50+ Electrician Jokes

People are usually shocked when they find out I'm not a very good electrician.

Four Surgeons Four surgeons sit around discussing their favorite patients. The first surgeon says, "I like operating on librarians. When you open them up, everything is in alphabetical order". The second surgeon says, "I like operating on accountants. When you open them up, everything is in numerical order". The third surgeon says, "I like operating on electricians. When you open them up, everything is color coded." The fourth surgeon says, "I like operating on politicians." The other three surgeons look at each other in disbelief. The fourth surgeon continues, "Because they're heartless, gutless, spineless, and the ass and head are interchangeable."

How do you tell the difference between an electrician and an electrical engineer? Ask them to pronounce the word, "unionized".

My rubbish dog joke. A dog walks into a pub, and takes a seat. He says to the barman, 'Can I have a pint of lager and a packet of crisps please'. The barman says, 'Wow, that's amazing! You should join the circus!' The dog replies, 'Why? Do they need electricians?' Edit: Thanks for front page, but most importantly, adding to my collection of rubbish animal jokes!

No problems, just look in your textbook! About 15 years ago, I was almost 20 and in my country's equivalent of a trade school for electricians. One of our teachers, electronic circuits class, had a kinda annoying catchphrase for every question students had: "no problems, just look in your textbook". He had already mentally checked out since he got a way better job lined up for next semester, so he pretty much only read stuff from the textbook and then switched to the textbook's practical exercises, where we had a [breadboard](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Breadboard) and, working in pairs, inserted resistors, capacitors and other components in it. All in all, not the worst teacher we had, but this one incident made his class *very* memorable. On the third class we had with that teacher (first one was introduction, second one was how to read resistor color codes, he said his catchphrase no less than 5 times per class), my friend showed me a glaring mistake in the textbook's practical exercise. It was something very simple: placing three resistors in series, measuring the current produced with a 24V DC power supply and comparing to the value we had calculated. The first two exercises were OK, but in the third one, the values for all resistors were way too low. Like, three orders of magnitude low. Somebody meant to write 10KΩ (10.000Ω) but typed 10Ω instead. For every single resistor in that exercise. For people who are not very familiar with electronics: - Ohm's Law dictate that, for a constant voltage supply, current gets higher as resistances get lower (Voltage = Resistance x Current, or V = RxI, which can also be written as I = V/R). - Joule's Law dictate that more Power, which in a resistor's case would be dissipated as heat, is supplied the higher is the current (Power = Resistance x Current², or P = RxI²). - Resistors have a power rating measured in Watts and when the rating is exceeded, they start to produce smoke and/or fire. The power rating for the resistors we were using was 0.25W. - When resistors are placed in series, their total value is added. In this example, three 10Ω resistors would have a total resistance of 30Ω. If we use the previous formulas, we get a value of 0.8A for current and 19.2W for power... or almost 77 times the power rating of the resistors. If the 10KΩ resistors were used, we'd have 0.8mA for current and 19.2mW for power, well within the power rating of the resistors. My friend, I and a few other students tried to ask the teacher if those values were correct, and his answer, to no one's surprise, was "no problems, just look in your textbook". I tried to argue that the textbook was plain wrong and he shut me down saying how way smarter people than him and I wrote the textbook, so we should just follow it. So everyone (some more reluctantly than others) placed the resistors in the breadboard, connected the power supply and waited for his instruction to turn it on, as has been for the first two exercises without incident. Then he said to turn on the power supply. Without even looking in the textbook. At first everything seemed fine and some people started to get their multimeters. A few seconds later, a girl screamed "fire", but it was really only smoke. A few seconds later and now we had small fires all over the lab and people freaking out! Nothing spectacular and they died down a few seconds later, but enough to make most of the 30 people scream and panic while the smell of burnt plastic from 15 breadboards and burnt ceramic from 45 resistors made the air pretty much unbreathable. To his credit, the teacher engaged the lab's circuit breaker pretty fast and evacuated the room so no one breathed potentially toxic fumes. Since I was expecting it, I was more annoyed than scared (unlike some of the more sensitive people who were crying) and told the teacher, who was looking at the empty lab as if he was seeing ghosts, "there seems to be a problem, should you look in the textbook now?". He gave a nervous laughter and said "maybe you're smarter than the people who wrote it". The screaming attracted a more experienced teacher who, after making sure everyone was OK, just couldn't stop laughing at our teacher. He did keep using his catchphrase, "no problems, just look in your textbook", until the end of the semester, but he was now also looking in the textbook himself and spotted a few glaring mistakes made by those "intelligent people". For some reason, he didn't seem to like the nickname we gave him when he heard someone saying in the hallway, "next is Textbook Idiot's class".

Four surgeons sit around discussing their favorite patients. The first surgeon says, "I like operating on librarians. When you open them up, everything is in alphabetical order". The second surgeon says, "I like operating on accountants. When you open them up, everything is in numerical order". The third surgeon says, "I like operating on electricians. When you open them up, everything is color coded. The fourth surgeon says, "I like operating on politicians." The other three surgeons look at each other in disbelief. The fourth surgeon continues, "Because they're heartless, gutless, spineless, and the ass and head are interchangeable."

Most people are shocked when they find out how incompetent I am as an electrician.

A horse walks into a bar A horse walks into a bar and says "bartender, scotch on the rocks please!" The bartender, rubbing his eyes in disbelief says "did.. did you just talk?!" "Yes I have, why?" Said the horse "It's just, incredible! I've never seen a talking horse! You know, you should really go talk to the local circus, they would LOVE to have someone with your skills!" The horse replied "why? Are they short on electricians?"

What is an electricians favorite type of news Current events

Never trust an electrician with no eyebrows.

People are often shocked when they find out I'm not a very good electrician.

Three surgeons are sitting in a bar... discussing which people are their favorite to operate on. The first surgeon looks at the other two, and tells them that his favorite patients are librarians. The other two then ask him why. "Well," he begins, "I like librarians, because their insides are always filed away in alphabetical order." The other two slowly nod in agreement. "My favorite kind of patients are electricians," the second blurts out. "Why?" the others ask in tandem. "All of their innards are grouped together and color coded." All three nod before all eyes fall on the third surgeon. The third muses for a moment before he says, "Lawyers." "Lawyers?" the other two ask incredulously. "Yup, they're heartless, gutless, spineless, and their heads and asses are interchangeable."

Three surgeons... ...are discussing what kinds of patients are the easiest for operations. The first surgeon said, "Electricians are the easiest. Everything inside is color coded." The second surgeon said, "No, librarians are the easiest. Everything inside is in alphabetical order." The third surgeon said, "No, politicians are by far the easiest. There's no heart, no guts, no spine, no brain, and no balls. Plus, the head and ass are interchangeable."

A little boy is bothering his dad one day, so his dad tells him to go across the street to where they’re building a house and watch them so he might learn something. The boy is gone for a few hours and returns. His dad asks him if he learned anything. The boy replies, “Well, I learned that when you’re putting the goddamn door on and if that bitch doesn’t fit, you take that fucker down, shave a cunt hair off each side, slap that shit back up there and see if it fits.” The dad, horrified, tells the boy, “You’re not talking like that around here! Go fetch me a switch!” The boy replies, “Fuck you! That’s the electrician’s job!”

Two electricians are up on a pole A granny walks by. One of the electricians shouts at the granny: — Hey grandma, can you hold that cable that's on the ground next to you for a bit, please? The granny picks up the cable. The same electrician then states to the other: — Told you it was the ground.

Finding a job is difficult... I started at the orange juice factory but couldn't concentrate, Being a tailor just didn't suit me, I couldn't cut it as a barber, I didn't have the foundations to be an architect, I just didn't have enough patients to be a doctor, I felt soleless in the shoe factory, I couldn't hack it as a lumberjack, I couldn't keep my eye on the job as an optician, Being an electrician was shocking, Sewage maintenance was just draining, I just wasn't taking off as a pilot, My spell as a wizard didn't work, Working at a coffee shop was too much of a grind, I didn't make the grade as a teacher, I didn't have the thyme to be a chef, My career as a comedian was a joke, I couldn't see a future being a historian, And now I'm an archaeologist and my future lies in ruins!

A dog walks into a pub A dog walks into a pub, and takes a seat. He says to the barman, 'Can I have a pint of lager and a packet of crisps please'. The barman says, 'Wow, that's amazing! You should join the circus!' The dog replies, 'Why? Do they need electricians?'

A dog walks into a bar A dog walks into a bar and says to the bartender "A pint of beer please." The bartender says "Wow that's amazing! You should join the circus!" The dog then replies "Why? Do they need electricians?"

Two Electricians Are Working On A Telephone Pole As they're working, an old woman walks by them. The first electrician calls out "Ma'am! Can you move that wire aside for us?" She replies "Oh yes, deary", as she picks up the wire and moves it out of the sidewalk and strolls off. The second electrician says to the first "I told you it wasn't live, moron."

Three dumb guys are in a bar talking about their cheating wives... First guy says, "I'm sure my wife is having an affair with a plumber. Yesterday when I came home I found a lot of plumbing equipment under our bed that don't belong to me." Second guy says, "I'm sure my wife is having an affair with an electrician. I came home yesterday to find an electrician's toolbox under our bed." Third guy says, "You guys have it easy. My wife is having an affair with a horse!" - "A horse?! How'd you find that out?" - "Well, yesterday I came home to find a horse jockey hiding under our bed!"

It's Spring Break, and Little Johnny has been home for a week. He's been tearing the house up and breaking things every day. Finally his Mom has had enough. "LITTLE JOHNNY! I'm sick of you destroying everything! They're building a house across the street. Go hang out with the foreman and don't come back until you've learned something about construction. See you at dinnertime." Little Johnny is gone all day and finally comes home at dusk. "Well, what did you learn today?" his Mom asks. "I learned how to hang a door," Little Johnny replies. "O.K., how do you do that?" "Well," Little Johnny starts, "First you slap the son-of-a-bitch up there, but the fucker doesn't fit, so you go kick that lazy bastard joiner in the ass and have him shave a cunt-hair off the goddamned edges of the door here and there until the mother-fucker fits." Little Johnny's Mom is horrified. "LITTLE JOHNNY! You know better than to use filthy language like that! Go to the yard and get a switch!" Little Johnny replies, "Fuck you! That's the electrician's job!"

People usually get shocked when they find out I am shitty electrician

How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? 12. One to screw it in, one to excoriate men for creating the need for illumination, one to blame men for inventing such a faulty means of illumination, one to suggest the whole "screwing" bit to be too "rape-like", one to deconstruct the lightbulb itself as being phallic, one to blame men for not changing the bulb, one to blame men for trying to change the bulb instead of letting a woman do it, one to blame men for creating a society that discourages women from changing light bulbs, one to blame men for creating a society where women change too many light bulbs, one to advocate that lightbulb changers should have wage parity with electricians, one to alert the media that women are now "out-lightbulbing" men, and one to just sit there taking pictures for her blog for photo-evidence that men are unnecessary.

English puns. She fell in love with a Banker but he showed no lnterest. She fell in love with an Astronaut but he wanted Space. She fell in love with a Gym trainer, but it didn't Work out. She fell in love with a Librarian, but his time was always Booked. She fell in love with an Electrician but for him there was no Spark. She fell in love with a Cardiologist but he broke her Heart. She fell in love with a Geologist, but the relationship was too Rocky. She fell in love with an Economist but he couldn’t supply her Demands She fell in love with a Violinist but he said, "No Strings attached." She fell in love with the Linguist but he left her Speechless She fell in love with a Seismologist, but he was always finding Fault. She fell in love with a Cook, but he left her on the back Burner She fell in love with a Mathematician but she couldn't Count on him. She fell in love with a Scuba diver--on the surface everything seemed to be fine, but Deep down she knew something Fishy was going on ... She fell in love with a Fisherman, but he wasn't a good Catch. She fell in love with a Mason but they never built a strong Foundation. She fell in love with a Teacher, but he had no Class! She fell in love with a Tennis player but Love meant nothing to him. She fell in love with the Magician but he kept turning Tricks. She fell in love with a Lawyer but he never took her to the Bar She fell in love with a Recovery agent and he Seized her At last she fell in love with an ED officer and got Attached 🤣

Favorite Patient Five surgeons were talking about their favorite patients. The first surgeon says, "Accountants are the best to operate on because when you open them up, everything on the inside is numbered. "The second surgeon says, Nah, libraries are the best. Everything inside them is in alphabetical order. "The third surgeon says, "You have to operate on electricians. Everything inside is color coded!" The fourth surgeon smirks and says, " I prefer lawyers, they're heartless, spineless, and gutless, and their heads and Butts are interchangeable." After quietly listening to the entire conversation, the fifth surgeon pipes up and says, "I like engineers because they always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end. "

Little Johnny always wanted to be a carpenter. A house was being built across the street and he asks his mother if he can go watch the carpenters work. His mom agrees and says "Maybe you will learn something." So he sits on a stump all day and watches the men work. After they finish for the day little Johnny goes home and his mother asks "Well, Johnny, did you learn anything today?" "Yeah! A lot" said little Johnny. His mom says "Tell me about it, what did you learn? "Well, its not easy to put up a door. You try to put the mother fucker up but that shit doesn't fit, so you take it down and shave a cunt hair off each side. Then you put that cocksuckin bitch back up." Johnny's mother, in shock, exclaims angrily "Johnny! That's terrible! Just wait till your father gets home!" A few hours later his father comes home and little Johnny tells him the same story. His father gets really upset and says "Johnny! Go out back and fetch me a switch!" Little Johnny replies "Fuck you, that's the electrician's job!"

Electricians always wear long pants. Shorts are bad.

A week before Memorial Day, kids bring pictures of veteran family members to school for show and tell. First up was Mary. "My daddy served in Afghanistan. He was a paratrooper." "A paratrooper?" Asked the teacher, who was awed. "Yes, please look closer -- you can see his jump badge." Second was Joe. "My granny served in Vietnam. She was a doctor." "A doctor?" Asked the teacher, who was moved. "Yeah, see? That's a stethoscope hanging around her neck." Third was little Johnny, "This is my great grandpa. He was an electrician." "An electrician?" Asked the teacher, who was perplexed. "Yeah, here. You can see the two lightning bolts on his helmet"

An electrician was shocked by a live wire when he was asked why... He said he couldn't resist.

Why do electricians wear pants? Because they hate shorts.

Lil' Jon's Electrician Popular music icon Lil Jon had returned home from his world tour to find his electrician finishing up his renovations. "The place looks great!" Said Lil Jon. "Thanks," the electrician replied, "But there's one thing I have to show you." The electrician guided Lil Jon into Lil Jon's personal bar. Strangely, it had only a single light bulb dangling from the ceiling. "I don't understand," said Lil Jon. "Why did you install this light bulb?" "This is a special light bulb!" The electrician replied enthusiastically. "In order to help you live a healthier lifestyle, the bulb will become dimmer the more you drink. When it gets too dark to see, you know it's time to call it a night." Lil Jon was astounded. "I can't wait to try it out!" he said. So that night, Lil Jon had a party with all his closest family and friends. They laughed and drank and danced the evening away. Around 11:30 PM, the party guests became tired and some had even begun to go home. But Lil' Jon was not satisfied. "The party must go on!" he shouted. "Get me another round of shots!" The lightbulb darkened. It had turned down four watts.

How many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb? Twelve: One to screw it in. One to excoriate men for creating the need for illumination. One to blame men for inventing such a faulty means of illumination. One to suggest the whole “screwing” bit to be too “rape-like”. One to deconstruct the lightbulb itself as being phallic. One to blame men for not changing the bulb. One to blame men for trying to change the bulb instead of letting a woman do it. One to blame men for creating a society that discourages women from changing light bulbs. One to blame men for creating a society where women change too many light bulbs. One to advocate that light bulb changers should have wage parity with electricians. One to alert the media that women are now “out-lightbulbing” men. One to just sit there taking pictures for her blog for photo-evidence that men are unnecessary.

Timmy learns about construction Little Timmy's sitting at home complaining to his mom that he's bored. A new house is being built next door so she says, "Why don't you go next door and maybe you can learn something about construction. Just make sure to stay out of everyone's way." "OK." Timmy replies and heads next door. Hours later, Timmy finally comes back home. "Wow, you've been over there all day." his Mom says. "You must have learned a lot about construction." "I sure did!" he replies. "Well, what did you learn?" she asks. "Well, first you put the motherfucker up and the piece of shit won't fit. So, you take the son of a bitch down, take off a couple cunt hairs and slap the bastard back up." Timmy's mom is taken aback and warns him, "You wait til your father gets home." A short while later, Timmy's dad finds him in his room. "So," he says, "your mother tells me you learned a bit about construction today. Why don't you tell me what you learned." "Well," Timmy says, "first you put the motherfucker up and the piece of shit won't fit. So, you take the son of a bitch down, take off a couple cunt hairs and slap the bastard back up." Timmy's dad's face goes beet-red. "That's it. Go get the switch." he says angrily. "Fuck you, Dad, that's the electrician's job."

A boy has been bothering his dad all morning, so the dad tells him to go across the street where they're building a house and maybe he could learn something. A few hours later, the boy returns and his dad asks what he had learned. The boy replies, "Well, I learned that if you're installing a door, you throw that motherfucker up there and if the bitch don't fit, you take it down and shave a cunt-hair off each side and try the goddamn thing again." The father, upset with his son's language and having decided on a whoopin', tells him to go fetch him a switch. The boy replies, "Fuck you! That's the electrician's job!"

Little Johnny spends the day watching a house being built... "Why Johnny, where were you all afternoon?" his mother asks. "I've been watching them work on the new house getting built down the street. I'm learning all about being a carpenter!" "Oh really?" she asks, amused. "What kind of wood are they building it out of?" "Why, they're using no-good goddamn low-budget bullshit wood, mom!" "Johnny! Watch your language! Why I'll bet you haven't been watching the construction site at all, have you?!" "Sure I have! They've been putting in piece-of-shit doors all afternoon, and just before I left they put in another sonuvabitch window!" Aghast, Johnny's mother stands up straight and tells him, "Johnny! You go out there this instant and *cut me a switch*!" Johnny looks thoughtful for a moment and replies, "Nah, fuck it, mom. That's a job for the electrician."

5 surgeons discussing who makes the best patients to operate on The first surgeon, says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered." The second, responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded." The third surgeon, says, "No, I really think librarians are the best! Everything inside them is in alphabetical order." The fourth surgeon, chimes in: "You know, I like construction workers...Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over.' But the fifth surgeon, shut them all up when he said: 'You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains, and no spine... Plus, the head and the arse are interchangeable!

What did the electrician say when the hiker asked him if he wanted to join him on a cross-country road trip? No.

I think my wife is having an affair with a horse. Paddy and his two friends are talking at a bar. His first friend says, “I think my wife is having an affair with the electrician. The other day I came home and found wire cutters under our bed and they weren't mine.” His second friend says, “I think my wife is having an affair with the plumber the other day I found a wrench under the bed and it wasn't mine.” Paddy says, “I think my wife is having an affair with a horse.” Both his friends look at him with utter disbelief. “No, I’m serious,” Paddy says. “The other day I came home and found a jockey under our bed.”

Where do electricians get supplies? The Ohm Depot.

How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb? 12. * One to ~~screw~~ change it in * One to excoriate men for creating the need for illumination * One to blame men for inventing such a faulty means of illumination * One to suggest the whole "screwing" bit to be too "rape-like" * One to deconstruct the lightbulb itself as being phallic * One to blame men for not changing the bulb * One to blame men for trying to change the bulb instead of letting a woman do it * One to blame men for creating a society that discourages women from changing light bulbs * One to blame men for creating a society where women change too many light bulbs * One to advocate that lightbulb changers should have wage parity with electricians * One to alert the media that women are now "out-lightbulbing" men * One to just sit there taking pictures for her blog for photo-evidence that men are unnecessary.

An electrician comes home at 2 am.... His wife asks, "wire you insulate?" He replies, "watt's the problem, I'm ohm aren't I?"

Little Suzy was driving her mom crazy Little Suzy was driving her mom crazy one day so mom sent her next door to watch as a new house was being built. Suzy stayed until mom called her home. "Well did you learn anything new today Suzy?" mom asked. "I sure did. I learned that when that damn board don't fit you grab the plane & shave a cunt hair off here & there to make that cocksucker fit." "My my, wait until your dad hears this," mom said. When dad gets home mom tells him what Suzy said. Dad says, "Suzy go outside a get me a switch." Suzy replies, "Fuck you. That is the electrician's job."

Three surgeons are discussing who makes... ...the best patients to operate on: The first surgeon says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered." The second responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded." The third surgeon chimes in with, "You know, I like construction workers. Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end and when the job takes longer than you said it would."

Some surgeons were taking a coffee break and discussing their work... The first said, "I think accountants are the easiest to operate on. You open them up and everything inside is numbered." The second said, "I think librarians are the easiest to operate on. You open them up and everything inside is in alphabetical order." The third said, "I like to operate on electricians. You open them up and everything inside is color-coded." The fourth one said, "I like to operate on lawyers. They're heartless spineless, gutless, and their heads and ass are interchangeable."

Little Johnny learns construction (long) Little Johnny was acting up, driving his Mom crazy. Exasperated, his Mom suggests, “Johnny, why don’t you go down the road where they’re building a house? Maybe you’ll learn something.” His Mother enjoyed a peaceful couple of hours until Johnny returned. Mom asked, “Well Johnny, did you learn anything today?” Johnny replied, “I learned how to hang a door!” Mom said, “Why don’t you tell me about it?” Johnny says, “Well, first you slap the fucker up. Goddamn cocksucker don’t fit. Then you pull the sonofabitch down, shave a cunthair off this side, a cunthair off the other side, and slap it up again. Motherfucker fits perfect!” Appalled, his Mother says, “Johnny! Go to you room and wait until your father gets home!” When Dad gets home, Mom says, “Johnny’s up in his room. You better go talk to him about what he told me today.” Dad goes upstairs and asks Johnny, “What did you tell your mother today?” Johnny replies, “I told her I learned how to hang a door.” Dad says, “Can you tell me about it?” Johnny: “Sure! First you slap the fucker up. Goddamn cocksucker don’t fit. Then you pull the sonofabitch down, shave a cunthair off this side, a cunthair off the other side, and slap it up again. Motherfucker fits perfect!” Outraged, Dad says “Johnny! That’s completely inappropriate! Go out back and get me a switch!” To which Johnny replies, “Fuck that! That’s the electrician’s job!”

How many femenists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 12 One to screw it in One to excoriate men for creating the need for illumination One to blame men for inventing such a faulty means of illumination One to suggest the whole "screwing" bit to be too "rape-like" One to deconstruct the light bulb itself as being phallic One to blame men for not changing the bulb One to blame men for trying to change the bulb instead of letting a woman do it One to blame men for creating a society that discourages women from changing light bulbs One to blame men for creating a society where women change too many light bulbs One to advocate that light bulb changers should have wage parity with electricians One to alert the media that women are now "out-lightbulbing" men And one to just sit there taking pictures for her blog for photo-evidence that men are unnecessary

Three surgeons are discussing Three surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on. The 1st surgeon said, "Electricians are the best, everything inside is color coded." The 2nd surgeon says, "No, I think librarians are, everything inside them is in alphabetical order". The 3rd surgeon shuts them all up when he says, "You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains, and no spine. Plus, the head and the rear end are interchangeable."

Today a whole bunch of friends in trade school started throwing jokes around. These were the funniest. What do you call a electrician who tries to be a carpenter? A lousy carpenter What do yoy call a carpenter who tries to be an electrican? A dead carpenter What do you call a electrician with a hammer? Thief

What's the difference between an Electrician and someone who's high? The electrician knows where the ground is.

What does an electrician say while meditating? Ohm... Ohm...

After a long day at work, I come home to my nagging wife. "The sink's leaking, fix it," she says. "I'm not a plumber," I say. "The electric's broken, fix it," she says. "I'm not an electrician," I say. She stomps off in a huff. The next day, I come home from work again and... everything's fixed! "What happened?" I ask her. "I got a man in to do it," she says. "How much did it cost?" I say. "Well, he asked for either an apple pie, or a blowjob," she says. "I hope you gave him an apple pie!" I say. "I'm not a baker," she says.

What does an electrician say when he's confused? Watt?!

I'm pretty sure my electrician supports LGBT rights. Just the other day I heard him talking about his transister.

How many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb? 12. One to screw it in, one to excoriate men for creating the need for illumination, one to blame men for inventing such a faulty means of illumination, one to suggest the whole "screwing" bit to be too "rape-like", one to deconstruct the lightbulb itself as being phallic, one to blame men for not changing the bulb, one to blame men for trying to change the bulb instead of letting a woman do it, one to blame men for creating a society that discourages women from changing light bulbs, one to blame men for creating a society where women change too many light bulbs, one to advocate that lightbulb changers should have wage parity with electricians, one to alert the media that women are now "out-lightbulbing" men, one to just sit there taking pictures for her blog for photo-evidence that men are unnecessary

What do you say to give an electrician encouragement? "You conduit!"

How many does it take? How many union carpenters does it take to change a light bulb? None, that's a fuckin electricians job How many union electricians does it take to change a light bulb? 12, you got a fuckin problem with that? How many corporate executives does it take to change a light bulb? 2 one to mix the Martinis and one to call the fuckin electrician. How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb? One, but the bulb has to really WANT to change. How many bikers does it take to change a light bulb? None, bikers aren't afraid of the dark

Why do Electricians make terrible revolutionaries? They know resistance is a waste of energy.

Did you hear about the recently unemployed electrician? Apparently he's now ohm-less.

How do electricians meditate? Ohmmmm, Ohmmmm

How many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb? One to screw it in. One to excoriate men for creating the need for illumination. One to blame men for inventing such a faulty means of illumination. One to suggest the whole “screwing” bit to be too “rape-like”. One to deconstruct the lightbulb itself as being phallic. One to blame men for not changing the bulb. One to blame men for trying to change the bulb instead of letting a woman do it. One to blame men for creating a society that discourages women from changing light bulbs. One to blame men for creating a society where women change too many light bulbs. One to advocate that light bulb changers should have wage parity with electricians. One to alert the media that women are now “out-lightbulbing” men.

joke A dog walks into a pub, and takes a seat. He says to the barman, 'Can I have a pint of lager and a packet of crisps please'. The barman says, 'Wow, that's amazing! You should join the circus!' The dog replies, 'Why? Do they need electricians?'

how many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? 12 one to screw it in, one to excoriate men for creating the need for illumination, one to blame men for creating such a faulty means of illumination, one to suggest the whole "screwing" bit to be too "rape like", one to deconstruct the lightbulb itself as being phallic, one to blame men for not changing the lightbulb, one to blame men for trying to change the lightbulb instead of letting a woman do it, one to blame men for creating a society that discourages women from changing lightbulbs, one to blame men for creating a society where women change too many lightbulbs, one to advocate that lightbulb changers have wage parity with electricians, one to alert the media that women are now out lightbulbing men, one to just sit there and take pictures for her blog for photo evidence that men are unnecessary.

My rubbish dog joke. A dog walks into a pub, and takes a seat. He says to the barman, 'Can I have a pint of lager and a packet of crisps please'. The barman says, 'Wow, that's amazing! You should join the circus!' The dog replies, 'Why? Do they need electricians?'

If Usain Bolt was an electrician... His name would be Usain Volt

Four surgeons..... ......sat around discussing their favourite patients type. 1st surgeon says, "I like operating on librarians. When you open them up, everything is in alphabetical order." 2nd surgeon says, "I like operating on accountants. When you open them up, everything is in numerical order." 3rd surgeon says, "I like operating on electricians. When you open them up, everything is color coded." The 4th surgeon says, "I like operating on politicians." The other three surgeons look at each other in disbelief. The 4th surgeon continues, "Because they're heartless, gutless, spineless, and the butts and brains are interchangeable."

building A little boy spends the afternoon watching some builders at work on a neighbor's house. When he goes inside his mother asks him what he's been doing. "Learning about building," he replies. "and what did you learn?" she asks. "Well," the boy replies. "First, you put the goddamn door up. Then the son of a bitch doesn't fit, so you have to take the cocksucker down. Then you have to shave a cunt's hair off each side and put the motherfucker back up." "Good god!" his mother exclaims. "Just wait till your father gets home!" When his father returns, he hears the whole story and goes to the little boys bedroom. "That was appalling language to use in front of your mother!" he says. "You've got to be punished. "Go and get me a switch!" "What?" the little boy replies. "Fuck you-that's the electrician's job!"

a graphic designer, an astrophysicist, a dentist and an electrician walk into a bar it was queen and they were playing their first gig

What's the best way to cheer on an electrician? You con-du-it!!!

Three men are talking about their wives... There are three men sat around a table in a bar. The first man says, "I think my wife is having an affair with an electrician. When I got home last night I found a pair of pliers and some insulating tape behind the radiator in the bedroom - we've not had any work done on the house, and I can't think of any other way they could have got there" The second man says, "I think my wife is having an affair with a carpenter. Last night I found a toolbelt in the laundry basket, and we've not had any renovations to the house for years..." The third man says, "I'm in the same boat, but I don't think you two have it as bad. My wife is having an affair with a horse! When I got home last night I found a jockey hidden in the wardrobe."

How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb? (A classic) 11. * One to blame men for inventing such a faulty means of illumination * One to excoriate men for creating the need for illumination * One to suggest the whole "screwing" bit to be too "rape-like" * One to deconstruct the lightbulb itself as being phallic * One to blame men for not changing the bulb * One to blame men for trying to change the bulb instead of letting a woman do it * One to blame men for creating a society that discourages women from changing light bulbs * One to blame men for creating a society where women change too many light bulbs * One to advocate that lightbulb changers should have wage parity with electricians * One to alert the media that women are now "out-lightbulbing" men * One to just sit there taking pictures for her blog for photo-evidence that men are unnecessary.

Not my job award goes to... So a woman walks into a room and flips the switch only to find that the light bulb is out. She goes to her husband and says "Hun, the light bulb is out. Can you fix it?" The husband responds with "Humph, I'm not an electrician!" Later the wife goes to the store and her tire pops. She then calls her husband and says "Hun, the tire popped on me. Can you help me?" The Husband then says "Humph, I'm not a mechanic!" So the next day the husband goes to work and comes back to his wife. He notices that her tire has been replaced and the bulb was fixed. He then goes to his wife and says "Hey, did you fix the light and the tire?" The wife says to him "No, I called a guy and he fixed them for me, and all I had to do was either bake him a cake OR have sex with him." The husband arrogantly says "I see. So what flavor did you bake the cake?" The wife then turns around and says whilst grinning "Hmph, I'm not a pastry chef!"

What do electricians say when they meditate? Ohm...

Did you hear about the electrician who beat up a baker? He was charged with battery.

In class room . Russia , after the war . Russia , 1951 . school teacher asked the children. Who were your fathers ? the first boy said, " driver " , the second "The Postman ." I ask a question about the third . He said, " electrician. He was wearing a helmet and helmet were two lightning . (P.s - sorry for my english :) )

How many feminists does it take to screw in a light-bulb? 12 * One to screw it in. * One to excoriate men for creating the need for illumination. * One to blame men for inventing such a faulty means of illumination. * One to suggest the whole "screwing" bit to be too "rape-like". * One to deconstruct the light-bulb itself as being phallic. * One to blame men for not changing the bulb. * One to blame men for trying to change the bulb instead of letting a woman do it. * One to blame men for creating a society that discourages women from changing light bulbs. * One to blame men for creating a society where women change too many light bulbs. * One to advocate that light-bulb changers should have wage parity with electricians. * One to alert the media that women are now "out-light-bulbing" men. * And one to just sit there taking pictures for her Tumblr for photo-evidence that men are unnecessary.

I am a damn good electrician Otherwise I would be dead

I looked up "my future as an electrician". It was very bright.

Johnny is a carpenter One day Johnny is bothering his mother around the house, so she suggests he go watch the workers who were building a house across the street. Johnny does so, and when he returns, his mother asks him if he's learned anything. Yeah, says Johnny. "Some asshole made the door opening too tight, so you have to plane a cunt hair off the sides and top." Johnny's mom is astounded at his language, and sends him to his room to await his father's return from work. Whe he comers home,his Dad asks Johnny if he really said these things. "Sure", Johnny says His Dad replies, "Ok, Johnny, I guess you didn't give me any choice. Go outside and get me a switch." "Fuck you", says Johnny, "that's the electrician's job."

A dog walks into a bar The dog says, "Gimme a beer." The bartender says, "Wow! You can talk! You should get a job at the circus!" The dog says, "They're hiring electricians at the circus?"

5 surgeons discussing who it's easier to operate on So there's 5 surgeons talking about who is easier to work on. One says well, it's electricians, because they are color coded inside. The second says librarians, because they use the Dewie Decimal System to organize their insides. The third says construction workers, cause they come with a good blueprint. The fourth says accountant, because everything is in numerical order. The last says no, you are all wrong, it's easiest to work on politicians. They have no spine, they have no guts, they have no heart, no brain, and no balls. On top of that, their head and their ass are interchangeable!

The last words of an electrician "Yeah you can turn it on, it is proven."

I used to date an electrician but we had to break up... There was just no spark.

What do electricians say while they meditate? *Ohmmmm...*

8 year old is driving mom crazy this summer.... ....so she sends him across the street to watch the construction crew across the street....later that day she's having trouble closing a door and he suggests that it probably needs "a cunt hair took off the top"...shocked, she tells dad what was said upon his arrival home...dad tells him to get a switch of the backyard tree...he replies "get your own goddam switch, I ain't no fuckin' electrician"

Big Shock I freaked out the electrician by opening the door in just my underwear. I couldn’t tell what gave him a bigger shock – whether the fact that I was practically naked or that I got into his house.

House problems Knock, knock... Who’s there? The electrician... The electrician who? The electrician who you called earlier, I understand you’ve been having some problems with your door bell?

A duck walks into a bar A talking duck that happens to be an electrician walks into a bar and orders a pint of his favourite larger. The bartender asks him how was work, to which the duck replies "ah its been a long week with a few tough jobs, I was thinking about a career change" The bartender takes a moment to think and then tells the duck "Well why don't you apply for the circus, they are in town this month" The ducks looks puzzled and asks "what would they want with an electrician"

What is an electrician's favorite vehicle? A Voltswagen

Did you hear about the electrician who bought a Camaro using money he got from scrap wire? He really crimped and saved

What did one ethuastic Electrician say to the other sad Electrician? Don't feel bad, YOU CONDUIT!!!

This one is for the Electricians A black guy, a red guy and a blue guy all walk into a bar. The bartender says "we don't serve your kind around here, this here is the neutral bar".

How many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb? 12 One to screw it in, one to excoriate men for creating the need for illumination, one to blame men for inventing such a faulty means of illumination, one to suggest the whole "screwing" bit to be too "rape-like", one to deconstruct the lightbulb itself as being phallic, one to blame men for not changing the bulb, one to blame men for trying to change the bulb instead of letting a woman do it, one to blame men for creating a society that discourages women from changing light bulbs, one to blame men for creating a society where women change too many light bulbs, one to advocate that lightbulb changers should have wage parity with electricians, one to alert the media that women are now "out-lightbulbing" men and one to just sit there taking pictures for her blog for photo-evidence that men are unnecessary.

How many electricians does it take to screw in a light bulb? Well, first off, it's called a lamp...

There were three babies in a woman's womb....... ...........and they were discussing what they would like to be when they were out in the world and grown up. The first one said "I wanna be a plumber." The others laughed at this, and asked why he wanted be be a plumber. He replied, "So I can fix the pipes in here, it's kinda leaky." The second one said "I wanna be an electrician." The others thought this was kind of silly too and asked why. The second baby answered, "so I can get some lights in here, its dark!" The third one said, "I wanna be a boxer." The others thought this was hilarious, and laughed for a full five minutes, before asking, "Why in God's name do you want to be a boxer?" He replied, "So," he said proudly, "I can beat the hell out of that bald guy who keeps coming in here and spitting on us."

Last words of an electrician... ... "the fuck dis cable?"

A Collection of "How many X does it take to change a lightbulb" Jokes How many programmers does it take to change a lightbulb? Two. One to change the bulb and One to develop an algorithm to change lightbulbs efficiently. Engineers: One. One to change the lightbulb. Electricians: Three. One to change the lightbulb, one to argue about how much they get paid, and one to argue with the unions. Time Travelers: One. One to change the lightbulb and another to hold the ladder. I *may* add more in the future :)

An electrician walks into intensive care and yells: ‘Hold your breaths, I am about to start replacing circuit breakers’

One Two Three A woman is pregnant with triplets. The first fetus turns to the other two and says, "When I get outta here and grow up, I'm gonna be a plumber." "Why a plumber?" ask the other two. The first replies, "Because of all the damn water in here." "That makes sense," reply the others. Then, the second fetus says, "When I grow up, I'm gonna be an electrician." "Why an electrician?" the others ask. "Because it's so damn dark in here," replies the second. "That makes sense too," the others comment. The third one then says, "When I grow up, I'm gonna be a hunter." "Why a hunter?" ask the other two. The third replies, "Because if that damn gopher sticks his head up here one more time, I'm gonna kill it!"

How many Biology undergrads does it take to change a lightbulb? Just one, but doing it will make them think they're going to be an electrician in the future.

What type of people do doctors like to operate on... Several doctors are lounging in the hospital cafeteria during their break. They begin to discuss their favorite patients to operate on, according to the arrangement of their organs: The first says: "I like accountants because everything is arranged in alphabetical order." The second says: "I like librarians because everything is arranged using the Dewey decimal system." The third says: "I like electricians because everything is color-coded." The fourth says: "I like lawyers because they're heartless, gutless, spineless, and their head and ass are interchangable."