Craig Ferguson

The setup points the reader toward 'When a smart woman wants to stay married to a guy, after the wedding, she fattens him up a little bit.', then the trigger 'Not too much.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Sleep deprivation is weird, though. It makes you think really weird thoughts.', then the trigger 'You know that studies have proven– My own studies have proven this.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Oh, you know the people that go on tv, And they think they can tell other', then the trigger 'people how to live ’cause they’re on tv.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Two penises, no hands.', then the trigger '“I’ll swap you a penis for a hand.” Oh, if I had a nickel for every time I’d said that.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'I really saw this. In many species of shark, the male of the species has two penises, side by–yes.', then the trigger 'Side by side, two penises.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'On the upside, though, I do seem to have an enormous clitoris. that’s too much? All right, that’s too much.', then the trigger 'Well, we found the edge.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'You can’t say, come on. I’ve put on your diaper, I fed you. What’s wrong with you?', then the trigger 'They just cry over every argument you’ve got.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'That’s all my stuff once. No, a lot of trouble in the world caused by great asses.', then the trigger 'War–wars, human suffering is caused by great asses.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'That’s the same as the old nazis. You wanna be a new nazi, You gotta bring something new to the party.', then the trigger 'Bedazzle that swastika, mister.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'You can’t be sure. One of them’s Asian. That’s not true. That would be awkward though, wouldn’t it? Like, congratulat...', then the trigger 'An Asian baby.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'I always thought cocaine was just a kind of vitamin That helped you drink more. I still kind of believe that.', then the trigger 'But it’s true.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'I’m not just here to get away from my children. I love my children. Of course I do.', then the trigger 'They’re beautiful… Whatever their names are.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'I love my parents. They were great people. I adored them. And my childhood was idyllic.', then the trigger 'There was never any problem in my childhood.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'A lot of knitwear, a lot of sweaters with little patterns on them.', then the trigger 'The that guys think they’re little patterns, but they’re not patterns.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'We were watching this documentary about chimpanzees.', then the trigger 'And they were all being very naughty, little hairy bastards, running around throwing poo on each other.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'You know, that’s a tough place to be. I don’t want to be hating on someone who’s in that position.', then the trigger 'I sympathize with that.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'She’s a– and if Jennifer aniston had done What a smart woman does when she marries', then the trigger 'someone, she’d still be married to brad pitt.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward '“No, what happened–your aura, baby, it’s all out of whack. “You need to have your aura worked on.', then the trigger '“You need to have an aura adjustment.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'So, yeah, I’m all right. Anyway, this is a joke… This is a joke that involves a traveling salesman.', then the trigger 'And I like this joke.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is meta-humor with incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Look, this is me doing it. You feel that? “craig, it’s like you’re a magician.” Yes, it is.', then the trigger 'You’re right, that was too far.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'It would be like aircraft engines. One of them would go out. It would be like, “don’t worry.', then the trigger '“We train for this all the time.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward '“surely you must care a little bit.” Not much. Nah, hitler wouldn’t want to be on npr, anyway.', then the trigger 'He’d want to be on fm.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'No, this is true.', then the trigger 'Studies have proven that three days without sleep has exactly the same effect on your body as a tab of acid.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward '“what are you talking about, Craig? Phil.” That’s right. That’s his name–dr. It’s not his qualifications. He’s Phil m...', then the trigger 'Isn’t that a doctorate?' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'So, you know, the only employment I could get is that of an actor, ’cause you', then the trigger 'can do that if you’re insane and stupid.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'And they said, “what is going on?” I’m like, “this guy’s so funny!” – I’m excited just', then the trigger 'to be in the same room as Craig.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Which I have done, actually. In Amsterdam in 1987 for a little while.', then the trigger 'But it’s the screaming and the poo, The screaming and the poo.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'He runs away to rehab. Rehab in Hollywood is like “safe” When you’re playing games as a kid.', then the trigger 'It’s like, “oh, oh, oh, rehab.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'And because it got a laugh, he would then say it every time we watched a nature documentary.', then the trigger 'Like, for years and years afterwards.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'They’re screaming and the poo. And they go, agghhhh! They cry over it. You can’t reason with a baby.', then the trigger 'You can’t talk to them.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Look at me! You think I don’t know my way around a clitoris? Look at me!', then the trigger 'I’ve spent half of my damn life doing this.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'I was right there in the room.', then the trigger 'I watched that baby come flying out and then the other thing come flying out after the baby.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Don’t worry, I’m not just here to get away from my children. I’ve got a joke for you.', then the trigger 'I’ve got a joke, don’t worry.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'He was really kinda fine with it. He was helping the other patients.', then the trigger 'The only way you could tell is ’cause he was wearing shorts.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Now in this place, they go shark diving every day. And they go to the same place every day.', then the trigger 'The same place every day!' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'No, they’re lovely. They’re beautiful animals. I wouldn’t have believed this if I hadn’t seen it with my own eyes.', then the trigger 'But this is true.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Someone’s been doing you clockwise. It’s simple mistake. I’ve done it myself. Anyway, I went shark diving.', then the trigger 'I went shark diving in the Bahamas.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'I went to this place. It really exists. It’s in Hollywood.', then the trigger 'It’s an aura massage spa where you can go and have your aura massaged.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Mel gibson’s not a nazi, he was just drunk.” I’m like, “really?', then the trigger 'You can get that drunk?” I was a blackout drunk for 15 years.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'They used to always say, “oh, you kids have got it too easy.” And I try', then the trigger 'not to do that to my own kids.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Except every couple of months, in order to get rid of the “negative energy” in her body,', then the trigger 'she puts a hen’s egg in her vagina.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward '– Oh, my god, it’s gonna go', then the trigger 'all the way!' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'That’s what she has.', then the trigger 'He’s like… Warren Beatty shagged everybody for 30 years, And now he’s in his mid-70s, he has three teenage daughters.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Kids are assholes.', then the trigger 'I understand.” But I try, you know, I try not to do what my parents were a little bit guilty of.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'I’m sure I do.', then the trigger 'I have a joke– A joke for you told to me by my friend drew carey When he was fat.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'I understand there’s a problem there. I understand there’s a compulsive behavior.', then the trigger 'But how do you know when you’re a sex addict or just you?' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is benign-violation.

The setup points the reader toward 'There were, you know, emails and tweets And letters to the show. They had this parade up to the show.', then the trigger 'I mean, a fabulous parade.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'I’ve been through rehab.', then the trigger 'My balls touch my ankles when I stand up, but, no… I never noticed how some things are like other things.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'It’s all right.', then the trigger 'I don’t even f*ckin’ watch it now.” Well, very briefly, the first…the Kevin Costner sex scandal, actually, it was gol...' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is benign-violation.

The setup points the reader toward 'Fabio did… They were opening a new amusement park somewhere. I think it was in Florida or the Midwest.', then the trigger 'Busch Gardens, it was called.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'I mean, you can upset them… Some of them have very fragile egos. It was news to me.', then the trigger 'In fact, that’s the noise I made.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'We’re called heterosexuals. Ladies, if your man likes you to be too skinny, very, very skinny, he’s not your husband.', then the trigger 'He’s your gay friend.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is benign-violation.

The setup points the reader toward 'Um, I’m gonna try and tell you a joke. I know what you’re thinkin’. “Oh, Craig, come on. “Not a joke!', then the trigger '“Not from you, Craig!' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward '“Penis, vagina, glory hole, Dirty Sanchez, Rusty trombone, Cleveland steamer.” I’m like, “what the f*ck? What the f*ck?', then the trigger 'What the f*ck?” “What the f*ck?' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Nobody talks about sex in Scotland. Scottish gynecologists don’t even talk about sex.', then the trigger 'It’s just like, “Uh, get up on the table there, Mrs.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is benign-violation.

The setup points the reader toward 'And they’re very… very posh kind of Yankees, very kind of upper-class Yankees, which is freaky', then the trigger 'for me, Because they don’t even sound American.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'It’s kind of like having a southern accent, You know what I mean? It’s like people do it back to you.', then the trigger 'Like, “yickety-dickety.” It’s true.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'I’m arriving!” I’m kidding. I never heard that. But… They’re very strange, though, the Yankees. They’re very, very st...', then the trigger 'They’re so tight-ass.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'And he said, “Pay attention, everyone.” “This is Mr. “They were married in a church. “By a protestant minister.', then the trigger '“And now, they… eeh eeh.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'That’s too much. You can go too far, Craig. Anyway the Pope…the Pope doesn’t talk like that.', then the trigger 'He’s not even Italian anymore, the Pope.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'You think I’m in love * * that I’m sent from above', then the trigger '* I’m not that innocent *' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'I’ve been on his show. Larry will look you directly in the eyes, fart really loudly, and not break eye contact.', then the trigger 'It’s like… What’s wrong?' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'I’m starting to feel it.” And I’m like, “that’s the f*cking point.” That’s the point!', then the trigger '“Oh, I’m…I’m starting to get a little drunk.” Yes!' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward '“His career is ruined. He’ll never play golf again! “He will never play golf again!', then the trigger 'He’ll be hopeless now.” And I’m thinking, “are you sure?' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Now the job is, you know, make fun of the people who are caught in the sex', then the trigger 'scandal, but in this case, it’s my boss.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is benign-violation with superiority.

The setup points the reader toward 'People will come, Ray. No, I… I didn’t do that. I didn’t do that!', then the trigger 'I f*ckin’ should have done that, But I didn’t do that.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'My only two interests are lion taming and c0ck.” “Who in all of Austria Would also be', then the trigger 'interested in lion taming and c0ck?” “Hi, Siegfried.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'That’s how you get caught. I’ve never sent one. I don’t mind getting them at craig@theinternet/google.Com. But I… Ser...', then the trigger 'I’d never send a sexy email.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is benign-violation.

The setup points the reader toward 'So it didn’t look like a stag with his antlers on fire. It looked a badger with red hair.', then the trigger 'I was the clarinet player.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'So I thought it might be that, you know.', then the trigger 'Hey, what… you “ooh” me for Charlie Sheen, and you’re okay with the Pope thing?' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'You know, they sound… they are American, but they sound like English people. They’re like, “oh, yes, “We’re terribly...', then the trigger '“We’re terribly American.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'I said it. Get an engine, you communist. I don’t like you, and I don’t like your f*ckin’ little car.', then the trigger 'I don’t like them Priuses.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'I will get to the joke.', then the trigger 'But you know the Pope actually has special slippers designed for him by the Italian fashion designer Prada.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is meta-humor with incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'His name was Mr. Nasty, bitter old vicious alcoholic.', then the trigger 'Don’t know what the f*ck was going on with the Scottish education board in the 1970s.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Lang.” There’s this idea that people are meaner than they used to be. Because of the internet, you know, people are m...', then the trigger 'They’re not meaner.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'I was terrified. He’s like a f*ckin’ Bond villain. He’s like… He does this with his hand. There’s nothing there.', then the trigger 'He just does it.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward '“I’m making a sex tape.” “Really?', then the trigger 'Who’s in it?” “Just me.” “Who else do you need?” Actually, when a woman does that, that’s…that’s actually awesome.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is benign-violation.

The setup points the reader toward 'Great f*cking pants!” They’re like, “I know! I saw them in the store!', then the trigger 'I was just like, ‘f*ck’!” I understand you gotta be appropriate.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'He was in Scotland, of all places. Kevin Costner went to Scotland to play golf at St.', then the trigger 'Andrews, the royal and ancient home of golf.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward '“Now they want to have a baby. See how Mr.', then the trigger 'Toad is pushing his shame branch…” “See how he’s pushing his shame branch “against Mrs.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'They… I’m paraphrasing, but that’s what he means. Anyway, so, you know, I thought, “I’ll film him, you know.', then the trigger '“He’ll tell me about sex.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is benign-violation.

The setup points the reader toward 'It makes you the owner of a big badass machine.', then the trigger 'I saw a very good example of this when I used to live in London.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'You know, “oh, Craig, come on, cussing just shows a lack of vocabulary.” And I think, “oh,', then the trigger 'shut the f*ck up!” No, it does not.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Like, “I’ve got to make this putt. I’ve got to get back in the… ah, f*ck it. Aah!” The whole country.', then the trigger 'We’re all watching it.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'What the hell? You’re a bad girl, aren’t ya? Anyway, so apparently he did this.', then the trigger 'I don’t know if he did it or not.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is benign-violation.

The setup points the reader toward 'I did it again * * I played with your heart * got lost in the', then the trigger 'game * oh, baby, baby * oops!' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'And I… I always enjoy doing to them what their ancestors did to my country.', then the trigger 'Oh… although with me, there was always cuddling afterwards.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'This is a giant door built in the shipyards of Belfast by union members.', then the trigger 'This is a big…this has been curled and worked at.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Here’s me thinking about you, honey. Can’t wait to see you tonight.', then the trigger 'A woman would get that on her phone… she’d be like, “aah!' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'I googled myself by accident.', then the trigger 'I came into the room, and I tripped and fell and typed my name in google on the computer.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Anyway, Carrie Prejean was this… She got into terrible trouble, ’cause during the question-and-answer thing, It', then the trigger 'came out that she was against gay marriage.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'And apparently, after his golf game, or allegedly, for legal reasons, he was getting a massage, and', then the trigger 'he asked the masseuse for a happy ending.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Hey, hey, for a human, it’s three days.', then the trigger 'Let’s just stop for a second and discuss what kind of f*ckin’ reaction that was there.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'The miracle of new life.', then the trigger '“Ehh.” That was all I ever knew!' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'What am I? I’m f*ckin’ suicidal? I’m not an idiot. I don’t comment on a woman’s weight. I’m post feminism.', then the trigger 'I’m a reconstructed man.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is superiority.

The setup points the reader toward 'That’s how we used to do it. That’s the old-fashioned way. When things were simpler.', then the trigger 'I don’t…I would never send any of them sexy emails.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is benign-violation.

The setup points the reader toward 'By the way, I love Larry King.', then the trigger 'I really love Larry King, and I hate that he’s retiring and being replaced by some British f*ck.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'I never actually had the fourth grade. I was in Scotland. I was working up a chimney.', then the trigger 'Because there was no sex education in Scotland.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is benign-violation.

The setup points the reader toward 'And they’ve got, you know, special designs and a little crest and writing on them and stuff that says P.O.', then the trigger 'on one and P.E.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Now, I don’t normally go to big Hollywood parties, ’cause I’m not normally invited to big Hollywood', then the trigger 'parties, but I got invited, so I went.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'And he used to tell this joke, and here it is.', then the trigger 'He used to say… “Ladies and gentlemen… “I’ve got my wife her Christmas present.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is meta-humor with incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'I was like you ladies. I was outraged. It’s kind of good if you’re a guy, though.', then the trigger '‘Cause it just makes you look great.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'We’re going back in time to Vienna, Austria. There’s a little fog in the street.', then the trigger 'Just that little fog, like a Smashing Pumpkins video.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Now, women…that’d be great. A man should never do that, though. Never send…no woman wants to see that on her phone.', then the trigger 'That would be bad.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'I got married… I got married again. I got married to a Yankee woman.', then the trigger 'You wouldn’t make that noise if you were a real Yankee.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'And my heart’s not in it. The worst one was when I had to do The David Letterman sex scandal.', then the trigger 'I was like, “oh, f*ck.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is benign-violation.

The setup points the reader toward 'It was London.', then the trigger 'He was like… “I’m terribly cross with you right now.” “Ooh, you’ve made me grumpy.” And I know what he’s thinking.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'You’d just sit there quietly smug in your cardigan. No, I did.', then the trigger 'I married a Yankee woman from up in the new Hampshire area.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'I’m gonna write this down. “I’m gonna need…oh, f*ck it. I’m gonna need parchment. “All right, parchment and weave the...', then the trigger '“Weave the parchment.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward '“Oh, Craig, that’s a terrible thing. “Actually, now that we think about it, Now we agree with you.', then the trigger 'Yeah.” Even lawyers are like, “he’s right.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is superiority.

The setup points the reader toward '“There’s professional comedians for that kind of thing. “Not a joke from you, Craig.', then the trigger '“From you, we want tales of the old country, Craig.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Are you out of your mind?', then the trigger 'If I could get a Scottish woman to give me a hand job, I would never have f*ckin’ emigrated.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward '“Send Ron to Mrs. “Get the snow globe from the kitchen table. “Apparently, you can take someone’s eye out with that.', then the trigger '[Grunts] “come on!' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'It’s the only thing that men and women agree on.', then the trigger '“You probably shouldn’t be able to do it to your husband, but what the hell?' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is benign-violation.

The setup points the reader toward 'I’d like my money back.” No, I– so what we had was a Jewish-Scottish wedding in L.A. It was awesome.', then the trigger 'We had kilts and yarmulkes.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Took a bit of heroin. I didn’t get much into heroin.', then the trigger 'I took a little bit, but heroin had a very odd effect on me.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'He’s like, “you’re crazy. “That’s not ‘oh-ho-ho-hee-hee-hee’ crazy. That’s crazy.” And I’m thinking, “you know what?...', then the trigger '“Maybe I’m going crazy.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'You remember it? You remember it. You remember it, right? They used to give you 30 seconds of free porn, right?', then the trigger 'You remember that?' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Where I come from, damp is a f*cking color! “Oh, those are nice pants.', then the trigger 'Do you have them in damp?” “Hmm, I like your car.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward '“We admire each other. Gee, I love to play pranks on her. We go to the Hamptons all the time.” Bah!', then the trigger 'F*cking ridiculous industry.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'I know you probably think that Drew Carey is just a fat guy that likes fried food and strippers.', then the trigger 'And you’re right, he is.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'I always feel very uncomfortable in a super posh hotel. I always think they’re gonna find me out.', then the trigger 'I’m not from a wealthy background.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward '“Well, you know, I can’t make your breakfast “and clean the garage and answer the phone.', then the trigger 'I’m not an octopus.” An octopus can’t do that.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'I was between jobs. And–you hear me, college? So I was between jobs. I was living with my mom.', then the trigger 'It was kind of embarrassing.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'We’ll see how it rolls.” It was terrifying. I had nothing.', then the trigger 'Eventually, though, I got this manager guy, this guy called Rick in Hollywood.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward '“Tell us, wise old c0ck, what was it like in your day?” “Well, in my day, I', then the trigger 'could reach right out “and touch my testicles.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Your plans for world domination are sadly mistaken.” And I’ll be away.', then the trigger 'I’ll be off.” Sean Connery is a god– a god in Scotland.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward '“That is hilarious.', then the trigger 'I am so angry at you right now.” Anyway, I was watching this Oprah with the– you know what they had on?' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'There’s corruption in all– all areas of human endeavor.', then the trigger 'You put people and money together, you’re always gonna get a little bit of jiggery-pokery.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'What did he say? “We’re out of dilithium crystals.” “Oh, Jim, she canna handle it.” What?', then the trigger '“Warp factor 12.” Oh, that man, isn’t he brave?' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Just when you really need it, you can’t f*cking have it.', then the trigger 'It doesn’t matter what you make up and what story you come up with.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'It’s a very kind of passive- aggressive situation.', then the trigger 'The producers pretend that they’re too busy to look at you.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Maybe I’ll go to the lobby. “Um, no, I can’t. I’m too old. “I’m too fat. I’ll be judged.', then the trigger '“I can’t go to the lobby.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Do you remember that show? You remember I wasn’t on it. I’ve got feelings. Well, here’s what happened.', then the trigger 'I get this script for this pilot.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Bush.” I’ll be like, “son, this was before the trial. “It was before the trial.', then the trigger 'We didn’t know… We didn’t know.” He was funny.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward '“We should get raisin bran.” “Count chocula?” “Rookie.” “Raisin bran.” And that was it. That was the moment for me.', then the trigger 'I thought, “oh, yes.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Yet four teenagers at a rock concert all have', then the trigger 'to share the same cigarette?' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Oh, I didn’t know you don’t even have a Rah-mada hotel here yet! The Rah-mada hotel.', then the trigger 'Listen, you can say what you like about Al-Qaeda.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'I would never say anything against Oprah, by the way. I’m in show business. [Imitates heartbeat] Oh, no, no, please.', then the trigger 'No, I love Oprah.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Anyway, so I got this job on The Drew Carey Show, and it was awesome.', then the trigger 'And Drew Carey, what a lovely man he is.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'I loved it, especially the one I went to ’cause, you know, I’m an alcoholic. But they took everybody at this rehab.', then the trigger 'They took alcoholics.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward '“This could be my ticket out of this dump.', then the trigger 'I will hang around in places of uncertain wind direction… “Pretending to be Sean Connery.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'This is before the ladies started trimming downstairs. I was like, “wha-wha-what is this?', then the trigger 'What?” I had never seen one in its natural state.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'You know, ’cause I’m ready to say my thing and tell him a thing or two,', then the trigger 'and he’s like, “hey, buddy, how you doing?' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'They’re like, “alcoholic?” I’m like, “yes.', then the trigger 'Yes, in fact I am.” That smell of pee-pee that says “sophistication.” Really, you can lord it over them.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Sir, are you all right? Do you have any Purell?', then the trigger 'Isn’t that kinda weird when people put Purell on after they shake hands with you?' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'And I was free. Free of my own past. Free to succeed. Free to fail.', then the trigger 'America did not even ask me to be a citizen.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward '“That is not on Will and Grace!', then the trigger '“Stop that, you’re hurting him!' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'An alcoholic will steal your purse to buy alcohol and then be consumed with guilt and', then the trigger 'remorse and drink themselves to death over it.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is benign-violation.

The setup points the reader toward 'What the hell would you talk about? “I fell asleep.” “So did I.', then the trigger 'And when I woke up, nothing had happened.” “Exactly.” I’m not kidding.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is benign-violation.

The setup points the reader toward 'It’s too bleak.” No, I was– I don’t have porno at home. I’m raising a kid.', then the trigger 'I don’t do it.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'It’s like those infomercials that are on the same time as my show on tv.', then the trigger 'You know what I’m talking about.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'It was like, “oh-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho.” I couldn’t believe it. Just the whole visual experience, the colors, just the co...', then the trigger 'The reds, the blues, the green.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'It won’t be the same.” And it’s not. Now this was Scotland in the 1970s.', then the trigger 'You couldn’t get drugs– or at least I couldn’t.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is benign-violation.

The setup points the reader toward 'They took junkies, loads of junkies. They took overeaters, undereaters, gambling addicts, sex addicts. They are sensa...', then the trigger 'Get yourself a sex addict.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is benign-violation.

The setup points the reader toward '“That’s right, here comes daddy. I’m too sexy for my shirt.” I love Sean Connery. You know, I love Sean Connery.', then the trigger 'You know why?' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is benign-violation.

The setup points the reader toward 'So don’t worry.', then the trigger 'But in order so that first-time parents won’t be freaked out, what they do is they show videos of actual births.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'And when the plane landed at JFK, when I came out of that plane, the first', then the trigger 'time I saw America, it was like– [singing].' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'I do have to say that. For legal reasons. No, she’s all right. I like her. She’s a good person.', then the trigger 'I’m not gonna bad-mouth her.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'What you do–you put it on. “The phone fits snugly inside.', then the trigger '“Everyone will think you’re great, and everyone will want to f*ck you!” “Hi, Stacey.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'It’s the American Dream! I pay my alimony in the U.S. of A., Mister, every month. Take that, Al-Qaeda.', then the trigger 'My ex-wife is a lovely woman.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'And she would say it about, you know, things in the house that you couldn’t take', then the trigger 'someone’s eye out with, even in an emergency.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'I’m gonna live in America. “I’m gonna work hard day and night. “I’m gonna take five jobs.', then the trigger 'I’m gonna get money.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'What you see is what you get. [Sirens wail] anyway, they were fantastic to me, these people. Drew–f*ck, the cops.', then the trigger 'Oh, it’s all right.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.