George Carlin

The setup points the reader toward 'Parlo dei genitori professionisti di oggi, questi… questi annusatori ossessivi di pannolini… …che stanno iperprogramm...', then the trigger 'i loro bambini, e privandoli della loro infanzia.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'The Germans have 29. The Belgians have 25. The Swedish have only 6.', then the trigger 'And some people in the world have no rights at all.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Perché non mostrare il tuo rispetto non comprandolo nemmeno, il fottuto cappello!” E per confondere ulteriormente', then the trigger 'le cose, dicevano alle donne esattamente il contrario!' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'E Dio deve averne le palle piene di questi favori: “Sì, sì, lo so, la prova', then the trigger 'di spelling, martedì, levati dalle palle per favore!' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'We’ll never know what mischief dad was up to. Parents in hell. It kind of gives you a nice feeling, doesn’t it?', then the trigger 'It does me.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is benign-violation.

The setup points the reader toward 'I never give credit for incomplete work. Now, PT Barnum might think they’re special, but not me, I have standards.', then the trigger 'But let’s say it’s true.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Quello era il suo compito! Il compito di Barbara Bush era… …convincere i bambini a leggere! Ve lo ricordate?', then the trigger 'Convincere i bambini a leggere.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Sei settimane extra nella rubrica, offre la casa, pago io. Ma dopo, ehi, i fatti sono i fatti, vaffanculo, sei morto!', then the trigger 'Te ne vai, cazzo!' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Well, I’ll tell you what Jesus would have done.', then the trigger 'I’ll tell you what Jesus would have done.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'E se lo fanno, devono aver sentito dire che Dio amava tutti!', then the trigger 'È ciò che ha detto, amava tutti e li amava allo stesso modo.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Do you remember…OK. You remember Barbara Bush? I call her the silver douche bag. You remember her?', then the trigger 'She is the mother of Governor George Bush.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Wouldn’t want him to sneak in a little unstructured time in the woods. That wouldn’t be any good.', then the trigger 'God knows he might start jacking off.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Qualcosa che dovrebbe essere spontaneo e libero, adesso viene rigidamente pianificato.', then the trigger 'Quand’è che un bambino può sedersi in un cortile con un bastone, ormai?' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'They don’t want to know so they can do it.', then the trigger 'They just want to know so they could tell other people to do it.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'E quando parlano, lo fanno come se avessero la bocca piena di merda! Incompleti, lavoro non terminato.', then the trigger 'Non dò mai credito ad un lavoro incompleto!' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Quindi… …quindi ora, secondo la teoria, questi quattro vanno in Paradiso… …e iniziano ad aiutare i loro figli vivi.', then the trigger 'Ma che succede ai due originari?' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Potresti ridipingere il garage!', then the trigger 'Portati lo sturacessi, la tazza di sopra si è intasata e c’è merda su tutto il pavimento lassù… Guidi un trattore?' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Passano via inosservate.', then the trigger 'Vi faccio un paio di esempi… Dopo che qualcuno è morto, la seguente conversazione avrà sicuramente luogo, probabilmen...' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Ma mi avevano già detto che Dio è ovunque!', then the trigger 'Così mi chiedevo: “Be’, se Dio è ovunque… perché uno dovrebbe anche solo POSSEDERE un cappello?' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Vengo da una famiglia cattolica, ho sentito queste stronzate!', then the trigger 'Si siedono lì sulla sedia col loro fottuto rosario e ti guardano così, sapete?' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Farvi dire chi dovete rispettare? Mi scelgo da solo i miei eroi, grazie mille. E affanculo anche Dr.', then the trigger 'Phil è uno psicologo televisivo) Dr.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'This one happens after the funeral, after the burial,', then the trigger 'back at the house.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is benign-violation.

The setup points the reader toward 'I mean, I don’t care about my mother’s tits either. I didn’t care if they fell off. Not my problem.', then the trigger 'They’re your tits, ma.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'I don’t care how big his library is. He’ll always be Governor Bush.', then the trigger 'I don’t even capitalize his name when I type it anymore.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'There’s nothing to do. Whoa, you talk about being a couch potato, that’s it man. No phone calls coming in.', then the trigger 'Nobody dropping by unexpectedly.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'And you can see the people in purgatory. And you can move them all around, you know. Move them around.', then the trigger 'Put them in little groups.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Non era un problema mio: “Sono le tue tette, mamma, tienile d’occhio tu!” Giurare su Dio non', then the trigger 'significa niente, giurare sulla Bibbia non significa niente.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Ten o’clock, OK. Listen, I’m going to be a little bit late. You’ll have to start without me. Oh, don’t worry.', then the trigger 'I’ll catch up.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Sometimes, they warn you, you know.', then the trigger 'They say, “Hey, you want to see some pictures of my kid?” No, just describe them to me.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Gli era proprio passata di mente, cazzo! Ma diciamo… …diciamo che Dio ci ha dato i 10 originali.', then the trigger 'Agli inglesi ne ha dati 13!' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Niente da fare tutto il giorno, soltanto cacare e respirare con un cazzo di tubo!', then the trigger 'Ti nutrono con un tubo, non c’è niente da fare!' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Ma non ci dovremmo preoccupare di come va a scuola, perché appena arriva l’estate se ne andrà al campo estivo.', then the trigger 'Sì, andrà al campo.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Filmed in the Wells Fargo Center for the Arts in Santa Rosa, California Thank you.', then the trigger 'I’d like to begin… I’d like to… Thank you.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Oh, they think it’s the biggest thing in the world like it’s a big event, having a baby.', then the trigger 'I call it pumping out a unit.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Perché, come si è visto, le persone violente, estremamente aggressive, pensano molto bene di loro stesse!', then the trigger 'Guarda un po’, i sociopatici hanno un’alta autostima.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Oh, pensano che sia la cosa più grande del mondo, come se fosse un grande evento, avere un bambino.', then the trigger 'Io lo chiamo espellere un’unità.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Cazzi suoi, fagli mettere le carte in tavola! Fagli mettere le carte in tavola!', then the trigger '“Non esitare a chiedere”, che faccia tosta hanno questi cazzoni!' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'E il risultato è che nessuno ha mai imparato a mettere in dubbio le cose.', then the trigger 'Nessuno mette più in dubbio niente in questo paese.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Jews have yarmulke. The Muslims have a kufi.', then the trigger 'The Bishop has a pointy hat on one day and a round hat on another day.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Two guys meet on the street. “Hey, did you hear? Phil Davis died.” “Phil Davis? I just saw him yesterday.” Yeah?', then the trigger 'He died anyway.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'I know it was nine because my wife was pregnant with our first boy, Mach Moody', then the trigger 'Benel Sayid Ben Salam, and he’s ten now.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'You say, “Yeah, could you help me with this?” Say, “Yeah. Hey, how far you going?” “Indianapolis.” He wants to help?', then the trigger 'Put him to work.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Just turn to the person next to you and say, “Geez, I’m getting tired, you know.” Oh, are you tired?', then the trigger 'Grandpa’s going to bed.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Sai, ora che ci penso… …potrebbe essere stato otto anni fa. Così sarebbe vicino al 2000, vero? Ti ricordi dell’anno 2...', then the trigger 'Che cosa è successo?' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Questo non è il fottuto Nuovo Testamento, sai?” Sai cosa si dice a uno così, che vuole aiutare?', then the trigger '“Bene, perché non passi questo fine settimana?' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'So era nove anni fa perché mia moglie era incinta del nostro primo figlio: Mahmud Ibenel Sahid Ben-Salaam.', then the trigger 'E lui ha dieci anni, adesso!' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'So, I now… Thank you very much. Yeah, I’m now 70 years old, and I like 70.', then the trigger 'Not as much as I liked 69.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Liza Minnelli can get sober, and everything is going to be OK. Right?” That was her assignment.', then the trigger 'Barbara Bush’s assignment was getting children to read.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Che razza di eternità del cazzo è quella?', then the trigger 'E perché nessuno dice mai: “Penso che ora lui sia laggiù… e ci guardi dal basso sorridendo”?' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Good luck, America. You’re on your own. Which is a little bit closer to the truth.', then the trigger 'Here’s a…here’s a civic custom that I don’t understand.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'I bambini restano colpiti da cose così!', then the trigger 'E poi non mi importava nemmeno delle tette di mia madre, non mi importava se cadevano, cazzi suoi!' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward '“Hey, Jeff, want a kid?” Ba-ba-boom. “How about twins?” Ba-ba-boom, ba-ba-boom. Polluting the earth.', then the trigger 'Polluting the earth with these creatures who have no future.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Sì, che lo fanno… È parte del loro lavoro, proteggere, servire, e dire falsa testimonianza ogni', then the trigger 'qualvolta è di aiuto alla causa dello Stato.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'And you look at the hole, and you look at the stick, and you have a little fun.', then the trigger 'But kids don’t have sticks anymore.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Questi bambini ora crescono e hanno figli a loro volta, e diciamo che tutti e quattro questi', then the trigger 'bambini ora cresciuti… …muoiono anch’essi nello stesso momento.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'A family of six. A good family. A nice family.', then the trigger 'Doing all the right things, having a good time, making all the right moves.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Oh, non ti preoccupare, recupererò, sto mangiando un sacco di ostriche e guardando un film zozzo.', then the trigger 'Ah, si chiama “Tarzan si scopa una zebra”!' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Ora… C’è un’altra cosa che si dice dopo una morte… …ma questa riguarda la fede.', then the trigger 'Ed è qui che comincio ad avere… …grossi problemi!' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Ciò che pensava fosse un grosso sasso, poi si scoprì che era uno stronzo di dinosauro!', then the trigger 'Uno stronzo di dinosauro pietrificato di 12 Kg.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Sono stato incaricato dal resto del gruppo di informarvi che non ci interessano i vostri bambini, ed', then the trigger 'è per questo che sono i VOSTRI bambini!' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Supponiamo che hai un cappello rosso bianco e blu! Supponiamo che hai un cappello fatto con una bandiera!', then the trigger 'Perché toglierselo per onorare la bandiera?' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward '(Nota: la FEMA, Agenzia Federale per la Gestione delle Emergenze, si occupa di disastri naturali) Ma tu guarda!', then the trigger 'Hai il numero della Guardia Nazionale?' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'That would have been close to Y2K, wouldn’t it? Everybody’s all worried about that. Nothing ever happened. Ha, ha, ha...', then the trigger 'Nothing ever happened.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Land of the free. Home of the brave. The American dream. All men are equal. Justice is blind. The press is free.', then the trigger 'Your vote counts.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'E il motivo di questo… Il motivo… che voi potreste condividere, forse… …è che ho un', then the trigger 'livello di tolleranza molto basso per le cazzate!' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Wouldn’t you leave it on and point it toward the flag?', then the trigger 'And what’s so bad about hats that you have to take them off?' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Chi ci avrebbe mai pensato, eh?', then the trigger 'Adoro quando succedono queste cose, adoro quando queste idee politicamente corrette crollano e bruciano e finiscono n...' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'And when I was a kid, I would', then the trigger 'go to the St.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Two people who didn’t get along in life, put them in the corner; let them work it out.', then the trigger 'Let them work it out in purgatory.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'E voi, avete qualcosa in programma?', then the trigger 'Non è mai troppo presto per fare programmi, noi andiamo in Norvegia nel 2025!' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Le cazzate sono la colla… …che ci lega come nazione.', then the trigger 'Dove andremmo a finire senza le nostre sicure, familiari, cazzate americane?' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'You’re a loser, Bobby.” They miss out on that.', then the trigger 'You know what they tell a kid who lost these days?' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Everybody gets a trophy. No one is a loser.', then the trigger 'No child these days ever gets to hear those all-important character building words, “You lost, Bobby.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Avete mai dato un bello sguardo DENTRO la bocca? Ci avete mai guardato, e cosa succede?', then the trigger 'A volte diverse file di fottuti denti che spuntano?' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Religion never stops stroking you. Big business gives you a good stroke.', then the trigger 'And it’s one big, transcontinental, cross-country, red, white and blue stroke job.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'È la cosa migliore da fare. Nessuno lo ha detto a me!', then the trigger 'Nessuno mi ha detto niente del genere.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Do we find out at long last after all this time that God is weak in math skills?', then the trigger 'Doesn’t sound like divine planning to me.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is benign-violation.

The setup points the reader toward 'Christians gave him Sunday. Jews gave him Saturday. Muslims gave him Friday.', then the trigger 'God has a three-day weekend, which is probably just what he needs.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Ne avete mai visto uno? Avete mai dato uno sguardo da vicino a uno di questi cazzo di bambini?', then the trigger 'Hanno un aspetto fottutamente bizzarro!' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward '“Ehi, Jeff, vuoi un figlio?” “O dei gemelli?” Inquinando il mondo! Inquinando il mondo con queste creature! Che non h...', then the trigger 'Non hanno futuro!' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Grandma wants to visit her sister in Frog Balls, Arkansas. How about you? Have you made any plans?', then the trigger 'It’s never too early to make plans.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Quali sono le tue priorità?” Usiamo un sacco di eufemismi quando parliamo della morte, sapete?', then the trigger 'La gente dice cose come: “Sai, ho perso mio padre”.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Prima o poi qualcuno certamente dirà quanto segue, ehm… specialmente dopo alcuni drink.', then the trigger '“Sapete… Penso che ora lui sia lassù… e ci guardi dall’alto sorridendo.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward '“But it was your daughter’s funeral.” I forgot. You can even make believe you have Alzheimer’s disease.', then the trigger 'Ah, it’s a lot of fun.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is benign-violation.

The setup points the reader toward 'Dev’esserci qualcosa che possano fare!', then the trigger 'Oppure devono restare in servizio indefinitamente, devono continuare ad aiutare i loro discendenti vivi per sempre, n...' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Oppure… Oppure, se è un po’ troppo duro per te, un po’ troppo duro eliminare un', then the trigger 'vecchio amico, puoi sempre creare una nuova cartella.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Business is honest. The good guys win. The police are on your side. God is watching you.', then the trigger 'Your standard of living will never decline.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Un campo per la leadership? Non è quello in cui è andato Hitler?', then the trigger 'Campi estivi strutturati e specializzati… Devono tenere lo stronzetto occupato, vero?' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Oppure potete fare ciò che faccio io. Potete fare ciò che faccio io: siate un po’ onesti circa quello che vedete.', then the trigger 'Fate un tentativo.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Beh, vi dirò cosa avrebbe fatto Gesù… …vi dirò', then the trigger 'cosa avrebbe fatto Gesù.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Non dite cazzate, ce ne sono già abbastanza in giro così. Ci sono un sacco di cazzate.', then the trigger 'Poi vogliono mostrarvi le foto della loro bambina.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'O che si mettano a litigare a litigare di brutto in Purgatorio, questo è divertente… Nessuno', then the trigger 'di farà male, sono tutti fottutamente morti comunque!' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Non sa quando la conversazione è finita, stupida merda volgare di cui non ti importa nulla.', then the trigger 'Cose di cui non sei neppure lontanamente interessato!' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'È più naturale. O metterla in tasca! Ricordate cosa vi diceva vostra madre?', then the trigger '“Non metterti le mani in tasca!” Sapeva qualcosa che non sappiamo?' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Ora, tutte queste stupide stronzate che stanno danneggiando i bambini… …sono fuoriuscite da una', then the trigger 'cosa che si chiama “il movimento dell’autostima”.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Let’s say there’s an explosion at Thanksgiving dinner, and these four die, but their children survive', then the trigger 'because they were seated at the children’s table.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Non sanno quando riattaccare, non sanno quando la conversazione è finita.', then the trigger 'Le stesse stronzate banali, domande idiote: “Allora, cosa farete voi fra cinque estati?' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Ora, ecco un altro slogan… …ecco un altro slogan che si vede spesso: “Dio benedica l’America”.', then the trigger 'Ancora una volta, mi chiedo rispettosamente: che cazzo significa?' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'The dingleberry solution, dingleberry gate.', then the trigger 'I think it’s because dingleberries is one of them words you don’t say too much past your 10th birthday.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'I love the fact that we’re on camera all the time from all angles.', then the trigger 'But, you know, you can say what you want about America.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'The ground can’t hold any more water.', then the trigger 'The river is cresting higher than it has in two centuries.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Forget the politicians… they’re irrelevant. The politicians are put there to give you the idea that you have freedom...', then the trigger 'YOU HAVE NO CHOICE.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'How do you decide who’s first on the barbecue rack?', then the trigger 'Do you pick on the little guy because he’s skinny and he can’t fight back?' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'We don’t know how many we have even. We know 500.000 of them are veterans.', then the trigger 'Because we’re so good to the veterans in this country.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Aren’t they great? Spring floods in the Midwest.', then the trigger 'But I’m starting to notice, I’m starting to catch on that every year it’s the same story.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'They’d be gone at the first sign of trouble. They’d be home protecting their own families.', then the trigger 'So would the Army and the National Guard.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Stopping on the way, of course, for jelly roll and fried dough. These people, these people are efficient, professiona...', then the trigger 'It’s their civic duty.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'We’re simple folk.', then the trigger 'But here is the way it’s supposed to work and this is why it’s such a big attraction in the first place.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'That’s my fire. That’s nature showing off and having fun. I like fires. You know something else I like?', then the trigger 'Those spring floods in the Midwest.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'I’m new wave, but I’m old school. And my inner child is outward bound. I’m a hot-wired, heat seeking, warm-hearted co...', then the trigger 'Voice-activated and biodegradable.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Maybe dropping by your house. Hope we’re not intruding. Got any beer? Well, I got about 1400 really thirsty guys here.', then the trigger 'How about women?' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Laid back but fashion forward. Up front, down home, low rent, high maintenance.', then the trigger 'Super size, long lasting, high definition, fast-acting, oven-ready and built to last.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'You know, take a couple of hunks out of my arm. See if I like the general idea.', then the trigger 'Because you’ve got to have priorities, man.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Because the owners of this country know the truth… It’s called the American dream.', then the trigger 'Because you have to be asleep to believe it.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Right away they start talking about education. That’s the big answer to everything. They say “We need more money for...', then the trigger 'We need more books.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'I keep the pedal to the metal and the rubber on the road. I party hearty. And lunch time is crunch time.', then the trigger 'I’m hanging in.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Now the fire spreads to the farmlands and the farmlands burn intensely of 425 degrees creating millions of baked pota...', then the trigger 'And as the farmlands burn.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'I’m talking about the real owners now. The real owners.', then the trigger 'The big, wealthy business interests that control things and make all the important decisions.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Has anybody in authority given you an explanation of the difference? I have not gotten an email on this.', then the trigger 'No one will talk to me.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'A supportive, bonding, nurturing primary caregiver. My output is down, but my income is up.', then the trigger 'I take a short position on the long bond.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'There’s a reason. There’s a reason for this. There’s a reason that education sucks.', then the trigger 'And it’s the same reason that it will never ever.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Lean and mean. Cocked, locked and ready to rock. Rough, tough and hard to bluff. I take it slow.', then the trigger 'I go with the flow.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'They don’t mean to. It just happens. You know about that? Yeah, some you know. I can tell.', then the trigger 'A lot people don’t know about it.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward '80,000 people in one ceremony. You know what the occasion was? They were opening a new temple.', then the trigger 'Nothing like religion for a little entertainment, huh?' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'I’m a hands-on, footloose, knee jerk head case. Prematurely post-traumatic, and I have a love child who sends me hate...', then the trigger 'But I’m feeling.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'And their children were ungrateful.', then the trigger 'They talk about how the government screwed them out of money and they just missed out on a big job.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Fire and water combine. Burning clouds of flaming rain fall upward.', then the trigger 'Gamma rays and solar winds ignite the ionosphere creating huge clouds of ionized plasma.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'We got to be the most interesting critters on the planet.', then the trigger 'And then we wonder why a UFO doesn’t just land and say, hello.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is benign-violation.

The setup points the reader toward 'We’re also the only species that deliberately kills members of another species for personal gain or pleasure. That’s...', then the trigger 'They kill for pleasure.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is benign-violation.

The setup points the reader toward 'It’s the new national pastime. The only true lasting American value that’s left.', then the trigger 'People spending money they don’t have on things they don’t need.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Give them a laptop that takes a picture of a cell phone. Give them one of them three-wheeled vehicles.', then the trigger 'Give them an all-terrain vehicle.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'After a couple of years of living like that, beheadings would be the least of your problems.', then the trigger 'People would be lining up to be beheaded.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'And my revenue stream has its own cash flow. I read junk mail. I eat junk food. I buy junk bonds.', then the trigger 'I watch trash sports.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'And thousands of identical homes have identical fires with identical smoke killing all the identical soccer moms', then the trigger 'and their identical kids named Jason and Jennifer.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is benign-violation.

The setup points the reader toward 'They don’t want well-informed. Well educated people capable of critical thinking. They’re not interested in that. Tha...', then the trigger 'That’s against their interest.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Did you ever think about them?', then the trigger 'But I was thinking about these younger woman who died three or four days ago got buried today.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward '“Jump for Jesus”. They would bite. They would go for it. Hey, you got to be fair.', then the trigger 'Got to be fair about these Christians.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Jesus, Gandhi, Lincoln, John Kennedy, Bobby Kennedy, Martin Luther King, Medgar Evers, Malcolm X, John Lennon.', then the trigger 'They all said, try to live together peacefully.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Recorded on November 5, 2005, Beacon Theater, New York City, New York A modern man Thank you. Thank you, thank you.', then the trigger 'Thank you very much.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'The fact that Americans will probably remain willfully ignorant of the big red, white and blue dick', then the trigger 'that’s being jammed up their assholes every day.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'The game is rigged and nobody seems to notice. Nobody seems to care. Hard- working people.', then the trigger 'It doesn’t matter what color shirt you have on.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'They light up cigarettes and they begin to talk. They talk about how they never got a break.', then the trigger 'How their parents didn’t love them.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'And these ideas. These ideas come floating into my head. Just floating right in unbidden. I’m not asking for these th...', then the trigger 'I’m a vessel.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'I think it is certainly apparent by now that one of the things I enjoy in life is excess.', then the trigger 'I like things that are excessive.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'To decide voluntarily not to exist anymore. You know what it is? It’s the ultimate makeover.', then the trigger 'That’s why I think it belongs on television.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'And go see Jesus. Give them a helping hand. Do the Christian thing. Tell them it’s a shortcut to heaven.', then the trigger 'Mention the word martyr.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'They would take the guy in question, stuff him in a burlap sack, seal the sack up', then the trigger 'real tight and throw it in the river.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward '“Survivor” is on, on Thursday. Friday I got my colon cleansing. The folks are coming over on Sunday.', then the trigger 'By God, that’d be just the thing.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'They have great sex lives and free health care. They understand the Internet.', then the trigger 'Their kids think they’re cool and they all love their neighbors.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is benign-violation.

The setup points the reader toward 'What we have to do is build up a large pool of hopeless people. People with no hope.', then the trigger 'People whom society has given up on.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Especially these young boys, these adolescent males. And a lot of them you know, a lot of them.', then the trigger 'They kill themselves when they’re jerking off.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is benign-violation.

The setup points the reader toward 'He’ll tell you an interesting story or two. The kids call it “scarfing”, because some of them use scarfs to do it.', then the trigger 'Screw the kid.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'You want to hear a really cool torture that the Romans invented? They also used it as a form of capital punishment.', then the trigger 'It’s *really* creative.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'So cholera, small pox and dysentery break out and thousands of people start dying in the streets.', then the trigger 'But before they die, parasites eat their brains.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'You know those people on the “Jerry Springer Show”, those are the average Americans. Oh, yeah, believe me.', then the trigger 'Below average can’t get on the show.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'It sounded risky to me. Well, jerking off is all I need. You know what I mean.', then the trigger 'I ain’t trying to double my money.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Ninth in the general population.', then the trigger 'That will give you an idea of how popular this after school activity has become among our teenage folks.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Right this second some guy is getting ready to bite the big bazooka.', then the trigger 'Because statistics show that every year a million people commit suicide.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Joey and Jackie and Johnnie and Phil. Bobbie and Tommy and Danny and Bill, what happened?', then the trigger 'And Cody and Dylan and Cameron and Tucker.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Yes yes yes you do. You bend it. You squeeze it you play with it. You have to you have to.', then the trigger 'Because you can.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Not me I hit somebody I run somebody over I keep moving especially if I’ve injured someone.', then the trigger 'I do not get involved in that.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'And then you save that son of a bitch. I save my lip crud.', then the trigger 'I save everything that comes off of my body don’t you?' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'No one’s interested in the top of your head.', then the trigger 'Go back to the store and tell them to give you the rest of the hat.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Good old Governor Bush. I’m hoping he does a good job.', then the trigger 'If he does may we might think of electing him President in 2004, okay?' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Then I know I’m going to have a happy New Year too.', then the trigger 'Then just to compound your holiday pleasure, they enclose a family newsletter.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Now, in the interest of logic – something religion is very uncomfortable with – we’re going', then the trigger 'to jump around the list a little bit.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'I’m not one of those mindless Hollywood cocksuckers.', then the trigger 'I’m not against guns, I’m not against bullets, I’m not even against people shooting each other.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'You hold it in your hand you talk into it. Oh hey it’s for you.', then the trigger '“Hands-Free Telephone Headsets” Here’s another bunch of puss-headed telephone cretins.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'And don’t tell me leave my name and number somehow. I figured that out. And if you work in an office.', then the trigger 'Never mind that stuff.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'And I don’t know. Because I didn’t stop. I do not stop when I have a traffic accident. No you can’t.', then the trigger 'Hey who has time?' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'I’ll come home early. I’ll masturbate in the kitchen. And then I’ll watch the Montel Williams show.', then the trigger 'And then I’ll pick off my scab.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Besides you never know when you’re going to need parts. Isn’t that true? Did you ever see these guys on TV?', then the trigger 'They’re in the hospital.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'As long as they included one additional commandment. Thou shalt keep thy religion to thyself. Thank you thank you.', then the trigger 'Thank you everybody.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'You want to pick this scab off evenly and carefully around the perimeter of the scab so', then the trigger 'that it lifts off all in one piece.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'It was recorded on November 17, 2001, at the Beacon Theater, New York City, New York. “The Opening” Thank you.', then the trigger 'I really appreciate it.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Thou shalt not steal. Thou shalt not bear false witness. Stealing and lying.', then the trigger 'Well actually these two both prohibit the same kind of behavior.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Of course they’re hurt leave these people alone. Haven’t you done enough?', then the trigger 'For once in your life do the decent thing don’t get involved.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'You need a practical reason? If you do stop sooner or later the police are going to show up.', then the trigger 'Is that what you want?' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Try to pay attention to the language we’ve all agreed on. And a similar. A similar mystery to me motivation books.', then the trigger '“Motivation Seminars” Motivation seminars.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Busy as a dyke in a hardware store.', then the trigger 'Did you ever notice up on a barn they got a weather vane up on a barn?' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Lighter than Air.', then the trigger '“People Who Misuse Credit Cards” Here is another pack of jackoffs who ought to be strangled in front of their children.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'And I’m talking about the flatulent airborne reaction team. Here’s what you do you take thousands of overweight male...', then the trigger 'Thousands of them.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Your neighbor gets a vibrator that plays Oh Come All Ye Faithful. You want to get one too.', then the trigger 'Coveting creates jobs leave it alone.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'The reason for my decision is a fairly simple one I mentioned it already survival okay.', then the trigger 'And in order to learn that Mother Nature yeah.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Why not 9 or 11? I’ll tell you why because sounds official. 10 sounds important.', then the trigger 'They knew if it was people wouldn’t take it seriously.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'They were standing in the street that is city property you are not responsible.', then the trigger 'If they don’t like it let them sue the city.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Then give me the scrapbook this son of a bitch is going right next to that', then the trigger 'toe jam we found at the Gator Bowl.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Just be a nice little for a change. Here’s something realistic.', then the trigger 'We have a daughter in public school who hasn’t been knocked up yet.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'And on top of that I was born at New York Hospital on East rd Street.', then the trigger 'But here’s the capper something you don’t know.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'That’s not self-help that’s help. There’s no such thing as self help. If you did it yourself you didn’t need help.', then the trigger 'You did it yourself.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Doesn’t it sound a little fruity to you? Hi, I’m Wayne, I’m a gun person.', then the trigger 'You know what this prick’s name ought to be?' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'We have a son in public school who hasn’t shot any of his classmates yet.', then the trigger 'But he does sell drugs to your honor student.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is benign-violation.

The setup points the reader toward 'Dishonesty stealing and lying. So you don’t need two of them.', then the trigger 'Instead you combine them and you call it thou shalt not be dishonest.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'The more devout they are the more they see murder as being negotiable.', then the trigger 'It depends on who’s doing the killing and who’s getting killed.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is benign-violation.

The setup points the reader toward 'Before we get too far along here tonight there’s something we got to talk about. Everybody knows what it is.', then the trigger 'It’s in the air.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'I have two of everything ready to go. What do you need a spleen an esophagus?', then the trigger 'How about a nice used ball bag huh?' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Time to get moving. On the other hand.', then the trigger 'If I should be out driving around looking for a little fun and I see an accident.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Oh boy oh boy I can’t wait to pick off my scab. This is going to be wait.', then the trigger 'It’s not going to come off yet.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Rusted rural country asshole. Grow up Billy Joe Carl Bob Danny Frank, you’re not six any more.', then the trigger 'More like 9.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Don’t you love that stuff? That’s our latest mindless cliché.', then the trigger 'Go out and buy some jewelry and a new car otherwise the terrorists win.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.