50+ Paramedic Jokes

My favorite joke: Everyone Knows Dave Dave was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them." Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Dave, how about Tom Cruise?" "No dramas boss, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it." So Dave and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door, and Tom Cruise shouts, "Dave! What's happening? Great to see you! Come on in for a beer!" Although impressed, Dave's boss is still skeptical. After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Dave that he thinks him knowing Cruise was just lucky. "No, no, just name anyone else," Dave says. "President Obama," his boss quickly retorts. "Yup," Dave says, "Old buddies, let's fly out to Washington," and off they go. At the White House, Obama spots Dave on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, "Dave, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a beer first and catch up." Well, the boss is very shaken by now but still not totally convinced. After they leave the White House grounds he expresses his doubts to Dave, who again implores him to name anyone else. "Pope Francis," his boss replies. "Sure!" says Dave. "I've known the Pope for years." So off they fly to Rome. Dave and his boss are assembled with the masses at the Vatican's St. Peter's Square when Dave says, "This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope." He disappears into the crowd headed towards the Vatican. Sure enough, half an hour later Dave emerges with the Pope on the balcony, but by the time Dave returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics. Making his way to his boss' side, Dave asks him, "What happened?" His boss looks up and says, "It was the final straw... you and the Pope came out on to the balcony and the man next to me said, 'Who the fuck is that on the balcony with Dave?'

The Pope gets in a car accident and is rushed to the hospital.... As he opens his eyes and looks around, he smiles and says "Wow, is this heaven?!? 😍" The paramedic says "No sir, we are taking a shortcut through the children's section "

I was so upset and angry when the office food theif took the mushroom stroganoff my wife made from scratch for my lunch It was nothing compared to what I felt when Amy from HR was being declared dead at scene by paramedics after she ate it

Everyone Knows Dave Dave was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them." Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Dave, how about Tom Cruise?" "No dramas boss, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it." So Dave and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door, and Tom Cruise shouts, "Dave! What's happening? Great to see you! Come on in for a beer!" Although impressed, Dave's boss is still skeptical. After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Dave that he thinks him knowing Cruise was just lucky. "No, no, just name anyone else," Dave says. "The President," his boss quickly retorts. "Yup," Dave says, "Old buddies, let's fly out to Washington," and off they go. At the White House, the president spots Dave on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, "Dave, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a beer first and catch up." Well, the boss is very shaken by now but still not totally convinced. After they leave the White House grounds he expresses his doubts to Dave, who again implores him to name anyone else. "Pope Francis," his boss replies. "Sure!" says Dave. "I've known the Pope for years." So off they fly to Rome. Dave and his boss are assembled with the masses at the Vatican's St. Peter's Square when Dave says, "This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope." He disappears into the crowd headed towards the Vatican. Sure enough, half an hour later Dave emerges with the Pope on the balcony, but by the time Dave returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics. Making his way to his boss' side, Dave asks him, "What happened?" His boss looks up and says, "It was the final straw... you and the Pope came out on to the balcony and the man next to me said, 'Who the fuck is that on the balcony with Dave?'

The veteran paramedic gave the nervous new hire a grin and said, "You’ll learn not to hurry—dead is dead, no matter how fast you get there." But as he slowed near the scene, his smile vanished at the sight of a twisted pink bicycle he’d wrapped in birthday paper just days ago.

Our neighbor dad died last year when his family couldn't remember his blood type in time for paramedics to save him. Even as he died, he kept sharing optimism to all of us, insisting to say "be positive," it's hard for us to see our neighborhood without him. I recall his last words: “b positive! that’s the—“ His wife: “yes honey, we’ll try, just rest your head now”

Two doctors were having sex when suddenly... Two doctors were having sex when suddenly... the male doctor, in the moment, says to the female doctor, **"Wow, you must be a Gynecologist, you *really* know how to use that thing..."** The female doctor responds, **"Thanks! You must be an anesthesiologist."** The male doctor replies, **"Really? What makes you say that?"** She retorts, **"Because I can't seem to feel a thing!"** _______________________________ I hadn't heard this before, and it came from an EMT/Paramedic training my staff for CPR. I got a good chuckle out of it, thought I would share.

A Jewish man is in a car accident. A Jewish man is in a car accident and is laying bleeding on the side of the road. A cop runs up, and rolls him on his back. He looks down on him and says, "the paramedics are coming. Are you comfortable?" The Jewish guy say, "eh... I make a decent living."

My buddy got mauled by a bear while backpacking in the Mountains on his honeymoon. Paramedics said he didn’t suffer long. He was only married for 7 days.

A Jewish man gets hit by a car... in the back of the ambulance on the way to the hospital the paramedic asks "are you comfortable?" the Jewish man shrugs. "I make a living."

What do you call two healthcare professionals hanging out? A paramedics.

Smack his ass again. During a power outage, only one paramedic responded to the call. The house was very dark so the paramedic asked Kathleen, a 3-yr old girl to hold a flashlight high over her mommy so he could see while he helped deliver the baby. Very diligently, Kathleen did as she was asked. Heidi pushed and pushed and after a little while, Connor was born. The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and spanked him on his bottom. Connor began to cry. The paramedic then thanked Kathleen for her help and asked the wide-eyed 3-yr old what she thought about what she had just witnessed. Kathleen quickly responded, 'He shouldn't have crawled in there in the first place.....smack his ass again!'

A Firefighter, a Sheriff, and a Paramedic are trying to get into heaven... St. Peter greets them and tells them regardless of their heroic acts, they'll need to be able to count to ten to get into heaven. The Sheriff goes first. He hauls out his Colt .45 and counts the shots, "1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7... Let me try again!" So he reloads, "1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7... Nope, I only got 7 shots." So the Paramedic steps up, "I can do this." He gets into CPR position, "1 and, 2 and, 3 and, 4 and, 5... 1 and, 2 and, 3 and, 4 and, 5... Nope, CPR only goes in rounds of five." The firefighter reluctantly goes next... "1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10" "That's amazing!" St. Peter declares, "You're the first all week. Can you count any higher?" "Sure, 10, jack, queen, king."

Hospital Bill A man suffered a serious heart attack while shopping in a store. The store clerk called 911 when they saw him collapse to the floor. The paramedics rushed the man to the nearest hospital where he had emergency open heart bypass surgery. He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at the Catholic Hospital. A nun was seated next to his bed holding a clipboard loaded with several forms & a pen. She asked him how he was going to pay for his treatment. "Do you have health insurance?" she asked. He replied in a raspy voice, "No health insurance." The nun asked, "Do you have money in the bank?" He replied, "No money in the bank." 'Do you have a relative who could help you with the payments?" asked the irritated nun. He said, "I only have a spinster sister & she's a nun." The nun became agitated & announced loudly, "Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are married to God." The patient replied, "Perfect. Send the bill to my brother-in-law". :D

George Phillips, an elderly man from Walled Lake, Michigan, was going up to bed George Phillips, an elderly man from Walled Lake, Michigan, was going up to bed, when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in  the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go turnoff the light, but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things. He phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?" He said "No, but some people are breaking into my garden shed and stealing from me." Then the police dispatcher said "All patrols are busy, you should lock your doors and an officer will be along when one is available" George said, "Okay." He hung up the phone and counted to 30. Then he phoned the police again. "Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I just shot and killed them both; the dogs are eating them right now," and he hung up. Within  five minutes, six Police Cars, a SWAT Team, a Helicopter, two Fire Trucks, a Paramedic and an Ambulance showed up at the Phillips' residence, and caught the burglars red-handed. One of the  Policemen said to George, "I thought you said that you'd shot  them!" George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"

Original Jokes. A man is speeding down the beach road in Nags Head, NC when a seagull smashes into his windshield. He gets it stuck in the wiper blades trying to get it off, and eventually a cop comes up behind him and hits the cherries and berries. At that moment the seagull flips off the guy's car and smashes into the cop's windshield. The guy and the cop pull over and the cop writes him two tickets, one for speeding and one for flipping the bird. A woman is pumping gas, and she accidentally squeezes the handle while pulling the nozzle out, spraying all over her arm. While pretty pissed, she gets in her car and not thinking, lights a cigarette. The gas catches fire, and she freaks and runs out of her car and puts her arm out. The gas station clerk had called 911, and while the woman was being checked by paramedics, a police officer told her she was under arrest for the illegal use of a firearm. A group of kids sits on an overpass and smashes car windshields with a cinderblock tied to a chain. One day the leader of the group gets ballsy and tries with a tractor-trailer. The cinderblock gets stuck on the hitch and tears the kid's arm off. After calling 911, the kid was rushed to the ER and was placed under arrest for his actions, and when they found the truck driver, he was arrested for armed robbery.

Spaghetti! A doctor had a fling with his nurse. A few months later she told him she was pregnant. Not wanting his wife to know, he gave the nurse some money and told her to go to Italy and have the baby there. ''How will I let you know the baby is born?'', she asked. '' Just send me a postcard and write 'spaghetti' on the back....I'll take care of expenses''.Not knowing what else to do the nurse took the money and flew to Italy. Six months later the doctors wife phoned her husband and explained ..''Dear, you received a very strange postcard in the post today from Europe and I don't understand what it means''. ''I'll look at it when I get home'' the doctor replied , nervously. Later that evening the doctor came home. read the postcard. and fell on the floor with a heart attack. Paramedics rushed him to the ER. The lead medic stayed to comfort the doctors wife, he asked what trauma had precipitated the cardiac arrest. So the wife picked up the card and read, ''Spaghetti,spaghetti.spaghetti,spaghetti, two with sausage and meatballs, and two without''.

Stupid people fearing WANTED FOR ATTEMPTED MURDER (actual AP headline) Linda Burnett, 23, a resident of San Diego, was visiting her inlaws, and while there, she went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries. Several people noticed her sitting in her car with the windows rolled up and with her eyes closed, with both hands behind the back of her head. One customer who had been at the store for a while became concerned and walked over to the car. He noticed that Linda's eyes were now open, and she looked very strange. He asked her if she was okay, and Linda replied that she'd been shot in the back of the head, and had been holding her brains in for over an hour. The man called the paramedics, who broke into the car because the doors were locked and Linda refused to remove her hands from her head. When they finally got in, they found that Linda had a wad of bread dough on the back of her head. A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded from the heat, making a loud noise that sounded like a gunshot, and the wad of dough hit her in the back of her head. When she reached back to find out what it was, she felt the dough and thought it was her brains. She initially passed out, but quickly recovered and tried to hold her brains in for over an hour until someone noticed and came to her aid. And, yes, Linda is a blonde.

A dumb blonde wearing headphones walks into a hair salon... She sits down in the waiting area and eventually falls asleep. The stylist takes off the blondes headphones so she will hear when her name is called. When her name is called, the blonde doesn't respond, so the stylist shakes her to wake her up, and the blonde is stone cold dead. When the paramedic arrives, he checks the headphones and says "Well here's the problem." The stylist listens, and the headphones are playing the words "Breathe in. Breathe out." on repeat.

There's this guy who lost both of his arms in an accident. He lost his job, and is looking for a new one. He goes by a church and a sign reads "Bell ringer wanted". He goes in to the church and asks the minister. The minister didn't think he could ring the bell. The minister asked him how he would ring it. He runs at it and hits his head on the bell. The guy gets the job. Anyway, every day he would run up to the bell and hit his head on the bell. Eventually, his face gets all bruised from ringing the bell. One day, he was running up to the bell to ring it, but he slipped and fell of the tower. He lived, but he was hurt. When the paramedics showed up, a bystander asked a paramedic "Who is this guy anyway?" The paramedic responds "I don't know, but his face rings a bell"

What do you call 2 medics? paramedics

So an old buddy of mine went to prison... He had just gotten married actually, and one of the first things he did as a newly married man was go for a round of 18 holes with his buds. Okay...they also got a few drinks afterwords. When he got home, golf bags in tow, his wife confronted him: "I can't believe you'd go out all day after we're married, and to golf! and... you reek of booze!" and she really keeps letting him have it, until he can't take it anymore. He's always had a temper, but this was over the top - he pulled out his 9-iron and started swinging. He was promptly overcome with guilt, and called the police, the paramedics, etc. She was pronounced dead. The officer on the scene sees the club, and says to him, "there looks like there's a few dents on that! how many times did you hit her?!" and the guy says "well, seven... but could you write down five?"

My landscaper is also a paramedic He told me he makes more money mowing my lawn than he would finding me on my lawn having a heart attack.

After the worse accident the town has ever seen A lorry has managed to drive into a school, ran over students during their assembly. The paramedics estimate that the deaths number in more than a hundred person. In order to get to the bottom of the accident, a policeman started to question the driver. Driver: I was just trying to avoid the lorry in front of me, but on my right there were 5 schoolkids walking, but on my left there were 2 kids on a bike. So i swallowed my guilt, and I decided to go left. Tell me officer, What would you have done? Policeman : I would've veered to the left as well. Driver: See? That's what I did as well! Policeman: But if you decided to veer off to the left, and hit the two kids on the bicycle, then how did you end up in a school, running over hundreds of students? Driver: Well, as I veered off to the left, I hit only one of them, and the other kid managed to avoid me. So I chased him into the school.

How did the paramedics know Princess Diana had dandruff? They found her head and shoulders in the glove box

Two guys in Ohio die and wake up in hell The paramedics revived them

When I go running, I meet new people.... Mostly paramedics.

for those of you who are americans, a brakpan girl is something like a redneck girl... Brakpan is a place in South Africa A Brakpan girl was involved in a serious crash. The paramedics arrive and drag the girl out of the car till she's lying flat out on the road. Medic: "OK, I'm going to check if you're concussed." Brakpan: "Ok." Medic: "How many fingers am I putting up?" Brakpan: "Oh my god I'm paralysed from the waist down!"

So a Police Officer responds to a call about a gunshot and upon arrival radios in. "Er we have a granny here who shot her husband because he walked over the floor she just mopped. what should we do?" the response: "Ok have you arrested her? and have the paramedics attended to the old man?" Officer: "Not yet." radio: "Why not?" Officer: "The floor is still wet..."

A paramedic responds to a 911 call There'd been a car crash on a mountain road. When she gets there, a woman, with a nasty gash on her arm, runs up and exclaims, "Please, please help! My husband, Stat, fell down the ridge!" The paramedic quickly climbs down the ridge and hears a series of low moans. Following her ears, she eventually spots him and the pool of blood he is lying in. Registering the seriousness of the injuries, she yells out, "ICU, Stat!"

stand I just remember that look in their eyes you know like oh well he'll stop I I couldn't and I didn't cost me some tickets to the show that night I'll tell you that and I bought them all Beaver Tales while the paramedics looked them over I'm not an outdoors person either I like the lake I like to go swimming in the ocean that kind of thing but so hiking no hiking is hiking is a walk that sucks you know what you do when you walk I love to walk you walk to the movies you walk in the mall you walk in the park hiking hiking you hike down a ravine you

What did Tiger Woods say to the Paramedics? Who are you? And what are all these trees doing in my House?

Doctor Jokes – One-liners It is amazing what the medical profession will write. These are actual statements taken from medical interview records written by various paramedics, emergency room receptionists, and (we are afraid) a doctor or two at major hospitals. The patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

Ben Roethlisberger and his family are in a moving vehicle whose driving? The paramedics!

Bad Segeberg, Hamburg – Germany Passengers on a train thought that a Halloween reveler, who was dressed up as a zombie, was a murder victim. They were alarmed because his hands and face were smeared with what looked like blood. Because they suspected foul play, fellow passengers on the train called the police and also alerted the ambulance service. When paramedics arrived they soon realized that the 24-year-old man was in a drunken slumber rather than dead. A little later the police boarded the train, questioned the man, and asked him to remove his frightening make-up. He was then allowed to continue his train journey home.

The man passed out in a dead faint as he came out of his front door onto the porch. Someone called 911. When the paramedics arrived, they helped him regain consciousness and asked if he knew what caused him to faint. "It was enough to make anybody faint," he said. "My son asked me for the keys to the garage, and instead of driving the car out, he came out with the lawn mower!"

Do Roman paramedics refer to an IV as a four?

An Italian doctor was having an affair with his nurse. Shortly afterward, she told him she was pregnant. Not wanting his wife to know, he gave the nurse a sum of money and asked her to go to Italy and have the baby there. "But how will I let you know the baby is born?" she asked. He replied, "Just send me a postcard and write "spaghetti" on the back. I'll take care of the child's expenses." Not knowing what else to do, the nurse took the money and flew to Italy. Six months went by and then one day the doctor's wife called him at the office and explained, "Dear, you received a very strange postcard in the mail today from Europe, and I don't understand what it means." The doctor said, "Just wait until I get home, I will explain it to you." Later that evening the doctor came home, read the postcard, and fell to the floor with a heart attack. Paramedics rushed him to the ER. The lead medic stayed back to comfort the wife. He asked what trauma had precipitated the cardiac arrest. So the wife picked up the card and read: "Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti. "Two with sausage and meatballs, two without."

- "I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence? - If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, and drycleaners depressed? - Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4's"? - Why is it that if someone tells you that there are one billion stars in the universe you will believe them, but if they tell you a wall has wet paint you will have to touch it to be sure? - If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented? - If people from Poland are called "Poles," why aren't people from Holland called "Holes?" - Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts. - If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation? - Just think how much deeper the ocean would be if sponges didn't live there. - If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?

Three paramedics were boasting about improvements in their respective ambulance team's response times."Since we installed our new satellite navigation system," bragged the first one, "we cut our emergency response time by ten percent."The other paramedics nodded in approval. "Not bad," the second paramedic commented. "But by using a computer model of traffic patterns, we've cut our average ERT by 20 percent."Again, the other team members gave their congratulations, until the third paramedic said, "That's nothing! Since our ambulance driver passed the bar exam, we've cut our emergency response time in half!"

An Essex girl was involved in a serious crash; there's blood everywhere. The paramedics arrive and drag the girl out of the car till she's lying flat out on the floor. Medic: OK, I'm going to check if you're concussed. Sharon: Ok Medic: Ok the how many fingers am I putting up Sharon: Oh my god I'm paralysed from the waist down!

Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4's"?

One day, at a New York Restaurant, a man suddenly called out, "My son's choking! He swallowed a quarter! Help! Please, anyone! Help!"A man from a nearby table stood up and announced that he was quite experienced at this sort of thing. He stepped over with almost no look of concern at all, wrapped his hands around the boy's gonads, and squeezed. Out popped the quarter. The man then went back to his table as though nothing had happened."Thank you! Thank you!" the father cried. "Are you a paramedic?""No," replied the man. "I work for the IRS."

A doctor was having an affair with his nurse. Shortly afterward, she told him that she was pregnant. Not wanting his wife to know, he gave the nurse a sum of money and asked her to go to Italy and have the baby there. "But how will I let you know the baby is born?" she asked. He replied, "Just send me a postcard and write "spaghetti" on the back. I'll take care of expenses." Not knowing what else to do, the nurse took the money and flew to Italy. Six months went by, and then one day the doctor's wife called him at the office and said, "Dear, you received a very strange postcard in the mail today from Europe, and I don't understand what it means." The doctor said, "Just wait until I get home and I will explain it to you." Later that evening the doctor came home, read the postcard, and fell to the floor with a heart attack. Paramedics rushed him to the hospital emergency room. The head medic stayed back to comfort the wife. He asked what trauma had precipitated the cardiac arrest. So the wife picked up the card and read: "Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti - Two with sausage and meatballs; two without."

[1st day as a paramedic] me: can you point to where it hurts cyclist: [points at his severed leg at the other side of the road]

I got fired on my first day as a paramedic for trying to revive everyone with true love's first kiss.

LIFE LESSON: Never do anything which you don't want to explain to the Paramedics.

[wedding reception] DAVE IS HAVIN A SEIZURE Paramedic: How long has he been having convulsions? IDK HE'S WHITE, I THOUGHT HE WAS DANCING

Paramedics When one medic just isn't enough

As it turns out you cannot recharge your cell plugging it in to an electric eel. I'm just glad this aquarium had a paramedic on duty.

The hot lady across the street had a seizure on her front lawn today. Her MILF shakes brought the paramedics to the yard.

*paramedic holds me as a I lay dying* ME: Tell my family.. all I ever wanted..was a robot butler PM: With a top hat? ME: Of course you idiot

Did a somersault for the first time in years. I know that's not a good tweet but I'm getting bored lying here waiting for the paramedics.

"I just can't help myself!" paramedic on his deathbed

Nothing kills a good party buzz like the paramedics showing up and acting like drama queens.

If she ever says: What did you just say!? I recommend an immediate heart attack and let the paramedics carry you out of the room.

When people's driving tweets end mid sentence, did the paramedics find their phone and hit send?

I used to think paramedics were ghost doctors.

Winehouse paramedic was intoxicated on duty... ... after attempting mouth to mouth resuscitation.

Do you know why the people in ambulances are called paramedics? because there are two of them in the ambulance...it's a Pair O' Medics!!!

Singer Adele was rushed to the hospital after a fatal car accident Paramedics said they found her rolling in the jeep.

What's better than a pair of Emerency Medical Technicians? A paramedic(s)!

I'm wearing my Superman t-shirt under my work shirt, which I'm sure the paramedics will find ironic after I throw myself out of the window.

Her: I can't cook because, I "believe" I can't cook. And you want to know what makes me believe that? Me: The arrival of the paramedics?

wife: it looks too tight me: it's fine, let's just go [ten minutes later paramedics have to cut my turtleneck off after I pass out]

Um, I'm not "complaining" of chest pains *glares at paramedic* don't make this heart attack sound bratty

what do you call gay paramedics? First-AIDS

911: 911, what seems to be the emergency? Me: My nephew just hit the wall while running 911: Haha Me: Haha 911: Ok paramedics are on the way

The zoo is a really bad place to pick up cougars. I thought that one was flirting with me and now I'm missing most of a hand and bleeding. Please send paramedics.

[in the ambulance] Paramedic: what's your blood type? Me: whatever. I'm not fussy

[after an accident on the ski slope] ME: did i nail the triple backflip PARAMEDIC: u choked on a tootsie roll and fell off of the ski lift

It's crazy. One minute you're getting drunk as a skunk, then next thing you know, you're in the back of an ambulance. I really shouldn't be a paramedic.

Never do anything you wouldn't want to explain to the paramedics.

Jerry and James love playing soccer. In a particularly fierce game, with the score tried 4-4, James passes to Jerry, who scores his third goal. As the ball enters the goal, the team cheers... and Jerry grabs his now-broken leg. His hair begins to whiten and his skin begins to sag. James immediately calls the paramedics. The paramedic looks at Jerry's ID, surveys the field, and says "Ahh... A Geriatric."

Have u came across such a misery man... A man crashes his new car and cries: "mi can't believe mi just fuck up mi brand new beamer" The paramedic turns to him and says: "u are so materialistic, you haven't even noticed u are missing your left arm" The man looks down and sees that his arm was missing and shouts: "bumboclaath mi Rolex gone too"😂😂😂😂😂

A man who suffers from epilepsy is carried by two paramedics in a single stroke.

Man gets brought into the Emergency Room The paramedic brings a man into the ER and starts describing the symptoms to the attending doctor. "So he's perspiring from his hands" "Right" "He's having difficulty standing up" "Right" "He's also having difficulty lifting his arms above his waist" "Right" "As you can see he's also previously expelled the contents of his stomach onto his outerwear, looks like pasta. Any ideas what's wrong with him?" The doctor then ponders for a minute and replies to the paramedic "His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy, there's vomit it on his sweater already...Moms spaghetti"

Little Girl Helps Mom Deliver Her Baby Brother. Due to a power outage, only one paramedic responded to the call. The house was very dark so the paramedic asked Kathleen, a 3-yr old girl to hold a flashlight high over her mommy so he could see while he helped deliver the baby. Very diligently, Kathleen did as she was asked. Heidi pushed and pushed and after a little while, Connor was born. The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and spanked him on his bottom. Connor began to cry. The paramedic then thanked Kathleen for her help and asked the wide-eyed 3-yr old what she thought about what she had just witnessed. Kathleen quickly responded, "He shouldn't have crawled in there in the first place, Smack his ass again!"