Aziz Ansari

The setup points the reader toward 'Let’s eliminate any women who that are already in relationships. You can do crazy things like that.', then the trigger 'You can’t do that in the real world.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'No one’s surprised. All dicks look the same. They’re just dumb and boring looking.', then the trigger 'No one’s ever got a dick photo and they’re like, “Wow!' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'How long did you talk to her for?” He’s like, “Hm…30 minutes.” Thirty minutes?', then the trigger '“Like an episode of How I Met Your Mother 30 minutes?' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'The last question I want to ask you. The photo you got, was the gentleman erect in the photo?', then the trigger 'Yeah, I guess so, right?' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'I mean, it’s not a big deal.', then the trigger 'All right, Miss, you sitting here right next to her… A guy sent you a dick photo, right?' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'That’s how sexual it is.', then the trigger 'And I’m just sitting there looking at this and it’s like, How did this become an ad for a gym?' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is benign-violation.

The setup points the reader toward 'I don’t think he’s dating or anything like that. He’ll probably have an arranged marriage.', then the trigger 'A lot of people in India still have arranged marriages.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Three people are living in a ’89 Honda Civic Coupe. There’s more people than doors.', then the trigger '“But the lights aren’t right.” Their kid isn’t right.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Okay, okay, we’re at lunch, five star restaurant… and what period of the meal do you decide to ask?', then the trigger '‘Cause that’s very difficult, you know?' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'I’ve accepted it, all right? “I made a mistake, okay? “I gave up my best years raising this monster!', then the trigger '“I could’ve started a band!' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'I like ghosts though. Whenever you hear about ghosts it’s always the same kind of stories.', then the trigger 'You know… “Ghost was wearing old timey clothes.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'I’m never gonna eat Chick-fil-A. I don’t eat it anymore. That is the saddest thing you could ever applaud.', then the trigger '“You are so brave, Aziz!' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'What’re you up to?” And then I sent her the dick photo and underneath I wrote,', then the trigger '“Boom!” An hour goes by… No response.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'If they just did horrible stuff to that girl for a week. She’s 16 and horrible.', then the trigger '“So we cut the brakes in her car.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'But until I see that footage, that’s my favorite racial stereotype ever. That’s the best one. Nothing comes close.', then the trigger 'Oh, what do you got?' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'That was a fun trip. Uh, I spent a lot of time with a cousin of mine that lives there.', then the trigger 'He’s around my age.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward '“The weather should not be affecting “your vision that way, Seal. We need to run some tests.', then the trigger '“Sheila, get a bunch of snow here.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'These people died hundreds of years ago. They’ve never seen running water before. They’re blown away.', then the trigger 'They’re just sittin’ there… Where is the well?' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Let’s see if Seal’s eyes start getting wide.” You’re at a dinner party with Seal.', then the trigger '“Seal, how’s the chicken?” […] So…So the event went well.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'I still can’t believe it’s an issue. It just baffles my mind. That whole Chick-fil-A situation… Whew!', then the trigger 'That was quite a conundrum for me.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Like, I don’t know how it never happened. Not even once. Not even once.', then the trigger 'Keep in mind I was the cutest kid of all time.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Today is what, Wednesday? Anybody got any big plans for the weekend? Anybody going to the club over the weekend?', then the trigger 'Clubs are crazy places, man.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'You were pushin’ on me. You were pushin’ on me.', then the trigger 'I had a drink in my hand, could’ve spilt it all over my shirt.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'That’s how much I hate you.” So I saw that and I thought, All right, yep. This is a problem.', then the trigger 'Wow, that was terrifying!' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'It’s so beautiful! I’ve never seen one like this! “Everyone, come in here look at this glorious penis I just got sent!', then the trigger 'It sparkles!” No.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Thank you, the married couple! Dick photo people!', then the trigger 'Thank you very much!' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Online you see those same faces, they’re on a web page.', then the trigger 'The difference is online dating is like going to a bar and having superpowers.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'You need to watch where you’re going. If you were watching where you were going we don’t have a problem.', then the trigger 'You were pushin’ on me.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'I wish I did.', then the trigger 'I wish the places that made food that I found so delicious, also took political stands I can get behind.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'They’re like, “All right, well, we need a new Winter campaign. “We need some ideas.', then the trigger 'Bruce, what do you got?” Here’s what I’m thinking.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'I think I bid and won a charity auction to be an extra in the next Tyler Perry movie.', then the trigger 'Yep, this is 100 percent true.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Any time I have sex with a white girl, I think about those people for a', then the trigger 'few pumps and it’s such a great feeling.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is benign-violation.

The setup points the reader toward 'Guys, thank you so much. You guys were amazing! Thank you very much for coming out! I really appreciate it!', then the trigger 'Thank you so much!' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Okay, so we’re in Philadelphia. Where are we at in Philadelphia?', then the trigger 'At a five star restaurant– Don’t worry, not a three star– a five star.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'You’re a person? You’re so dumb, “How are you– How do you pay rent? “How do you have a job?', then the trigger 'How are you paying taxes?' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'You’re like, “All right, things are gonna get better. “Yeah, things are gonna get better.', then the trigger 'Good job TV show.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'You were down on one knee and you’re just waiting. And what’s going on through your head?', then the trigger '“The breadsticks were coming out.” Hold up!' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'This is brutal. And they don’t do anything nice for the kids at the end of the show. There’s no money.', then the trigger 'There’s no new house.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'So it’s not that hard. No, no, I don’t eat the nuggets. I don’t eat the nuggets.', then the trigger 'But that was a strange situation, right?' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Did you lose a bet or something? Look, of course, I could be totally wrong. You guys could be soul mates.', then the trigger 'I don’t know.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Why did he go to Bed Bath & Beyond that afternoon?', then the trigger 'Well, his roommate had clogged the toilet and he needed to get some Drano.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'You can’t send a dick photo and be like, “Uh… You wanna go to a five', then the trigger 'star restaurant later maybe?” That’s a tough predicament.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'You just imagine a different vibe.', then the trigger 'You know, imagine men wearing nice suits, women are dressed all nice, everyone’s speaking properly– just a classier v...' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'We know how this story goes.', then the trigger 'Now I’ve talked to people all over the country about their proposal stories, and you know what I learned?' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Think about it.', then the trigger 'What kind of song is playing any time you walk into a club now?' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'This does not– How? This would not fly in India.', then the trigger 'They’d be like this, “This has nothing to do with gyms.” Please take this down.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'This is… This is a bit ludicrous. So how’d it become an ad? I’m not sure.', then the trigger 'At some point they must’ve had a meeting.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Come on in! “Please don’t turn me into a bird! “Please don’t turn me into a bird! “Okay, I’m sorry.', then the trigger 'You guys are cool.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'I always go, “Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! “I’m so sorry that happened.', then the trigger '“Why weren’t you guys not using condoms or birth control?' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward '“So, uh, he wanted to know maybe if I can sing one of his hit songs', then the trigger 'for him in order to kill some time.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is benign-violation.

The setup points the reader toward 'They have that show 16 and Pregnant. They’re should be a show called 25 and Pregnant.', then the trigger 'I’d be like, “Oh, no, those poor kids!' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Seal’s at the optometrist.', then the trigger 'The optometrist is like, “Seal, what’s wrong with your eyes?” He’s like, […] “Seal, what the hell are you talking about?' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is benign-violation.

The setup points the reader toward 'I play bass! “But no, I didn’t do that. Instead I have this thing.', then the trigger '“Ooh, something that looks like me and my wife put together.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'So how about a little sympathy for me.” “Well, sir, have you thought about–” “No! There’s nothing to think about.', then the trigger '“There’s nothing to do, okay?' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Do they hate each other? It still makes sense. I read a little bit about arranged marriage.', then the trigger 'I read some research and stuff they’ve done.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'What happened to people?! You meet people so bad sometimes they’re not even Comic Sans. They’re straight-up wing dings.', then the trigger 'That’s how scary it is.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'I think it’s very hard to meet someone you really connect with, that you really feel a deep connection with.', then the trigger 'I think that’s hard.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'I had a good time. The next day they had another event. It was like a charity dinner, charity auction.', then the trigger 'So I went to that.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward '“Respect Thyself and Environment.” Sorry about that. I forgot for a minute.', then the trigger 'Again, you never see those guys saying anything nice, positive or intelligent.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'I…don’t, uh… No, it’s gonna be really good. I have one prepared which is convenient ’cause we’re filming and everything.', then the trigger 'Uh, so, let’s begin.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'I find it! I start doing my thing. It’s going great, but eventually I’m like, “damn!', then the trigger '“I can’t hold my breath that much longer.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Like, you know how you see billboards for shows like burn notice.', then the trigger 'You’re like, “who the heck watches burn notice?” Harris watches burn notice!' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'I was like, “do you have a moment for gay rights? “oh, didn’t think so.', then the trigger '“so sit there with your little clipboard and judge me.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'That’d be like blowing a guy for a half hour for sold-out concert tickets and then', then the trigger 'finding out they’re selling ’em at the door.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'I was seeing about buying an LCD TV. Is it a good time to buy an LCD TV?', then the trigger '“here’s what you need to do, man.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'If you’d approached me on the street', then the trigger 'like, “hey, Aziz.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'That’s always fun.', then the trigger 'I did this festival called Bonnaroo and it’s really cool, ’cause they have, like, indie-rock stuff and, like, hippie...' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'I lived in South Carolina for 18 years. Never saw people like this.', then the trigger 'This one dude gets on the screen, he’s like, “aw, hell, man.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is benign-violation.

The setup points the reader toward 'That a good car to get?’ “‘I don’t know nothing about cars.', then the trigger '“I’m just a possum.’ to answer your question, yeah.” Uh, hey, man.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'He was like, “really, man?', then the trigger '“you’re in a rush to get to Jamba Juice?' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'He raps a lot about karate, right?” and I was like, “not exactly.” and… So I', then the trigger 'copied that conversation and emailed it to Kanye.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Maybe because I’m supposed to be in the ninth grade and I have a full beard.', then the trigger 'But I’m trying to act like I belong, right?' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'I’m in a little bit of a rush.” and then that dude watched me walk into a Jamba Juice.', then the trigger 'And he was a little upset.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'As soon as I started posting, I started getting all these,', then the trigger 'like, angry I.m.s from Harris.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward '‘Cause you’re a horrible person and I don’t want comedy bringing any kind of satisfaction into your miserable existence.', then the trigger 'First guy that comes out, right?' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward '“I’m a lot lonelier than you think I am. Where is your house?', then the trigger 'I will come there now!” “Bonnaroo” I love performing at music festivals.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Do you want to know what I told ’em', then the trigger '* “* I said L.A.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Fellas, you ever been in this situation? You got a girl back at your place and she’s down.', then the trigger 'You’re all excited.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'I had to get a liter of jack Daniels, a two-liter bottle of coca-cola, a box of', then the trigger 'condoms, and a ten-pack of blank CDR discs.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Raped by a dinosaur! ‘Cause that’s too offensive.', then the trigger 'Oh, I guess they didn’t want all these angry letters from paleontologists who are like, “hey, man!' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Not do that.” but he kept bringing it up. He was like, “come on, man.', then the trigger '“it’d be really cool if you did some jokes, man.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward '“I’m say something in Tamil, “this obscure, southeast Asian language that we both happen to speak.” here’s the thing.', then the trigger 'I don’t speak Tamil that well.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'That’s so offensive.', then the trigger 'And at the same time, on my show, they didn’t want us to say that a character was raped by a dinosaur.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'He’s putting money on y’all fools! I hope you got bank accounts, ’cause he’s spreading out large amounts. They call h...', then the trigger 'Straight randy, y’all!' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is superiority.

The setup points the reader toward '“Craigslist AD” Clap if you use Craigslist. Hold on a second though.', then the trigger 'I’m not talking about like, “oh, hey, I’m looking for an apartment,” Craigslist.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'He loves it!', then the trigger 'Harris told me his senior quote’s gonna be, “TNT knows drama.” you call up Harris, you hear things like, “hey, Harris.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Like, how baller is that? Jay-z signed the tab, money went back into his own pocket.', then the trigger 'He was like, “you’re crazy for this one, jay.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'And they had a little chart, and it said “brand, advertised thread count, actual thread count.” so it’s like, “brand,...', then the trigger '“brand, soft sheets.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'If I got a girl back at my place, I’m like, “hey, let’s have sex in', then the trigger 'my kitchen.” she’d be like, “no, randy!' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is benign-violation.

The setup points the reader toward 'Are white people just psyched all the time?” it’s like, “back to the future, that’s us! “Godfather, that’s us!', then the trigger 'Godfather Part Two, that’s us!' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward '“‘can I get an extra point back too, “because I put the same thing he did?’', then the trigger '“and he’ll be like, ‘I don’t teach Aziz.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'And I love Harris ’cause he has really odd choices in entertainment.', then the trigger 'Like, his favorite TV shows are hour-long dramas on USA and TNT.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Edelstein is right.” bam! And then I waited, like, two minutes and then I wrote this.', then the trigger '“guys, I just got an email from Mr.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward '“he read what I wrote here and gave me “an extra point on the quiz.', then the trigger '“he said I showed initiative and critical thinking skills.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is benign-violation.

The setup points the reader toward 'Josh Duhamel doesn’t DVR Las Vegas.', then the trigger 'And you don’t get that joke, ’cause Josh Duhamel’s the star of Las Vegas, and nobody watches Las Vegas!' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'I see this brand called hotel luxury linens. That sounds fancy too, right?', then the trigger 'Got a girl back at your place, she’s like, “oh, my god.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.