50+ Marathon Jokes
Marathon jokes, running humor, and endurance punchlines that go the distance.
If you could get rid of one race which one would it be and why? I would get rid of the marathon. Running 26.2 miles is just crazy! EDIT: thank you for the 100 upvotes! I’m telling my gf I’m famous! 2nd EDIT: I work the night shift at my job and I just woke up to fricken 5.8k arrows pointing up!? This is awesome!! 3rd EDIT: request for a third edit, currently it’s 13:41 (central time) And I’m drinking coffee reading the comments. There’s a lot of people that thinks this is a f1 and or nascar question. 4th EDIT: the celebrity status is overwhelming me. People are stopping me on the streets asking for my autograph and selfies. About to go in for work now. I had to hire a bodyguard to follow me around. Thank you all. This is a blessing and a curse at the same time. If I don’t have a 5th edit later that means a crazy fan has held me captive. 5th EDIT: made it to work safe thank god. Elon musk himself sent me a tweet congratulating me on my accomplishments on Reddit the last 18 hours since this post, also told me to buy a doggy coin or something… anyway I find myself checking my phone every minute reading new comments. The popularity has consumed my mind. I cannot get any work done and the manager on duty is getting upset with me but then I remember I am the manager on duty for the night shift so I’m ok. I’m slowly going crazy for the need for more of those red, pointing up arrow thingys. It’s destroying me.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'If you could get rid of one race which one would it be and why? I would get rid of the marathon. Running 26.2 miles i...', then the trigger 'It’s destroying me.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
I told the cop, “You can’t write me a ticket. I have a marathon to run tomorrow.” The cop said, “Sir, that’s not how you play the race card.”
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'I told the cop, “You can’t write me a ticket. I have a marathon to run tomorrow.”', then the trigger 'The cop said, “Sir, that’s not how you play the race card.”' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
My friend Ty came first in the Beijing marathon, but wasn’t awarded a gold medal. The Chinese refuse to acknowledge Ty won.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'My friend Ty came first in the Beijing marathon, but wasn’t awarded a gold medal.', then the trigger 'The Chinese refuse to acknowledge Ty won.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
Why don't pedophiles ever win marathons? They're always coming in a little behind.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'Why don't pedophiles ever win marathons?', then the trigger 'They're always coming in a little behind.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
My friend Ty won the Beijing marathon, but wasn’t awarded the gold medal. The Chinese refuse to acknowledge Ty won.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'My friend Ty won the Beijing marathon, but wasn’t awarded the gold medal.', then the trigger 'The Chinese refuse to acknowledge Ty won.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
I showed up to run a marathon, but realized that I had forgotten my water bottle. I decided to run anyway... ... I finished in 3^st
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'I showed up to run a marathon, but realized that I had forgotten my water bottle. I decided to run anyway... ...', then the trigger 'I finished in 3^st' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
Running in the Nude A woman was having a daytime affair while her husband was at work. One rainy day she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her horror, she heard her husband's car pull into the driveway. 'Oh my God - Hurry, ! Grab your clothes and jump out the window. My husband's home early,' ! 'I can't jump out the window. It's raining out there.' ! 'If my husband catches us in here, he'll kill us both!' she replied. 'He's got a hot temper and a gun, so the rain is the least of your problems.' ! So the boyfriend scoots out of bed, grabs his clothes and jumps out the window! As he ran down the street in the pouring rain, he quickly discovered he had run right into the middle of the town's annual marathon, so he started running along beside the others, about 300 of them. Being naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried to blend in as best he could. After a little while a small group of runners who had been watching him with some curiosity, jogged closer. Do you always run in the nude?' one asked. 'Oh yes!' he replied, gasping in air. 'It feels so wonderfully free!' Another runner moved a long side. 'Do you always run carrying your clothes with you under your arm?' 'Oh, yes' our friend answered breathlessly. 'That way I can get dressed right at the end of the run and get in my car to go home.' ! Then a third runner cast his eyes a little lower and asked, 'Do you always wear a condom when you run? 'Nope. . Just when it's raining.'
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'Running in the Nude A woman was having a daytime affair while her husband was at work. One rainy day she was in bed w...', then the trigger 'Just when it's raining.'' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is benign-violation.
"I'm thinking of running a marathon again." I told my friend. "You've run a marathon before?" she asked, with an air of admiration. I said, "No, but I've thought about it."
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward '"I'm thinking of running a marathon again." I told my friend. "You've run a marathon before?" she asked, with an air...', then the trigger 'I said, "No, but I've thought about it."' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
I find certain races unattractive... Marathons are one thing, but triathlons seem like too much trouble.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'I find certain races unattractive...', then the trigger 'Marathons are one thing, but triathlons seem like too much trouble.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
My favorite part of a marathon is... My favorite part of a marathon is watching the reaction of runners who grab my plastic cup of vodka.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'My favorite part of a marathon is...', then the trigger 'My favorite part of a marathon is watching the reaction of runners who grab my plastic cup of vodka.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
My grandfather used to run marathons. Every year while he was in his 20's and 30's, he'd go and participate in the local run. There was a guy who showed up every year, didn't even live in the town. Bit creepy, to be honest, but an alright guy. Anyway, he'd walk up to my grandfather, every year, in these same green sunglasses. He'd tell a story about two priests walking in to a bar, and they couldn't be served for some reason or another. He doesn't remember all the details. But this same guy walked up to the starting line, and told the same story, every year. The story was never that interesting, but it became a bit of a running joke between them.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'My grandfather used to run marathons. Every year while he was in his 20's and 30's, he'd go and participate in the lo...', then the trigger 'The story was never that interesting, but it became a bit of a running joke between them.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
A lady was having an affair. One rainy day she was in bed with her Boyfriend when she heard her husband's car pull into the driveway. 'OMG - hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the window.' Guy: 'It's raining out there!' Lady: 'If my husband catches us, he'll kill us!. He jumps out of the window! As he ran down the street in rain, he discovered he had run right into the middle of the town's marathon. He started running along with the others, 300 of them. After a little while a small group of runners who had been watching him with some curiosity, jogged closer. 'Do you always run in the nude?' one asked. 'Oh yes!' he replied. 'It feels so wonderfully free!' Another runner: 'Do you always run carrying clothes under your arm?' 'Oh, yes' guy answered. 'That way I can get dressed right at the end of the run and go home!' 3rd runner cast his eyes a little lower and asked, 'Do you always wear a condom when you run?' 'Nope..only when it's raining.'
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'A lady was having an affair. One rainy day she was in bed with her Boyfriend when she heard her husband's car pull in...', then the trigger ''Nope..only when it's raining.'' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is benign-violation.
What's the difference between the Holocaust and the Boston Marathon Bombing? The Boston Marathon Bombing ended a race.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'What's the difference between the Holocaust and the Boston Marathon Bombing?', then the trigger 'The Boston Marathon Bombing ended a race.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
I saw a prostitute running a marathon today she was full of spunk
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'I saw a prostitute running a marathon today', then the trigger 'she was full of spunk' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
I'm not a racist but. . . I fucking hate marathons.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'I'm not a racist but. . .', then the trigger 'I fucking hate marathons.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
Why did the lawyer with a torn ACL still win the marathon? (OC) Because he had the power of a torn knee
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'Why did the lawyer with a torn ACL still win the marathon? (OC)', then the trigger 'Because he had the power of a torn knee' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is superiority.
Topical Jokes for 10/19 (for best results, read in the voice of your favorite late night host) Carmaker Audi has tested a driver-less car at speeds of up to 140 mph. The driver-less supercar is perfect for the parent who’s too drunk to drive, but needs to pick their kids up from school in three seconds. In Beijing, thousands of marathon runners wore face masks because it’s hard to breathe the city’s polluted air. It turned out many of the people running weren’t actually in the marathon, they were just running to get out of Beijing. Apple’s new wireless payment service Apple Pay is available this week. Once you’ve installed Apple Pay on your iPhone, you’ll instantly be charged for U2’s new album. …Apple Pay allows you to easily send ransom payments whenever hackers steal the naked pictures from your iPhone. In Colorado, parents are being urged to check their Halloween candy to see if it’s been laced with marijuana. Once they’ve confirmed that the candy doesn’t have marijuana in it, they should immediately throw it in the trash. …Colorado parents are going to be especially vigilant, when they wake their kids up at 3pm, to go trick-or-treating on November 2nd.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'Topical Jokes for 10/19 (for best results, read in the voice of your favorite late night host) Carmaker Audi has test...', then the trigger '…Colorado parents are going to be especially vigilant, when they wake their kids up at 3pm, to go trick-or-treating o...' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
My father ran the marathon but my mother ran the 100 meter dash so I grew up with mixed race parents.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'My father ran the marathon but my mother ran the 100 meter dash', then the trigger 'so I grew up with mixed race parents.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
I was watching the London Marathon and saw one runner dressed as a chicken and another runner dressed as an egg. I thought: 'This could be interesting'
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'I was watching the London Marathon and saw one runner dressed as a chicken and another runner dressed as an egg.', then the trigger 'I thought: 'This could be interesting'' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
A man goes to the doctor ...he says, "Doctor, my secretary loves to give head. First thing when I get to work in the morning, she sucks me off. She does it again before I leave for lunch, and once more before I go home in the evening." The doctor nods and says, "Okay, but what's the problem?" The man continues, "Also, my wife is kind of a nympho. She wakes me up every morning by mounting me, then insists that I come home during my lunch breaks for a quickie. Then, she fucks me again when I get home from work, followed by a 90 minute marathon session before bed every night." The doctor raises an eyebrow and says, "So why are you here?" The man says, "Well, every time I masturbate I get a headache."
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'A man goes to the doctor ...he says, "Doctor, my secretary loves to give head. First thing when I get to work in the...', then the trigger 'The man says, "Well, every time I masturbate I get a headache."' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
What's the difference between a tribe of pygmies and a marathon full of feminists? The tribe of pygmies are a bunch of cunning runts.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'What's the difference between a tribe of pygmies and a marathon full of feminists?', then the trigger 'The tribe of pygmies are a bunch of cunning runts.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
Why did the happy-go-lucky fish run the marathon? He just did it for the halibut.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'Why did the happy-go-lucky fish run the marathon?', then the trigger 'He just did it for the halibut.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
I kept telling a pun to the passersby during a marathon It was a running joke.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'I kept telling a pun to the passersby during a marathon', then the trigger 'It was a running joke.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
Why were the Boston Marathon Bombings worse than Hitler? (OFFENSIVE) Because they actually managed to end a race.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'Why were the Boston Marathon Bombings worse than Hitler? (OFFENSIVE)', then the trigger 'Because they actually managed to end a race.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
I‘ve decided to run a marathon for charity. I didn’t want to do it at first, but apparently it’s for blind and disabled kids so I think I’ve got a good chance of winning.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'I‘ve decided to run a marathon for charity.', then the trigger 'I didn’t want to do it at first, but apparently it’s for blind and disabled kids so I think I’ve got a good chance of...' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
Why are germans so bad at marathons? Because they cant finish a race.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'Why are germans so bad at marathons?', then the trigger 'Because they cant finish a race.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
How can you tell if somebody's run a marathon? Wait 15 seconds, they'll tell you.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'How can you tell if somebody's run a marathon?', then the trigger 'Wait 15 seconds, they'll tell you.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
What could Boston Marathon Bombers do that Hitler couldn't? End a race.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'What could Boston Marathon Bombers do that Hitler couldn't?', then the trigger 'End a race.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
Charles XII of Sweden, Darius of Persia and Napoleon are sitting at a bar. Charles XII of Sweden, Darius of Persia and Napoleon are sitting at a bar, watching a military parade on CNN. Impressed by modern technology Charles XII says - "Man, if i had mechanised infratry like that I'd have kicked ass at the Poltava battle." Darius replies - "And if i had artillery like that the Greeks wouldn't stand a chance at the battle of Marathon." Napoleon sighs and says - "And if I had a propaganda machine like the CNN nobody would have found out about the Waterloo."
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'Charles XII of Sweden, Darius of Persia and Napoleon are sitting at a bar. Charles XII of Sweden, Darius of Persia an...', then the trigger 'Napoleon sighs and says - "And if I had a propaganda machine like the CNN nobody would have found out about the Water...' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
Why don't pedophiles win marathons? They're always coming in a little behind..
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'Why don't pedophiles win marathons?', then the trigger 'They're always coming in a little behind..' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
What's more covered in sweat than a marathon runner at the end of a race? Josh Duggar at a family reunion.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'What's more covered in sweat than a marathon runner at the end of a race?', then the trigger 'Josh Duggar at a family reunion.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
Is it ok to hate a certain race? I am fine with 5km races but marathons just do my head in.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'Is it ok to hate a certain race?', then the trigger 'I am fine with 5km races but marathons just do my head in.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
So I wrote some Chuck Norris jokes the other day... The devil once sold his soul to Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris doesn't speak, he thinks loudly. New Orleans didn't flood because of a hurricane. Chuck Norris did a canon ball into the Gulf of Mexico. Chuck Norris once punched the Tower of Pisa. Chuck Norris doesn't fart, because nothing can escape Chuck Norris. When Chuck Norris goes skydiving, the Earth uses a parachute. When Chuck Norris takes a shower, the soap doesn't clean him. He cleans the soap. Netflix marathons Chuck Norris. If Chuck Norris stared at the sun too long, he wouldn't go blind. The sun would. If Chuck Norris bit a vampire, the vampire would turn back into a human.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'So I wrote some Chuck Norris jokes the other day... The devil once sold his soul to Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris doesn'...', then the trigger 'If Chuck Norris bit a vampire, the vampire would turn back into a human.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
I'm training for a marathon with my friend. Every day when we hit the trails he tells me the same thing, and it always makes me laugh. It's a running joke.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'I'm training for a marathon with my friend. Every day when we hit the trails he tells me the same thing, and it alway...', then the trigger 'It's a running joke.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
Satan and God Two little boys stole a big bag of oranges from a neighbor & decided to go to a quiet place to share the lot equally. One of them suggested the nearby cemetery. As they were jumping over the gate to enter the cemetery, two oranges fell out of the big bag but they didn't bother to pick them since they had enough in the bag. Few minutes later, a drunkard on his way from a bar, passed near the cemetery gate & heard a voice saying: "One For Me, One For U, One For Me, One For U"..... He immediately sobered up & ran as fast as he could to a church nearby, for the priest....................... "Father, pls come with me . Come & witness God & satan sharing corpses at the cemetery"...... They both ran back to the cemetery gate & the voice continued: "One For Me, One For U, One For Me, One For U'............ Suddenly, the voice stopped counting & said: "What About The Two At The Gate?"........... You should see the marathon......... The priest almost ran pass the church gate..shouting:"We Are Not Dead Yet oohh!!!".
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'Satan and God Two little boys stole a big bag of oranges from a neighbor & decided to go to a quiet place to share th...', then the trigger 'The priest almost ran pass the church gate..shouting:"We Are Not Dead Yet oohh!!!".' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is benign-violation.
I have decided to run a marathon and have taken up vaping instead of smoking You could say I am running on fumes.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'I have decided to run a marathon and have taken up vaping instead of smoking', then the trigger 'You could say I am running on fumes.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
What do you call a pun in a marathon? A running joke
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'What do you call a pun in a marathon?', then the trigger 'A running joke' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
Im getting tired of your Barenaked Ladies marathon. It's been one week since you looked at me.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'Im getting tired of your Barenaked Ladies marathon.', then the trigger 'It's been one week since you looked at me.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
I‘ve decided to run a marathon for charity. I‘ve decided to run a marathon for charity. I didn’t want to do it at first, but apparently it’s for blind and disabled kids so I think I’ve got a good chance of winning.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'I‘ve decided to run a marathon for charity. I‘ve decided to run a marathon for charity.', then the trigger 'I didn’t want to do it at first, but apparently it’s for blind and disabled kids so I think I’ve got a good chance of...' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
What happened to Han when Chewie wouldn't do the marathon? He Ran Solo...
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'What happened to Han when Chewie wouldn't do the marathon?', then the trigger 'He Ran Solo...' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
My work signed me up for a 401k But I've never even run a marathon
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'My work signed me up for a 401k', then the trigger 'But I've never even run a marathon' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
Friend ran in the Boston Marathon, He said he had a blast but can't feel his legs.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'Friend ran in the Boston Marathon,', then the trigger 'He said he had a blast but can't feel his legs.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
Why's it so hard to find marathon and triathlon reviews in Germany? Well, you know what happened last time they picked a race...
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'Why's it so hard to find marathon and triathlon reviews in Germany?', then the trigger 'Well, you know what happened last time they picked a race...' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
What's the difference between eugenics and a charity marathon? The second one is a race for the cure. Source:http://www.smbc-comics.com/?id=3180
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'What's the difference between eugenics and a charity marathon? The second one is a race for the cure.', then the trigger 'Source:http://www.smbc-comics.com/?id=3180' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
Adolf Hitler banned 5k races but sponsored an annual marathon... ...Because Marathons are the master race.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'Adolf Hitler banned 5k races but sponsored an annual marathon...', then the trigger '...Because Marathons are the master race.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
Pheidippides just doesn't have the same ring to it. When Pheidippides, the soldier who ran 26.2 miles to the city of Marathon to announce the defeat of the Persians to the Athenians, found out the long-distance races were going to be called Marathons, he was a little upset... But he ran with it.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'Pheidippides just doesn't have the same ring to it. When Pheidippides, the soldier who ran 26.2 miles to the city of...', then the trigger 'But he ran with it.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
Halfway into the 20km marathon, I saw my cheating g/f and told her that I was breaking up with her I guess it was the right thing to do in the long run.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'Halfway into the 20km marathon, I saw my cheating g/f and told her that I was breaking up with her', then the trigger 'I guess it was the right thing to do in the long run.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
Why did the Kenyans win the marathon? They heard there was water at the end
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'Why did the Kenyans win the marathon?', then the trigger 'They heard there was water at the end' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
What's the difference between a clever child and a rude marathoner? One's a cunning runt...
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'What's the difference between a clever child and a rude marathoner?', then the trigger 'One's a cunning runt...' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
New husband has a problem. So he goes to the hospital to see his primary physician. "Doc, my new wife is a dynamo. Every time she touches me I go off. You got anything to help me last long enough to satisfy her?" "Just the thing," the doctor replies, pulling a starter pistol from his desk. The big red kind that starts marathons. "You just need to reset your groove when you get close. Distract yourself by shooting this off." "That just might work!" The husband says. He grabs the gun and throttles home. He runs upstairs where his wife is still in her nightgown brushing her teeth. He drops the gun next to the bed and heads straight to her. He grabs her and throws her on the bed. They start kissing. Then they start 69ing. Things get heavy so he reaches for the gun and fires it off. 27 minutes later he's being wheeled into the emergency room. Bleeding and covered in shit. His doctor, who happens to be on call runs up and asks what happened. Husband replies, "You son of a bitch! She bit my dick off, shit in my face, and my neighbor jumped out of the closet with his hands up!"
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'New husband has a problem. So he goes to the hospital to see his primary physician. "Doc, my new wife is a dynamo. Ev...', then the trigger 'She bit my dick off, shit in my face, and my neighbor jumped out of the closet with his hands up!"' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
How do you know if someone has run a marathon? Don't worry, they'll tell you.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'How do you know if someone has run a marathon?', then the trigger 'Don't worry, they'll tell you.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
A 3.14 meter long snake ! What do you call a 3.14 meter long snake ? - a "Py"thon What do you call a 43 kilometre long snake ? - a marathon !
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'A 3.14 meter long snake ! What do you call a 3.14 meter long snake ? - a "Py"thon What do you call a 43 kilometre lon...', then the trigger '- a marathon !' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
If you're a vegan who ran a marathon & you got your dogs from the shelter.... How do you decide which thing to wedge into the conversation first?
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'If you're a vegan who ran a marathon & you got your dogs from the shelter....', then the trigger 'How do you decide which thing to wedge into the conversation first?' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
Conspiracy theorists on Facebook on this joyous day of days. These guys were brainwashed by the government to cover up Lincoln's murder because Kennedy's assassin really hated marathons. Especially the ones run by Disney every year because he was a nazi and everyone knows nazis are hiding on the dark side of the moon purposely keeping weed from being legalized because 9/11 was an inside job by the reptilian overlords because they're tired of living underground because fucking OBAMA is taking away our rights just to make way for his army of Bigfoot to implement martial law and keep is all in concentration camps because I don't want to wash my hair. Like. Fucking happy 4/20 you sheep.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'Conspiracy theorists on Facebook on this joyous day of days. These guys were brainwashed by the government to cover u...', then the trigger 'Fucking happy 4/20 you sheep.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is benign-violation.
What do you call a marathon runner that refuses to stop? A joggernaut.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'What do you call a marathon runner that refuses to stop?', then the trigger 'A joggernaut.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
Why did the baby have such a poor time in the marathon? He was running a little behind
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'Why did the baby have such a poor time in the marathon?', then the trigger 'He was running a little behind' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
Why doesn't Hitler run a marathon? Because he can't finish a race.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'Why doesn't Hitler run a marathon?', then the trigger 'Because he can't finish a race.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
Donald Trump has scheduled a speech at the same time as the Olympics Marathon swimming... Its always a sad sight to see so many people exposed to rivers of shit and human waste, that's why I have decided to watch the swimmers instead.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'Donald Trump has scheduled a speech at the same time as the Olympics Marathon swimming...', then the trigger 'Its always a sad sight to see so many people exposed to rivers of shit and human waste, that's why I have decided to...' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
What did the Jamaican say after winning the barefoot marathon? "Da trill of victory always betta dan de agony of de feet!"
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'What did the Jamaican say after winning the barefoot marathon?', then the trigger '"Da trill of victory always betta dan de agony of de feet!"' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
So Doc' Can she run a marathon? After fixing a young girl's broken bone a father asks "Will she be able to run a marathon when she recovers?" To which the doctor replied "I don't see why not!" The dad then says "That's odd, she couldn't run a marathon before!"
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'So Doc' Can she run a marathon? After fixing a young girl's broken bone a father asks "Will she be able to run a mara...', then the trigger 'The dad then says "That's odd, she couldn't run a marathon before!"' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
Did you hear about the dyslexic marathoner who would only eat shellfish the night before races? He was crabo-loading.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'Did you hear about the dyslexic marathoner who would only eat shellfish the night before races?', then the trigger 'He was crabo-loading.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is benign-violation.
I'm participating in a marathon this year. I'm the guy that pours cups of water for the runners.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'I'm participating in a marathon this year.', then the trigger 'I'm the guy that pours cups of water for the runners.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
What has 6 arms, 3 legs, and 2 feet? The Boston marathon finish line.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'What has 6 arms, 3 legs, and 2 feet?', then the trigger 'The Boston marathon finish line.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
Sponsor tattoos A pro marathon runner gets sponsor tattoos and can't wait to show his girlfriend. He says," Look honey, I have Nike on my arm and Starter on by back!" Later that night in bed, he pulls off his pants, the girlfriend sees "Aids" tattooed on his penis, screams and runs into the bathroom. The runner yells," No wait hunny, in a minute it'll say Adidas!"
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'Sponsor tattoos A pro marathon runner gets sponsor tattoos and can't wait to show his girlfriend. He says," Look hone...', then the trigger 'The runner yells," No wait hunny, in a minute it'll say Adidas!"' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
I never discriminate but there is one race I can't stand... The marathon. It's WAY too long a race!
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'I never discriminate but there is one race I can't stand... The marathon.', then the trigger 'It's WAY too long a race!' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
How are rookie marathon runners like people with erectile dysfunction? There both just honestly happy to finish
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'How are rookie marathon runners like people with erectile dysfunction?', then the trigger 'There both just honestly happy to finish' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
Terry Fox should have taken his leg off for his run across Canada in 1980 ... and made it the Marathon of Hop
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'Terry Fox should have taken his leg off for his run across Canada in 1980 ...', then the trigger 'and made it the Marathon of Hop' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
What has five arms, three legs and a head? The finish line at the Boston Marathon
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'What has five arms, three legs and a head?', then the trigger 'The finish line at the Boston Marathon' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
Internet, my Dad's running the London Marathon tomorrow. Oh, he already told you. Of course he did.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'Internet, my Dad's running the London Marathon tomorrow. Oh, he already told you.', then the trigger 'Of course he did.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
Marathon Just won my first marathon. I am experiencing the thrill of victory and the agony of de feet.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'Marathon Just won my first marathon.', then the trigger 'I am experiencing the thrill of victory and the agony of de feet.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
Why are blacks so good at running in marathons? Because of their genetic predisposition and determination. And you're the racist joke.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'Why are blacks so good at running in marathons? Because of their genetic predisposition and determination.', then the trigger 'And you're the racist joke.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
One good thing has come from the Ebola virus The white nations might have a chance of winning a marathon next Olympics.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'One good thing has come from the Ebola virus', then the trigger 'The white nations might have a chance of winning a marathon next Olympics.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
I'm thinking of organizing a marathon which will go down my sisters street..... do you think I should run it past her?
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'I'm thinking of organizing a marathon which will go down my sisters street.....', then the trigger 'do you think I should run it past her?' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
I ran a marathon! 1 mile a day for 26 days boo ya.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'I ran a marathon!', then the trigger '1 mile a day for 26 days boo ya.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
What were the Boston Marathon bombers able to do that Hitler never could? End a race. ^^^^Sorry ^^^^I ^^^^took ^^^^your ^^^^joke ^^^^Kiss_My_Wookiee, ^^^^I'll ^^^^give ^^^^you ^^^^credit ^^^^[here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/3m1q23/when_was_that_moment_you_realized_that_youre/cvbh9oe)
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'What were the Boston Marathon bombers able to do that Hitler never could? End a race.', then the trigger '^^^^Sorry ^^^^I ^^^^took ^^^^your ^^^^joke ^^^^Kiss_My_Wookiee, ^^^^I'll ^^^^give ^^^^you ^^^^credit ^^^^[here.](http...' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
There is a line in comedy that you should not cross and that line starts at the Boston Marathon.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'There is a line in comedy that you should not cross', then the trigger 'and that line starts at the Boston Marathon.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
An economist was given the choice between participating in a marathon and just a quick race. He preferred the long run over the short run.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'An economist was given the choice between participating in a marathon and just a quick race.', then the trigger 'He preferred the long run over the short run.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
What's a marathon runner doing at the Scandinavian Queueing Championships? He's trying to get to the Finnish line.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'What's a marathon runner doing at the Scandinavian Queueing Championships?', then the trigger 'He's trying to get to the Finnish line.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
I hate all races... Marathons, motorsports, bmx, etc
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'I hate all races...', then the trigger 'Marathons, motorsports, bmx, etc' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
How can you tell if someone is a marathon runner? Don't worry, they'll let you know.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'How can you tell if someone is a marathon runner?', then the trigger 'Don't worry, they'll let you know.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
Why didn't Hitler participate in the marathon? ... Because he can't finish a race.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'Why didn't Hitler participate in the marathon? ...', then the trigger 'Because he can't finish a race.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
What has 9 arms, 7 legs, 4 heads, and 13 feet? The finish line of the Boston Marathon.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'What has 9 arms, 7 legs, 4 heads, and 13 feet?', then the trigger 'The finish line of the Boston Marathon.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
netflix marathons & cats (try konami code) Another April fools joke to take a peak at. Some funny cats w/ using a konami code. :)[netflix! snuggies! cats!](http://challenges.runkeeper.com/netflixmarathon/)
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'netflix marathons & cats (try konami code) Another April fools joke to take a peak at. Some funny cats w/ using a kon...', then the trigger 'cats!](http://challenges.runkeeper.com/netflixmarathon/)' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is superiority.
THATS IT! I cant stand marathon runners ANYMORE.... This time they've gone TOO FAR
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'THATS IT! I cant stand marathon runners ANYMORE....', then the trigger 'This time they've gone TOO FAR' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
If I hate marathons... ... am I rasist?
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'If I hate marathons... ...', then the trigger 'am I rasist?' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
I ran a marathon the other day, there was a three-way tie for first place between Kim, Kourtney, Khloe. They were about 20 minutes quicker than the guy in second... We all had trouble keeping up with the Kardashians
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'I ran a marathon the other day, there was a three-way tie for first place between Kim, Kourtney, Khloe. They were abo...', then the trigger 'We all had trouble keeping up with the Kardashians' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
Why do Roosevelt family marathons always take so long? They never stop running.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'Why do Roosevelt family marathons always take so long?', then the trigger 'They never stop running.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
My job keeps asking me to sign up for a marathon. I keep telling them I can't. I'm out of shape, I have weak knees, and 401k is a long way to run.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'My job keeps asking me to sign up for a marathon. I keep telling them I can't.', then the trigger 'I'm out of shape, I have weak knees, and 401k is a long way to run.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
Seeking things to troll my buddy with during his marathon this weekend Using an app, I can upload 30-second audio clips to my friend's phone during the marathon he's running this Sunday. Anyone have any funny/mildly insulting things I can troll him with?
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'Seeking things to troll my buddy with during his marathon this weekend Using an app, I can upload 30-second audio cli...', then the trigger 'Anyone have any funny/mildly insulting things I can troll him with?' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
How Far is an Asian Half-Marathon? 13.run miles
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'How Far is an Asian Half-Marathon?', then the trigger '13.run miles' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
Did you hear about the two fat men who ran a marathon? One ran in short bursts, the other ran in burst shorts!
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'Did you hear about the two fat men who ran a marathon?', then the trigger 'One ran in short bursts, the other ran in burst shorts!' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
I needed to make a joke for this... Post any better ones in comments :D A man and a woman are at a bar, chatting it up. The woman thinks she's going to get into this guy's pants, but he's playing hard to get. Eventually she gets him to come to her house. When they get there, she immediately asks him to take off his shirt. The man happily obliged, happy to show off his new abs. As he takes off his shirt, she notices hickies all over him. "What happened to you?" She says. "Nothing... Had a crazy night... You should've seen the other guy" says the man. The woman mumbles and they have a platonic evening of Glee marathons.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'I needed to make a joke for this... Post any better ones in comments :D A man and a woman are at a bar, chatting it u...', then the trigger 'The woman mumbles and they have a platonic evening of Glee marathons.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
Topical Jokes for 10/16 (for best results, read in the voice of your favorite late night host) Joe Biden’s son has been discharged from the Navy after testing positive for cocaine. Joe Biden contacted his son immediately and asked, “Do you have any left!?!” New York has selected yogurt as the state’s official snack. Governor Cuomo made the decision after riding on the New York subway, and sitting in a substance that he assumed was yogurt. In Illinois, a cow that is 6 feet, 4 inches tall, has been declared the world’s tallest. I don’t want to get your hopes up, but this could be the cow that can actually jump over the moon. Starbucks has announced the “Starbucks for Life” contest, which will give winners a free cup of coffee every single day for thirty years. You probably won’t be dead in thirty years, but after they take away your free coffee, you’ll sure wish you were. President Obama is considering appointing an “Ebola Czar.” It’s the first government job that requires a three-piece hazmat suit. In Chicago, a man on the run from police tried to escape by blending into the Chicago Marathon. Police picked the man out easily, because he was the only runner who wasn’t from Kenya.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'Topical Jokes for 10/16 (for best results, read in the voice of your favorite late night host) Joe Biden’s son has be...', then the trigger 'Police picked the man out easily, because he was the only runner who wasn’t from Kenya.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is benign-violation.
I broke the 2 hour Marathon record... I did it in 1 hour and 240 minutes.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'I broke the 2 hour Marathon record...', then the trigger 'I did it in 1 hour and 240 minutes.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
Why did Trump stage a photo op of him winning a marathon against a bunch of traffic signs? To show that he was leading the poles
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'Why did Trump stage a photo op of him winning a marathon against a bunch of traffic signs?', then the trigger 'To show that he was leading the poles' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
A lot of people say that Kim Jong Un is an unfit leader... but I ran a half marathon alongside him, and he finished in a pretty respectable time
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'A lot of people say that Kim Jong Un is an unfit leader...', then the trigger 'but I ran a half marathon alongside him, and he finished in a pretty respectable time' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
Black Lives Matter is protesting the Twin Cities Marathon... ...there must be a huge race issue in America
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'Black Lives Matter is protesting the Twin Cities Marathon...', then the trigger '...there must be a huge race issue in America' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
Comedy News 6 25 '16 Paul Ryan has an alternative to O'Bama-care. It involves the poor selling body parts & a town crier yelling "Bring out your dead"! Hillary's slogan is 'I'm with her'. Wasn't that Chris Jenner's slogan as well? I'll be performing at the world's largest music festival "Summerfest" on July 3rd at the Renegade Stage at 3 & 5 :PM. They're renovating the tomb of Jesus. How much upkeep foes that take? He was only there for 3 crummy days! If I don't pay my bills, they turn off the electricity, cable, & water. Doesn't that technically make me Amish? I'm on decaf now. That means I have no excuse for being a miserable jerk. I just have to learn to love myself even more. Good Humor has brought back it's ice cream trucks this summer. They're updated. They'll have armed guards & sell ecstasy! My friend runs marathons for the 'runners high'. I'm so out of shape I get the same feeling if I stand up too quick! They now have special 'kids menu's' at restaurants. Growing up the kids menu had 2 choices, 'eat it' or 'go hungry'! I'm planning my annual barbeque for July 9th. I like to schedule the first family fist fight between the potato salad and the baked beans. That leaves time to squeeze in the name calling & threats before the watermelon!
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'Comedy News 6 25 '16 Paul Ryan has an alternative to O'Bama-care. It involves the poor selling body parts & a town cr...', then the trigger 'That leaves time to squeeze in the name calling & threats before the watermelon!' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is benign-violation.
A guy told me this one in class today.... What do you call 2 White Russians and a Jager bomb? A Boston Marathon.
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'A guy told me this one in class today.... What do you call 2 White Russians and a Jager bomb?', then the trigger 'A Boston Marathon.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
yo mama so fat that when she walked pass the t.v. you missed a marathon
Why is this funny? (Comedy Stack Analysis)
The setup points the reader toward 'yo mama so fat that when she walked pass the t.v.', then the trigger 'you missed a marathon' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.
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