100+ Elephant Jokes

Call a girl beautiful 1,000 times and she won't think twice... Call a girl fat once and she'll always remember. Because elephants never forget

Joke from my 12 year old “why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?” Because they’re so good at it! Please don’t ban me

Just happened. My kids are running around blowing a party noise marker. My wife's sister says " it sounds like an elephant in there" I look up, straight faced, and calmly reply, "yeah, we don't talk about that.." My wife buried her face for a good minute.. I'm proud of that one. EDIT: I showed my wife how many ppl thought this was funny and she told me to say "please don't encourage him" .. :)

A joke my 4 year old came up with today... Him: "What's the only mammal that can breathe under water?" Me: "I dunno, what?" Him (loudly): "An elephant sticking his trunk up!"

Why can’t two elephants swim at the same time? They only have a pair of trunks. -my grandfather, just 5 minutes ago.

I bought my friend an Elephant for her room... She said "thanks". I said "don't mention it"

Tell a woman she's beautiful a hundred times and she won't believe you. Tell a woman she's fat once and she will remember it for the rest of her life because elephants never forget.

Tell a girl she's beautiful once and she won't believe you. Tell a girl she's fat once and she'll always remember it. That's because elephants never forget.

I bought my friend an elephant for their room. They said thank you. I said don't mention it.

Call a girl beautiful 1000 times and she won't notice. Call a girl fat once and she'll never forget... Because elephants never forget. EDIT: To those saying this was a repost, I sincerely apologize. I honestly had never seen this joke ever and thought it was funny enough to share with the reddit community. I'm glad that a few of you got a good chuckle out of it as I did.

What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter? An irrelephant

How do you tell the difference between an indian and African elephant One of them is an elephant

What’s the difference between an Indian and an African elephant? One of them is an elephant.

Call a girl beautiful 1,000 times and she'll never notice. Call a girl fat once and she'll never forget it. That's because elephants never forget.

Call a girl beautiful 1,000 times and she'll never notice. Call a girl fat once and she'll never forget it. Because elephants never forget.

A couple take their son to the circus.... After a while the father gets up to get some popcorn. While he is away the little boy notices something hanging down between the elephants legs. "Mommy, what is that hanging down on the elephant?", the boy asks. The embarrassed mother says "Oh, that's nothing honey", and is relieved when the father returns with the popcorn. Not satisfied with the mother's answer the little boy waits until his mother leaves to use the bathroom and asks his father "Dad, what is that hanging down between the elephant's legs?". Dad answers, " That's the elephant's penis". The little boy says, "Well how come when I asked mom she said that it was nothing?". Dad leans back and says "Son, I've spoiled that woman....."

There are 500 bricks on a plane... - There are 500 bricks on a plane. One falls off. How many are left? 499 - What are the three steps to putting an elephant in a refrigerator? Open fridge, put elephant in, close fridge - What are the four steps to putting a giraffe in a refrigerator? Open fridge, take elephant out, put giraffe in, close fridge - The Lion king is having a birthday party. All the animals attend but one. Which animal is it and why? Giraffe. He's stuck in a refrigerator. - Sally wants to cross an alligator infested river. There is no bridge and the only way she can get across is by swimming. She swims across and makes it to the other side safely. Why? The alligators are all at the birthday party. - Sally dies anyways. Why? She got hit in the head by a flying brick

Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees? They are really good at it.

You are on a horse, galloping at a constant speed... You are on a horse, galloping at a constant speed. On your right side is a sharp drop off, and on your left side is an elephant traveling at the same speed as you. Directly in front of you is another galloping horse but your horse is unable to overtake it. Behind you is a lion running at the same speed as you and the horse in front of you. What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation? Get your drunk ass off the merry-go-round!

Q. 500 bricks are on a plane. One falls off. How many are left? A. 499 Q. What are three steps to putting an elephant in a refrigerator? A. Open Door, put elephant in refrigerator, close door Q. What are four steps to putting a giraffe in a refrigerator? A. Open door, take elephant out of refrigerator, put giraffe in refrigerator, close door Q. The lion throws a huge birthday party. All the animals but one go. Which is it and why? A. The giraffe: he's still in the refrigerator Q. Sally swims across an alligator infested river and doesn't get eaten. How? A. The alligators are at the lion's birthday party Q. Sally is found dead within the next 5 minutes: why? A. She was hit by a brick falling from the sky

I bought my friend an elephant for his room... He said, "Thanks". I said, "Don't mention it".

There are 500 bricks on a plane, one falls off how many are left? 499. What are the three steps to putting an elephant in a refrigerator? Open fridge, put an elephant in, close fridge. What are the four steps to putting a giraffe in a fridge? Open fridge, take elephant out, put giraffe in, close fridge. The lion king is having a birthday party. All the animals attend but one. Which animal is it and why? The giraffe because he's stuck in the fridge. Sally wants to cross an alligator infested river. There is no bridge and the only way she can get across is by swimming. She swims across and makes it to the other side safely, how? The alligators are all at the birthday party. Sally dies anyways. Why? She got hit in the head by a flying brick.

A frog walks into a bank A frog walks into a bank, and approaches the teller. He sees the tellers name tag read Paddy Black and says "I'd like to take out a loan, Mrs. Black" "Certainly," says the teller, "how much would that be for?" "One million dollars." replies the frog. "Don't worry, it's ok, I know the manager." The teller is understandably taken aback by this, and asks if the frog has any collateral to cover this. "As a matter of fact, I do!" says the frog, and he reaches into his pocket and hands over a tiny ceramic elephant. "What?!" says the teller, "This is garbage! I can't take this!" "Well, take it up with my father then!" The frog retorts. "Oh yeah, and who might that be?" The teller is quickly getting more and more annoyed at the frog. "Why, it's Keith Richards!" The frog is waiting impatiently, tapping his toe on the ground. "Now, can I have that loan or not?" "Wait right here" the teller says, as she storms into the back room, looking for her manager. "There's a frog out there who claims to know you, and wants a million dollar loan. He claims his father his Keith Richards! He even gave me this as collateral," she says, holding up the elephant. "I mean, what even is this?" The manager takes a look at the elephant and replies "It's a knick knack, Paddy Black, give the frog a loan. His old man's a rolling stone!"

“I got you an elephant for your room.” "Thanks.” “Don’t mention it.”

What do you call an elephant who’s brain is in India, eyes and ears in China and feet in Australia? Dead

Why dont you ever see elephants hiding in trees? Because theyre really good at it!

What did the elephant say to the naked man? How do you breathe thru that thing?

A customer walks into a restaurant and notices large sign on the wall: $500 IF WE FAIL TO FILL YOUR ORDER! When his waitress arrives, he orders elephant dung on rye. She calmly writes down his order and walks into the kitchen where all hell breaks loose! The restaurant owner comes storming out of the kitchen. He runs up to the customer's table, slaps five $100 bills down on it and says, "You got me that time buddy, but I want you to know that's the first time in ten years we've been out of rye bread!"

My last job was circumcising elephants The pay wasn't great but the tips were huge.

During World war 2, there was a shortage of organs for transplantation... ... so one London hospital had started trying to use animal parts instead. A man who had lost his eye, arm and his penis in the bombings was one of the first patients receiving this experimental treatment. Instead of his lost eye, they gave him the eye of an eagle. Instead of his lost arm, they gave him an arm from a gorilla. Instead of his lost penis, they gave him an elephant trunk. A month after surgery, he had a checkup to see if there was any rejection or whatnot. And since this was a medical science breakthough, there were a lot of interested doctors that had come to see what had happened. The surgeon who performed the transplant asked the man how his eye had worked? The man says "Oh, it's great! My vision has improved a lot. I can spot people miles away, and I find anything I'm looking for without any problems." "How has the gorilla arm woked for you?" "It's great! It really helps me at work lifting heavy things, and I am more popular; When the guys want to arm wrestle, I win every time, and it also seems to attract the ladies as well!" "Alright, how has the elephant trunk worked out for you then?" "Well, I don't want to complain or anything, but it keeps trying to stuff grass into my arse..." *ed: speling*

Why can't two elephants go swimming? -They only have one pair of trunks.

I got a new job circumcizing elephants The pay isn't great but the tips are enormous

A frog goes into a bank... A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack. "Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $10000 loan to take a holiday." Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's OK, he knows the bank manager. Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral. The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall - bright pink and perfectly formed. Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office. She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $10000, and he wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?" The bank manager looks back at her and says, "It's a knick-knack, Patty Whack, give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."

There's 500 bricks in a plane. How many are there if you throw one out? "499" There are three steps to putting an elephant in a refrigerator. What are they? Open the fridge, put the elephant in, close the fridge. There are four steps to putting a deer in the fridge. What are they? Open the fridge, take the elephant out, put the deer in, close the fridge. The Lion King is having a birthday party. All the animals are there but one. Why is that? The deer is in the fridge. A woman wants to cross an alligator infested swamp. How does she do it? She crosses normally because the alligators are at the Lion King's party. She dies anyways. Why? She gets hit in the head with a brick.

Call a girl beautiful 1000 times and she wont pay attention but call her fat once and she will never forget. Thats because elephants never forget.

A frog walks into a bank... ...and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack. "Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30000 loan to take a holiday." Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's OK, he knows the bank manager. Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral. The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall - bright pink and perfectly formed. Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office. She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30000, and he wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?" The bank manager looks back at her and says, "It's a knick-knack, Patty Whack, give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."

I bought my friends an elephant for their room. They said: “Thank you.” I said: “Please don’t mention it.”

What is gray, has 16 wheels, and would kill you if it fell from a tree? An elephant on roller skates.

A frog goes into a bank... A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack. "Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a vacation." Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager. Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral. The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed. Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office. She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?" The bank manager looks back at her and says... "It's a knick-knack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."

I bought my friend an elephant for his room He said: "Thank you." I said: "Don't mention it."

What's big, gray, and makes you jump? The elephant of surprise.

Why don't you ever see elephants hiding in trees? They're really good at it.

NSFW Mommy takes little johnny to the zoo.. As they pass the elephant cage, the elephant has an erection. "What's that, Mommy?" asks the child. "Nothing, Johnny, nothing," says the embarrassed mother, swiftly leading him on. A week later Johnny's dad takes him and the same happens. "What's that, Daddy?" "That, son, is the elephant's penis." "Mommy said it was nothing." "Son, I've spoiled that woman."

Raped by an elephant A man crawls into the emergency room profusely bleeding from his anus. "Somebody help! I've been raped by an elephant!" The staff was able to get him into surgery to stop the bleeding. Examining the initial hole, the nurse was amazed. It was as as wide as a dinner plate! She questioned him, "Sir, this hole is big. I mean, it's REALLY BIG. And I know that an elephant's penis is long and slender, not thick like this. An elephant certainly did not do this." The man replied, "He fingered me first."

A little boy goes to the circus for the first time with his mom and dad... His dad gets up and goes for a piss. While he's gone, one of the elephants rises up and rests his feet on a giant red ball. The little boy sees the elephant's genitals flop down and is shocked. "Mommy! What's that thing under the elephant, that long hanging thing?" Embarrassed, the mother says, "Oh, that's nothing. Don't worry about that." Dad comes back and the mom leaves to go to the bathroom. The elephant rises up on the ball again and his member flops down for all to see. "Dad, what's that big long thing under the elephant's tummy?" the boy asks, pointing. The dad decides to be straight with him. "That's the elephant's penis, my boy." "Really? When I asked mom about it, she said it was 'nothing'." The dad grins. "Son, I've spoiled that woman."

Translated: A rabbit is running in the jungle A rabbit is running in the jungle when he sees a monkey getting drunk. He hops over to him and says "Man, its such a nice day out. Why don't you put down that disgusting stuff and come run around with me." The monkey agrees. After a while they meet an elephant smoking some weed. The rabbit again approaches him, "Man, put down that awful stuff and come run around with us." The elephant agrees and they resume running around. After a while they see a tiger about to do some heroin. The rabbit approaches him but before he can say a word the tiger smacks him and says, "I am sick and tired of your shit. Every time you do cocaine you get half the jungle population to chase you around like idiots."

Why does an elephant have four feet? Because six inches isn't going to satisfy a female elephant.

A long series of jokes 503 bricks are on a plane. 1 falls off. How many are left? _502._ How do you put an elephant in a fridge? _Open door, put elephant in, close door._ How do you put a giraffe in the fridge? _Open door, take elephant out, put giraffe in, close door._ The Lion King is having a B-day party. All the animals are there, except one. Which one? _The giraffe. He's in a fridge._ Sally has to get across a large river home to many alligators. They are very dangerous, but Sally swims across safely. How? _The gators are at the party._ Sally dies anyway. Why? _She got hit in the head by a flying brick._ --- **EDIT:** Dang, over 300 points? That's pretty surprising!

What has 2 grey legs and 2 brown legs? An elephant with diarrhea...

A man goes to India for a cheap penis extension.. The surgeon suggests a baby elephants trunk stitched on for £3000. The man agrees. 6 weeks later, while having dinner with his new girlfriend he feels an unusual stirring in his pants and thinks this is the night. While chatting over dinner his cock flies out and steals an apple off the table and goes back into his pants. "Wow!", she says, "can you do that again?" He says,"My cock can, but I don't think my arsehole can take another apple."

Two part joke Q. How does an elephant hide in an apple tree? A. He paints his balls red. Q. What's the loudest sound in Africa? A. Giraffes eating apples.

How do you turn a fox into an elephant? Marry her.

A string of jokes I heard a while ago How do you get four elephants in a mini cooper? Two in the front, two in the back. How do you get four giraffes in a mini cooper? You can't because of all the elephants. How do you get two whales in a mini cooper? Same way you get to Wales in any other car, down the M4, over the Severn Bridge. How can you tell if there's an elephant in your fridge? Footprints in the butter. How can you tell if there are two elephants in your fridge? You can hear them giggle when the lights go out. How can you tell if there are three elephants in your fridge? You can't *quite* get the door closed. How can you tell if there are four elephants in your fridge? There's a mini cooper parked outside.

Why don't you ever see elephants hiding in trees? Because they're so good at it!

What do you get when you mix a rat and an elephant? Who cares? It's a relephant.

A couple took their young son for his first visit to the circus, and by chance their seats were next to the elephant pen. While his father was gone buying popcorn, the boy piped up, "Mom, what's that long thing on the elephant?" "That's the elephant's trunk, dear," she replied. "No, not that at the other end." "Oh, that's the elephant's tail." "No, Mom. Down underneath." His mother blushed and said, "Oh, that's nothing." Pretty soon the father returned, and the mother went off to get a soda. While she was gone the boy repeated his questions. "That's the elephant's trunk, son," he replied. "Dad, I know what an elephant's trunk is. The thing at the other end, down underneath the elephant's tail." The father took a good look, "Oh. That's the elephant's penis." "Dad, how come when I asked Mom, she said it was nothing?" The man took a deep breath, smiled and replied, "Son, I've spoiled that woman."

A squirrel is living in a pine tree, when one day it starts to shake and rock... ... so he looks outside and he sees a large elephant trying to climb up the tree. "What the hell!" the squirrel exclaims. "What the hell do you think you're doing climbing up this tree?!" The elephant responds. "I'm climbing up here to eat pears." The squirrel is befuddled. "You moron! This is a pine tree! There are no pears!" The elephants stares at him for a moment before replying, "I know. I brought my own."

Never call a woman fat An elephant never forgets.

Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees? Because they are really good at it

A frog hops into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack. "Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday." Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager. Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral. The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed. Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office. She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?" The bank manager looks back at her and says... "It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."

A frog goes into a bank... A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack. "Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30000 loan to take a holiday." Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's OK, he knows the bank manager. Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral. The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall - bright pink and perfectly formed. Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office. She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30000, and he wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?" The bank manager looks back at her and says, "It's a knick-knack, Patty Whack, give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."

What do you call an elephant the circus no longer needs? Irrelephant

How do you outrun a horse, tiger, lion, and elephant that are chasing you. Get your drunk ass off of the merry-go-round.

Call a girl beautiful 1000 times and she won't notice... Call her fat once and she will never forget. That's because elephants never forget.

It's an old joke, but I said it to my kids and their friends and they went hysterical A plane carries 500 bricks. 1 falls out. How many bricks are left? 499. How do you put an elephant in a fridge in 3 steps? Open the fridge, put in the elephant, and close the fridge. How do you put a deer in a fridge in 4 steps? Open the fridge, take out the elephant, put in the deer, then close the fridge. The Lion King is having a party. All the animals are there except for one; who is it? The deer: He is still in the fridge. An old lady is crossing a swamp, but it is a crocodile swamp. How does she cross? Normally, all the crocodiles are at the Lion King's party Mary dies at the edge of the swamp. How? A brick falls from the sky and kills her. Knock knock Who's there? Not Mary

Elephants never forget One day in 1981, a man by the name of Joseph Weston was hiking in Kenya after graduating from Tulsa Junior College. As he was hiking, he noticed an elephant in the distance that had its foot hovering in the air. Not wanting to startle the creature, Joseph slowly made his way toward the elephant. When he got close to the elephant, he noticed a large splinter of wood sticking out from the elephant's foot. Acting carefully, Joseph removed the splinter with his knife. After successfully removing it, the elephant looked at him and stomped its foot several times. Joseph stayed still, with the fear of imminent death. After stomping its foot, the elephant trumpeted loudly and walked away. Joe never forgot that day. Thirty years later, Joseph was with his family at the Tulsa Zoo when an elephant walked up to Joseph's side of the enclosure and stomped its foot several times. Remembering the incident from thirty years ago, Joseph couldn't help but wonder if this was the same elephant. Mustering all the courage he had, Joseph climbed over the fence and into the enclosure. He walked up to the elephant and held its gaze for several minutes before the elephant trumpeted. The elephant then wrapped its trunk around Joseph, picked him up, and then slammed him against the fence, killing him instantly. Probably wasn't the same elephant.

It's a fricken elephant! A little boy, just about the age of 3, was playing with his toy elephant and his dad comes up to him and says "What do you have there son?" The boy responds with, "It's a fricken elephant!" The dad in shock asks him, "What was that?" "Dad, it's a fricken elephant!!" Then the mother comes over and asks the little boy what he said and he responds with the same answer, "It's a fricken elephant!!" Then the grandfather comes over to the parents and says, "Well he sure does like that AFRICan Elephant I got him."

Old one I've never seen on here This joke was in a book I had as a young child, probably from the 70s or 80s. It's so ridiculous, I remember it to this day. Q: How do you kill a blue elephant? A: Shoot it with a blue elephant gun. Q: How do you kill a white elephant? A: Hold its nose until it turns blue and shoot it with a blue elephant gun.

An elephant is walking through the jungle and gets a painful splinter in his foot He is moaning in pain, just when an ant walks up. The ant sees his problem, and says, "Hey, I'll pull the splinter out of your foot, if you let me fuck you up the ass." The elephant laughs a bit and agrees. So the ant climbs along his foot, and is able to pull hard enough to remove the splinter. The elephant is immediately relived, and thanks the ant. The ant says, "You made a deal - now I get to fuck you up the ass!" The elephant laughs again and says, "Yep, a deal is a deal - go ahead!" So the ant climbs up the elephant's hind leg, goes under his tail, and starts to do his business. Meanwhile, a monkey has been up in a tree watching this whole thing, and throws a coconut at the elephant, hitting him squarely in the head. The elephant then rears up on his hind legs and lets out a huge yell of pain. The ant screams, "Take it all, Bitch!"

A girl is at the circus... ... and she sees an elephant. She asks her mom "What's that between the elephant's legs?" Her mom is embarrassed and says "That's nothing, dear." Unsatisfied with this answer, she turns to her dad and asks "Daddy, what's that between the elephant's legs?" Her dad is straightforward and says "That's the elephant's penis." She says "Oh" and pauses. Then she asks, "Why did Mommy say it was nothing?" To which the dad replies, "Well, ya know, I spoil her."

Oh the memories You can tell a woman that she is beautiful 1000 times and she will pay no mind to your comments. But tell her that she's fat, just one time, and she will never let you forget it. Do you want to know why that is? Because an elephant never forgets.

Why do elephants drink so much? To forget

After Noah led the animals onto the ark, it started to rain After Noah led the animals onto the ark, two by two, it started to rain for 40 days and 40 nights. After the 15th day, with all the animals cooped up together with no designated toilet area, the ark began to smell. So Noah, being a wise old Noah, decided to set up a designated shitting area at the bow of the ark. He then called the animals in for a meeting. He proceeded to tell them about the newly designated shitting area. After the 20th day there was so much shit gathered at the bow that the ark began to tilt, leaving the stern raised making it near impossible to play pool. So, being a wise old Noah, he once again had a plan. With the help of the big animals such as the elephants and rhino's he rolled up all the shit into one huge ball and threw it overboard into the ocean.... 325,000 years later Christopher Columbus discovered it.

What is grey and comes in quarts? An elephant

A Man With Sticks in the Middle of Town. A man is hitting two sticks together in the middle of a small town in suburban America. Another man walks up and asks, "why are you hitting those sticks together?" The first man replies, "I'm keeping the elephants away." Confused, the other man says, "but there are no elephants around here!" The man with the sticks calmly replies, "You're welcome."

Learned in church camp when I was 10 or 11. The only joke I know. So there was this yellow toad, he wants to be green like his buddies. He goes to the Dr. and gets a blood transfusion to turn himself green. A while later he returns to the Dr. "Hey doc, you did a good job. But I have one problem...my dick is still yellow". The Dr. tells the toad that he can't do anything, but can refer him to the wizard of Oz who should be able to help. So the toad goes on his way. While this is going on there is a pink elephant who is having the same problem and just wants to be gray like all the other elephants. He gets his blood transfusion, but also has to return to the Dr. later with a problem. 'My dick is still pink doc, I need your help.'. The Dr. let's him know that he can't do anything but refer him to the great wizard of Oz for his dilemma. The elephant responds with " well that's great, but I don't know how to get there." To which the Dr. replies, "Oh it's easy, just follow the yellow dicked toad."

Why are elephants big and grey? Because if they were small and purple, they would be called grapes.

Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees? ... They're really good at it.

My friend got me an elephant for my room. I said "thanks!" She said "Don't mention it."

Little Johnny went to the zoo with his parents. He saw an elephant and asked his mom: "Mom, what does this elephant has between its legs?" Mom blushes and says: " Oh, that's nothing." Then Johnny turns to his father and asks: "Dad, what does this elephant has between its legs?" "That's elephant's penis" "But mom said that it was nothing" "Well, daddy spoiled mommy a little bit"

I recently got a job circumcising elephants the pay is terrible but the TIPS ARE HUGE!

A man wins a safari trip... Having never done anything like this before in his life, he goes to visit a big-game hunter for some pointers. "Oh, nothing to it, old boy," the grizzled hunter chuckled. He removed a double-barreled elephant gun from its stand and handed it to the man. "If a lion charges, just plant your feet, take a deep breath, aim, and fire." "But what if I miss?" "That's what the second barrel is for." "And if i miss with *that*?" "Well, in that case, reach around behind you, grab a big handful of shit, and throw it in the lion's eyes." "A handful of shit? Where will I get *shit* from?" "If you miss with both barrels, trust me - it'll be there."

My friend told me that he had been seeing elephants in his dreams. "Have you seen a psychiatrist?" I asked. "Nope. Just elephants."

A Zoo Keeper gets raped by an Elephant And he’s rushed to hospital for treatment. The doctor examines him and asks why his bottom has been stretched out 10 inches when an Elephant’s erect penis is only 4ins wide. Weeping, the man say's “The dirty bastard fingered me first”!

A boy and his mother were at the zoo... A boy and his mother were at the zoo and found themselves at the elephant exhibit. The boy says, "Mommy, Mommy, what's that thing hanging down?" Mother: That's his trunk Boy: No, no, behind the trunk Mother: That's his tail Boy: I mean between the trunk and the tail. The mother, flustered, says, "Oh, that's nothing." Some time goes by and the boy returns to the zoo with his father. When they reach the elephant exhibit the boy says, "Daddy, Daddy, what's that thing hanging down." Father: That's his trunk Boy: No, behind the trunk! Father: You mean his tail? Boy: Between the trunk and the tail. The father looks at his son and says, "That's his penis." The boy becomes confused and says, "Last time Mommy told me it was nothing." The father replies, "Well, son, your mother's been spoiled."

My balloon elephant wouldn’t fit in the back seat of the car so I had to pop the trunk.

I once had a job circumcising Elephants The pay was low, but the tips were *huge*

Why don't the two elephants ever swim together? Between them, they have only one pair of trunks.

Why is an elephant large, grey, and wrinkled? Because if it was small, white, and round it would be an aspirin.

Mommy takes little johnny to the zoo.. As they pass the elephant cage, the elephant has an erection. "What's that, Mommy?" asks the child. "Nothing, Johnny, nothing," says the embarrassed mother, swiftly leading him on. A week later Johnny's dad takes him and the same happens. "What's that, Daddy?" "That, son, is the elephant's penis." "Mommy said it was nothing." "Your mother's spoiled, Son!"

I have the memory of an elephant. I remember one time I went to the zoo and saw an elephant.

How do you make an elephant float? A can of coke, a scoop of vanilla ice cream, and an elephant.

How do you know if there’s an elephant under your bed? Your nose is touching the ceiling

What do you get if you cross a Fish and an Elephant? Swimming Trunks.

An elephant escaped from the circus... ...and ended up in a little old lady's back garden. The lady had never seen an elephant before, so she rang the police. "Please come quickly," she said to the policeman who answered the phone. "There's a strange looking animal in my garden picking up cabbages with its tail." "What's it doing with them?" asked the policeman. "If I told you," said the old lady, "you'd never beleive me!"

I bought a friend of mine an elephant for his room He said thanks. I said don't mention it.

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack. "Miss Whack", he says, "I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday". Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger. He says that his dad is Mick Jagger, and it's okay for him to take out all of the money because he is friends with the bank manager. Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral. The frog says "Sure, have this", and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink, and perfectly formed. Very confused, Patty tells him that she'll have to consult with the bank manager. She then disappears into the back office. She finds the manager and says "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral". She holds up the tiny elephant pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?" The bank manager looks back at her and says "It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan, his old man's a Rolling Stone".

I got a job at the circus. I had to circumcise the elephants. The wages weren't great but the tips were enormous.

Elephant at the Zoo [Copied from this thread](http://www.reddit.com/r/pics/comments/1t3pl5/while_at_disneys_animal_kingdom_my_5_year_old/) * A mother is walking with her five year-old son through the zoo when they reach the elephant cage. The boy looks with amazement at the large beast and asks his mom, "What's that long thing hanging down from the elephant?" His mother replies "That's his trunk". The little boy goes, "I know that, the thing to the other side of the trunk." The mom replies "Oh, that's his tail". The boy goes, "I know that! No, what's that big thing hanging down in between the trunk and tail." The mother, wanting to avoid this subject all together, just says "Oh, that's nothing" and whisks him off to the next exhibit. Two weeks later he goes to the same zoo with his dad. They are at the elephant exhibit and he asks his dad "What's that long thing hanging down from the elephant?" The dad replies, "That's his trunk." "No, behind that!" says the kid. "Oh, well that's his tail" replies the father. "NO, in-between the trunk and the tail!" yells the kid. His dad replies, "Son, that's the elephant's penis." The kid, a bit puzzled, tells his dad, "But Mom said it was nothing." His father replied, "Son, that's because your mom's been spoiled."

What did the elephant say to the naked man? "How do you breathe through that little thing?!"