Ron White

The setup points the reader toward 'He’s not used to this equipment, and he’s just goin’ crazy. You know, you can have fun with that.', then the trigger 'You can do what I do.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'He’s a computer freak anyway, but you ask any question, Doesn’t matter… World geography, world history, A', then the trigger 'note in a song written 300 years ago.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'They wanted to do eight teeth on the top, And six teeth on the bottom, And i', then the trigger 'was, like, how much is that gonna cost?' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'You ever been tapped out? Come on, baby, it’s time to go. She’s seen it.', then the trigger 'Come on, honey, let’s just go back to the hotel.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'And my wife’s in front of me, margo’s in front of me.', then the trigger 'I get to the end of the gangplank, Doc goes, big step, ron.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'To look into the eyes of the woman you love while you’re makin’ love, and look deep', then the trigger 'into her soul, and still see another woman.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'My wife goes, why don’t we eat here? We’ve never eaten here.', then the trigger 'I said, fine, let’s eat here, ‘Cause this dick won’t suck itself.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'No, you can’t kill chickens anymore. Let’s say I’m in a hotel room with a chicken.', then the trigger 'Let’s say the chicken just wants to touch me.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is benign-violation.

The setup points the reader toward 'Let’s try it. Well, that went way better than I thought it would.', then the trigger 'Now I’m gonna close the show this evening with my Dr.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'I just have so much fun when I’m here. I see so many friends. Thanks for comin’ out.', then the trigger 'I was in Bakersfield, California, Wednesday night.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'She goes, “i was in the produce department today, And this guy told me i was beautiful.” Well, baby, he’s right.', then the trigger 'You are beautiful.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'But i told her, i said, you get there at 5:30, You can fly with me,', then the trigger 'but let me tell you something, sugar tits.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'That means, i don’t know why you wanna leave. I’m having a perfectly good time. Turns out there was a consensus.', then the trigger 'Okay, i’ll leave.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'He was in love with that woman. She broke his tiny Tiger heart.', then the trigger 'He lost all those sponsors, which never made sense to me.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'And that’s a big deal for me.', then the trigger 'I’m really good friends with his son, Jay McGraw.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'He said yeah. I said, so you mean to tell me there’s no ham in this?', then the trigger '‘Cause my mother makes a meat-lovers’ carrot cake.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'In fact, when I’m not cookin’, I’m suckin’ dick, and when', then the trigger 'I’m not suckin’ dick, I’m cookin’.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'We got bin laden. It took ten years. It wasn’t exactly a calf rope.', then the trigger 'He was in that house for six years with five wives.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'And she gets up and she sings a jazz standard In full voice, Which i don’t', then the trigger 'get to hear her sing in full voice.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Pat it back up again. Give it a couple of twists, see if it’s hooked to anything.', then the trigger 'You might wanna go wash your hands.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'They found an all-Night dental school. This dentist is 14 years old.', then the trigger 'He hooks me up to the gas, and i don’t feel anything.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'It wasn’t even a nice camper. It was a homemade pop-up camper.', then the trigger 'It was like somebody had duct taped a tent to a golf cart.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'The cutest thing you ever saw. I got little outfits to put on him. One of ’em’s a raincoat.', then the trigger 'Not a condom, a raincoat.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'And margo’s a four-And-A-Half octave Classically trained opera singer That sings rock and roll and jazz and whatever.', then the trigger 'She’s been singin’ here for years.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'I been partyin’ in Florida for years. I didn’t even know they had laws.', then the trigger 'Looked to me like everybody just run amuck down there.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'I think he was surprised that i did. I answer the phone, he goes, uncle Ron, is that you?', then the trigger 'I said, yeah, it’s me.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Little yellow slicker with that hat. Looks like that fish and chips dude.', then the trigger 'It’s the exact same size as the one on the box.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Why, that story’s drippin’ with irony, mr. The part of the show where I prove my job is better than yours.', then the trigger 'You guys are fantastic.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'There’s a stampede of tiny giraffes Divin’ off the pier, Swimmin’ towards the ocean and certain death.', then the trigger 'People are pullin’ their kids off the pier.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is benign-violation.

The setup points the reader toward 'That’s just an interesting fact. What is it, ron? An interesting fact.', then the trigger 'Anyway, so we go see Love, The Beatles Cirque du Soleil show.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'I need you to get past that, learn how to suck yourself, So I can grow a', then the trigger 'spine, And get on with my goddamn life.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'I had to go to my dentist, Who’s pitchin’ veneers for my teeth, Because he says I’m', then the trigger 'doin’ wide-Screen high-Definition television, Which is nobody’s friend.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'I come from no money. Ten years ago, I lived in a camper in my friend’s backyard.', then the trigger 'He didn’t even know I was there.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward '“Ron white, you are the most selfish prick I have ever met in my life.” Tiger, get in here!', then the trigger 'You tell her what you did.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'I had a 20-inch Coleman television. I had to pump it up during commercials.', then the trigger 'You couldn’t watch porn on it, ’cause nobody’s that coordinated.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Act like nothin’s goin’ on.” Nothin’ is goin’ on.', then the trigger 'I didn’t know whether to buy more of that weed, Or never smoke it again.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'I don’t know what’s gonna happen now, ron. I don’t know. Walks out of the room, slams the door.', then the trigger 'I just started beratin’ myself.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'When I first saw it on the internet, I thought this’ll be world news. Wasn’t even news at all.', then the trigger 'They put the whale back.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'I’ll be in the front seat goin’, push me around some. And I don’t come from money.', then the trigger 'I come from the opposite of money.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'I guarantee you, one day, I’ll be livin’ in a double-wide trailer with shag carpet, and I’ll', then the trigger 'have a jet with weeds growin’ through it.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'People don’t know that. Get another toaster.', then the trigger 'They busted a sushi restaurant last year in L.A., sellin’ whale, and they fined ’em 200,000 bucks.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'That’s not true. When I’m about to come, I have the focus of a navy seal.', then the trigger 'Afterwards, I lay there like a wounded manatee.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'He goes, “chicks wear those socks.” All right, he’s my kid. You can stop those tests. I love his mom, man.', then the trigger 'His mom’s great.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'She’s my second wife. I never argued with her ever.', then the trigger 'She didn’t wanna be married to somebody That was always gonna be on the road.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.