50+ Knight Jokes

A Dirty Joke from the 14th Century The joke comes to us from Jean de Conde of Hainaut, born 1275: A game of truth-telling is being played at court by a Queen and her retinue. A knight is asked by the Queen if he has fathered any children; he is forced to admit that he has not. The Queen nods in assent, saying "you do not have the look of a man who could please his mistress when you hold her naked in your arms. For your beard is little more than the kind of fuzz that ladies have in certain places, and it is easy to tell from the state of the hay whether the pitchfork is any good." On his turn, the knight asks "Lady, answer me without deceit. Is there hair between your legs?" When she replies, "none at all", he comments, "Indeed I do believe you, for grass does not grow on a well-beaten path."

Have you heard of a knight who is as tiny as a sperm? He is sir cum sized!

A good knights sleep indeed

It's knight time...

The Dark Ages were so dark because... ...there were so many knights.

The Queen and the Metal Panties One day the king had to go for a year long expedition, and knew his queen was going to have sex with everyone through the county, so he turned to his court magistrate for help. The court magistrate showed the king a pair of metal panties, with a hole in the middle. "Why, doesn't that just defeat the whole purpose?" asked the King, and the magistrate promptly picked a pencil off his desk and inserted it into the hole. "SNAP!", the pencil had cleanly sliced into two! "Anything that enters the hole will be sliced off, sire", said the magistrate. Thoroughly impressed, the King instructed the Queen to wear it for the entire year and left for his expedition. Upon his return, the King called for a meeting of all his country folk. They were all instructed to drop their pants, and the King made his rounds noticing that many were missing fingers as well as their most vital part. Then, he saw the quiet knight Sir Xavier, fingers and all still intact. "Xavier, the one and only true knight! Only you among all the nobles have been true to me. What is it in my power to grant you? Name it and it is yours!" But alas, Sir Xavier was speechless. **EDIT:** obligiTory edit, thAnks for the front paGe, guys! I aPpreciate it. It's so cRazy hOw I could make the front page. thanks again!

My kind of date knight

A long time ago in a faraway kingdom the queen was a huge slut. One day the king had to go for a year long expedition, and knew his queen was going to have sex with everyone through the county, so he turned to his court magistrate for help. The court magistrate showed the king a pair of metal panties, with a hole in the middle. "Why, doesn't that just defeat the whole purpose?" asked the King, and the magistrate promptly picked a pencil off his desk and inserted it into the hole. "SNAP!", the pencil had cleanly sliced into two! "Anything that enters the hole will be sliced off, sire", said the magistrate. Thoroughly impressed, the King instructed the Queen to wear it for the entire year and left for his expedition. Upon his return, the King called for a meeting of all his country folk. They were all instructed to drop their pants, and the King made his rounds noticing that many were missing fingers as well as their most vital part. Then, he saw the quiet knight Sir Xavier, fingers and all still intact. "Xavier, the one and only true knight! Only you among all the nobles have been true to me. What is it in my power to grant you? Name it and it is yours!" But alas, Sir Xavier was speechless. Edit: First page guys, thanks! Edit 2: My inbox has never received so much attention

Just like legend, the curse sent my bride into a deep slumber for which she could only be awaken by a noble knight's kiss. At first I was enraged that the curse could see my true self, but then I realised that this arrangement gives me unfettered access to both the kingdom and her body.

Really seals in the flavor This story is from many years ago from when I was 19-20. I used to work for a Resort... the same resort 3 separate times in many different job roles so prepare for other stories. This was my second time working there when I did dishwashing. I kind of got the job accidentally which is another story entirely. ANYWAYS! They held a Hawaiian Luau event which involved renting a custom built whole pig spit roast that fit 2 pigs. As a seasoned adult who has now enjoyed a lifetime of good barbeque, this thing was beautiful. As someone who thought they were an adult.... this thing was a large inconvenience and a waste of money. I didn't get to participate in any of the food... but I did get to see the dishes. Me and my coworker went out in the loading dock to take a break as one of the chefs rolled up with a golf cart towing the Big ol Pig Cooker. There are two types of chefs at this resort, the cool ones... and the type who was currently driving the golf cart. He lights up a cigarette and looks at the two of us. Points at me and says "Clean it" I walk up and take my first look inside. It looks like it's been through absolute hell. "This is more that a shift worth of cleaning... I don't know even know where to start." "Well, they'll be here in 3 hours to pick it up. So you better start now and when they get here, it better shine like new" "How do you even clean something like this?" "I don't care, just make it shine" I know I'm being setup for failure but I knuckle down. If I work my ass off but fail in the process I'll be in less trouble than if I just don't try at all. I brought out the big guns. I went to the supply closet and got a brand new un-used floor scrub brush, all the heavy chemicals and the garden hose. I spray the whole thing down in 4 cans of the heaviest degreaser we have, let it sit, and then literally stand inside and scrubbed. After an hour of scrubbing I rinse to see the progress. Not much. I go to maintenance and grab a paint scraper and some scotch pads out of their supply. Another round of heavy chemicals and I start scraping. Really making progress now. I work into a system. Chemicals, scrape, scrub, rinse, chemicals, scrap, scrub, rinse. I am on my knees in this thing chipping away at the crap and I heard the dock door open. It's one of the office guys, the chef, and someone else. "...right out here, he better have it clean for ya" It's at this point I look up. The Chef sees me obviously not done and has an evil grin. The office guy looks indifferent. The stranger.... Enraged Horror. He comes running up and starts a tirade. I blank on what he says as my mind goes into survival mode. Usually people I see this angry are one really small thing away from physical violence. I don't remember the exact argument but I do remember the guy being mad about how I was cleaning it with "You scrubbed off the flavor" and how it was "seasoned" which meant nothing to me at that point in my life. The chef chimed in with "Why would you do this, don't you have any common sense?" My mind comes back into focus and I say "You said you didn't care how I cleaned it but to make it shine like new" There was a moment of silence and then he starts back at me telling me that I was done here and HR would have my butt for this... like losing this job would ruin my life. The other dishwasher, like a knight with a moist dishtowel over one shoulder, appears in the door way. "Dude you literally told him to make it shine like new, I was standing right here" They made me stop where I was and rinse it off.... We lost our deposit. I never got in trouble. Chef got his butt reamed. Things never got better there... but I felt vindicated. I am still good friends with that other dishwasher.

PSA: If you’re ever assaulted by a knight or a bishop, you need to get to a hospital immediately. Chess pains are a medical emergency.

This morning I coughed up a pawn, a bishop and a rook I must have a chess infection. I'm expecting a rough knight.

Who is both a knight and a spy? Sir Veillance

Did you know that Google was invented by a knight? Sir Chenjin.

We argued all day about what to call a medieval soldier but it was getting late so we decided to call it a knight.

Why don't Jedi Knights use the Kelvin scale? Only a Sith deals in absolutes.

In medieval England, Sir Reginald says to his wife, “Sweeting, I go anon unto the tavern.” His wife replies, “My lord, thou must not! After all that hath befallen, thou didst swear to forswear drink forevermore.” "Hark, I must go," decrees Sir Reginald, "for I have weighty business with Sir Archibald, Sir Thomas, and Sir Gregory. But take heart, my love—I shall have naught but tea and a crumpet. Thou hast my word.” “Very well,” she says, "Then shall I expect thee home with thy wits about thee.” Sir Reginald enters the tavern and what should meet his gaze but an ENORMOUS DRAGON! He draws his sword at once and cries, “Fear not, good sirs! I shall dispatch this foul beast!” But his friends leap up and say, “Whoa, whoa, whoa—easy there, Sir Reginald. This is Valkor. He’s cool AF. We’ve been drinking with him this past hour. Sit with us and hear the dragon’s remarkable tales.” “Oh,” says Sir Reginald, sheathing his sword. “Carry on, then.” The four knights make merry with the dragon deep into the night. True to his word, Sir Reginald keeps to his tea and crumpets until the dragon turns to him and says, “What art thou, a wee maid? Have an ale, thou absolute codfish!” “Well,” says Sir Reginald, “a new friendship with a dragon doth call for some small celebration. One ale cannot undo me.” HUZZAH! Some ten ales later, the knights decide to take turns riding upon the dragon high above the village. Sir Reginald goes last–and being thoroughly hammered, he swoons mid-flight, tumbles from Valkor’s back, and falls to his death just outside the tavern. Valkor gasps, “Oh shit oh shit oh shit” …and promptly flees the realm. Sir Reginald’s wife arrives, wailing, “What in God’s name hath happened to my dear Sir Reginald?!” Sir Archibald bows his head and responds gravely, “He fell off the dragon.”

A king gets murdered in his sleep... Two of his most loyal servants found the body, with a sword in the king's chest. One the servants turns to the other and says "Wow, he must have had a bad knight."

A knight and his men return to their castle... ...after a long hard day of fighting. "How are we faring?" asks the king. "Sire," replies the knight, "I have been robbing and pillaging on your behalf all day, burning the towns of your enemies in the west." "What?!" shrieks the king. "I don't have any enemies to the west!" "Oh," says the knight. "Well, you do now."

What do you call a knight who cheats on tests? Glancelot

Which knight had a lot of kids? Sir Camelot.

I made this joke! One day the king feels the urge to examine his castle dungeons and ensure everything is running smoothly. His examination is going well when he runs across the guy operating the rack. After a bit of conversation the king asks how the rack operator's job is going to which he replies "well, it's just one long 'knight' after another."

Who was King Arthur's knight who built the round table? Sir Cumfrence

(Slightly NSFW) The crime rate in medieval times A renowned knight, known for the way he stands when he ejaculates, defended the kingdom so well, crime fell to the lowest levels ever heard. Some say this occurrence was random, others say it was the product of Sir Cum Stance.

Who's the roundest knight at King Arthur's court? Circumference.

In medieval England, Sir Reginald says to his wife, “Sweeting, I go anon unto the tavern.” His wife replies, “My lord, thou must not! After all that hath befallen, thou didst promise to forswear drink forevermore.” "Hark, I must go," decrees Sir Reginald, "for I have weighty business with Sir Archibald, Sir Thomas, and Sir Gregory. But take heart, my love—I shall have naught but tea and a crumpet. Thou hast my word.” “Very well,” she says, "Then shall I expect thee home with thy wits about thee.” Sir Reginald enters the tavern and what should meet his gaze but an ENORMOUS DRAGON! He draws his sword at once and cries, “Fear not, good sirs! I shall dispatch this foul beast!” But his friends leap up and say, “Whoa, whoa, whoa—easy there, Sir Reginald. This is Valkor. We’ve been drinking with him this past hour and he is most congenial. Sit with us and hear the dragon’s remarkable tales.” “Oh,” says Sir Reginald, sheathing his sword. “Carry on, then.” The four knights make merry with the dragon deep into the night. True to his word, Sir Reginald keeps to his tea and crumpets until the dragon turns to him and says, “What art thou, a wee maid? Have an ale, thou absolute codfish!” “Well,” says Sir Reginald, “a new friendship with a dragon doth call for some small celebration. One ale cannot undo me.” HUZZAH! Some ten ales later, the knights decide to take turns riding upon the dragon high above the village. Sir Reginald goes last–and being thoroughly hammered, he swoons mid-flight, tumbles from Valkor’s back, and falls to his death just outside the tavern. Valkor gasps, “Oh shit oh shit oh shit” …and promptly flees the realm. Sir Reginald’s wife arrives, wailing, “What in God’s name hath happened to my dear Sir Reginald?!” Sir Archibald bows his head and responds gravely, “He fell off the dragon.”

The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table... Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

I was the knight no one expected to see on the battlefield that day! Sir Prise

Lancelot and King Arthur go to a hotel desk clerk and Lancelot says ^I'd like a room for 2 knights."

What happens when batman takes viagra? The dark knight rises

A long time ago in a faraway kingdom the queen was a huge slut. One day the king had to go for a year long expedition, and knew his queen was going to have sex with everyone through the county, so he turned to his court magistrate for help. The court magistrate showed the king a pair of metal panties, with a hole in the middle. "Why, doesn't that just defeat the whole purpose?" asked the King, and the magistrate promptly picked a pencil off his desk and inserted it into the hole. "SNAP!", the pencil had cleanly sliced into two! "Anything that enters the hole will be sliced off, sire", said the magistrate. Thoroughly impressed, the King instructed the Queen to wear it for the entire year and left for his expedition. Upon his return, the King called for a meeting of all his country folk. They were all instructed to drop their pants, and the King made his rounds noticing that many were missing fingers as well as their most vital part. Then, he saw the quiet knight Sir Xavier, fingers and all still intact. "Xavier, the one and only true knight! Only you among all the nobles have been true to me. What is it in my power to grant you? Name it and it is yours!" But alas, Sir Xavier was speechless.

What happens when Batman sees Catwoman? The Dark Knight rises.

My friend wrote a crossover of Dukes of Hazzard and Knight Rider It was good, General Lee speaking.

Why were the Middle Ages called the Dark Ages? Because there were too many knights.

The three knights (NSFW) Okay, so the king employs three new knights to guard his daughter's bedroom as she sleeps. He warns them: "If you try to sleep with my daughter, I will kill you." However, he does not expect the new knights to heed his warning, and so he makes the daughter put a knife inside of her vagina. That night, while the three knights are guarding the princess' bedroom, one knight enters the room. a couple of minutes later, a scream is heard from the room, and the knight walks out, writhing in pain. The second knight walks in to the room also, and once again, within a couple of minutes, a cry is heard, and the knight falls out of the room, screeching out of pure agony. Finally, the third knight walks in, and again, a scream is heard, and the knight walks out crying like a baby. The next morning, the king approaches the knights outside of the bedroom, and asks the first knight "Did you sleep with my daughter last night?" The knight replied "No." The king then ordered the man's pants to be dropped, and upon seeing the knight's sliced penis, ordered him to be taken away and executed. The king repeated to the second knight, "Did *you* sleep with my daughter?" The second knight owned up and said, "Yes." The king ordered the man to be executed immediately. The king then said to the third knight, "Did you attempt to sleep with my daughter?" and the knight opened his mouth, and said "I wpluod nefew twi to fwuk yow dertur."

the knights What is the name of the knight who moonlights as a geologist? Sir Vey What is the name of the agreeable knight? Sir Tenly What is the name of the Knight who used to be a slave? Sir Vent What are the names of the Knights who run the graduation ceremony? Sir Amony and Sir Tiffy Cashien What is the name of the Knight who is also an OB/GYN? Sir Vix What is the name of the Knight on LSD? Sir Real What is the name of the Knight who makes pottery? Sir Amik Vaze What is the name of the Knight who also works in the OR? Sir Jen What is the name of the Knight who is totally radical? Sir Fer What is the name of the Knight who is a great trader? Sir Plus What is the name of the French Knight? Sir Render. What is the name of the Knight who never loses? Sir Vivyn What is the name of the Knight who enjoys practical jokes? Sir Prize! What is the name of the Knight who is always in the lead? Sir Pass What is the name of the Firefly class Knight? Sir Renitee What is the name of the really sketchy Knight? Sir Spishus (all credit for those above goes to /u/NedryOS) What's the name of the knight who is always sure of himself? Sir Ten (creds to /u/loufizzle) what is the name of the knight who loves snakes? Sir Pent (creds to /u/Space_Bucket)

What was the name of King Arthur's fattest knight? Sir Cumference. (He ate too much pi)

(long) All the knights in the Kingdom we're leaving for the Crusade. One knight told his trusty servant, "My bride is the most beautiful woman in the country. If I die, I do not want such beauty to be wasted. So I'm leaving you the key to her chastity belt to be used if I do not return from my journey." The knights had only gone a short distance when they heard a horse charging up behind them. Thinking it might be an important message, the men halted. The horseman who approached was the Knight's servant. "hey" he said. "You gave me the wrong key!"

Which Knight invented the Round Table? Sir Cumference

What do you call a cow who is also a knight? Sir Loin.

The fattest knight at King Arthur's The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

The most trustworthy knight A king is about to set out on a journey far away from his home, and must leave his wife behind, but is worried about her faithfulness. He asks the local blacksmith to create a chastity belt that will keep his wife faithful, and so the blacksmith gets to work right away. The blacksmith brings the king a set of metal undergarments with a lock in the back, and a large hole in the front. The king asks why the blacksmith would leave a hole in such a spot. The blacksmith proceeds to get a short stick, and place it in the hole. Immediately, the end of the stick is chopped off by a blade within the hole. The king is impressed, so he leaves on his way after giving the undergarments to his wife. On the day the king returned, he assembled all of his knights in a line, and told them to drop their pants, in order to see who had tried to have their way with his wife. To his displeasure, the king saw that all down the line, every knight had lost his member to the blade, with the exception of one. The king congratulated the knight on his trustworthiness, and asked that he be made the new general in his army. The knight simply shook his head. The king asked again, and again the knight simply shook his head. Confused, the king asked the knight why he refused to accept such an honor, only to have the next knight in line turned to the king and say, "Forgive him, your majesty, he has had trouble speaking since his tongue was chopped off."

What happens when Batman sees Catwoman naked? The Dark Knight Rises.

Who was the roundest knight at King Arthur's round table? Sir Cumference

It's a slow day of crime in Metropolis... ...and Superman is bored to tears. So he decides to fly over to Gotham City to see what Batman is up to. He gets to the Batcave to find the Dark Knight underneath the Batmobile. "Hey, Bruce," he says. "Whatcha up to today? Wanna get a couple beers, maybe watch the game?" "Sorry man, I can't," Batman replies. "I've got a lot of work I need to do on the Batmobile. I'm gonna be busy all day." "Well, that sucks," says Superman. "I guess I'll see ya around." And he flies off to New York City to visit Peter Parker's apartment. "Hey, Spidey," he says. "Wanna grab a pizza and a couple brewskis?" "Sorry buddy," says Spiderman. "I've been blowing Maryjane off lately, and I promised I'd take her out tonight." "Well, damn," says Superman. "I guess I'll see ya around." So Superman is flying around, bored out of his mind, when he finds himself over Wonder Woman's apartment. Using his x-ray vision, he spies her laying on her bed, butt naked, with her legs up in the air. "I know what to do," Superman says to himself. "I'll use my super speed to fly through her wall and bang her." So he flies down there and, in a matter of seconds, he finishes inside her and takes off. "What the hell was that?" exclaims Wonder Woman. Then the Invisible Man sits up and says "I don't know but my ass hurts like hell."

What do you call a round knight? Sir Cumference

I've been offered a job as a medieval escort. Unfortunately, it means I will have to work fucking knights. [Source](http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/31epih/what_have_you_been_most_tempted_to_do_but_never/cq0v158?context=1) (It needed a wider audience than buried in an AskReddit thread.)

Lancelot! Lancelot, the chief knight of King Arthur, wanted to spend some time with Queen Guinevere. He couldn't, however, get her away from Arthur, so he calls Merlin the wizard to help him. "I want to be with the Queen, help me" So Merlin pours some itchy powder in her underwear. Soon, the Queen starts to feel the effect. Arthur, desperate, calls Merlin to advise him on what to do. "Your majesty, this is an enchantment which only the saliva of noble knight Lancelot can cure. He must apply it to the Queen for three hours" The King concedes, and Lancelot has his wish granted. The next day, Merlin goes to Lancelot: "I've kept my part. Pay me" "What? I won't pay you for only three hours!" This angers Merlin, who leaves, then puts itchy powder on the King's boxers. Arthur, in pain, calls out: "Lancelot!"

Why does being a Chinese knight suck? Because everyone always aims for the chink in the armor.

Why do Chinese knights have a low rate of survival? They all have chinks in their armor.

So, why were they called the dark ages? There were too many knights.

The Queen and the Chastity Belt One day, King Arthur had to leave the kingdom for an extended period. He took his most trusted knight, Lancelot, aside for a moment. "Lancelot, I fear Guinevere is not entirely faithful to me. Therefore, I have placed a chastity belt upon her. Now I entrust you alone with the key", and with that, placed the key in his hand. Soon Arthur was on his way. Before he left behind sight of the castle, however, he heard a galloping horse racing up to him. It was Lancelot. "King Arthur! King Arthur! You've given me the wrong key!"

What do you call a snake that has been knighted? Sir Pent...

Who was the roundest knight in King Arthur's court? Circumference.

Why was the Dark Age dark? Because there were too many knights....

Arthur and Friends The members of King Arthur's Round Table were always tired because they were on the knight shift. But they did like to party. One day after a boisterous gathering, the purest knight of all kept asking everyone who was awake, "Did you see the gal I had? When did King Arthurs men practice? Joust at night. Kings are old when they reach the age of sovereignty -- then they worry about their receding heir line. For kings, uprisings were a peasant surprise. Puns can be made on any subject, but not kings. Kings aren't subjects.

This should raise a dry smile, then... The knight approached the king and said, "Sire, we have spent the past two weeks destroying and pillaging the towns of your enemies to the West." "What?" said the king, concerned. "I don't have any enemies in the West!" "Oh," said the knight. "Well, you do now..."

King Arthur King Arthur is heading off to war, but he’s a bit worried about Guinevere alone in the castle with some rowdy knights. So he goes to Merlin who shows him a chastity belt. The problem is it has a large hole in the most important spot. “This won’t work,” he says. Just then Merlin takes a stick and inserts it through the hole. Whap! A blade comes down and cuts the stick in half. “Perfect,” he says. After the King returns he lines up all the knights and makes them drop their britches. Everyone is missing their most important part…except for Lancelot! Arthur is so proud he asks Lancelot where he got the restraint, to which Lancelot replies, “I dubbo vat heppn bit dis bwade come down and I wah bweeding all over….”

Chastity belt During the crusades a knight was about to leave for the holy land , but he was worried about his wife. He wanted to ensure her faithfulness till his return. So he had a chastity belt made and tied it around his wife, as he was about to leave he thought , that what if he loses the key in the confusion of battle , what will he do then , so he decides to leave the key in the care of his best friend . As he rode off to the crusades , barely had he gotten a mile from home that he saw his friend tearing after him on a horse , as he got closer he heard his friend saying "Come back! you gave me the wrong key"

A Knight's Retinue A knight and his page stop for the evening at an inn, a squire close behind. The knight calls for the women to come and service his men, as they've been riding long and hard all day and wish to continue in the same manner. Four girls enter the room and pair up with the men in turn, but the last two are forced to double up. As morning came, the girls found a few new problems with themselves. "That knight had chlamydia!", shouted one. "Well the squire had crabs!", shouted another. The last two girls checked themselves in a hurry, but found no new afflictions. "Wow," one said, turning to the other. "I'm glad we were on the same page."

Do you know why it was called the 'Dark Ages'? Because of all the knights!

Who's the roundest knight at King Arthur's Table? Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

A man wants to cross a bridge... ...but a knight won't let him unless he answers three questions correctly but with each wrong answer, the knight promises to cut off parts of his body. The man agrees. The first question is incorrect and the knight chops off his arms. Likewise, the second question is incorrect and the legs were sliced off. Lastly, he answers the third one incorrectly and off his head goes when the knight separates it from its torso. "Shall we have a fourth question?" Asked the knight. The man replied, "I should quit while I'm a head."

One time I won a raffle in England, turns out it was for knighthood. Boy was I Sir prized

What do you call a Mexican knight? The Chosen Juan.

What do you call a gathering of Arthur's Knights? A Sir conference.

Jedi Knights love analogies. "Metaphors be with you!"

Why did the knight stop using the internet? Because he was sick of chainmail.

Did you hear about the steak that was knighted by the queen? Sir Loin.

Once upon a time there was a knight. He was a very brave knight. One of the very best. He slew monsters and fought off invaders. This knight had an excellent page. He would do anything for the knight. He was an expert at taking care of his horse, armor, and other equipment. The knight and the page were very good friends, trusting each other with everything. One day, the knight got a call about a monster terrorizing the countryside. He was told of a giant yellow hand that was crushing houses, murdering peasants, and all the other stuff that monsters tend to do. So the knight and his page prepared everything, saddled up the horse, and took off towards the hand. When they finally found the hand, the knight confronted it, and promptly got flicked off of his horse. With all of his armor on, he couldn't get back up! The page, thinking quickly, grabbed a rope and ran around the hand and through its fingers until it was tied up completely. The page had defeated the monster. And the moral of this story is to let your pages go walking through the yellow fingers.

Who was the roundest knight at the King Arthur's round table? Sir Cumference

Who was the roundest knight at the Round Table? Sir Cumference

Why was Sir Lancelot too tired to jump over the moat? He didn't get a good knight's leap. Wakka wakka!

Who was the most well rounded knight at King Arthur's round table? Circumference

What do you call 3 knights in a relationship? Polyarmory

What do you get when you cross 10 sodium particles with the Dark Knight? Nananananananananana BATMAN!

Why are there no asian knights? Armor is pretty much useless once there's a chink in it.

Q- How many billionaires does it take to make Batman A- Three. Two to die and one to never get over it. I heard this in the game Arkham Knight

What do you call the Knight who started the Round Table? Sir Cumference!

What do Jedi Knights say to encourage the use of analogies? "Metaphors be with you."

Meta Knight walks into a restaurant... There is no counter.

What do you call a knighted cow? Sir Loin

What do you call a knight made out of clay? Sir Amick

Who's the roundest knight of King Arthur's court? Circumference

Why should you not throw stones at a knight? Because heavy metal is harder than rock.

Knights and dragons must have been the first rappers. After all, dragons spit fire, and knights slay.

I just started a new job at a factory that makes chess pieces. I'm on knights next week.

Chess is actually quite easy... Knight takes Rook, King takes Queen, and Bishop molests the Pawns.

A joke for Passover A Jewish man is receiving a knighthood from the Queen. He is told before the ceremony that the Queen will come up to him, he will kneel before her, recite a phrase in Latin and she will tap him on either shoulder with the ceremonial sword and he will then be a Sir. The time finally comes for the man to receive his honour. He steps up to the Queen, kneels, but panics and forgets the Latin phrase. Acting quickly, he recites the only other phrase he knows in a foreign language: "Ma mishtanah halaila hazeh mikol haleylot..." Confused, Her Majesty turns to her adviser and asks: "Why is this Knight different from every other Knight?"

One knight a king, a queen, and a dog sailed on a boat. The queen and king fell off and drowned. The dog tried to rescue them but was eaten by a shark. Who survived? The knight. (It's a better oral joke since knight and night are interchangeable)

What do you call a Knight that cuts beef? Sir Loin.

How does the Black Knight sneeze? "Have-at-choo!"

You either see The Dark Knight.. or live long enough to have all the good quotes ruined for you.

Elderly Scottish Jew An elderly Scottish Jew decides to slow down and take up golf. So he applies for membership at the local club. After a week he receives a message that his application has been rejected. So he goes down to the club to inquire why. Secretary: You are aware that this is a Scottish golf club? Scot: Aye, but I am as Scottish as you are, MacTavish. Secretary: This means that on formal occasions we wear the kilt. Scot: Aye, so do I. Secretary: You are aware that we wear nothing under the kilt? Scot: Aye, neither do I. Secretary: But you are a Jew? Scot: Aye, I be that. Secretary: So you are circumcised? Scot: Aye, I be that, too. Secretary: I am terribly sorry, but the members just would not feel comfortable with that. Scot: I know that you have to be a Protestant to march with the Orangemen. And I know that you have to be a Catholic to join the Knights of Columbus. But this is the first time I've heard that you have to be a total prick to join a golf club.

The reason why I am single. Watching batman vs superman with gf. Suddenly wonder women's entry, instant boner. Gf ask wtf is that. I replied dark knight rises

The knight struts proudly into the court, sword bloody and armor covered in gore "Sire, I have returned," he proclaims, "from my long arduous campaign, pillaging your enemies to the west." "But we don't *have* any enemies to the west," the king says puzzled. "Well, you do now."

Who was the most well rounded knight of Arthur's round table? Sir Cumference

Who was King Author's most well rounded Knight? Sir Cumference.

Why were they called the dark ages? Because there were so many knights! Credit: watching Mr. D on Netflix

Why were the early days of history called the dark ages? Because there were so many knights