50+ Firefighter Jokes

Supervisor told me sarcastically to call the Fire Department. I did. Worked in retail in between jobs way back when, early '90's. Yea, I'm old, get off my lawn. It was December, major Department Store that is no longer around, I know that doesn't narrow it down, sorry. Anyways, they tried to cram as much product on the floor as possible, to the point that you couldn't walk through the aisles and had to twist and turn to get past the fixtures set up with product. I casually mentioned to a supervisor that if the Fire Department ever came in they would close us down for the hazards and lack of egress. She was highly stressed and blurted out to me "You know what? Then call the Fire Department!" I held my hands up and said "Easy". She assigned me my duties and that was that. Well ... she DID tell me to call. On the way home I stopped by a government building that had all sorts of agencies in it. Told the receptionist my plight and she pointed to a phone on the wall. Tell the operator I want the FD and they would patch me through to the stations non emergency line. The Fire Chief himself answered. I told him how crowded it was and what the supervisor said. He had a good laugh and said they'd "check it out". I was off the next day but heard about it when I got back. Fire chief and a station house full of firefighters show up to do an inspection. He tells the store manager that egress is being blocked and he'd have to remove a lot of the fixtures in the aisles. Store manager says he has orders from corporate, fixtures stay. Fire Chief assures him he will win the argument. Store manager stands his ground. Fire Chief "Alright boys, close them down!" They evacuated the store (all 3 levels) and closed all entrances ... in December ... prime Christmas shopping season. Although it wasn't a weekend day it was during the week, but still. Store manager tried to protest and suddenly the Sheriff's Department starts showing up. Long story short, they were closed for 5 1/2 hours while the Chief, Store Manager, and employees rearranged the store to acceptable levels. The supervisor never treated me differently so I'm guessing she didn't remember the conversation. The Store Manager, surprisingly, did NOT get fired by corporate but corporate was not happy. About a week later I'm working with the store manager and supervisor when she asks why we can't do something a certain way? The Store Manager replied "The Fire Department won't allow that." and that was it. I worked there a few more weeks before getting a job that almost got me killed in a workplace shooting. But that's a story for later. EDIT 1: There are some videos on YouTube about postal shootings, one done by a woman which is insane. Even the comments. The one I was in the person was acting out for well over a year (Skeptic magazine had a great issue about mass shootings, I think from 2013. One study they talked about was how the mass shooters never snap but act out for usually a year or longer before committing the act. Interesting stuff). Myself as well as other employees expressed concern to management about the behavior and potential for violence but they said that employee was "harmless". Didn't surprise a lot of us who it was when it happened. I could go on, but honestly, most of you would think I'm lying, but I could corroborate every story. And the funny part is, other postal workers would snicker and say "That's nothing, let me tell you what happens at our facility". It IS the most violent workplace in America, and also the most deadly.

A doctor, a priest and an engineer go golfing... After only a few rounds, they get caught behind the worst group of golfers they've ever seen. After growing impatient from waiting for them to finish their holes, they go into the clubhouse to complain. "Let me explain," says the manager. "You see, those men all used to be firefighters, some of the best our city has ever seen. There was a fire here at the clubhouse about five years ago. Those heroic men saved our clubhouse from the fire. However, most unfortunately, they all lost their sight in the terrible fire. Since then, they are welcome to use our facilities for life; it's the very least we could do." The priest, looks forlorn and says, "I'm so sorry to hear it! I will hold a prayer service this Sunday dedicated to these men." The doctor says, "what an awful thing! I know a highly-regarded optometrist who has done some research that might be able to help them, I'll arrange for them to meet as soon as I can!" The engineer thinks for a moment and says, "why can't they golf at night?"

A Priest, a Doctor, and an Engineer are playing golf An engineer, a priest, and a doctor are trying to enjoying a round of golf. Ahead of them is a group playing so slowly and inexpertly that in frustration the three ask the greenkeeper for an explanation. “That’s a group of blind firefighters,” they are told. “They lost their sight saving our clubhouse last year, so we let them play for free.” The priest says, “I will say a prayer for them tonight.” The doctor says, “Let me ask my ophthalmologist colleagues if anything can be done for them.” And the engineer says, “Why can’t they play at night?” [Shamelessly taken from Malcolm Gladwell](http://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2015/05/04/the-engineers-lament)

Johnny was in class one day... and the teacher was asking everyone what their parents do. One said her dad was a firefighter, another said his mom was a nurse. When the teach asked Johnny what his dad does Johnny said "Well my dad is a stripper in a gay bar, and if the guy looks good and the money is right he'll have sex with him out back in the alley." The teacher asked everyone to take their seats and sit quietly, then asked Johnny to step into the hall. She asked Johnny if his dad was really a stripper in a gay bar and Johnny said "Absolutely not. He's the quarterback for the Dallas Cowboys, but I was too embarrassed to say that."

Two firefighters are fucking The chief walks in on two of his firefighters having vigorous sex. He shouts: Hey what the hell are you two doing? One of the firefighters: Chief, you don't understand, he suffered some serious smoke inhalation. Chief: Thats not how you treat smoke inhalation. The first step is mouth to mouth. Firefighter: How do you think all this started?

I'm getting a little tired of these people coming to my door telling me I need to be "saved" or "I'll burn"... Stupid firefighters.

If a firefighter's business can go up in smoke, and a plumber's business can go down the drain... ...can a hooker get laid off?

My friend got jailed 6 months for pulling 4 people out of a burning building. Turns out they were firefighters.

A bar is burning to the ground, and a team of firefighters rush in to put it out. A bar is burning to the ground and a team of firefighters rush in to put out the fire. When they get inside they see an Irishman passed out from smoke inhalation. They drag him out of the bar and eventually the Irishman comes to. The firefighter says "you were there, how did this whole thing get started?!" The Irishman responds "I don't know it was burning when I walked in"

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer go golfing They get stuck behind a group of golfers who seemed to be moving slower than usual. One of the country club members explains to them that this is a group of blind men who lost their eyesight as firefighters. The country club allows them to use the course once a year free of charge. The priest immediately chimes in and says, "I am going to pray for these men everyday in my church to help their well being." The doctor then exclaims, "I am going to get the best medical care in the country to research a possible way to help these men." The engineer then says, "Why don't they just golf at night?"

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer ... ...were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!" The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greenskeeper. Let's have a word with him." "Hey George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?" The greenskeeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime." The group was silent for a moment. The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight." The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them." The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"

Why couldn't the Mexican be a Firefighter? Because he didn't know the difference between Jose and Hose B.

A math joke A mathematician quits his job at a major university to pursue work as a firefighter. At his local fire station, the firefighters are impressed with the mathematician's resume and ask him a few questions. "What do you do if you pass a Dumpster, and it's on fire?" The mathematician responds. "Easy, I'd just put out the fire." The firefighters were pleased. "Okay, what do you do if you pass a Dumpster, and it's not on fire?" The mathematician thinks for a little bit. "Easy! I'd set it on fire!" The firefighters are aghast at his stupidity. They ask him if he's an idiot, to which he replies, "No! I've just reduced the problem to one I've already solved!"

What Does Your Father Do? It was 3rd grade show and tell in Ms.Johnson's class and she was going around asking all of the children what their fathers do for a living. Ms.Johnson walks up to the first kid and asks "What does your dad do for a living, Johnny?" to which he responds "He's a firefighter." "Very good, Johnny. What about you, Sally what does your father do?" Sally perks up and says "My daddy is a doctor and saves a lot of lives!" "That's great, Sally. Derrick, I see you over there. What does your dad do?" Derrick slowly lifts his head and he looks very sad. "My dad passed away, Ms. Johnson." Feeling terrible Ms.Johnson asks "Oh I'm sorry. What did he do before he died?" Derrick now on the verge of tears responds "He turned purple and shit on the rug."

Engineering teacher gave us this one. So a priest, a doctor, and an engineer are playing a round of golf but they are stuck behind an incredibly slow foursome. They keep waiting and finally the groundskeeper drives by and they ask him whats going on with the group ahead. He explains that the group ahead is made up of four firefighters that, when putting out a fire in the clubhouse a few months earlier, had been blinded by an explosion, and to repay them they are allowed to golf whenever they want. After hearing the sad news about the four firefighters, the priest immediately says "I will certainly pray for these brave men to regain their sight." The doctor replies, "And I will talk with my colleagues regarding any cures for injuries like this." The Engineer asks "Why don't they just play at night?"

What did the Mexican firefighter name his two sons? José and Josb

A Pastor, a Doctor, and an Engineer... A pastor, a doctor and an engineer wait for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumes, "What's with these guys? We've been waiting for 15 minutes!" The pastor says, "Hey, here comes the groundskeeper. Let's have a word with him." "Say, George, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?" the doctor asks. The groundskeeper tells them that the other golfers are a group of blind firefighters who lost their sight saving the clubhouse from a fire and that they come and play for free whenever they want. The group is silent for a moment. The pastor says, "That's so sad. I will say a special prayer for them tonight." The doctor says, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them." The engineer says, "Why can't these guys play at night?"

Two firefighters Two firefighters are butt fucking in a smoke filled room. The chief walks in and yells,"what the fuck is going on in here?" The one firefighter says," he was suffering from smoke inhalation." So the fire chief asks," why didn't you try mouth to mouth?" The firefighter says," how the hell do you think this got started!"

What did the Mexican firefighter name his two sons? José and Hose B

Golf jokes today is it? Here's mine A three-man group, a doctor, a priest, and an engineer are playing a golf course on a beautiful summer day. After a few holes they realize the group ahead of them is progressing incredibly slowly; the doctor flags down the groundskeeper and asks "What's taking them so long? I've got patients to see this afternoon!" The grounds keeper explains, "Well, we had a fire in the clubhouse a few years back. A group of firefighters was able to save it, but they lost their sight in the blaze. Since then, we allow them to play for free whenever they like." The doctor responds, "That's terrible! I'll speak with the ophthalmologists I know, perhaps one of them can help these poor men." The priest nods before adding, "I'll keep these men in my prayers and see about getting donations from my congregation for the families" The engineer looks at the doctor, priest, and groundskeeper and asks, "Why can't they just play at night?"

What did the Mexican firefighter name his sons? Jose and Hose B

Two firemen having sex The chief of a firehouse walks into the back room to find two male firefighters having sex. The chief yells out "what the hell are you doing?!" One of the guys says "he had smoke inhalation." "You fix that with mouth to mouth!" Yelled the chief. The other guy said, "how do you think this all started?"

What do you call two mexican firefighters? Hose A and Hose B.

My friend got sent to prison for pulling out 3 people from a burning building Unfortunately, it turned out they were firefighters

What did the Mexican firefighter call his two sons? José and Hose-B

What did the Hispanic firefighter name his kids? José and Hose-B

My cooking is so great.... ...that firefighters like to come and watch.

A Firefighter, a Sheriff, and a Paramedic are trying to get into heaven... St. Peter greets them and tells them regardless of their heroic acts, they'll need to be able to count to ten to get into heaven. The Sheriff goes first. He hauls out his Colt .45 and counts the shots, "1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7... Let me try again!" So he reloads, "1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7... Nope, I only got 7 shots." So the Paramedic steps up, "I can do this." He gets into CPR position, "1 and, 2 and, 3 and, 4 and, 5... 1 and, 2 and, 3 and, 4 and, 5... Nope, CPR only goes in rounds of five." The firefighter reluctantly goes next... "1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10" "That's amazing!" St. Peter declares, "You're the first all week. Can you count any higher?" "Sure, 10, jack, queen, king."

What did the Mexican firefighter name his two kids? Jose and Hose-B

When I was about 14/15 I wanted to be a plumber, then I wanted to be a firefighter, then pizza delivery man,then I stopped watching porn.

What do you call a mentally disabled firefighter? Flame retardant

a great joke I was told by a watersports instructor in france This guy has loved tractors all his life and devoted his life to them. He loves tractors so much that on his 18th birthday he buys himself a tractor and drives it around everyday working on a farm. Then on his 19th birthday his parents buy him a tractor birthday cake and he says to his parents "why did you buy me this? I hate tractors now ever since I hurt my leg falling off one yesterday" So he quit his job on the farm and on the way home he saw a burning house that was so full of smoke the firefighters couldn't Save the child trapped inside. Then the man opened the letterbox put his mouth up to it and sucked out all of the smoke and blew it out onto the street then saved the child. The firefighters where stunned and asked him how he did it, he replied "don't you know, I'm an extractor fan"

Little Johnny makes class awkward again Teacher asks kids to come up and draw something that is important in their lives. First kids goes up to the board and draws a firetruck and explains his dad is a firefighter. Next kid goes up and draws a skateboard and explains he loves to skateboard and wants to be like Tony Hawk. Little Johnny goes up to the board and draws a little dot on the board. Teacher asks him what it is. "It's a period." Teacher asks why it's important. "Well, my sister missed one and my whole family is excited."

One day, there was a school where a class had just started... The teacher said to the class, "OK kids! it's time to say what do you wish to be when you grow up" And so she went wih all the kids. "I want to be a doctor" replied a small and innocent-looking girl. "I wish to be a firefighter!" said a boy that showed no signs of fear. "I wish to be an Idiot" Replied one very confident boy. I'M SORRY? exclaimed the teacher, her stunned face expressed a mind that couldn't understand why would a boy say that. "It's just that one day I was walking with my dad and a few of his friends through a store, when a very pretty woman passed by us and one of my daddy's friends said: Look at that beautiful woman walk, and the idiot she has with her"

What did the Mexican firefighter name his two sons? Jose and Hose B. It sounds better when said aloud.

Fire! Fire! A firefighter came home from work one day and said to his wife, "You know, we have a wonderful system at the firehouse" "When Bell 1 rings we all put on our jackets" "When Bell 2 rings we all slide down the pole" "When Bell 3 rings we're ready to get on the truck" Then he said, "From now on, we're going to run this house the same way." "When I say Bell 1, I want you to strip naked" "When I say Bell 2, I want you to jump into bed" "When I say Bell 3, we're going to make love all night long" The next night the fireman came home from work and yelled, "Bell 1!" His wife took off her clothes. "Bell 2!" His wife jumped into bed. "Bell 3!" and they began making love. After a few minutes his wife yelled, "Bell 4!" The husband asks, "What the hell is Bell 4?" His wife replies, "More hose! You're nowhere near the fire!"

He Tries To Give A Little Girl Some Advice. But Didn’t Expect This Reply. One afternoon, firefighter Rick was working on the engine outside the Fire Station, when he noticed a little Susan nearby in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the sides, and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle. The Susan was wearing a fire fighter’s helmet. The wagon was being pulled by her dog and her cat. So firefighter Rick walked over to take a closer look. “That sure is a nice fire truck,” the firefighter said with admiration to Susan. “Thanks,” the little Susan replied. Then firefighter Rick looked a little closer, The girl had tied the wagon to her dog’s collar and to the cat’s testicles. “Little partner,” firefighter Rick said, “I don’t want to tell you how to run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat’s collar, I think you could go a lot faster.” The little Susan replied thoughtfully, “You’re probably right, but then I wouldn’t have a siren.”

Your cat died. A guy goes on a trip abroad and has his best friend stay with his mom to help with her and cat-sit his cat. A couple days go by and he calls his friend and asks how his cat is and he replies "Sorry, but your cat was run over and died." "Why would you break it to me like that? I need to be prepared for something like that. You should have said that he climbed on roof and we're trying to get him down. The next day I ask you how's my cat and you tell me that firefighters got him down but then he ran off scared into the street and was hit. Next day I ask how's my cat and you say he's doing better thanks to the vet. And then the next day you respond that he took a turn for the worse and died. You see? I would have been prepared and would have be easier to handle than just dropping the bomb on me." He then asks how his mom is taking it. His friend replies, "Well, she climbed up on the roof and we're trying to get her down."

Engineering A doctor, a priest, and an engineer are out golfing one day. To their dismay, they are stuck behind a very very slow threesome of men who cannot hit the ball in the right direction no matter what they do. The doctor flags over the course owner and asks him why these guys are so terrible, and if it would be alright to pass them. The owner informs them that the three men in front of their group are in fact retired firefighters who used to play this course every weekend. However one weekend the club house caught fire while they were playing and the three men selflessly jumped into action to save the club house. They did so successfully but at the cost of their sight. The intense smoke and flames caused all three men to go blind, hence them being retired. Upon hearing this the priest was deeply saddened and declared, "I will pray these men have a happy and wonderful life till the day they die." Similarly the doctor felt extreme remorse for being too impatient with these men so he mad a vow, "I have a optometrist friend who is at the top of his field, and may be able to help these brave souls." After hearing the priest and the doctor pledge to do such wonderful things, the course owner looked to the engineer who looked rather uninterested. Offended by this the owner demanded to know why the engineer did not feel anything towards these men to which he replied, "what? they can't play at night?"

The ladder A man was trapped in a burning building and a firefighter yelled through the window, "You have two possible exit points, this ladder or the stairs." The man chose the latter. He died.

The firefighters dog A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmation dog. The children started discussing what the dog's duties might be. "They use him to keep crowds back," said one youngster. "No," said another, "he's just for good luck." A third child concluded. "No silly, they use the dogs to find the fire hydrant!"

What is the Asian firefighter's favorite song? The Sound of Sirens

It's my coworkers last day... A coworker is leaving this weekend to become a firefighter. We're throwing him a farewell party and want to have a funny pun written on the wall. Something like "seeing you leave really blows" but instead have it somehow relate to becoming a firefighter. I know you guys can help us out. Thanks!

A fireman decides he needs to spice up his marriage... ...so he tells his wife that he has an idea. He tells her that when he gets home he will announce a 'one alarm.' He will say 'one alarm, one alarm' and they will kiss passionately. Then the firefighter tells her that he will say 'two alarm, two alarm' and they wil take off all of their clothes on the way to the bedroom, then 'third alarm, this is a third alarm' and they will begin wild passionate love making. So the wife agrees that this is a good, novel idea. After a few shifts the fireman comes home and decides to try it out. He walks in the door, 'baby we have a one alarm, a one alarm fire!' And they begin to kiss. Then he says 'two alarm, we've got a two alarm fire' and they begin to disrobe on the way to the bedroom. Then the fireman says' we have a three alarm, this is a third alarm fire' and the wife gets into it, they hit the bed and begin wild lovemaking. After a few seconds she says 'four alarm, four alarm, this is a fourth alarm!!!' He stops and asks,'four alarm? What's a fourth alarm?! We didn't discuss that?' The wife says 'fourth alarm? Yeah. Roll out more hose, you're no where near the fire!' Apologies for formatting.

TIL... Tomorrow I learned that Steve Buscemi was a volunteer firefighter on Sep....

What do you call the security at a Samsung store? Guardians of the Galaxy, or firefighters.

Why are mexicans bad firefighters? Because they cant tell jose from hose B

What did the Mexican firefighter name his two children? Hose A and Hose B

Arrived home four hours ahead of schedule A police officer, although scheduled for all-night duty at the station, was relieved of duty early and arrived home four hours ahead of schedule, at 2 in the morning. Not wanting to wake his wife, he undressed in the dark, crept into the bedroom and started to climb into bed. Just then, his wife sleepily sat up and said, " Sam, dearest, would you go down to the all-night drug store on the next block and get me some aspirin? I've got a splitting headache." "Certainly, honey," he said, and feeling his way across the dark room, he got dressed and walked over to the drug store. As he arrived, the pharmacist looked up in surprise, "Say," said the druggist, "I know you - aren't you a policeman? Officer Fenwick, right?" "Yeah, so?" said the officer. "Well what the heck are you doing all dressed like a Firefighter "

Why is a creative writing workshop the first step when training to become a firefighter? Prose before Hose

What is a firefighter's favorite video game console? Wii U Wii U Wii U Wii U HINT: Say it outloud

What did the Mexican firefighter name his twin sons? Hose A and Hose B

Let's play firefighters Boy: Let's play Firefighters! Girl: I don't know this game, how do you play it? Boy: Well, I will place my hand on your legs and then I run my hand up your legs and you say redlight when you want me to stop. Girl: Alright, let's do it. ... Girl: Red light! Boy: Firefighters doesn't stop at red light.

A German joke... A man is thanking a German firefighter in America for saving 100 people. The German says, "Don't Menschen it"

Little Tony Teacher tells class today they are going to learn what each students dad does for a living. Kid 1: my dad is a firefighter Kid 2: my dad is a police Little Tony says my dad is a male stripper at a gay bar and for the right price he will take a guy out back and give a hand job. Disturbed by his response the teacher takes him out side and asked " is your dad really a stripper at a gay bar"? Little Tony then replies "no he is the quarterback for the dallas cowboys, i was to ashamed to say that"

What did the Spanish firefighter name his twin sons? Jose and Hose B

3 men find a hut in a desert full of women: 3 men are in the middle east, traveling across the desert. At one point, they find a small hut in the desert, about 5 miles away from civilization. Inside are many women. Naturally, they start to fool around with the women. Suddenly, their husband comes home with 2 guards. The husband tells the 3 men to line up. Husband: You, What is your job? Man 1: I'm a cop. The husband's guard proceeded to shoot his penis off. Husband: And what about you? Man 2: I'm a firefighter The husband's guard proceeded to light a torch and burn his penis off. Husband: And you? The third man started to smile, barely able to control his laughter. Husband: What? Why are you laughing?! Man 3: I am a lollipop vendor.

New Firefighter "Break out another fire hose." answered the new firefighter. "Now wait a minute, son," said the fire chief. "Where are all these fire hoses coming from?" The new firefighter answered, "The same place where all of the fires are coming from, chief." -

A middle aged man walls into a bar His name is Nathan Abe (initials NA) and he is firefighter, a second later an arsonist girl named Clair Laurence (initials CL)walks into the bar. The two start to hit it off. Eventually they go home together, the next day the mans mom calls. She asks about his love life. He says, "we have kind of an ironic bond but I think we have chemistry".

Did you hear about the fire at the hemp factory? It was high priority for the firefighters to get there.

Show and tell t was 3rd grade show and tell in Ms.Johnson's class and she was going around asking all of the children what their fathers do for a living. Ms.Johnson walks up to the first kid and asks "What does your dad do for a living, Johnny?" to which he responds "He's a firefighter.” "Very good, Johnny. What about you, Sally what does your father do?” Sally perks up and says "My daddy is a doctor and saves a lot of lives!” "That's great, Sally. Derrick, I see you over there. What does your dad do?" Derrick slowly lifts his head and he looks very sad. "My dad passed away, Ms. Johnson." Feeling terrible Ms.Johnson asks "Oh I'm sorry. What did he do before he died?” Derrick now on the verge of tears responds "He turned purple and shit on the rug.”

Fire Fighter [NSFW] So a guy walks into a costume party with a fire fighters helmet and a jar on his dick. A man comes up to him and asks, "what are you supposed to be?" The guy responds, "a firefighter." The man looks at him confused and again asks, "what are you supposed to be?!" The guy a little bewildered again responds, "I'm a firefighter!" The man looks down at the jar and asks, "well why is there a jar on your dick?" The guy laughs and says, "well in case of an emergency, break the glass, pull the knob and I'll cum as fast as I can!!"

Working at home sucks... ....if you’re a firefighter.

Why are Mexicans bad firefighters? Because they can't tell the difference between José and hose B

Why aren't Mexicans good Firefighters? Because they don't know the difference between "José" and "Hose B"

Working at home sucks Paul, firefighter

What's another name for a waterbender? A firefighter.

You're so hot ; a firefighter couldn't put you out .

The greens keeper replied, "Oh yes, that's a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."

I'm like a firefighter I find them hot and leave them wet.

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!" The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him." "Hi George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?" The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime." The group was silent for a moment. The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight." The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them." The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"

What does a Mexican firefighter name his twin sons? Jose and Josbe

Little David was in his 5th grade class when the teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers came up -- firefighter, police officer, sales rep, doctor, lawyer, etc. David was being uncharacteristically quiet, so the teacher asked him about his father. "My father's an exotic dancer in a gay cabaret, and takes off all his clothes in front of other men, and they put money in his underwear. Sometimes, if the offer's really good, he'll go home with some guy and make love with him for money." The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly sent the other children to work on some exercises and took little David aside to ask him, "Is that really true about your father?" "No," said David, "He actually works for the "RE-ELECT BUSH" Organization, but I was too embarrassed to say that in front of the other kids."

A photographer from a well-known national magazine was assigned to cover the recent Southern California fires. The magazine wanted to show some of the heroic work of the firefighters as they battled the blazes. When the photographer arrived, he realized that the smoke was so thick that it would seriously impede or make it impossible for him to photograph anything from ground-level. So he requested permission to rent a plane and take photos from the air. His request was approved, and arrangements were made. He was told to report to a nearby airport, where a single-engine plane would be waiting for him. He arrived at the airport and saw a plane warming up near the gate. He jumped in with his bag and shouted, "Let's go!" The pilot swung the plane into the wind, and within minutes they were in the air. The photographer said, "Fly over the park and make two or three low passes so I can take some pictures." "Why?" asked the pilot. "Because I am a photographer for a national magazine," he responded, "and I need some close-up shots." The pilot was silent for a moment; finally he stammered, "So, you're telling me you're not the flight instructor?"

Once, a teacher was showing a child a picture of a firefighter taking a child out of a burning building. The teacher asked what that was. The child replied,"A pregnant firefighter." Instead of scolding him, she calmly asked,"Do you know what pregnant means?" The little boy just said, "Yes, it means to be carrying a child."

A blonde, brunette and a redhead run to the top of a burning building. Below, a few firefighters are holding a blanket telling the redhead to jump.When the redhead jumps the firefighters snatch the blanket away and she hits the concrete.When the firefighters ask the brunette to jump she jumps and again they pull the blanket away.When the firefighters ask the blonde to jump she replies, "I don't trust you, so just put the blanket down and back away."

A priest, a doctor, and a lawyer were waiting one morning on a particularly slow group of golfers."What's wrong with these guys?" fumed the lawyer. "We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!""I don't know," said the doctor, "but I've never seen such ineptitude!""Here comes the greenskeeper," said the priest. "Let's have a word with him. Say, George, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow. aren't they?""Oh, yes," said George, "That's the group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight while saving our club last year. We let them play here anytime free of charge!"Everyone was silent for a moment. Then the priest said, "That's so sad, I think I'll say a prayer for them tonight.""And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there is anything he can do for them," the doctor added."Why can't these guys play at night?" asked the lawyer.

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!"The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greenskeeper. Let's have a word with him." [dramatic pause] "Hi George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"The greenskeeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters.""They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime." The group was silent for a moment. The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight." The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them." The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"

What do you call a Mexican firefighter? Jose

There's a fire at a trick birthday candle plant. Firefighters have been battling the blaze on and off for 5 days.

What did the Mexican Firefighter name his two children? Jose and Hose B

Trees put cats in their hair so they can flirt with firefighters when they climb up them.

I run up to the firefighter as he drags another charred body out of my burning home. "Did you see a zip disk labeled POEMS in there?"

He'd make the best firefighter. My friend is the absolute worst at snappy comebacks I guess you could say he's flame retardant.

[outside a blazing house] Firefighter: ... Me: ... Firefighter: ... Me: ... There was a spider.

So a "refugee" walks into a bar... ...So a firefighter walks into the remains of a bar...

What did the Hispanic firefighter name his kids? Jose and Hose-B

What do you call a person who fights fire? Firefighter.

What kind of girls date firefighters? Hose.

What did the Mexican firefighter call his two sons? Jose and Hose-B

[looking at wife as firefighters cut me out of baby swing at playground] It doesn't say its specifically for babies, Karen

*firefighter wraps me in blanket after he rescues me* Um I just came out of a fire so I'm pretty hot actually

What kind of gun does a firefighter have? A water gun.

Before the invention of the hose, firefighters had to put fires out with their fists.

What did the Mexican firefighter name his two sons? Jose and Josb

Yesterday I extinguished a colleague's cigarette at the office with a water pistol. Adds firefighter to resume

What did the Mexican firefighter name his two sons? Jose and Hose B

[walks up to firefighters trying to put out a fire] it's alright guys i got this one. *whips out a flamethrower* TIME TO FIGHT FIRE WITH FI-

Doctors, soldiers, firefighters. These are all respected positions. But the position I respect most as a parent Is a driver's Ed instructor

I never made it as a firefighter. I thought arsonists were people who hated arson, so every time we met one I thanked him for his support