Louis C.k.

The setup points the reader toward 'That is a compressed area of bad thought. “Of Course, But Maybe” You know, you have your bad thoughts.', then the trigger 'Hopefully you do good things.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Thanks a lot, folks. You guys were great.', then the trigger 'Thank you very, very much.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Our president wept like an insane person And then got on a helicopter and flew away…', then the trigger 'And the whole nation just watched him go.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'If you have a life, that’s an ama– Here’s your boilerplate deal with life.', then the trigger 'This is basic cable, what you get when you get life.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'That’s hard.” That is hard, And so is putting on my socks. Doesn’t make it easier to know about your thing.', then the trigger 'Tell you what.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'I can tell he’s thinking of coming over And dealing with me on his own, and', then the trigger 'I’m sitting there thinking, Like, “please do that.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'You know why? ’cause never identify yourself. Are you crazy? You don’t know why I’m asking. How do you know what– OK.', then the trigger 'Burn them all.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Every single thing where you go, “how did they build those pyramids?” They just threw human death', then the trigger 'and suffering at them until they were finished.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is benign-violation.

The setup points the reader toward 'Everybody has a competition in their brain of good thoughts and bad thoughts. Hopefully, the good thoughts win.', then the trigger 'For me, I always have both.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'If you’re in the best marriage ever, stay in it. I’m just saying, if you got out, it would be better.', then the trigger 'That’s just a fact.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'I touched a tit! “I touched a tit! I touched one tit. One tit.” That’s rare, to touch one tit.', then the trigger 'It’s like a four-leaf clover.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'That’s what I do. I just look at women.', then the trigger 'I just–“” Like they’re, you know, cakes in windows.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'If she dies– If the old lady dies first, I’m not worried about the dog Because the', then the trigger 'dog doesn’t even know about the old lady.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Nobody knows, I guess. I think human life expectancy is pretty good. We get a good run, you know?', then the trigger 'Some people die early, you know?' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward '“it’s so cute! Ngaah!” And guess what? They’re not watching it, either. They’re not watching the video.', then the trigger 'These kids are dancing for no one.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Ha ha ha! Anyway, but so there I was.', then the trigger 'I’m sitting on the stone bench of this courtyard And feeling a little out of place.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward '“from now on, seals and sea lions and walruses, And–you know what?–Penguins are all seals now,” And', then the trigger 'we would all be like, “yeah, all right.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'You tested my reflexes, and it worked out fine!', then the trigger 'So now I hope your kids grow up motherless!” I mean, what am I capable of?' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'I’d like to think that I’m a nice person, But I don’t know, man.', then the trigger '“If Murder Was Legal” A lot of it is context.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is benign-violation.

The setup points the reader toward 'Putting on my socks is the worst part of every day,', then the trigger 'and it always will be.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward '“I’ll get in your car with you with my little shoulders.', then the trigger 'Where are we going?” “To your death, statistically.” How do they still do it?' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is benign-violation.

The setup points the reader toward '“beep, beep, beep!” And I have to, like, lay on my back like an eight-year-old And', then the trigger 'go like this, and I start passing out.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'If you’re a predator, imagine if every time you’re hungry, You gotta chase a guy Who’s running for his life.', then the trigger 'You gotta– “come on, dude!' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'It’s finished!” And it’s just little boys pissing on the face Of a Greek', then the trigger 'god that looks like him a lot.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'I don’t know.', then the trigger 'I’d love to think, “I would never do that,” But we really need the law against murder For one simple reason.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is benign-violation.

The setup points the reader toward '“I was taking a nap!', then the trigger '“you gotta be in constant motion To get any respect in this house.” And then my daughter comes home.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'I just touched it.', then the trigger 'I know that was a tit.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'There are millions of people out there who we’ve all unanimously decided, they are light speed ugly', then the trigger 'and nobody kisses them on the lips, even.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Some kid kicks it over on his way home From a tough day at middle school.', then the trigger '“rats.” That’s a pretty accurate description of my asshole.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'You know, there’s no candlelight vigils for 50-year-old guys that die, and you start pushing– You know,', then the trigger 'some people get to be like, 80s, 90s.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'The resolution on the kid is unbelievable if you just look. It’s totally HD. Why are you taping this?', then the trigger 'You’re never gonna watch it.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'You just put it on Facebook. “here, you watch it.', then the trigger 'I wanna take a nap now.” And then you get to read all the comments.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'I always– Like, there’s this old lady in my neighborhood, And she’s always walking her dog.', then the trigger 'She’s always just– she’s very old.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Who can’t be a good father for half of every week?', then the trigger 'No matter how bad it gets, every Wednesday, I get to go, “good-bye, girls.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'It’s, once you’re on one– You really have to screw up really badly and quickly To', then the trigger 'lose tit access between tits one and two.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'I’ll help you brush your teeth, you help me with the socks. “If You’re Older You’re Smarter” I don’t know.', then the trigger 'I like getting older, though.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Nobody ever says, ” my divorce is falling apart.', then the trigger 'I can’t take it.” And again, if you’re in a good marriage, stay in it.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Imagine if we were in the food chain. It would just be another thing you gotta deal with.', then the trigger 'You’re already having a bad day.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Come on, let’s get– “come on! Let’s get your tits out of here!” “Divorce” I’ve seen a few tits.', then the trigger 'I’ve seen–I don’t know– 48 maybe.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'There’s a lot of things I wonder if the world was different.', then the trigger 'Like, if murder was legal, I might have killed a few people.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is benign-violation.

The setup points the reader toward 'I don’t know which one. I won’t know till it’s over where this was. I don’t know how long I’m gonna live.', then the trigger 'I don’t know.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'I could be doing open heart surgery. He’s not your tits.', then the trigger 'Don’t worry about it.” I don’t know why we love tits so much.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'I didn’t maintain any of this at presentation condition. It’s function only.', then the trigger 'It was not… I didn’t think I would need it that way.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'He’s not even like, a- He’s, like- Got a whole thing going.', then the trigger 'And they take him over, And they start checking him For weapons.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'I was just standing In front of my hotel. It was 5:00 in the afternoon.', then the trigger 'That’s usually what I’m doing At 5:00 in the afternoon.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Did you know that? Out of all the people that ever were, almost all of them are dead.', then the trigger 'There are way more dead people.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is benign-violation.

The setup points the reader toward 'I don’t care. I’ll be dead.” But for some reason I engaged. “No, honey, They’re called fig newtons.” She goes, “No.', then the trigger 'You don’t know.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is benign-violation.

The setup points the reader toward 'I could deal with that. She’s giving me nothing. “No, you don’t know. Those are pig-” I’m like, “Really? I don’t know?', then the trigger '“I don’t know?' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Like, my dick and balls don’t even match each other. Like, my balls are older than me.', then the trigger 'They’re, like, the old- I swear to God.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'It didn’t used to be that way. When I was younger, You had to go in the bank.', then the trigger 'You had to go inside the bank.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'It’s-that’s like having a bunch of money in the currency of a country that doesn’t exist anymore.', then the trigger 'Like… Like I found 500 million Prussian francs.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward '“I had to pay For my sandwich.” You’re flying! You’re sitting in a chair In the sky.', then the trigger 'You’re like a Greek myth Right now.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'I used to like people more, But now I have children, And that changes your life.', then the trigger 'It changes your life In a lot of ways.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'People on planes, They complain.', then the trigger 'They get off the plane, They come to your house, And they tell you about Your whole flight experience.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Like, really-hot wings And I eat ’em all, And then I’m like, “uh… ” So I get', then the trigger 'ice cream To cool it off, you know?' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'I forgot that existed, technical High School. That’s where dreams Are narrowed down.', then the trigger 'That’s- ‘Cause we tell our children, “You can do anything you want.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Then the next person says, “You’re a terrible person.', then the trigger 'You should have your ponies taken away from you.” The next person was my favorite.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Because we have, like- Up till now, We have white- We have white people problems In America, That’s what we have.', then the trigger 'White people problems.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Is the speed of light Too slow for you? You non-contributing, Product sponge cunt? Can you just wait?', then the trigger 'Can you just take A little breath?' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Just standing in front of my hotel. Because I’ve been Inside all day. Just with the jacking off And the ice cream.', then the trigger 'It’s just horrible.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'She was-there was A beauty to her.', then the trigger 'She’s just tiny, little, Old ch- I was staring at her ‘Cause I was fascinated by her.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'My clothes are ripped And there’s a dead guy here. I don’t know what happened.', then the trigger 'I’m gonna get my duffle bag And leave town again.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is benign-violation.

The setup points the reader toward 'Just to go- But I can’t now. Like, I went to a club.', then the trigger 'I went to a club, you know, like, a… like, a club.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward '” That’s a stupid thing to say. It really is.', then the trigger 'First of all, You’re making ’em feel bad For being really happy, Which isn’t fair.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is superiority.

The setup points the reader toward 'I was at a gym the other day. I’m at a gym. I’m just wearing shorts. That’s all I’m doing there.', then the trigger 'Just standing there.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'I’m going home.” Anyway, I got two. And the seven-year-old, she’s no trouble now. That kid’s amazing. She’s better th...', then the trigger 'She’s smarter than me.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'If-if you could go back In time to Orville Wright And go, “hey, dude, I had', then the trigger 'to sit On the runway for 40 minutes.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'The three-year-old, Here’s her deal. She’s a three-year-old. That’s really it. She’s three years old.', then the trigger 'The other day I got in a fight with her.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'I’m listening to ’em.', then the trigger 'One guy says to the other guy, He goes, uh, “Hey, dude, so, uh… So guess who I saw today.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'By a pretty huge majority, most people are not here. Most people are in China, actually. Actually, that’s not true.', then the trigger 'Most people are dead.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is benign-violation.

The setup points the reader toward 'And they don’t even get hard Partway through. They’re just sucking Each other’s soft penises.', then the trigger 'And they’re both crying, ‘Cause they’re embarrassed and confused.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Now it’s like, “hey, I got a cup in case we need another cup.” “Dude, you’re', then the trigger 'a genius.” So these guys, They used “hilarious.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'The other day I was In some whatever coffee- I don’t know, You can only be in six places.', then the trigger 'Whichever one I was in.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'That’s how funny “Hilarious” is. I don’t know This Lisa cunt, But she ain’t that funny. There’s just no way.', then the trigger 'She’s that funny on sight?' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Let me tell you What happened. It was this horrible, Horrible day.', then the trigger 'It started the night before, ‘Cause she woke me up all night.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'She’s gonna die. Everybody she knows is gonna die.', then the trigger 'They’re gonna be dead for a very long time, And then the sun’s gonna explode.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is benign-violation.

The setup points the reader toward 'This summer, she got bit by a pony. I’m not kidding. A pony bit her.', then the trigger 'How do you more break a little girl’s heart?' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'We only make Terrorists do that. That’s what we sound like now. Just the whole country. We’re like Fat eighth graders.', then the trigger 'All of us.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'She learned all that in 12 seconds at the age of seven. She took it pretty well. I was proud of her.', then the trigger 'She’s like, “oh.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'I’m an adult. so I’m trying to jerk off to Girls Gone Wild. I can’t do it, ’cause I’m a father.', then the trigger 'I’m too old.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'This is what That story deserved. It should have been like, “I saw Lisa today.', then the trigger '” The other guy should have said, “That happened.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'I’ll never do that again. I don’t need- I don’t need to do it.', then the trigger 'I can go my whole life without doing it again.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward '” Here you go. One heavy coin. Nobody adds up all those things You mentioned.', then the trigger 'They don’t check To see what coin it was.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'They have-their kids- They’re, like, Consumers of their kids. Like, they want to call Customer service.', then the trigger '“Why does he play Video games all day?' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'You were amazed by A basket of chicken wings?', then the trigger 'What are you gonna- What are you gonna do With the rest of your life now?' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'I’ll say too many. He killed an excessive amount of Jews. He really… Beat that thing to the ground.', then the trigger 'He killed way- He just-no moderation.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is benign-violation.

The setup points the reader toward 'And I went- I took off my clothes, And I stood in the mirror, And I looked', then the trigger 'in the mirror, like, a full-length mirror, naked.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'They go, “people who don’t punch their ponies make me sick.” So we really are a divided nation.', then the trigger 'The three-year-old Is a different story.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'You know, she didn’t- There’s nothing logical For her to want, So her brain has to go somewhere crazy.', then the trigger 'So she’s looking at her plate.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward '“No, it’s okay, it’s fine. Get closer to him. He won’t mind.” All right. Wait a second.', then the trigger 'Okay, uh, This about where I was?' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'People want you to hit your kid. If your kid’s making noise, They’ll be like, “Hit him! Hit him!” That’s right.', then the trigger 'We’re proud of it.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'I’m looking at her little, White ass. Little, perfect, Little, white ass.', then the trigger 'And right in the center of it, This little black dot Just-boop!' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward '“It’s full of bees. “There’s a family of mice living in the tailpipe. I can’t take that to work.', then the trigger '” I have no single instincts.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward '“I’m in a show store.” that’s the whole message!', then the trigger 'We’re not secret agents, I don’t need to know where you are.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Bagel, and coffee… And bagel… Ha ha ha.', then the trigger 'And I see this guy, he’s like 20 years old, and he has the “awesome possum” shirt.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Oh, hello, hello, yes?', then the trigger 'The only-actually, the one guy I would blow, uh- based on- based on who he is, is Ewan McGregor.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is benign-violation.

The setup points the reader toward 'I don’t know what happened.” I don’t know.', then the trigger 'It’s really the kids that do you in.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward '– but I’m older now, so I don’t do that. I don’t care about that.', then the trigger 'Now when everybody leaves, you know what I do?' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Or do-does he want me to open the bag and suck each dick individually?', then the trigger '– throw the used ones in a bowl like edamame shells?' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is benign-violation.

The setup points the reader toward '“oh, suck a bag of dicks to you, too, sir, thank you very much.” yes.', then the trigger 'It’s a lovely day for sucking several bags of dicks.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Like I was once on Venice beach and I’m jogging, and', then the trigger 'there’s this guy rollerblading towards me.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'And it was bad, ’cause he was coming fast ’cause he didn’t imagine in a million years', then the trigger 'someone could be that big of an asshole.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Because almost everybody has sucked a dick.', then the trigger 'When you think about it, most people on earth suck dicks.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'He would lay on his stomach and press his dick into his palm really', then the trigger 'hard, and he enjoyed the pressure.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'I’ve never-I’ve never sucked a dick. Isn’t that weird? I’ve never sucked a dick. My whole life. That’s weird to me.', then the trigger 'It is, it’s weird.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'No, what happened was, I- I cut', then the trigger 'him off in traffic.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.