50+ Giraffe Jokes

There are 500 bricks on a plane... - There are 500 bricks on a plane. One falls off. How many are left? 499 - What are the three steps to putting an elephant in a refrigerator? Open fridge, put elephant in, close fridge - What are the four steps to putting a giraffe in a refrigerator? Open fridge, take elephant out, put giraffe in, close fridge - The Lion king is having a birthday party. All the animals attend but one. Which animal is it and why? Giraffe. He's stuck in a refrigerator. - Sally wants to cross an alligator infested river. There is no bridge and the only way she can get across is by swimming. She swims across and makes it to the other side safely. Why? The alligators are all at the birthday party. - Sally dies anyways. Why? She got hit in the head by a flying brick

Q. 500 bricks are on a plane. One falls off. How many are left? A. 499 Q. What are three steps to putting an elephant in a refrigerator? A. Open Door, put elephant in refrigerator, close door Q. What are four steps to putting a giraffe in a refrigerator? A. Open door, take elephant out of refrigerator, put giraffe in refrigerator, close door Q. The lion throws a huge birthday party. All the animals but one go. Which is it and why? A. The giraffe: he's still in the refrigerator Q. Sally swims across an alligator infested river and doesn't get eaten. How? A. The alligators are at the lion's birthday party Q. Sally is found dead within the next 5 minutes: why? A. She was hit by a brick falling from the sky

There are 500 bricks on a plane, one falls off how many are left? 499. What are the three steps to putting an elephant in a refrigerator? Open fridge, put an elephant in, close fridge. What are the four steps to putting a giraffe in a fridge? Open fridge, take elephant out, put giraffe in, close fridge. The lion king is having a birthday party. All the animals attend but one. Which animal is it and why? The giraffe because he's stuck in the fridge. Sally wants to cross an alligator infested river. There is no bridge and the only way she can get across is by swimming. She swims across and makes it to the other side safely, how? The alligators are all at the birthday party. Sally dies anyways. Why? She got hit in the head by a flying brick.

Did you hear the one about the giraffe who learned karate? He looked like a fucking idiot.

A long series of jokes 503 bricks are on a plane. 1 falls off. How many are left? _502._ How do you put an elephant in a fridge? _Open door, put elephant in, close door._ How do you put a giraffe in the fridge? _Open door, take elephant out, put giraffe in, close door._ The Lion King is having a B-day party. All the animals are there, except one. Which one? _The giraffe. He's in a fridge._ Sally has to get across a large river home to many alligators. They are very dangerous, but Sally swims across safely. How? _The gators are at the party._ Sally dies anyway. Why? _She got hit in the head by a flying brick._ --- **EDIT:** Dang, over 300 points? That's pretty surprising!

You're riding a horse full speed, a man on a giraffe at your side, and a ferocious lion in hot pursuit. What do you do? Get your drunk ass off the carousel.

Two part joke Q. How does an elephant hide in an apple tree? A. He paints his balls red. Q. What's the loudest sound in Africa? A. Giraffes eating apples.

A string of jokes I heard a while ago How do you get four elephants in a mini cooper? Two in the front, two in the back. How do you get four giraffes in a mini cooper? You can't because of all the elephants. How do you get two whales in a mini cooper? Same way you get to Wales in any other car, down the M4, over the Severn Bridge. How can you tell if there's an elephant in your fridge? Footprints in the butter. How can you tell if there are two elephants in your fridge? You can hear them giggle when the lights go out. How can you tell if there are three elephants in your fridge? You can't *quite* get the door closed. How can you tell if there are four elephants in your fridge? There's a mini cooper parked outside.

Three friends are in a bar talking about their dicks The first guy said, "My dick's like a lion, big and strong!" "Yeah sure, but mine's like a giraffe, big and long," said the second guy. The third guy came up and said, "Oh yeah? Talk about mine, it's like a mouse!" The other guys laughed and said, "It's as small as a mouse?" The third guy replied, "No, it's always chased by pussies."

You're riding a horse, a giraffe is running next to you and a lion is chasing you. What do you do? Get your drunk as off the carousel.

Joke from"28 days later". (Joke for the humorless) A man walks into a bar with a giraffe. They both get pissed. The giraffe falls over. The man goes to leave and the bartender says, “Oi. You can’t leave that lyin’ there.” And the man says, “No. It’s not a lion. It’s a giraffe.”

Apparently, Giraffes can grow up to 18 feet. But every single one I've seen had only four.

A kid gets onto his school bus and starts annoying the bus driver... The little kid sits down in the front seat and starts saying kid:"If my parents were tigers, id be a little tiger!' kid: "If my parents were giraffes, id be a little giraffe!" Bus Driver: "shut up, shut up" Kid: "If my parents were dogs id be a little dog!" finally the driver gets annoyed and says: "O yea? what if your mom was a prostitute and your dad was a homo? Then what would u be?!" Kid: "A bus driver."

Why are giraffes' necks so long? Because their heads are so far from their bodies.

A bunch of groan-worthy one-liners - Three guys walk into a bar. The fourth one ducks. - Two fish are in a tank. One says to the other, "You man the guns, I'll drive!" - Two parrots are sitting on a perch. One says to the other, "Something's fishy about this." - Two muffins are sitting in the oven. One says, "Oh man, it's hot in here." The other shrieks, "OH MY GOD! A talking muffin!" - How do you get a giraffe in a refrigerator? Open the door and shove him in. - How do you get two giraffes in a refrigerator? Open the door, move the first giraffe over and shove him in. - How do you get a rhinoceros in the refrigerator? Open the door, take out the two giraffes and shove him in. - What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef. - What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef. - What do you call a man with no arms or legs lying on your doorstep? Matt. - What do you call a man with no arms or legs floating in the swimming pool? Bob. - What do you call a man with no arms or legs laying on the grill? Frank. - What do you call a woman with no arms or legs hanging on your door frame? Belle. - What do you call a woman with one leg shorter than the other? Eileen. - Simba is calling together a meeting of all the animals at Pride Rock. As he's taking role, he notices that everyone is present except one. Who's missing? The rhinoceros, he's still stuck in the refrigerator.

A giraffe walks into a bar, he sits and orders 6 martinis........ Shame on you for wanting a punchline. This giraffe needs help.

Why is a giraffes neck so long? Because its head it so far away from its body

Camo Elephants Q: Why do elephants paint their balls red? A: To hide in cherry trees. Q: What's the loudest noise in the jungle? A: Giraffes eating cherries.

So a man owns a pet giraffe... ...and one day decides that he is peckish. So he goes down to his local McDonalds, giraffe in tow. He decides that he will have a hamburger; he buys one for the giraffe too. Then decides he's still hungry, so he has some fries. Again, the giraffe gets the same. The man then decides he is thirsty, and the giraffe and the man have a milkshake each. Satisfied, the man leaves with the giraffe. However the mixture has taken its toll on the giraffe, which falls down with a bad stomach. Upon seeing this the owner steps out of the restaurant and shouts, "Hey! Ya can't leave that lyin' there!" to which the man replies, "It isn't a lion! It's a giraffe!"

What kind of magic does a love-struck giraffe practice? Neck-romance-y.

Why do elephants paint their testicles red? To hide in cherry trees. Ever seen one? No? It works. What's the loudest sound in the forest? Giraffes eating cherries.

You are riding a horse. There is a giraffe beside you and a lion chasing you. What do you do? You get your drunk ass off the carousel. Edit: *off Thanks captain.

This joke works better told than read. There are 15 boxes in an airplane. One falls out. How many are left? 14. ***** How do you put an elephant inside a refrigerator in 3 steps? 1. open the door 2. put the elephant in 3. close the door ***** How do you put a giraffe inside a refrigerator in 4 steps? 1. open the door 2. remove the elephant 3. put in the giraffe 4. close the door ***** An animal party is being thrown at Lilly the Lion's house. Every animal was invited. Every animal came, except for one. Which animal didn't come? The giraffe. He was stuck in a refrigerator ***** An old man is walking along a nature path, enjoying his last years on earth. A warning sign appears, warning about the dangerous man eating crocodiles in the river ahead. He gets to the river, to find out there is no bridge! He looks left, he looks right, but his feet are quite tired and he doesn't feel like looking for a bridge, log, or anything to get him across without going in the river. So, he removes his socks and shoes and walks across the dirty river. Why didn't the crocodiles attack him? They were still at the animal party. ***** As the old man finally gets across, he becomes quite tired, and rests. He shouldn't have pushed himself so much, walking along such a long trail. When he gets up to continue, he dies suddenly. How did he die? A box fell out of an airplane and killed him.

Animals on drugs A little rabbit is running happily through the forest when he stumbles upon a giraffe rolling a joint. The rabbit looks at the giraffe and says, "Giraffe my friend, why do you do this? Come. Run with me through the forest! You''ll feel so much better!" The giraffe looks at him, looks at the joint, tosses it and goes off running with the rabbit. Then they come across an elephant doing coke. So the rabbit again says, "Elephant my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health. Come. Run with us through the pretty forest, you''ll see, you''ll feel so good!" The elephant looks at them, looks at his razor, mirror and coke, then tosses them and starts running with the rabbit and giraffe. The three animals then come across a lion, heating some smack on a spoon, about to shoot up. "Lion my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health! Come. Run with us through the beautiful forest and you''ll feel so good!" The lion looks at him, puts down his needle, and mauls the rabbit. The giraffe and elephant watch in horror and look at him and ask, "Lion, why did you do this? He was merely trying to help you." The lion answers, "That little bastard! He makes me run around the forest like a f**king idiot every time he's on ecstasy!"

So a guy walls into a bar A guy walks into a bar with a giraffe. The guy had a few beers, but the giraffe ends up getting totally wasted and passes out on the floor. The man pays and just add he is about to walk out the door the bartender shouts "hey! Don't leave that lyin' there!" And the man says back "that's not a lion, that's a giraffe."

Why does a giraffe need such a long neck? Because its head is so far away from its body.

A English teacher says to a African student.. "okay you're doing really good with your English, I would like you to use the word dandelion in a sentence" the student replies "ohh that is easy, The giraffe, is bigger, dan de lion"

A man and his pet giraffe walk into a bar... He orders a beer for himself, and one for the giraffe too. They each have 5 beers, and after they finish the fifth one, the man says to the giraffe, "c'mon, it's time to go." But the giraffe was too drunk to walk out, so it just collapses on the bar floor, and the man begins to walk out regardless. The barman notices this, and shouts: "Hey, what's that lyin' on the floor?!" to which the man replied: "That's not a lion, it's a giraffe."

A man walks into a bar with a giraffe... The man and the giraffe drink shots back and forth and eventually the giraffe passes out from alcohol. The man puts some money on the table and starts to walk out. The bartender yells out "You can't leave that lyin' there!" The man replies "That's not a lion, it's a giraffe." Read it out loud if you don't get it at first.

The long haul an airplane is shipping a large amount of bricks, when suddenly the pilot yells over the intercom "the plane is going down we need to lower the weight" what do you do? *throw out one brick* how do you fit an elephant in a freezer? *open the door, let him in, shut the door.* how do you fit a giraffe in a freezer? *open the door, take out the elephant, let the giraffe in, shut the door.* the king of the jungle is holding a party and all the animals show up except one, who is it? *the giraffe* a woman is trying to cross a deadly river filled with deadly crocodiles, but survives. how? *all the crocodiles are at the party.* but then she suddenly dies. why? *she got hit by the brick......*

A rope walks into a bar, Has a seat and the bartender says to it, "Sorry, we don't serve your kind here." The rope, upset, ties itself into a knot and separates its strands. The bartender says, 'What are you doing? I told you we don't serve ropes here. You'll have to leave." "I don't think so," says the rope, "I'm a frayed knot." Barrum-cha! [Bonus: A giraffe walks into a bar and yells, "The high balls are on me!"]

Man walks into a bar with a giraffe The giraffe goes to sleep on the floor. The bartender says, "Aye, what's that lyin' there?" The man says, "It's not a lion, it's a giraffe!"

How do you kill a purple elephant? **With a purple elephant gun.** How do you kill a blue elephant? **You tie a knot in it's trunk until it turns purple then shoot it with a purple elephant gun.** How do you put a giraffe in a refrigerator? **Open the door and put it inside** How do you put a lion in the refrigerator? **Open the door, take out the giraffe, put in the lion.** A Purple elephant is holding a meeting of all the animals in the world. What animal is not there? **The lion, he is still in the refrigerator.** You are on a safari in a jungle. You pass a sign that says beware of purple elephants. You hear a loud elephant's scream behind you as you come to a river. It has a sign that says beware of piranhas. How do you get across? **You swim. The piranhas are still at the Elephant's meeting.** A funny string of jokes I heard a while back. Hope you enjoyed them! Tell them to your friends, it's better to hear in person than read.

What happens when you put an elephant in the refrigerator? Answer:It becomes cold duh! What happens you put a giraffe into a refrigerator? What people say:It becomes cold? Correct Answer: You can't put it there, the elephant is already in there. The Lion is hosting an animal conference. All the animals attend.... except one. Which animal does not attend? Answer: The Elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator. You just put him in there. There is a river you must cross but it is used by crocodiles, and you do not have a boat. How do you manage it? Correct Answer: You jump into the river and swim across. Have you not been listening? All the crocodiles are attending the Animal Meeting.

What do you do to an elephant with three balls? Walk him, and pitch to the giraffe!

A giraffe walks into a bar... The giraffe trips and falls over, the bartender says, "what's that lyin over there." And someone replies, "that's not a lion, that's a giraffe."

You are moving cross country. FedEx agrees to fly all your belongings over. During the flight the plane is unable to maintain lift. The pilot asks you to lose some baggage. What do you lose ? The fridge. Why ? Cause it's heavy. Why is the fridge heavy ? Cause it has a fucking giraffe in it.

At the touch of her lips, it grew hard an swollen... I gasped as she squeezed and pulled expertly. It was the best balloon giraffe I´d ever seen.

So a man and a giraffe walk into a bar... and drink until the giraffe passes out. The man goes to leave and the bartender yells, "Hey, you can't leave that lyin' there!" Man says, "That's not a lion, it's a giraffe."

The apocalypse is coming! So all animals gathered and decided, that since they were all gona die, why not have one huge orgy. The orgy began and at some point the female giraffe asked the elephant if he wants to fuck her, to which he quickly agreed and started screwing her. Few moments later the giraffe turned around and said: "It's the end of the world, why the hell are you wearing a condom?". The elephant frowned - "Condom...?" "Shit, I forgot the boa was giving me a blowjob!"

A giraffe walks into a bar And says "Hey everybody the high balls are on me!"

A guy is driving 90 mph down the highway... ...and he has a penguin in the front seat. A cop catches him speeding and pulls him over down the road. He approaches the car and notices the penguin in the car and asks, "What the hell is this!?" The driver replies, "Well, it's a penguin, officer!" The cop yells at him to take it to the zoo, writes him a speeding ticket, and drives off. The very next day, on the same stretch of highway, the same cop is posted looking for speeding vehicles. He notices the same man and same car he pulled over yesterday, tracks him down, and pulls him over. When he gets to the car, he sees the same penguin in the front seat wearing sunglasses and holding a stuffed giraffe. "Sir, I told you to take this penguin to the zoo!" the cop shouts. "Yeah, I took him to the zoo today, and tomorrow we're going to the circus!"

A giraffe walks into a hat store... ...and orders three slices of pizza - any kind would be fine. The store owner looks puzzled at the giraffe; "Uh, we don't serve pizza slices here-" "Then a burger or something, I don't care," the giraffe interrupts. "We don't sell that either, we-" Again, the giraffe interrupts, noticably irritated with the clerk's attidute: "Just serve me *something*, okay?! I'm *starving* here!" "But this is a hat store! Can't you read the sign outside?" the store owner asked. "Well if I knew how to read, don't you think I'd have asked for a menu?!"

I can't keep a steady job! I worked in an orange juice factory but I got canned. I couldn’t concentrate. I worked in the woods as a lumber jack but I just couldn’t hack it. They gave me the ax. I worked as a tailor but I wasn’t suited for it. Mainly because it was a sew-sew job. I worked in a muffler factory but it was too exhausting. I attempted to be a deli worker but any way I sliced it I couldn’t cut the mustard. I worked as a musician but I found out I wasn’t note worthy. I worked as a doctor but I didn’t have any patience. I became a professional fisherman but I found out I couldn’t live on my net income. I worked as a pool maintenance worker but it was too draining. I worked at the zoo, feeding giraffes, but I wasn’t up to it. I worked as a historian but found out that there’s no future in that. I worked at Starbucks but I quit because it was always the same old grind.

A giraffe walks into a bar He says "High balls on me!"

How do you hide an elephant up a cheery tree? Put it in the tree and paint it's balls red. What's the loudest noise in the world? A giraffe eating cherries Edit: not a cheery tree...cherry

A man and a giraffe walk into a bar.. They both sit at the bar and start drinking..8 pints later... the giraffe falls down drunk The bartender says "You better not leave that lying there" The man says "Thats not a lion, thats a giraffe"

A giraffe walks into a bar The bartender asks “why the long neck?”

You're being chased by a Lion, you're on a horse to the left of you is a Giraffe and on the right a unicorn what do you do? You stop drinking and get off the Carousel.

A guy walks into a bar... .... with a giraffe. They sit down at the bar and start drinking beer after beer and shot after shot. Finally, the giraffe passes out and falls to the floor. The guy pays the tab and is just about to leave when the bartender says: "Hey! You gonna leave that lyin' there?" - "Not a lion, a giraffe!"

Why did the monkey paint his balls red? So he could hide in the cherry tree... What's the most load noise in the jungle? ... A giraffe eating cherries!

Why is a giraffes neck so long? So it can reach its head.

Drunk Giraffe A man walks into a bar with a giraffe. He walks up to the bar and takes a seat, the giraffe does the same. The man orders a beer for himself and a double scotch for the giraffe. They both proceed to drink and after a while they order the same again. They continue all night, ordering the same drinks, drinking them and ordering another load until suddenly the giraffe falls off his stool and lies unconscious on the floor. The man gets up of his stool and heads for the door. The barman shouts at him as he heads out the door, "You can't leave that lyin' 'ere!" The man replies, "It's not a lion, it's a giraffe!"

A man and his giraffe A man and his giraffe walk into a bar. The giraffe has a bit too much to drink and passes out on the bar. The man gets up and begins to walk to the door when the bartender says "you can't leave that lying there!". The man replies, "that's not a lion, it's a giraffe"

What do you call a road full of giraffes? Giraffic.

What happens when you put an elephant in the fridge? Dad asks little Johnny "I don't know dad" responds a perplexed Johnny. "It gets cold" Dad responds with a smirk. Little Johnny looks annoyed and tries to protest but is hit with the next question "What happens when you put a giraffe in the fridge?" Johnny tries to think knowing what a troll of a dad he has. He shrugs and says "It gets cold?" "No, you dumbo, How can you put the giraffe in the fridge while the elephant is still in there." Johnny lets out a "What" and is facing the next question. "Looks like you are not doing well. The next one is a pretty simple one. The Lion is hosting an animal conference. All the animals attend.... except one. Which animal does not attend?" Little Johnny doesn't bother thinking much on this before he gives up. Dad says "The Elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator. You just put him in there." Johnny facepalms and turns to go away. Dad stops him and says "One final question Johnny, and it's a simple one.There is a river you must cross but it is used by crocodiles, and you do not have a boat. How do you manage it?" Johnny thinks about this one feeling there might be a logical answer to this but knows his dad too well and answers "Ship! You said I did not have a boat, but what about a ship" Dad laughs and says "You jump into the river and swim across. Have you not been listening? All the crocodiles are attending the Animal Meeting."

Why Do Giraffes Have Such Long Necks? So they can reach their head!

A guy and his family are on safari... And they're traveling across Africa. they see the Giraffes, in all their majestic awkwardness, and they see the lions, with their intimidating beauty. The family then comes upon a herd of Elephants, and the child notices that one of the baby elephants is standing with his paw in the air, like he's injured. Without thinking, the kid jumps out of the Jeep, and runs up to the elephant. Turns out theres a large stick wedged in his paw. The young child pulls the stick out, and the elephant wraps him up in his trunk, lifts him waaaaaay up in the air, and lets out a big elephant roar, and puts him down. Fast forward a few years, and the kid has grown up and has a family of his own, as kids tend to do. One day he decides to take his family to the zoo, and they see the polar bears, all pent up and sad looking. And they see the Tigers, looking terrifying as shit, and they finally come to the elephant enclosure. The father is pointing out the elephant tusks and whatnot, when he notices something, a familiar face if you will. without thinking about it, he jumps over the fence, and races up to this one full grown elephant. He stands face-to-face with the elephant, and touches his paw. The elephant wraps him up in his trunk, lifts him waaaaay up into the air, and lets out a mighty elephant roar... then tramples the guy to death. So I guess it wasn't the same elephant.

What did the deer say when he left the gay bar? I can't believe I blew fifty bucks back there! I'll offer an alternative also as they are both stupid. What did the giraffe say when he walked into the bar? The high balls are on me. Commence the booing, hissing and downvoting! Comments of 'lame' or 'gay' are also very welcome and offer highly valuable feedback.

How many dadaists does it take to change a lightbulb? Giraffe.

Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin And giraffes were born

There were 500 bricks on a plane... One fell out. How many were left? 499 What are the three steps to putting an elephant in a refrigerator? Open the door, put the elephant in, close the door. What are the four steps to putting a giraffe in a refrigerator? Open the door, take the elephant out, put the giraffe in, close the door. The lion was having a birthday party and he invited all the animals. They all showed up, except one. Who didn't come? The giraffe, because he was stuck in a refrigerator. Sally had to cross a river where alligators lived. There was no boat or bridge, though she was a good swimmer. Why didn't she get eaten? Because the alligators were all at the lion's birthday party. However, Sally died anyway. Why? She got hit by the falling brick.

Why is a giraffes neck so long? Because the head is so high up.

You're riding a horse full speed. There's a giraffe next to you and a lion chasing you, what do you do? Get your drunk ass off the carousel.

Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. It's descendents are known today as giraffes.

A man and a giraffe walk into a bar. The man and the giraffe start drinking. Being a giraffe in a bar of all places, the pair are quite popular and patrons buy them quite a few rounds of shots. As closing time approaches, the man and giraffe get up to leave, but the giraffe is too drunk and collapses on the ground. The man looks back, laughs, and keeps walking out the door. The barman yells "Hey! You can't that lyin' there!" "That's not a lion, it's a giraffe". _____ Yes, it works better out loud.

A priest, a rabbi, two penguins, a giraffe, and an elephant walk into a bar. The bartender says, "What is this, a joke?"

Giraffe walks into a bar and says... The hi-balls are on me.

The animals in the zoo were talking amongst themselves about the recent drought... The cows said they hoped it would rain soon as the fields they grazed in were dry and turning brown. The giraffes said they hoped it rained soon as the leaves on the tops of the trees were sparse. The monkeys hoped it would rain because the branches of the trees were dry and snapping, making it hard for them to swing around. The kangaroo said she hoped it *wouldn't* rain. When the other animals pressed her as to why not, she replied "because then my kids will be inside all weekend!"

A child gets on a bus So a child of seven jumps on a bus. The driver, noticing he's alone, tells him to sit in the seat closest to the front. After the bus has started the kid says: "Hey mister driver?" Driver:"Yes?" Child:"Did you know, that if my mummy was a dog, and my daddy was a dog, that I would be a dog?" The driver chuckles at this cute comment and says:"No, I did not" After a while the child says again:" Mister driver, did you know that if my mummy was a giraffe, and my daddy was a giraffe, that I would be a giraffe?" The driver laughs again, with a bit less enthusiasm and says:" No I didn't know that." The child starts listing almost every animal that driver has heard of, and it starts to annoy him more and more, until finally he yells:"WHAT IF YOUR MOTHER WAS A PROSTITUTE, AND YOUR FATHER WAS AN ALCOHOLIC!!?!" The kid looks up at the man with a small smile and says:"Well then I'd be a bus driver."

What is something that mother giraffes have but no other animal has? Baby giraffes.

A man and a giraffe walk into a bar. The giraffe gets rather drunk, and passes out. The bartender doesn't think much of it until the man is about to leave. The bartender remarks to the man, "You can't leave that lyin' there." The man replies, "No no, that's a giraffe, not a lion."

Happy Dog Chow Last week at Walmart I had a big bag of Happy Dog Chow in my cart, and as I passed a woman shopper she asked me if I had a dog. What did she think I had, a giraffe? Well, I’m retired and always on the lookout for fun, so I told her I didn’t actually have a dog, but I was starting on the “Happy Dog” diet again. “It’s really simple” I said. “You just keep your pockets full of Happy Dog chunks, and every time you feel your stomach rumble you just pop a couple in your mouth. It’s nutritionally complete, has lots of fiber, and last time I lost 25 pounds.” A few more people had stopped and were listening by this time, and they all seemed mesmerized. When you live long enough to be retired, you realize people will believe anything if you make it interesting. So I really cranked it up and said, “Even though it worked great and I lost weight, I’m not sure it’s a good idea, because last time I wound up in intensive care.” The woman opened her eyes wide and asked, “Were you poisoned by the dog food?” “No,” I said. “I, was just minding my business, licking my dick in the middle of the street, and a car ran me over”.

Jungle Bunny There's a rabbit walking through the jungle, and he comes upon a monkey and the monkey's rolling a joint. The rabbit says, "Hey, monkey, I love you, man, don't smoke that stuff. Enjoy life with me and come through the woods." So the monkey follows. They're walking through the woods and they see a giraffe cutting up some cocaine. The rabbit says, "Hey, giraffe, I love you, bro, don't do that cocaine. Enjoy life with us and come through the woods." So he follows the monkey and the rabbit. They walk up on a lion, and he's fixing up a rig of heroin, about to shoot up some heroin. The rabbit says, "Lion, man, don't do that, bro, I love you, man..." The lion smacks the shit out of the rabbit and he goes flying through the woods. The giraffe and the monkey go, "What the hell'd you do that for?" The lion says," I hate when that fucking rabbit when he is on ecstasy"!

God's first concept for a long-necked quadriped was just a rough giraffe.

Guy brings a giraffe into a bar... The giraffe passes out on the floor and the bartender says "hey, you cant leave that lyin there." The guy says "it's not a lion, it's a giraffe."

If you're riding a horse at full speed along side a giraffe and a lion is chasing you, what do you do? Get your drunk ass off the merry-go-round. Props to the radio station I heard this on today.

What do you call it when 4 giraffes collide? A giraffic jam!

Why is a giraffe's neck so long? Because its head is so far away from its body.

A Giraffe walks into a bar. He sits down at the bar and gets the Bartenders attention. Bartender says: "What will you have." Giraffe says: "Vodka Martini, stirred." Bartender makes the martini, brings it the giraffe and says, "That will be $20." Giraffe pays and sips his drink. A few minutes later, the bartender returns and says to the giraffe, "you know, we don't get a lot of giraffes in here." To which the giraffe responds, "well for a $20 martini, you sure as hell won't.

A man and a giraffe walk into a bar... and both get pretty pissed up. The Giraffe, being such a fucking light-weight, passes out. The man stands up and decides to go back home. The barman says "oi, you can't leave you friend lyin' here?" The man responds "He's not a lion, he's a giraffe"

I met up with my zoologist friend the other day and he told me that he's working on a big project - he's attempting to study the characteristics of giraffes across various taxonomical groups. I told him that seems like a rather tall order.

Im a sucker for corney jokes so give me ur best joke! I need some laughter in my life :) Here is one of my favorites Guy goes into a bar with a giraffe and they get shit faced drunk. The giraffe passes out on the floor, the man starts to stumble out the door when the bartender yells "hey you can't leave that lying here!" The man replies "it's not a lion it's a giraffe" Now it's ur turn, hit me with ur best joke ;)

A skunk, a deer and a giraffe walk into a bar.... The three animals sit down and order a round of drinks. They quickly finish the first round and order a second round, then finish those and order a third round. After they finish the third round, the trio decides its time to move on. When the bartender brings the bill over, the skunk looks at the deer and giraffe and says, "I'm sorry guys, but I cant pay for this because I only have one scent." The deer looks at the giraffe and say, "Sorry buddy, but I only have one buck with me, but I'll have a little doe tomorrow." The giraffe looks at the skunk and the deer and says, "Don't worry friends, the high balls are on me."

What would you call Benedict Cumberbatch if he was dating a giraffe? The Neck-Romancer

This joke is good tell you girlfriend to make her laugh -How do you put an elephant in the refrigerator? -Open the door and put him in. -Now, how do you put a giraffe in the refrigerator? -Open the door, take out the elephant and put him in. -So the king of all the animals called a meeting that all animals must attend. But one didn't show, which one was it? -The giraffe because he's still in the refrigerator. -Now your trying to get to the castle because you have to save the damsel in distress. But it's surrounded by a moat that has many many crocodiles that live in and the gate is up. How do you get across? -Swim through because all the crocodiles are at the meeting of the animals!

A Giraffe walks into a bar...... .... He looks at everyone and says: "High Balls on me!"

My essay on sick, long necked mammals had lots of errors in it. My teacher said it was a rough giraffe.

Two giraffes are in a liquor store They ask the man serving for four bottles of pale ale. "Sure thing, you want longnecks?" He inquires. "Nah mate, we allready got long necks" I came up with this the other day. It was much funnier when I was drunk.

A man and his giraffe walk into a bar... They both get really drunk and the giraffe passes out, the man starts to walk out the door when the bartender says 'hey you can't leave that ly'n there. 'The man turns around and says to the bartender 'that's not a lion it's a giraffe'.

How do you make a Giraffe go to war? You Giraffed it

Why do giraffes have a great love life? Because they keep a good distance between their brains and their heart.

Giraffes can never be successful comedians... Their humor goes way over your head. 😐

Why are giraffes such good friends? They are always willing to stick their neck out for you.

What's the difference between a JCB and a giraffe? One's got hydraulics, the other's got high bollocks.

A Giraffe walks into a bar.... And says "Hi guys, the Hi-balls are on me" ....Bartender says "You sure you don't want a long neck?"

What do giraffes eat at 11am? Brunch.

Why did the giraffe cross the highway? Because he bumped his head on the low-way! I guess we're doing 4 year old's jokes today :)

A man walks into a bar with his pet giraffe. A man walks into a bar with his giraffe. He buys himself a drink and he buys the giraffe a drink. He drinks his drink. The giraffe drinks its drink. The giraffe passes out. The man gets up to pee and the bartender says: "Oi! Ya can't leave that lyin' there" The man says: "It's not a lion. It's a giraffe."

A giraffe is at the airport going through the TSA line ... And the security agent says: "hey, is the your laptop?" And the giraffe says: "I thought you'd never ask"