticed a truck broken down by the side of the road. He pulled over and asked could he help. The truck driver told him that he was on his way to Dublin to bring a penguin to the zoo but that his engine was fried. The driver said to him: "Well, I'm going to Dublin, so if you want I could bring him." The truck driver thought about it and eventually agreed, giving the driver €100 to cover any costs. Later that evening with his engine fixed, the truck driver made it to Dublin. The first thing he did was call into the zoo to make sure the penguin had arrived safely. To his dismay, the zookeeper told him it hadn't arrived. Frantic, he started walking up and down the streets of Dublin trying to find the penguin. Just as he was about to give up, he spotted from the corner of his eye the driver holding hands with the penguin leaving a cinema. He ran up to the man and demanded to know why he hadn't brought the penguin to the zoo. The driver turned to him and said:"I did, but I had enough money leftover so I decided to bring him to the cinema too."

The Mechanic who worked in Antarctica. A penguin is driving along one day and his car starts making this really strange sound. So, he pulls into the first gas station he sees, jumps out of his car, runs up to the mechanic and says: "I need for someone to look at my car! There's something wrong with it!" 1 The mechanic looks at him and says "Well I can do that but you'll have to wait about 20 minutes or so." The penguin looks across the street and notices an ice cream shop! So he says "OK I'll be back." He tosses him his keys runs across the street and has a big ol' bowl of ice cream. He comes back, looks at the mechanic and says "Did you figure out what's wrong with my car?" "Well" replies the mechanic "looks like you blew a seal." The penguin quickly wipes off his face and says "OH NO, that's just ice cream!"

A penguin's car breaks down.. So he goes to the nearest mechanic. The mechanic told the penguin that it'll be a little while until he figures out the problem. The penguin notices one of his favorite ice cream places down the road and decides to go grab a vanilla cone. The penguin finishes his ice cream and heads back to the mechanic. The penguin asks the mechanic if he has found the problem. The mechanic replies with "Well, it looks like you blew a seal." The penguin then replies "No no no! I was just eating ice cream down the street I swear!"

Two Penguins Are Rowing a Canoe Through the Desert The front one looks to the back one and says "Where's your oar?" The back one says "Sure does."

Irish Nuns A car full of Irish nuns is sitting at a traffic light in downtown Dublin, when a bunch of rowdy drunks pull up alongside of them. "Hey, show us yer teets, ya bloody penguins!" shouts one of the drunks. Quite shocked, Mother Superior turns to Sister Mary Immaculata and says: "I don't think they know who we are; show them your cross." Sister Mary Immaculata rolls down her window and shouts: "Screw off, ya freakin little wankers, before I come over there and rip yer balls off!" Sister Mary Immaculata then rolls up her window, looks back at Mother Superior, quite innocently, and asks: "Was that cross enough?"

Who is a penguin's favorite relative? His Aunt Arctica

There's this penguin... There's this penguin, driving through the South, the Deep South... late August. The hot months. "Ew! But it sure is hot!" the penguin lisped from behind the wheel of his choking jalopy. Suddenly! The jalopy fails the penguin and he has to push it down a bumpy road to the next small town. He got out, and with all his strength in his weak flippers, he pushed the car over hill and dale. "Whew!" he sighed. As luck would have it, there was a mechanic in town, and he told the penguin that he'd have to spend some time with the car. "Why don't you come back in an hour or so?" Wiping the sweat from his brow, the penguin espied an ice cream shoppe! "Hurray and yippy!" he cried! "I'll be back, toot sweet!" he said. He ordered the tallest vanilla ice cream he could hold between his vestigial wings... those miserable fins could barely manage the scoops upon scoops of creamy goodness. The cone was so tall that more of it ended up on the penguin than in him! "Yummy! That was very very good!" the penguin said, smacking his lips. He waddled back to the mechanic who was ready to give the little fellow an update. The mechanic looked at the penguin sternly. The gaskets and seals on the engine were severely damaged after years of driving without a routine check, and it was certainly going to be expensive. "Well, it looks like you blew a seal." "Oh no, that's just ice cream!" the penguin said, wiping the ice cream from his chin.

A Penguin took his car to the shop A penguin was driving along when he smelled something burning. He took his car to a mechanic to get it checked out. The mechanic said it'll be about an hour so the penguin went walking around town. He stopped at an ice cream parlor and ordered a cone. The penguin tried eating the ice cream, but made a mess because of his flippers. He went back to the mechanic who had just got under his car. The mechanic rolled out from underneath and said, "Looks like you blew a seal." The penguin replied, "No, it's just ice cream."

Penguin experiencing car trouble Hot summer day and Mr. Penguin's car breaks down. Takes it to the body shop, and Joe Mechanic tells him to give him half an hour to look it over, and then come back. To kill some time, Mr. Penguin goes to the local ice cream parlor. After finishing his tasty, frosty treat, he goes back to the body shop. "Well," says the mechanic, "looks like you blew a seal." "No no," says the penguin -- "It's just ice cream."

a penguin is driving through Texas when ... ... his car engine suddenly sputters and dies. close to a service station, he uses his momentum to roll up in front of the garage. he hops out and asks the mechanic to have a look. the mechanic obliges and says "give me 15 minutes". it being a hot day in Lubbock (naturally), the penguin gravitates to the baskin robbins across the street to get a vanilla ice cream. not having lips, the little guy enjoys his ice cream greatly but makes a bit of a mess, getting ice cream all over himself. after finishing, he walks back across the street to the service station. the mechanic says to him "looks like you blew a seal." the penguin replies, "oh no, that's just ice cream!"

A penguin is driving his car through Arizona... His engine begins to shudder and overheat, so he pulls off at the nearest exit. As luck would have it, there is a small auto repair shop close to the exit. He drops his car off for the mechanic to inspect and notices an ice cream shop just across the street. Mr. Penguin chooses a vanilla cone and due to his lack of suitable appendages, gets ice cream all over his face. Upon finishing his cone, he returns to the mechanic to pick up his car. As he approaches the shop the mechanic approaches him and exclaims, "Looks like you blew a seal!" to which Mr. Penguin replies, "Oh no! It's just ice cream, I swear!"

A vacationing penguin is driving his through Arizona when... A vacationing penguin is driving his through Arizona when he notices that the oil pressure light is on. He gets out to look and sees oil dripping out of the motor. He drives to the nearest town and stops at the first gas station. After dropping the car off, the penguin goes for a walk around town. He sees an ice-cream shop and, being a penguin in Arizona, decides that something cold would really hit the spot. He gets a big dish of ice cream and sits down to eat. Having no hands he makes a real mess trying to eat with his flippers. After finishing his ice cream, he goes back to the gas station and asks the mechanic if he's found the problem. The mechanic looks up and says "It looks like you blew a seal." "No no," the penguin replies, "it's just ice cream."

The penguin joke (not the ice cream one) So this guy is driving down the road with some penguins. Now some guys have penguins; this dude had some penguins! Dozens and dozens of the little dudes all piled up in guy’s car cruising down the road. Well this state trooper sees him and pulls him over. Trooper walks up to the car, “Mister, I’m going to give you a ticket if you don’t take all these penguins straight to the zoo!” Guy in the car goes, “Yes sir!” and rides out. Well the next day the same state trooper is posted up in the same spot and sees the same guy drive by with the same penguins! All the same penguins, all piled up in dude’s car: stacked up in the backseat, hanging out the trunk, everywhere! Today, though, they’re all wearing sunglasses. So the trooper walks up to the driver, “Mister, didn’t I tell you yesterday to take all these penguins to the zoo?!!” “Yes sir, I did. Today we’re going to the beach!”

Best Hitler Joke That I've Heard Me: "Hitler Killed 5 million Jews and a Penguin." Friend: "What? A Penguin?" Me: "See, no one wants to know about the Jews."

A pair of drunks walk to the priest's house late one night... they knock on the door, and out comes the priest. "what do you need my sons?" asked the priest. The more sober one asks. Father, are there nuns that are this big? -signals just over his head- "yeah there are some tall ones" replies the priest. "are there nuns that are this big?" -signals to shoulder- "yeah that's about a normal height for one" says the priest. "ok ok, one more. are there nuns that are this big?!" -signals to just below the knees- "no, son. i've never seen one that big." replies the priest with a puzzled face. the drunk says to the other "See, dude?! I told you we fucked a penguin!"

The zookeeper and the penguins A zookeeper drives to the airport to pick up a group of penguins that are coming to live at the zoo. Midway through the drive back, though, the van breaks down. The zookeeper calls AAA, who says that they'll be out to help in a couple of hours. After a few minutes, a man passing in his car stops to ask if he can help. "Actually, yes!" says the zookeeper. "I'm going to be stuck here for a few hours while I wait for help. If you could take these penguins to the zoo for me, I'd be so grateful." The man agrees, and the two of them bundle the penguins into his car. "Thank you so much!" says the zookeeper, and hands the man a $20 for his trouble. The man drives off, and the zookeeper sits down to wait. Two hours later, he's surprised to see the man return, still with all the penguins in the car. "What happened?" he asks. "I thought you were going to take them to the zoo!" "I did!" says the man. "And they had a terrific time. But now they want to go to the movies, and I need some more money."

Take those Penguins to the zoo! So there is a guy cruisin' down the highway in his truck. In the bed of his truck he has about 20 penguins. A state trooper sees him and is in utter shock. Never seen anything like it before. So the trooper flashes his lights and pulls the guy over. Trooper: "Buddy, what the fuck are you doin?! You gotta take those things to the zoo, right away" Penguin Guy: "Yes sir i apologize you are right" Next day the trooper is in the same spot on the highway, and sure enough he sees the same guy in the same truck with the same 20 penguins in the bed, but this time the penguins are all wearing sunglasses. Especially annoyed the trooper flashes his lights again and pulls over the guy. Trooper: "Are you kidding me buddy? I told you to take those damn penguins to the zoo, yesterday!" Penguin Guy: "I know, they loved it, today I'm taking them to the beach"

On a really hot day, a penguin takes his car to a mechanic The penguin asks, "How long will it be?" The mechanic says, "Just a few minutes." So the penguin decides to go get an ice cream at the grocery store across the street. When the penguin gets there, he climbs inside the big freezer door and starts to eat ice cream. Three hours go by before the penguin looks at his watch and jumps out of the freezer and races back to the mechanic. With ice cream all over his face and his stomach, he asks, "So how's my car?" The mechanic comes walking out wiping his hands on a rag and says, "Looks like you blew a seal." The penguin says, "No, I was just eating ice cream."

Why didn't the penguin jump off the iceberg? Because he got cold feet.

A penguin is driving his car when he notices that the check engine light is on... A penguin is driving his when he notices that the check engine light is on. He gets out to look and sees oil dripping out of the motor. He drives to the nearest town and stops at the first auto shop. After dropping the car off, the penguin goes for a walk. He sees an ice cream shop and decides that something cold would really hit the spot. He gets a big dish of ice cream and sits down to eat. Having no hands, he makes a real mess trying to eat it. After finishing his ice cream, he goes back to the gas station and asks the mechanic if he's found the problem. The mechanic looks up and says "It looks like you blew a seal." "No, no," the penguin replies, "It's just vanilla ice cream."

Car Problems On a really hot day, a penguin takes his car to a mechanic. The penguin asks, "How long will it be?" The mechanic says, "Just a few minutes." So the penguin decides to go get an ice cream at the grocery store across the street. When the penguin gets there, he climbs inside the big freezer door and starts to eat ice cream. Three hours go by before the penguin looks at his watch and jumps out of the freezer and races back to the mechanic. With ice cream all over his face and his stomach, he asks, "So how's my car?" The mechanic comes walking out wiping his hands on a rag and says, "Looks like you blew a seal." The penguin says, "No, I was just eating ice cream."

Penguin Truck So there's a truck driver with a very important delivery: penguins to be delivered to the zoo. Unfortunately, his truck breaks down and they are stranded in the middle of a desert. Luckily , a passer by has a pickup truck. So the truck driver flags him down and says: "here is $300. Go take these penguins to the zoo." So the driver goes and takes them. Later the truck driver sees the other driver, and following him are the penguins. The trucker is furious and shouts at him: "what are you doing?! I gave you 300$ you were supposed to bring them to the zoo!!" He replies:" I did! We had money left over so I brought them to the movies as well!"

A penguin is driving through Arizona... A penguin is driving through Arizona in the middle of summer when smoke starts to emanate from the hood of his car. He pulls off the highway into a small town and luckily finds a mechanic. The mechanic tells the penguin it'll take him an hour to figure out what's wrong with his car and that if he's hungry there's a supermarket across the street. The penguin leaves his car with the mechanic and heads over to the grocery store. Browsing the aisles, he spots a cooler filled with various ice cream treats. Grabbing an ice cream sandwich and paying for it at the register, he starts to unwrap it and eat it on his way back to the mechanic. It being the summer, the ice cream quickly starts to melt and gets all over the penguin's face and body. As the penguin walks up to the mechanic's shop, the mechanic is just walking out of the bay when he spots the penguin. He says to the penguin, "I hate to tell you, but it looks like you blew a seal..." to which the penguin replies in shock, "It was ice cream, I swear!"

A penguin is driving alone through the desert... Along the highway he spots an ice-cream stand and pulls over for a cone. He tries to eat it while driving, but being a penguin and not having any thumbs, he gets most of it all over his face. A few miles down the road there is a loud *BANG*, and his car starts smoking and sputtering. He pulls over and calls a tow truck. The truck driver spends a few minutes looking under the hood and says, "Looks like you blew a seal." "No no! Its just ice-cream!"

Penguin takes his car to the mechanic On a really hot day, a penguin takes his car to a mechanic. The penguin asks, "How long will it be?" The mechanic says, "Just a few minutes." So the penguin decides to go get an ice cream at the grocery store across the street. When the penguin gets there, he climbs inside the big freezer door and starts to eat ice cream. Three hours go by before the penguin looks at his watch and jumps out of the freezer and races back to the mechanic. With ice cream all over his face and his stomach, he asks, "So how's my car?" The mechanic comes walking out wiping his hands on a rag and says, "Looks like you blew a seal." The penguin says, "No, it's just ice cream--I swear!"

Why did the penguin break up with the walrus? Because they were polar opposites.

You want some dating advice? Here you go. A man wanted to find a woman and asked the computer to find him the perfect match: "I want someone who is small and cute, loves the water sports and enjoys group activities." Back came the answer: "Marry a penguin."

Why are penguins socially awkward? Because they can't break the ice.

A penguin's car broke down in the middle of the city. So he got his car towed to a mechanic's shop and walked to an ice-cream shop to grab a large cone. After about 20 minutes, he walked back to the mechanic's shop and asked if he knew what the problem was. "It looks like you blew a seal," said the mechanic. "No, no, I swear to god it's just ice-cream."