50+ Frog Jokes

A young man was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess". The man bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week." The young man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do ANYTHING you want." Again the young man took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Next the frog yells, "Okay okay, If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you FOREVER and do ANYTHING you want." Again the young man took the frog out, then he chuckled at it and put it back in his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you forever, and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The young man said, "Look I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog is cool."

A man has a 25 inch long penis And he thinks it is way too big, and he looks for ways to make it smaller. One day, he finds out about a witch in the woods who can solve his problem. When he went to the witch, she told him to look for a frog by the stream and ask the frog to have sex with him. The frog will say no, and his penis will shrink by five inches. He goes to the frog, and asks him, "will you have sex with me?" The frog said "no!" and his penis shrunk by five inches. He thought this was great and asked again, "will you have sex with me?" The frog again said "no!" and his penis shrunk by five inches. The man was very pleased and thought his penis was still a little too big. He decided to ask the frog one last time, "will you have sex with me?" "How many times do I have to tell you? No! No! No!"

What did the frog say to his girlfriend when he was trying to get a handjob? *rubbit*

A smoking hot woman walks into a bar and orders a drink. While she's sitting there she notices a frog on a stool behind the bar. "What's up with that frog?" she asks the bartender. "Oh he eats pussy" the bartender replied. "Really? I've never heard of a frog that eats pussy" she said. Intrigued and after several drinks she finally says "Ok, I've got to know how good this frog is, can I take him home?" "Sure" the bartender says "And call me if there's any problems." So a little while later he gets an irate call from the woman saying " I'm laying here pants off and spread eagle and this frog is just sitting there not doing anything!" "Oh no, I'll be right over" says the bartender. He gets to her house and sure enough she's pants off and spread eagle and the frog is just sitting there. He picks up the frog and puts it to his ear and listens. "What!?" says the bartender. "Really!?" "FINE! But this is the last time I show you!"

A little girl asks her grandad... "Would you make a frog noise for me?" The grandad, confused asks, "why?" The little girl replies, "dad says when you croak we are all going to disneyland".

I paid a homeless lady in Nashville $1 for two jokes. Wanna hear em? NSFW. She was advertising two jokes for $1 so don't think I just walked up to her and said "I'll give you a dollar if you tell me two jokes." "Why can't miss piggy count to seventy? Because every time she gets to 69 she get a little frog in her throat." "How can you tell your man has a high sperm count? You have to chew before you swallow." My boyfriend paid a dollar and got these - "Two condoms were walking down the street. They passed a gay bar and one looks at the other and says 'hey want to go inside and get shit faced?'" "How do you get a dog to stop humping your leg? Pick it up and suck it's dick."

A joke is like a frog... When you dissect it, it dies. Get it? Just like a frog dies when you dissect it, so does a joke when you explain it. Basically, the frog is used as an analogy, to help people understand that jokes shouldn't be explained, because the joke will die, or more specifically, become unfunny. So, just like when a frog dies when you dissect it, so does a joke when you dissect, or explain it. Edit: /u/elliot91 caught me out on my shameless [copy paste](https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/2pcec3/a_joke_is_like_a_frog/). All my upvotes are belong to him.

A lady walks into a bar… She orders a drink and notices a frog in a cage behind the bar. She asks the bartender about it and the bartender says this frog performs oral sex on women. The woman has a few more drinks and her curiosity gets the best of her so she asks the bartender to have the frog go down on her. She gets up on the bar in the appropriate position and the bartender puts the frog there and tells it to do its thing. The frog just sits there. The bartender moves the frog to the side and says, "I'm only going to show you one more time!"

What do Harry Potter and Kermit the Frog's penis have in common? Hogwarts.

A kid walks into a whore house carrying a dead frog.. A kid walks into a whore house with a dead frog. He goes to the front desk and sets his dead frog up on the counter top. The man at the desk says, we don't allow kids here. The kid puts $100 bill on the counter and the man replies, ok what do you want? The kid says, I want to have sex with the girl here that has the most STD's I can get. We don't have women like that here sorry buddy. The kid then puts another $100 bill on the table. Ok kid, all the way down the hall last door on the left. The kid comes out of the room after awhile and as he's walking out the front door the man stops him. Hey kid, why in the world would you do that? You basically just killed yourself. The kid looks up at him and says, I'm going to go home and fuck my babysitter. My parents are going to come home then my dad will take the babysitter home and he will fuck the babysitter. My dad will come home and he will fuck my mom. My dad will leave for work in the morning and the mail man will come and my mom will fuck the mail man and that's the mother fucker who ran over my frog.

So a chicken walks into a library and says, "bock". Sounding like "book", the librarian hands him a a book. He takes it and goes merrily on his way. Then the next day ... The chicken says "bock bock", and the librarian hands him two books. Away he went. The third day, chicken says "bock bock bock", and the librarian hands him three books. And so on until the fifth day, when the chicken says "bock bock bock bock bock", the librarian hands him five books and follows him to see what he's doing with all these books. There is a frog sitting across the way that the chicken takes the books to. The librarian, confused but curious, continues to follow the chicken. The chicken approaches the frog, says "bock bock bock bock bock", places the five books into the frogs hands. The frog responds by tossing each book aside one by one, "reddit reddit reddit reddit reddit"! **Honest question:** Is this jokey enough, or do I need to take my bullshit to dadjokes?

Dark jokes 1. Why can't orphans play baseball? They don't know where home is 2. What's the worst part about breaking up with a japanese person? You have to drop the bomb twice before they get the message 3. What did kermit the frog say at Jim henson's funeral? Nothing 4. What's white on top and black on the bottom? Society 5. What's the difference between john wayne and jack daniels? Jack daniels is still killing indians 6. Penn State moved the Jerry Sandusky statue to the library. When you see him, you have to stay quiet. 7. Why does dr pepper come in a bottle? His wife is dead 8. What's the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chick pea? I wouldn't pay 40 bucks to have a garbanzo bean on my face. 9. What is the last thing a redneck says before he dies? Hold my beer 10. Who's the opposite of christopher reeves? Christopher walkin 11. What's the difference between usian bolt and hitler? Usian bolt can finish a race 12. Why did princess diana cross the road? She wasn't wearing a seatbelt 13. How many potatoes does it take to kill an irishman? Zero 14. What did the left tower say to the right tower? Can't talk right now, gotta catch a flight 15. Why are suicide jokes long? Cause people who commited suicide lived shorter 16. What's the difference between a lawyer and an onion? People cry when they cut up an onion 17. What did the disabled boy get for christmas? Cancer

A kid is walking down the street with a jar of money and dragging along a dead frog on a string... And he walks into a whorehouse. He sets the jar of money on the counter and proclaims to a woman in the lobby "I want to have sex with the dirtiest, nastiest woman you have here." She glares at him and replies "get outta here. you're too young to be here." The kid retorts, pointing at the jar and says "look, lady- I'm paid. Let me do what I want." She agrees, and points him towards a door down the hall. "Meet Evelynn, she's a veteran." He does the deed and walks out of the room, still zipping up. The lady in the lobby asks him if he realizes the consequences of his actions. He replies, "Yes. I came here hoping for an STD, and I've gotten what I wanted." Confused, she asks him why. He replies, "My mom and dad are on vacation. When I get home, the babysitter is going to have sex with me. That's what she's into. She's going to get an STD. When mom and dad get home, mom will go to the grocery store and dad will have sex with the babysitter. He will have an STD. Once mom gets home, she will have sex with dad and SHE will get an STD. When dad leaves for work in the morning, mom is going to have sex with the Mailman... and HE's the motherfucker who ran over my frog."

A joke is like a frog.. When you dissect it, it dies. Get it? Just like a frog dies when you dissect it, so does a joke when you explain it. Basically, the frog is used as an analogy, to help people understand that jokes shouldn't be explained, because the joke will die, or more specifically, become unfunny. So, just like when a frog dies when you dissect it, so does a joke when you dissect, or explain it.

GRANPA, GRANPA CROAK LIKE A FROG A six-year-old goes to the hospital with her mother to visit her Grandpa.  When they get to the hospital, she runs ahead of her mother and bursts into her Grandpa's room.  "Grandpa, Grandpa," she says excitedly, "as soon as my mother comes into the room, make a noise like a frog!" "What?" said her Grandpa. "Make a noise like a frog because my mom said that as soon as you croak, we're all going to Disney World!”

Why was Jimmy crying? Because there was a frog stapled to his forehead.

If you have have a small green ball in one hand and another small green ball in the other, what do you have? Kermit the Frog's full attention.

A frog walks into a bank A frog walks into a bank, and approaches the teller. He sees the tellers name tag read Paddy Black and says "I'd like to take out a loan, Mrs. Black" "Certainly," says the teller, "how much would that be for?" "One million dollars." replies the frog. "Don't worry, it's ok, I know the manager." The teller is understandably taken aback by this, and asks if the frog has any collateral to cover this. "As a matter of fact, I do!" says the frog, and he reaches into his pocket and hands over a tiny ceramic elephant. "What?!" says the teller, "This is garbage! I can't take this!" "Well, take it up with my father then!" The frog retorts. "Oh yeah, and who might that be?" The teller is quickly getting more and more annoyed at the frog. "Why, it's Keith Richards!" The frog is waiting impatiently, tapping his toe on the ground. "Now, can I have that loan or not?" "Wait right here" the teller says, as she storms into the back room, looking for her manager. "There's a frog out there who claims to know you, and wants a million dollar loan. He claims his father his Keith Richards! He even gave me this as collateral," she says, holding up the elephant. "I mean, what even is this?" The manager takes a look at the elephant and replies "It's a knick knack, Paddy Black, give the frog a loan. His old man's a rolling stone!"

A guy with a 25 inch penis asked to God ... Guy: My penis is too long. I can't live life like this. God: Go to the pond near your home and ask the frog there to marry you. You'll lose 5 inches of your penis if she says "NO" Guy proposed to the frog and she said "No". He lost 5 inches. He tried it again and he lost 5 more inches when she repeated "NO". He thought to himself, "15 inches is still a bit too much. 10" should be ideal." So he went to to the frog again. Guy: Will you marry me? Frog: OMG, How many times do I tell you!! "NO! NO! NO!!! Go AWAY!"

This got legs in a comment thread yesterday so thought I would share. A man is fishing when he hears a voice. Fish over here. He looks down and sees a frog. Really fish over here. So he does and catches his limit. The man decides to take the frog home when it says a branch is gonna fall just as the man moves out of the way saving both their lives. Deciding the frog is lucky he takes it to vegas. Put it all on 00 on roulette. Doing so the man hits it for a million. So he rents the presidential suite and they bask in the hot tub for a while and lay on the bed. The man says wow, you've done so much for me I wish there was something I could do for you. The frog says kiss me so he soes and poof! The frog turns into a beautiful 17 year old girl and I swear to god that's how she got there your honor.

I'll never forget what my grandad said to me before he croaked. He said "hey kid, wanna hear my frog impression?"

The Frog I was playing golf, and even though I am usually a pretty good player, I was playing horribly that day. As I was about to tee off at the fourth hole I heard a voice say, three wood. I looked around and no one was behind me so I took my stance. Then once again I heard ..three wood. I looked down and there was a frog at the corner of the tee box, and he was telling me to use my three wood. I thought it was stupid but I was playing so badly that I thought nothing could hurt me so I took out my three wood. It was a long par four, and I hit the ball straight 250 yards with that three wood. Since the frog seemed to be lucky I picked him up and took him along with me. At the next hole he told me to use my five iron. It was a par three and I got my first hole in one ever. I made a least a birdie on all the rest of the holes, and all I had to do was listen to that frog. That night I took the frog to the casino in my hotel. We played Roulette. I put my money where the frog said and won on every spin of the wheel. After that I was tired so I went up to bed. I took the frog out of my pocket and put it on the dresser. Suddenly it looked at me and said, kiss me. Now I wasn't about to kiss a frog, but he said it again. So I kissed the frog and he turned into the most beautiful fourteen year old girl you have ever seen in your entire life. And that your honor is how that fourteen year old girl ended up in my hotel room. Edit 1: It's ok, I fixed my spelling error! Threat neutralized!

An American spy decided to give himself up to the Soviet authorities. Coming across the first KGB office building he could find, he entered, went past the reception desk, entered the first office he could find, and introduced himself. "Good afternoon, I'm an American spy," he said before he was cut off. "My apologies, but this office is for internal affairs only," they said. "We process double agents and defectors here. You'll want to go to the east wing, take the first right there, and go to the door at the end of the hall." He walked to the east wing, following their instructions until he reached the office. There, he opened the door and once again introduced himself. "Good afternoon, I'm an American spy. My conscience is torturing me, so I've decided to give myself up." "An American, you say?" they asked him. "We only deal with Englishmen. Go down the hall until you come to the second door on the left. Ask for Colonel Muchin." "Good afternoon, I'm an American spy," he said after entering Muchin's office. "I was dropped by parachute into Soviet territory—" "By parachute?" the Colonel interrupted. "That's not my jurisdiction. The only spies I handle are American frogmen. You should be in the other ward, across the way on the third floor at Room 1223." The American wandered around the building until he finally found the room he needed. He stopped to catch his breath before entering. "Good afternoon, I'm an American spy dropped from a plane to blow up a bridge of strategic—" "No, no, no," they told him. "We have nothing to do with explosive specialists. We only handle photography of military bases and missile silos. You'll want to head to that little building in the courtyard. There's an entrance in the street." He got up, slowly walking to the next office, clearly tired. Before he entered the courtyard office, he bought a glass of soda with syrup from a nearby vending machine before drinking it and setting the glass back. Then he entered the office, introducing himself yet again. "Good afternoon, I'm an American spy dropped from a plane to blow up a bridge of strategic importance," he said. "It's one of the bridges across the Volga." "Not my jurisdiction, I'm afraid," they replied. "I handle matters with the Moskva, not the Volga. You'll want to go back inside the main building and head to the top floor, then go to the furthest office on the left." He went back in, heading up to the top floor. By the time he reached it, he was exhausted and dragging himself to the office. Opening the door, he stumbled inside. "Good evening," he blurted out. "I'm...an American spy...dropped from a plane...to blow up a bridge...across the Volga...of strategic importance..." "Oh, to hell with it!" the head of the office cried, throwing his hand down in annoyance. "No one gives me any time to finish my annual report! Well, why did you roll in here, anyway? You've been given a mission, so carry it out!"

A frog goes into a bank... A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack. "Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $10000 loan to take a holiday." Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's OK, he knows the bank manager. Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral. The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall - bright pink and perfectly formed. Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office. She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $10000, and he wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?" The bank manager looks back at her and says, "It's a knick-knack, Patty Whack, give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."

A frog walks into a bank... ...and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack. "Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30000 loan to take a holiday." Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's OK, he knows the bank manager. Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral. The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall - bright pink and perfectly formed. Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office. She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30000, and he wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?" The bank manager looks back at her and says, "It's a knick-knack, Patty Whack, give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."

A frog goes into a bank... A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack. "Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a vacation." Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager. Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral. The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed. Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office. She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?" The bank manager looks back at her and says... "It's a knick-knack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."

Why can't Miss Piggy count to 70? Because every time she gets to 69 she gets a little frog stuck in her throat.

A man goes to visit a frog in the woods The man knows the frog loves reading, so he brings him a variety of literature. He finds the frog hanging out by a pond and presents him with classics, comedy, and nonfiction, but the frog shakes his head at each book one by one. Finally the man, exasperated, says, "I don't understand! You used to love reading. Why don't you have an interest in books anymore?" The frog holds up a smartphone and replies, "Reddit. Reddit. Reddit."

Why cant Miss Piggy count to 100? Every time she gets to 69 she has a frog in her throat.

Kiss me "A male engineering student was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, “If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess.” He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week.” The engineering student took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it; and returned it to his pocket. The frog then cried out, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I’ll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want.” Again the boy took the frog out, smiled at it, and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, “What is the matter? I’ve told you I’m a beautiful princess, that I’ll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won’t you kiss me?” The boy said, “Look I’m an engineer. I don’t have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog is cool."

Jesus, Moses, and a bearded guy are all playing golf together They get to the first hole and it's a long one with a big deep water hazard in the middle. Par 4 Jesus takes a shot. It lands on this tiny patch of dirt on the right edge of the hazard. Jesus doesn't want to take a penalty for a drop and he stinks at shooting left handed so he decides to just walk out on the water and make his shot. It lands on the green and he puts it in. Birdie. Moses steps up. He takes a shot. This one is going right into the center of the hazard. Moses raises his hands and parts the waters. The ball lands. Moses walks out and takes his shot. It lands on the green and he puts it in. Birdie. The bearded guy steps up to the tee. He takes his shot. It too is going straight into the water hazard. It heads straight for a lily pad with a frog on it. The frog sees the ball and thinks that it is a fly. It shoots out its tongue and swallows the ball. Right at that moment a hawk flies over and snatches the frog in it's talons and flies away. As it flies over the green the hawk squeezes tightly and the frog gasps dropping the ball out of its mouth. The ball falls from the sky straight into the hole. Hole-in-one. Moses turns to Jesus and says "I hate playing with your dad."

A chicken walks into a library... ... and goes up to the librarian at the front desk. **Librarian**: *Can I help you?* **Chicken** (stares at her for a minute, then says): *Book!* The librarian is confused, but gives the chicken a random book, who looks happy and leaves. The next day, the chicken returns looking a bit irritated, and returns the book. **Librarian**: *Oh, hi. Can I help you again?* **Chicken**: *Book book book!* The librarian is still confused, but gives the chicken three random books, which it takes under its wing and goes on its way. The next day, the librarian sees the chicken come back to the library again, returning all three books. Before she has a chance to ask anything the chicken clucks: **Chicken**: *Book, book book book, book!* Taken aback, the librarian gives the chicken five more books before it leaves. But the librarian is curious about what exactly is going on here, so she takes her break and follows the chicken out of the building. Eventually, she sees the chicken go into a house, so the librarian sneaks up to the window and looks inside. There, she sees a sick frog, with a cast on its leg, resting in bed. The chicken suddenly comes into the room, gives the frog a hug, and hands over the books it got from the library. The frog then takes a glance at each book, but looks bored and says: **Frog**: *Reddit, reddit, reddit, reddit, reddit*

what did the frog say after he finished his book? Reddit.

A little boy is dragging a dead frog on a leash and goes to a whore house... He walks in and asks the head mistress specifically for a whore with an std. The mistress confused asks the little boy why. The little boy says, "well when I go home my parents will go out and leave me with a babysitter and she will have sex with me and get it, then when my parents get home my dad will take the babysitter home, bang her on the way and get it, then he will get home and give it to my mom, then when my dad goes to work tomorrow she will have sex with the mailman and give it to him and that's the asshole that ran over my pet frog.

With age comes wisdom... A 70 year old retired Military officer had one hobby - he loved to fish. He was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say, 'Pick me up.' he looked around and couldn't see anyone. He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say again, ''Pick me up.' He looked in the water and there, floating on the top, was a frog. The retd officer said, 'Are you talking to me ?' The frog said, 'Yes, I'm talking to you. Pick me up, then kiss me; and I'll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen. I'll make sure that all your friends are envious and jealous, because I will be your bride !' The retired officer looked at the frog for a short time, reached over, picked it up carefully and placed it in his shirt pocket. The frog said, 'What, are you nuts ? Didn't you hear what I said ?' I said, 'Kiss me, and I will be your beautiful bride.' He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said 'Nah. At my age, I'd rather have a talking frog.'

My math-oriented co-worker just broke this one out A man stumbles upon a frog while walking home. While looking at the frog, it starts to speak to him. "Hello!", it says, "If you kiss me, I will turn into a beautiful woman!" The man smiles, puts the frog into his pocket and continues on his way. A few hours later, he hears the voice of the frog, and takes it out to see what it wants. "Remember, If you kiss me, I will turn into a beautiful woman. I will stay the night with you!" The man smiles and puts it back into his pocket. The next day, he hears the frog speaking again. He takes it out to see what it wants. "If you kiss me, I will turn into a beautiful woman, and I will do absolutely anything you want!" The man smiles once more and puts the frog back into his pocket. The frog sighs. He calls up to the man and says aloud, "I just don't understand. Why don't you want me to turn into a beautiful woman?" "Because I'm an engineer, I don't have time for girlfriends", the man says. "But a talking frog is pretty damn cool."

A man is driving a car through the woods... Suddenly, he stumbles upon a frog and he immidiately stops. He leaves his car, and the frog thanks him for stopping and offers him 3 wishes. The man is confused, but eventually he has these 3 wishes: 1. I want a huge house 2. I want a basement full of money 3. I want 2 women in every room with big boobs. The frog claps, and hops away. Man goes to his home, and he has something to see: huge house, with his name on the mailbox. He enters it and in all rooms there are women waiting for him, he rushes to his basement to see it full of money. After a few days of 'making love' and spending some money, he decides to visit the frog again to thank it. He goes to the forest to the exact spot where he first saw the frog, and after he finds it, he thanks the frog and asks if there's anything he can do for it. "Everyone always asks me for wishes, but I have always wanted someone to fuck me." After all that the frog has done for the man, he could not refuse. He starts, and suddenly BAM!, the frog turns into a 13 year old girl. THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED YOUR HONOR, NOT WHAT THE MOM SAID!

the three legged pig joke reminded me of a joke my dad once told me a scientist was doing an experiment on a frog in his lab, he placed the frog down on the floor and said "Frog jump!". the frog jumped 4 feet and so he noted in his notebook "frog with 4 legs, jumps 4 feet" he then cut off one of the frogs legs and again said "Frog jump!". the frog jumped only 3 feet this time and so he noted in his notebook "frog with 3 legs, jumps 3 feet" he cut off a 2nd leg and said "Frog jump!". this time the frog only jumped 2 feet and so he noted "frog with 2 legs, jumps 2 feet" he then cut off a 3rd leg and again said "Frog jump!". the frog only jumped a foot and so he noted "frog with 1 leg, jumps 1 foot" the scientist then cut off the frogs last remaining leg and said "Frog jump!, Frog jump!, FROG JUMP!!!!!" but the frog did not move. so he noted "frog with 0 legs, deaf"

A chicken walks into a library... ...and she walks up to the counter and says, "book, booook, book book." So the librarian thinks briefly and comes back with Animal Farm. The hen wanders off with the book. Next day the hen is back, it has the book with it, the librarian returns the book and the hen goes, "book, boooook, book, book book." The librarian thinks what the hell and grabs it Of Mice and Men and the hen leaves. Next day sure enough the hen is back, book in beak, "book book boooook." Atlas Shrugged. "Book, booook." Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. "Book book."... you get the idea. This goes on for about a week until the librarian gets curious enough to follow the chicken and find out what's happening. So the next time the chicken comes in the Librarian books out one of Proust's works to slow it down down and follows the hen trying not to be seen. All the way past the outskirts of town, down over Old Farmer Giles' twisted stile. Through the Sweeping Woods and upto a pond, where the chicken shows the book to a frog, which replies. "Reddit."

A frog hops into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack. "Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday." Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager. Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral. The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed. Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office. She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?" The bank manager looks back at her and says... "It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."

A man was crossing a road when a frog called out to him and... ...said: "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful woman." He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said: "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful woman I will stay with you for an entire week!" The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it in to his pocket. The frog cried out: "If you kiss me and turn me back into a woman, I'll stay with you for a year." Again the man took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally the frog asked: "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful woman and that I'd stay with you for a year. Why won't you kiss me?" The man said: "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog is pretty cool."

A frog goes into a bank... A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack. "Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30000 loan to take a holiday." Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's OK, he knows the bank manager. Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral. The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall - bright pink and perfectly formed. Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office. She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30000, and he wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?" The bank manager looks back at her and says, "It's a knick-knack, Patty Whack, give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."

Did you hear about the guy who swallowed a frog? They say he is going to croak.

Little girl: "Grandma, make a noise like a frog." Grandma: "Why?" Little girl: "Cause daddy says we'll make a lot of money when you croak."

Jesus, Moses, and an old bearded guy are playing golf... Moses steps up first and lands his ball in a water hazard. He then proceeds to part the water where the ball is and lands it in the hole. Jesus hits his ball and also lands it in the water hazard. So he walk on the water, picks it up, places it on a nearby lily pad and also lands it in the hole. Now the old bearded guy steps up and just hits the ball with all his strength. The ball goes flying! It then proceeds to hit a nearby rooftop, bounce along the grass and land on a lily pad. A frog appears and eats the golf ball. Then out of nowhere a bird picks up the frog in its talons and flies off. As the bird flies over the green, the frog spits out the ball and it manages to land the ball in the hole... After witnessing this Moses turns towards Jesus and says, "I hate playing with your dad."

Little Johnny was in class one afternoon And the teacher asked him to come to the front and tell the class what he had done that weekend, hoping that it would be a nice clean story (ok...) "Well miss, me and my mate grabbed a frog from the stream and shoved a firecracker up his arse th-" Feeling a bit flustered and trying to inject bit of proffesionalism into the situation she inturupts him and stammers "R-rectum Johnny!" "Wrecked 'im miss? We blew his fucking balls off!"

Moses, Jesus, and an old man are playing a friendly game of golf... Jesus, Moses, and an old man are playing a friendly game of golf. First Moses goes. He licks his finger to check the wind. He does some simple trigonometry and then hits the golf ball. The golf ball lands in the middle of the lake. He grumbles and growls and sticks his club into the ground to part the seas. He walks into the middle of the now waterless lake and hits it onto the green. He sinks the ball with a birdie. Next goes Jesus. Jesus puts his hands in prayer and then sets up to hit the ball. He makes contact and hits it onto the green. He puts it in for an eagle. The old man grumbles and growls. He approaches the tee with his club in his off-hand. He takes a mighty swing and smacks the ball. The ball flies and lands on a lily-pad. It is then picked up by a frog. The frog in turn finds itself in the clutches of a falcon. The frog drops the ball and it bounces in for a hole-in-one. At this point Moses leans towards Jesus and whisper, "I really hate playing with your old man."

A woman walks past a pet shop... A fairly young widow is walking past a pet shop and she pauses to admire the puppies in the window. As she looks inside, she sees a frog for sale, for £1000. She decides to go in and enquire as to why the frog is so expensive. The pet shop owner says "this frog is a master of oral sex, which is very rare, so he's naturally expensive." The woman is sceptical, so the owner says "look, you can try it out if you like. Come take a seat over here." The woman walks over and takes a seat, and the frog is placed on the floor in front of her. Nothing happens. The man looks at the frog and says "come on, you know what to do" but, nothing. So the man turns to the woman and says "maybe it would help if you spread your legs a little, so he can see what he's supposed to do." The woman obliges, but the frog doesnt move. The shop owner looks at the frog, at the woman, at the frog again, and back at the woman before saying "you know, it might help if you also remove your underwear." The woman removes her underwear and still there is no movement from the frog. So the shop keeper turns to the frog and says "look, this is the last time I'm going to show you how to do this!"

Why can't Miss Piggy count to 70? When she gets to 69 she gets a frog in her throat.

A chicken walks into a library... ...and goes up to the circulation desk. "Bok!" he says. The clerk thought for a moment and then said, "Oh! You want a book!" So he gives the chicken a book and the chicken walks out. A few hours later the chicken comes back and says, "Bok bok!" The clerk thinks to himself that that was a little fast to read a book, but checks out two more for the chicken and the chicken walks out. A third time the chicken comes in and wails, "Bok, bok, BOK!" Thoroughly confused, the clerk checks out three new books for the chicken but decides to follow him instead. The chicken walks into the woods, over a hill, and down to a pond, with the clerk following at a distance. The chicken walks to the water's edge and drops the books in front of a frog. The frog looks at the first book at says, "reddit."

A chicken goes into the library. A chicken goes into the library, walks up to the librarian, and says, "Book." The librarian says, "You want a book?" "Book" "Any book?" "Book" So the librarian gives the chicken a novel and off it goes. An hour later, the chicken come back and says, "Book-book." The librarian says, "Now you want two books?" "Book-book." So she give a chicken two more novels. The chicken leaves but again comeback an hour later. "Book-book-book." "Three books?" "Book-book-book." So the librarian gives the chicken three books, but she decides she'll follow the chicken and finds out what is going on? And the chicken crosses the road, goes down the alley, out of town and towards the woods, into the woods and down to the river, down to the swamp, and there is a bull frog. The chicken sets the books down by him. The bullfrog looks at the books and says, "Reddit...Reddit...Reddit..."

A huge muscular man with a tiny head walks into a bar Everyone stares at him because there impressed by his muscular physique, but there also shocked with his tiny head in contrast to his huge body. So the man walks up to order a drink and the bartender says" im not gay or anything, but I'm impressed by your physique it's amazing, but why do you have such a little head". The man replies by saying " well it's a bit of a story, but one day I was walking in the woods until I encountered a talking frog, and the frog said " if you kiss me I will turn into a genie and grant you 3 wishes". Then suddenly that frog turned into a beautiful naked women who then said" you now have 3 wishes, what do you wish for", I then said " I wish I had Arnold Schwarzeneggers body". Then my clothes rip from the huge body transformation, and I Had Arnold Schwarzenegger physique. The lady then said " what is your second wish", I said " I wish to have sex with you". We start engaging in sex, and in the middle of enjoyment the beautiful women whispers to me" you have one more wish" I then said " how a about a little head"?

The Bear and the Rabbit Mr. Bear and Mr. Rabbit live in the same forest, but they don't like each other. One day, they come across a golden frog who offers them three wishes each. Mr. Bear wishes that all the other bears in the forest were female. Mr. Rabbit wishes for a crash helmet. Mr. Bear's second wish is that all the bears in the neighboring forests were female as well. Mr. Rabbit wishes for a motorcycle. Mr. Bear's final wish is that all the other bears in the world were female, leaving him the only male bear in the world. Mr. Rabbit revs the engine of his motorcycle and says, "I wish that Mr. Bear was gay!" and rides off.

What type of shoes do frogs wear? Open toad

There's a man with a 15 inch penis... This is a problem so he goes to the doctor to see what he can do about size reduction. The doctor says "sir, I can't do anything about it here. But I do know of a magic frog. Go into the woods, find the frog and ask it to marry you. Every time it says no, your penis will decrease by 3 inches." So the man finds the frog and says "magic frog, will you marry me?" The frog rolls it's eyes and says "no." The man looks down and sure enough, it works! So he goes "magic frog, will you marry me?" The frog rolls it's eyes again and says "No." And it shrinks again down to 9 inches. The man decides to try one last time. So he goes "magic frog, will you marry me?" And the frog snaps and says "How many times do I have to say it?! NO NO and NO!!!"

A frog decided to trace his genealogy one day… He discovered he was a tad Polish.

What do you have if you have one fuzzy, green ball in one hand and another fuzzy, green ball in the other hand? Kermit the Frog's undivided attention.

What kind of shoes do frogs wear Open toad shoes

Little Billy is pulling a dead frog on a rope ... as he walks into a brothel. He walks up to the madam and says loudly and proudly, "I want to have sex with Monica." The madam says, "but you're just a boy, you can't be here." Billy pulls out $3000 dollars and says, "I am a paying customer, and I want to have sex with Monica." The madam looks at the cash and thinks that they could use it. "Okay, little boy. But why do you want to have sex with Monica? There are a lot of women here?" Billy replies, "I heard she has chlamydia." The madam starts laughing and says, "why in the world would you want to knowingly have sex with someone who has chlamydia?" Billy takes a couple steps closer, he says "well you see, my parents are going out to dinner tonight and I'm going to have sex with my babysitter. I know that when my daddy takes her home, he's going to have sex with the babysitter. Then tomorrow, he'll have sex with my mom, and then the next day, my mom will have sex with the mailman, and he's the son of a bitch who ran over my frog!"

What happened to the frog who parked illegally? he got toad

Whats green, three inches long and smells like bacon? Kermit the frogs middle finger.

An accountant and an economist are walking through a forest... They encounter a frog. "I bet you $100 you won't lick it," says the economist The accountant, daring, licks the frog and receives $100. They walk further, see another frog. "Lick this frog, and you get your $100 back!" says the accountant. The economist looks at his friend in the eye, licks the frog and retrieves his $100. "What was the point of this exercise? We've both done something disgusting, and we're no better off!" "We have grown the local economy by $200!!!" says the economist. "Yeah but we owe the government $40 each!"

What kind of shoes do Frogs wear? Open Toad sandals... I'll show myself out - thank you

Princess and the Frog - er, *Engineer* and the frog An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, “If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess.” He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog then cried out, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I’ll stay with you for one week and do ANYTHING you want.” Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, “What is the matter? I’ve told you I’m a beautiful princess and that I’ll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won’t you kiss me?” The engineer said, “Look, I’m an engineer. I don’t have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that’s cool.”

The old man and the frog. An old man is walking down the street one day when he hears a voice. "Excuse me, sir." The old man looks around, but there's nobody nearby, so he continues walking. He doesn't make it another step when he hears the voice again. "Down here." The man stops, and looks down at the ground where a frog is sitting casually. The old man looks around again, just to make sure there's nobody to witness him actually trying to talk to a frog, and says, "That can't have been you." "Yes sir, it was," said the frog. "I'm not really a frog though. I'm actually a young, beautiful princess who was cursed into this form. If you kiss me, I will revert back to my human self and will grant you the wildest night of sex you've ever had." The old man ponders this for a moment, looks left, looks right, then bends down, picks up the frog, puts it in his pocket, and continues on his way. A muffled voice comes from his pocket saying, "Wait! Didn't you hear what I said?" The old man replies, "Oh, I heard you just fine. At my age though, I think I'd rather have a talking frog."

Why cant miss piggy count to 70? Because when she gets to 69 she gets a frog in her throat.

A Frog, A Bear, and A Rabbit One day, down in the mystical forest, a magical frog is hopping towards a water hole. The forest is so enormous that the frog have never laid eyes on another animal before. But today, by chance a bear is chasing after a rabbit to have for dinner. The frog called for the two to stop and said, "Because you are the only two animals I have seen, I will grant both of you three wishes. Bear, you can go first." The bear thought for a moment, and being the male he said, "I wish for all the bears in this forest, apart from me, to be female." For his wish, the rabbit asked for a crash helmet, and immediately put it on. The bear is amazed at the stupidity of the rabbit, wasting his wish like that. It's the bear's second turn for a wish. "Well, I wish that all the bears in the next forest are female as well." The rabbit asked for a motorcycle and immediately hopped on it and roared the engine. The bear is shocked that the rabbit is asking for such idiotic items, because after all, he could have asked for money and bought the bike. For the last wish the bear thought for a while and then said, "I wish that all the bears in the world, apart from me, are female." The rabbit grinned, roared the engine, and said, "I wish that this bear is gay."

What do Harry Potter and Kermit the frog have in common? Hogwarts

What happens when you double park your frogs? They get toad!

Why can't Miss Piggy count to 70? She gets a frog in her throat at 69! Wakka wakka wakka!

What happens when frogs park illegally? They get toad.

Little Timmy went to a brothel. Little Timmy went to a brothel. Behind him, he dragged a dead frog on a string. He walks up to the nearest employee and says "I'd like to sleep with one of your girls today." "Sure kid, do you have any preferences?" The employee replied. "Yes.. I'd like to sleep with which ever girl has the most diseases." Shocked, the employee simply says. "Alrighty, kid. Whatever you want!" So, little Timmy runs off with his newly appointed date and does not return for quite some time. Upon Timmy's return, the employee stops him and says "Hey, you. I have to ask; why did you want only our most diseased girl?" "Well," Timmy starts, "Tonight, when I go home my babysitter will come over. My babysitter will touch me and she'll get the diseases. Then Daddy will come home and sleep with the babysitter and she'll get the diseases. Then, Mommy will come home and the babysitter will leave and my parents will sleep with each other, giving Mommy the diseases. Then tomorrow, when Daddy leaves for work before Mommy, the milkman will come and sleep with Mommy and he'll get the diseases. And *that's* the fucker who ran over my frog.

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack. "Miss Whack", he says, "I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday". Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger. He says that his dad is Mick Jagger, and it's okay for him to take out all of the money because he is friends with the bank manager. Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral. The frog says "Sure, have this", and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink, and perfectly formed. Very confused, Patty tells him that she'll have to consult with the bank manager. She then disappears into the back office. She finds the manager and says "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral". She holds up the tiny elephant pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?" The bank manager looks back at her and says "It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan, his old man's a Rolling Stone".

What happens when a frogs car breaks down? IT GETS TOAD!

What do you call an illegally parked frog? Toad.

What do you call a frog that is illegally parked? Toad.

What's green and smells like bacon? Kermit The Frog's fingers.

Jesus, Moses, an an old man are playing golf... And the first hole is on the other side of a pond. Moses is the first to go. He sets his ball on the tee, then gives hit a hard whack. It soars right into the pond before the hole. So, he walks up, parts the waters, and hits the ball right into the hole. Next up is Jesus. He sets his ball, swings, and it plops right onto a lily pad. So, he walks on the water over to it, and hits it in the hole on his next swing. Now it's the old man's turn. He sets his ball, and hands trembling, swings and hits the ball right into a frog's mouth that was sitting on the edge of the pond. As the frog hops into the water, it's picked up by a hawk. The hawk sails over the pond and the frog drops the ball straight into the hole. Moses scoffs, and Jesus rolls his eyes. He calls back to the old man, "nice shot dad."

A talented frog A woman is sitting at a hotel bar having a martini when a man comes and sits on the stool next to her. He offers to buy her a drink, which she politely declines. After a couple of awkward minutes, the man reaches into his suit pocket and pulls out a box and puts it on the bar without saying anything. The box starts moving on its own, which piques the woman's interest. "What's in the box?" she asks. The man turns to her and says "That, my dear, is a very talented frog!" He then opens the box, revealing a medium sized frog, who is just moving around in the box, getting comfortable. The frog doesn't even try to jump out. "Oh! How odd! What's his talent?" asks the woman. "Believe it or not, honey, this frog eats pussy." The woman bursts into peals of laughter, but the man remains serious. "Please stop laughing. He's very sensitive about it" says the man. After another awkward pause, the woman says "I don't believe you!" to which the man says "Well, then, come up to my room and I'll prove it to you!" Of course the lady lets her curiosity get the best of her and goes up to his room with him. "Take off your underwear and lie on the bed" says the man. She does so, after which he takes the frog out of the box and holds it up to her gooch. The frog does nothing. "Eat!" commands the man. Nothing. "EAT!" he yells. Nothing. The man appears defeated, sighs, and says "Okay, frog, I'm only going to show you this one more time!"

What happens to a frog that parks illegally? He gets toad.

So my son came home drunk at 2am. I said, "excuse me, but you are out past curfew and I distinctly smell beer on your breath." "No dad, I'm sorry I'm home late but I wasn't drinking. My buddies and I were eating froglegs." So I looked at him and said, "I have been around for a while I know what beer smells like." He started to panic and said,"dad you're just smelling the hops." EDIT : Apostrophe

A frog parked his car in the handicapped spot. It got toad.

THE ENGINEER AND THE FROG An engineer crosses a road when a frog calls out to him, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bends over, picks up the frog and puts it in his pocket. The frog speaks up again and says, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week." The engineer takes the frog out of his pocket, smiles at it and returns it to the pocket. The frog then cries out, "If you kiss me and turn me back, I'll do whatever you say!" Again the engineer takes the frog out, smiles at it and puts it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asks, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, I'll stay with you for a month and do whatever you say. What more do you want?" The engineer says, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool!"

a chicken goes into a library goes right up to the librarian and says "Bawk". the Librarian is surprised at the weird chicken and has no idea what to do. the chicken repeats "Bawk" and points to a book. the shocked librarian gives him a book and the chicken leaves. the next day the chicken returns and says "Bawk Bawk", get 2 books, place them under his wing and leave. on the third day he returns and says "Bawk", this time the librarian is so curious he follows the chicken. they both arrive to a pond with a frog sitting in the middle on a leaf, the Chicken holds the book infront of the frog and says "Bawk". the frog says "Reddit" sorry for my bad english, not my primary language. extra relevant because has the word reddit in it

What did Kermit the Frog say when Jim Henson died? Nothing.

First dirty joke an adult ever told me, what's yours? A pelican spots a frog in a marsh and swallows him whole. The pelican flies off and reaches a great height. Suddenly the frog pokes his head out of the pelicans butt and yells out to the pelican "Hey,how high are we right now?", the pelican replies "About 100 meters.", to which the frog nervously replies "Are you shitting me?"

A woman walks into a pet shop... looking for a Birthday present for her husband.Not wanting to spend much money the assistant recommended a large bullfrog trained to give blow jobs. The wife purchased the bullfrog thinking to herself that she would be off the hook regarding doing blowjobs for her husband. That night as she lay asleep in bed she was woken by the loud sound of pots and pans being thrown about the kitchen.She went downstairs to find her husband and the frog studying cookery books. "What are you doing at this hour of the morning" she asked. Her husband replied" Well if I can teach this frog to cook,you're gone!"

How do depressed frogs die? They Kermit suicide.

Man walks into a doctor's surgery with a frog on his head.. A man walks into a doctor’s office with a frog on his head and the doctor says “How can I help you?” And the frog says “judging by his cyclical episodes of cognitive haze and dermal hypoperfusion combined with transient sensorimotor disassociation I would say that ideopathic neurovascular dysregularion syndrome would be a probable diagnosis”. And the doctor says, "I would like to see the bloodwork before jumping to any conclusions, I wouldn't rule out psychogenic causes"

Scientist and a frog A scientist is working in the lab with a frog. He has trained it to respond to simple verbal commands and wants to observe its ability to jump after it has lost one or more of its limbs. He starts by saying, "ok frog, jump." The frog quickly does a small hop. The scientist notes, "frog jumps easily." The scientist then cuts off one of its legs and says "ok frog, jump." The frog again hops, but with a bit of difficulty. The scientist notes, "frog with 3 legs still able to jump." The scientist cuts off another leg and says "ok frog, jump." The frog stumbles awkwardly but is still able to do a small hop. The scientist notes, "frog with 2 legs able to hop a bit." Then he cuts off the third leg and repeats the command. The frog pushes with its remaining leg, trying to hop, and finally propels itself forward a bit. The scientist notes, "frog with one leg unable to jump fully, but can move forward." The scientist then cuts off its last leg and says "ok frog, jump." The frog does nothing. The scientist repeats his command but the frog still does nothing. "Jump frog, jump!" But the frog doesn't move. The scientist notes, "frog with no legs goes deaf."

A chicken crosses the road... A chicken crosses the road to go to the library. It walks inside and says to the librarian, "book" The librarian says, "You want a book?" "Book" "Any old book?" "Book" The librarian gives the chicken a novel and off It goes. A couple hours later the check comes back and says, "Book-Book." The librarian says, "Now you're telling me that you want two books?" "Book book" She gives the chicken two more novels. The chicken leaves again only to come back one more time saying. "Book book book" "Three books?" "Book book book" The librarian gives the chicken three more novels. At this point, the librarian's curiosity is piqued so she decides to follow the chicken to see what's going on. She trails the chicken as it leaves the library, goes down the road, out of town, into the woods and down to a swamp where there is a bullfrog. The chicken hands the books to him. The bullfrog looks at the novels and says, "Reddit reddit reddit"

What do frogs say? Times fun when you're having flies

What does a perverted frog say? Rubbit.

So this gentleman is walking through the forest... when suddenly he finds a little frog. The little frog looks at him and says, help me sweet sir, I've been cursed by an evil witch! she turned me into this hideous frog, because she's jealous of my beauty; but if you have sex with me, I will turn into a beautiful princess. Moved by this story, the gentleman removed his pants and started to fuck the frog. right in the middle of the act, the frog transformed into a gorgeous 16 year old girl. and that's the version of my client, your honor...

The frog and the 3 wishes A woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The frog said to her "if you release me from this trap, I will grant you 3 wishes." The woman freed the frog and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes-that whatever you wish for, your husband will get 10 times more or better!" The woman said, "That would be okay," and for her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world. The frog warned her, "you do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis, that women will flock to." The woman replied, "That will be okay because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will only have eyes for me." So, KAZAM she's the most beautiful woman in the world! For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world. The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world and he will be ten times richer than you." The woman said, "That will be okay because what is mine is his and what is his is mine." So, KAZAM - she's the richest woman in the world! The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like a mild heart attack."

Horrible joke I made up as a kid Why are frogs on the endangered species list? Because they croak a lot!

Christmas eve pet store purchase A guy frantically runs to the pet store on christmas eve and go's up to the owner- Guy - I'm needing a puppy for my wife for christmas. I know I've left it late but can you please help!? Store Owner - sorry son. your shit out of luck it being christmas eve n all, the cute pets are all gone. Guy - Do you have anything left!?!? Store Owner - Actually, sure. i got this African bullfrog out the back you should take a look at. Guy - African bullfrog...wtf is she going to do with an African bullfrog? Store Owner - Trust me Shows the guy said bullfrog Guy - Its ugly as shit. Her Christmas will be ruined Store owner - trust me...go on stick your dick in its mouth. Guy - ... Shrugging the guy thinks why not and go's ahead. To his amazement the bullfrog sucks him like a dyson. easily the best oral sex he's had since college. Guy - Dear lord...I'll take it!!! Christmas morning comes and he hands his wife the gift wrapped box which she duly opens... Wife - Oh thanks hone...WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS!!!??? Guy - Its an African Bullfrog! Wife - What am i supposed to do with an African Bullfrog Guy - Teach it to cook then fuck off

What's green and smells like pork? Kermit the frogs middle finger

What animal has more lives than a cat? A frog...because it croaks every night

Revenge Little Johnny is walking down the street with his dead frog on a rope. He goes up to a pimp and asks him for the nastiest whore he has. Pimp:"why do you want the nastiest whore I have? I have perfectly good whores instead" Johnny: I'll explain when I'm done So he goes in and fucks the dirtiest whore in the building and when he comes out the pimp asks him again, "why did you want the nastiest whore in town?' Johnny: "well, tonight the babysitter will come and she likes little boys, so she'll get the STD I have!" "And when daddy drives her home he'll want a piece of that and he'll have the STD as well!" "And when daddy comes home, mommy will want to go at it so she'll have it as well!" "And when daddy leaves for work tomorrow morning the milkman will come by and mommy will give it to him, and that's the fucker I want 'cause he killed my frog!"