Jim Norton

The setup points the reader toward 'He looks like Danny DeVito when he played the Penguin in “Batman.” And he always pretends that he’s doing other stuff.', then the trigger 'That’s what annoys me.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'As I started massaging him, he would have to pull out', then the trigger 'my dick and start punching it.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'However, I don’t think I should be able to own one.', then the trigger 'I firmly believe that if you’re qualified, God bless you, get a gun.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Nothing but respect.', then the trigger 'Do you know the ab/core control you need to tighten up your stomach and swing your asshole open like saloon doors?' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Have you ever been so busted you could only make this face?', then the trigger '“Boy, I sure would like to smell your heinie hole.” Now, now!' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Do you understand what John Travolta would have to do to me during a massage for', then the trigger 'me to want $2 million in punitive damages?' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Like, I like him as Bruce Wayne, but that stupid stroke, lisp voice.', then the trigger '“I’m Batman.” That’s what you– “Tell the Riddler I have Bell’s palsy.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'I’m just going to hang myself alone in the basement like I should.” I wish it was', then the trigger 'that easy to get a nickname picked up.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'And I love when guys say, “Oh, you just walk up to a girl and talk', then the trigger 'to her.” Like, that’s easier said than done.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Why is that?', then the trigger 'You don’t walk through a museum with a towel and throw it over paintings you don’t like.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Good one.” It’s like, don’t try to trick me, stupid.', then the trigger 'Like, you walk in and he’ll be cleaning his ears like naked in the mirror.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'But after the shootings he actually went to the hospital and talked to a bunch of the victims.', then the trigger 'I’m like, What a nice guy.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'He does a few things that I think are on the gay checklist, like he was', then the trigger 'sued by male massage therapists for sexual harassment.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is benign-violation.

The setup points the reader toward 'It would make your other 9 trips seem a little lackluster.', then the trigger 'You’d be walking around with, you know, two heads of lettuce and a carrot.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'First of all, they all look exactly like you know they’re going to look. Are you ever surprised?', then the trigger 'They showed the guy from Connecticut.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'That just is something I– Do you know when people make little jokes?', then the trigger 'Just a little innocent joke about the weather, you know?' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'And I love coming up here so much.', then the trigger 'This is one of the few cities I actually go out and enjoy while I’m here.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'They do look nice. Ha ha, thanks. Please let me know when you’re done violating Mr.', then the trigger 'Norton cause he’s got to get on stage soon.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'And when I handed it to her, she looked scared.', then the trigger 'And then I realized, Oh Christ, you just handed a note to a flight attendant.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'And I can see that she’s really drunk, and she looks high as well.', then the trigger 'So I’m like, All right, good, I’ll talk to her.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Oh, you douche bag.', then the trigger 'So I said, All right, here’s what I’ll do: I’ll write her a little a note, I’ll hand her a note.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'We wonder why we’re such a country of like, you know, human resources, litigious douche bags.', then the trigger 'It’s because we can’t stop suing each other.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'I think women would be more turned on if I went to bed with a fleshlight taped to my face.', then the trigger 'Just look at that.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'I swear to God, he has the smallest cock I have ever seen on a human being. Not even an adult.', then the trigger 'From baby up.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'A week or two ago I’m going from the shower to my locker, and from behind', then the trigger 'me I heard… [CLAPPING] So I turned around.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward '–and then when they look, just show them. Just to see that look on their face.', then the trigger '“Aah!” That I’ve tangled with the wrong fellow.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'What are you wearing?” And he goes, “I don’t wear cologne.” Good.', then the trigger 'Do you understand the subtext of what I said to that guy?' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'And he smelled delicious.', then the trigger 'But I realize there’s no masculine way to go, “Hey, man, what are you wearing?' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'And by showing photos of these guys– I don’t need to see the photos of these people.', then the trigger 'I’m not interested in what they look like.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'And it’s not just the mask that’s so humil– Because the mask is bad enough, but', then the trigger 'do you see the little white chin strap?' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'And I know some of you guys have it, because I’ve got a big fan response. Who has sleep apnea here?', then the trigger 'Some people have it?' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'It’s your money.” Thank you, Boston. I love you very much. Thank you guys for coming. I appreciate you coming down.', then the trigger 'Thank you so much.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Like, I feel like they have to live inside this bubble. And it just looks like a tortured way to live.', then the trigger 'Like, poor John Travolta.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'And it’s amazing how angry we get at people when they snore, because when somebody is', then the trigger 'snoring that person is dying next to you.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'No more transsexuals.” Guys get so homophobic. They, like, beat up transsexuals.', then the trigger 'This is the face you should make if a tranny fools you.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is benign-violation with superiority.

The setup points the reader toward 'But if your foot’s a little stinky, I’ll suck your toes.', then the trigger 'But I don’t know what to do with a foot in my mouth.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'His fatty pubis mushed up against the sink. And that’s disgusting, because that’s where I put my lunch.', then the trigger 'And I’m not exaggerating for the bit.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Ah, and she says she wants to change her name because she’s getting death threats, so she', then the trigger 'wants to change it to something less controversial.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is benign-violation.

The setup points the reader toward 'I want to hear exactly what happened.” I feel bad for real celebrities and, like, actors and', then the trigger 'stuff who can’t have that kind of openness.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'I can picture her putting it in and then just yanking it… and handing it to', then the trigger 'somebody on a speedboat, and they take off.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'He said Travolta was pushing his ass back so far that the cheeks were separating, which,', then the trigger 'oh, I was in awe of John Travolta.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Like, I like big, dark areolas. I love that. The one that starts at the nipple and ends around the third rib.', then the trigger 'I love that.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Especially racial when she had her whole thing with Ted Danson. Remember the Ted Danson incident a few years ago?', then the trigger '15 years ago, whatever?' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'You know, just pbbb. But you got to be careful.', then the trigger 'When you’re in that position, you are very vulnerable because women are brutal, man.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'So I ignore it. A minute later, I get another text… “what am I supposed to do?” I don’t know.', then the trigger 'A handstand in the shower.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Like, you ever think you know what somebody wants sexually, and then you realize that you read her wrong?', then the trigger 'You know what I mean?' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is benign-violation.

The setup points the reader toward 'Why couldn’t they put bombs inside a crying infant? How great would that be?', then the trigger 'Finally, no more of those little douchebags on the plane.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'And I did my first midwestern gigs… I was in Kansas City actually at the same', then the trigger 'time that that, hurricane, torna… What was it?' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'If I do another special, maybe I can get a theatre in Fallujah. It’s so nice.', then the trigger 'I had a great thing happen this week.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Hop, hop, hop, hop, hop. Hop, hop, hop, hop, hop. “We’re out of toilet paper, love.” “Are we?” Blla, blla, blla, blla.', then the trigger 'Hop, hop, hop.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Don’t look up my skirt. Tee hee hee.', then the trigger 'Don’t look!” And her pussy was the ugliest pussy I have ever seen in my life.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'A lot of people say it’s rape. At the end, I always show them that the gun is fake.', then the trigger 'I’m like,” “you got me.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Tornado… whatever, whatever. Merciful wind from a knowledgeable god. And I spent some time down south.', then the trigger 'I went to Dallas, which was really cool.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'And the uncircumcised guy peels his foreskin over the head of the other guy’s penis, and', then the trigger 'that’s where I bailed out of the conversation.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'I don’t hate Muslims. I really don’t, but as a group, their problem-handling skills are not good.', then the trigger 'A Danish cartoonist did an offensive cartoon.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is benign-violation.

The setup points the reader toward 'It was… I hosted with Jenna Jameson, and after the porn awards, I had a threesome with Ron Jeremy.', then the trigger 'And a girl, and a girl!' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'It’s kind of awe inspiring, right?', then the trigger 'It’s, it’s smaller than I thought it would be.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Like, it feel like somebody went “achoo.” Like, that sexy… And obviously this is not the sexiest', then the trigger 'way to put it, but I’m like, “wow.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is benign-violation.

The setup points the reader toward 'Um, at least I hope that was put there after the assassination because… If that was', then the trigger 'there the day of, that’s sloppy police work.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'I was single for so long… 5 years… and I like being in a relationship, and', then the trigger 'there’s little weird things to get used to.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'If I want to hurt you with my dick, I have to pour tabasco sauce on', then the trigger 'the helmet and jam it in your eye.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'It wasn’t Ron and a guy and lucky Jim! Or as I’m now known, the shish kebab kid!', then the trigger 'And I’ll tell you exactly what happened.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Lay back, baby. I’m going to fill you with averageness and mediocrity.” A Pepsi can!', then the trigger 'Red bull I maybe could have accepted, but Pepsi?' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'What do you want to do?” “I don’t know.', then the trigger 'Let’s throw the ball around for a little while.” Why do you think I’m a comedian?' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'You get wet. And you’re a lefty.” But I’m like, “wow. You get wet.” And she’s like, “yeah.', then the trigger 'I’ve always been that way.” “Thanks.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'When I’m buying one, I don’t have to wonder what it’s going to feel like mushed into', then the trigger 'my face for an hour at a time.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'You get tested. I’ll get tested, too.” It’s like stop patronizing me. We both know who the problem is.', then the trigger '“Why are you getting tested?' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'We don’t need to feel guilty. Most of us don’t need to feel guilty.', then the trigger 'If you’re over 70 and you live in Mississippi, ok.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Don’t show me the top one one thousandth of a percent of rich gamblers.', then the trigger 'Show me the average schlub.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'When you’re on your back, she’ll put her palm on your forehead and then just grind over your face.', then the trigger 'You’re not a human being anymore.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'I’m gonna have my pants around my ankles and my head on the edge of the sofa', then the trigger 'with my test results taped to my back.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Like, I took my friend, furniture shopping, and he’s a gay comic, and I found this sofa', then the trigger 'that I love, so I call him over.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Opie and Anthony, stand up. Opie and Anthony, you two. Opie and Anthony, stand up. There you go. There you go.', then the trigger 'There you go.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.