Sarah Millican

The setup points the reader toward 'Let’s get some ladies shouting out. What do you think the best thing is about being a woman?', then the trigger '“Tits!” How long have you had them?' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'I don’t find driving very relaxing.', then the trigger 'I get quite stressed behind the wheel and I bought something that I thought might help in certain situations.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward '“And see how he likes it first thing in the morning!” You’ve been lovely.', then the trigger 'Thank you very much!' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'I like that there’s at least 60 per cent of the room going, “My sex life', then the trigger 'is rubbish.” So, was the restaurant still open?' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is benign-violation.

The setup points the reader toward 'Give us a cheer if you are married. (Cheering) And if you’re not… (Louder cheering) More energy again.', then the trigger 'Have we got any divorcées in?' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward '“You’re all right.', then the trigger 'Go get your clothes off.” So, my friend said, “Have a bath”, so I had a bath and it was all right.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Er, do any of the fellas wanna shout out something that they think they may be better than that lady at?', then the trigger '(Man 1) Everything.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'I said, “What food do you think would be good to use?” He said ice cream.', then the trigger 'And ice cream’s a good sort of classic answer.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'I’m not gonna tell you, I’m not your mam. Shouldn’t be your mam that ever tells you that.', then the trigger '“Now, things you need to know.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'If I walk ahead will you check the back of my skirt? And yeah, “Multiple orgasms.” Tick.', then the trigger 'I can now piss through a letter box.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'I did get a nickname while I was out there. I’ve never had a nickname before.', then the trigger 'I’ve been called things but that’s different, isn’t it?' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Did somebody shout cucumber? Ice cream and chocolate. And what about nice fella here?', then the trigger 'What kind of food you think to use in sex?' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is benign-violation.

The setup points the reader toward '“January, February, March. “2009, 2010…” Multiple orgasms. Now let’s work out whether I’m more male or more female.', then the trigger 'This is ever so slightly terrifying.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'And other people are going, “That’s a really good idea.” How do you relax? Shout out different ways.', then the trigger 'It was a nonspecific amount as well.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'No, it should be all right. Should be all right. Are we ready? – Who do you support, love?', then the trigger '– I’m an Arsenal fan.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Nice lady at the back there. What do you like about living on your own, love? – Walking around naked.', then the trigger '– Walking around naked.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'It was like horses and carts and that. (Laughing) And can you… Let’s test him.', then the trigger 'Can you… Can you reverse, like, in first time?' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward '– I’m 23. – (Man) Twenty-three. What do you think is the best thing about being a man, love? – Saturday football.', then the trigger '– Saturday football.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'She’s lovely, but her husband’s a bit iffy. And… Yeah, we went out for a few drinks.', then the trigger 'And the next day I was really ill.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Got a nice couple in the middle. Fella, have you ever dressed up, like in an outfit? No, you haven’t.', then the trigger 'How old are you guys?' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward '– Who said that? (Audience exclaiming) (Scattered applause and cheers) It’s, like, three men clapping. “Reverse parki...', then the trigger 'Shall we test him?' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward '– You just go for the orange ones. You’re not a hero at all, are you?', then the trigger 'You’re just going for the free orange Clubs.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward '– Do you play football or is it watching? Is it gonna kick off if you say who you support?', then the trigger 'Will it kick off?' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'And I just thought there’s no way they’ve got everything else they’re needing for a salad.', then the trigger 'And what I should have said is, “Lube, love.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'I mean, after a week or so, obviously. For snacks if nothing else.', then the trigger 'I think that explains why his girlfriends are always so skinny.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Nobody’s ever said that before. Why don’t you like being… Are you, like, due a big operation soon, love?', then the trigger '“I’m done, I’ve had enough.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'So I’ve started calling mine my cake shelf. It’s nice, though, isn’t it?', then the trigger 'Cos it sounds like a good place to keep your cake.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is imitation.

The setup points the reader toward '(Scattered applause) A small pocket of women are clapping and some of the men are going… “What?', then the trigger '“Do you mean, like, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday?' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward '“Watching football.” I’m not interested in football so that doesn’t apply to me.', then the trigger 'And Grindr wouldn’t really help me an awful lot, I don’t think.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'I thought, “I wonder if this is like the best chat-up line ever.” And his dad’s gonna go, “No, no.', then the trigger 'That’s not your mummy.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Do the noise that you do whenever you see a cock. What was that he… There was no noise.', then the trigger 'He just… He got so excited.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Where are you, fella? Do they have a variety of Club biscuits or just the one flavour?', then the trigger '– I just go for the orange ones.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Just sit down. “Oh, I’m relaxed.” And you watch telly. What time do you normally put the telly on? – About 6:00.', then the trigger '– About 6:00.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Is there something that you do to help you wind down? Probably sit down, watch TV. You sit down.', then the trigger 'That’s a good start, isn’t it?' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'So, you go, “How long have you two been together?” And they', then the trigger 'go… (Exhales) “30 years, 40 years.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward '– “No periods.” – (Low groans) Oh! Well, the women all hate you. That’s a good answer.', then the trigger 'Let’s get some more fellas shouting out.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Sometimes we celebrate Valentine’s Day, sometimes we don’t.', then the trigger 'We didn’t this year, we did last year.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'And he went, “Hull!” And everybody in the room went, “Who?” Watching football is a good answer. Thank you very much.', then the trigger 'Let’s get more fellas.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Although I bought a cross trainer, but apparently that’s not enough.', then the trigger 'Just to buy it.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Probably the most painful one I’ve had so far, – a man said he’d broken his banjo string. – (Man) Ohhh!', then the trigger 'It’s about cocks.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'So I finished my tea and as I stood up to get out the bath, a', then the trigger 'tidal wave of water came from behind me.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Er… Where were the blood vessels? Laying there as you do, I thought he was dribbling on me.', then the trigger 'You thought he was dribbling on you.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'It seems a shame to waste one.” I do have friends who are mothers.', then the trigger 'Mothers do a brilliant job, don’t get me wrong.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Don’t I feel like a proper tit now.', then the trigger 'See, if it was me, I’d probably… I’d want to be in, like, writhing in amongst it.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Picked up a couple of baby clothes for the actual child and then saw the smallest jeans I’ve ever seen.', then the trigger 'So I bought them.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Was it a chance to get a new bed?', then the trigger 'It was at uni and the landlord said I had to buy a new bed.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'It’s not appropriate. I’ll call him a male acquaintance.', then the trigger 'Let’s do that.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward '“What goes well with vagina? “Ice cream!” My favourite answer was a guy who just said cream.', then the trigger 'But he went like that… Like squirty.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'There’s a lady in the front. Test him.” Reverse parking. How long you been driving, love? (Man) About 30 years.', then the trigger 'It was easier then, though.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Thank you very much, love. What else have we got? (Woman) Rear-view mirror. – A what? – (Woman) A rear-view mirror.', then the trigger 'A rear-view mirror.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Not getting any more bother from that crack.” But the last thing you can do is dirty talk.', then the trigger 'We thought we’d give it a go.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward '“Is that all you’ve got, love?” “Has anybody got a shoulder I can rest mine', then the trigger 'on?” But I’m quite practical like that.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Best thing about being a woman? – (Woman) Being psychic. – Being psychic. Are you trained?', then the trigger 'Are you in a relationship at the moment?' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'It was all right.', then the trigger 'But I thought, “I bet I can make this better.” So I had a cup of tea in the bath.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'With which I’m expected to wash a 12-stone woman. I mean me. I don’t provide a service. “Come on in, Brenda.', then the trigger 'Get on the scales.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Er, so it’s this lady here, the one that’s looking desperately like she wishes she wasn’t here.', then the trigger 'So, did you insist on the new bed?' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'What else have we got? – (Woman) Dessert table. A dinner table? Who said a dinner table? – Dessert table.', then the trigger '– A bird table?' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'That would… Party Rings. I haven’t had a Party Ring in years. Can anybody do better than Party Rings or orange Clubs?', then the trigger 'No, that’s it.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Are we gonna get any better than an orange Club? I don’t know. – (Man shouts) – Who? What was that?', then the trigger '– (Man) Party Rings.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'The second one, she said, “You spent a ã102 in a place called… “Holt’s.” And I', then the trigger 'went, “Oh… “Um, yeah, er, yeah, that’s right.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward '“With the ring pull as well.” I say that so you don’t think', then the trigger 'I’ve got a big jaggedy fanny.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Erm… Surprise is probably the wrong word, isn’t it? Shock’s probably a better word.', then the trigger 'Surprise just sounds like you burst out of a big cake.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is imitation.

The setup points the reader toward 'Two parts man. I feel like I should show you at least a bollock. I’ll tell you my favourite answers.', then the trigger 'My favourite girl answer.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'I took my mam, dad and my sister out for a', then the trigger 'nice meal just before Christmas.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward '(Audience groans) While you were rushing to help the old lady, you could have killed her friend. That would have been...', then the trigger 'Well… In hindsight.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is benign-violation.

The setup points the reader toward 'I went to Australia last year for the Melbourne Comedy Festival, which was great.', then the trigger 'It was great until it came time to come home.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Ooh, a ceramic base. And did it just… Was it, like, movement and it just toppled off or… – Yeah, pretty much.', then the trigger '– Pretty much.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'I’m so glad that you’re as horrified as I was! “Pack her full.” To be fair, he was a plasterer.', then the trigger '“Just smooth that over.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'One way it was all right. The other way it was bloody lovely.', then the trigger 'By the time I’d finished you could eat your dinner off it.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Maybe it’s not at the time. Thank you very much for your answer. – Best thing about being a bloke?', then the trigger '– (Man) No periods.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'I don’t find that very relaxing. Er… Am I sharing too much?', then the trigger 'I don’t find masturbation very relaxing cos I’m a bugger for multitasking.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Not having a vagina. Thank you very much. Let’s get two more fellas shouting out best thing about being a bloke.', then the trigger '– (Man) Reverse parking.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'The only people that were there were the bride and groom having their', then the trigger 'photos taken at the cake stand.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward '– (Scattered groans) Yeah, it was a one-night stand, she was on top. He was screaming.', then the trigger 'She thought he was having a marvellous time.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Maybe that fella will buy you a dinner. – Then I would change my mind. – Then you would change your mind?', then the trigger 'Shallow as well.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'She said, “Well, men have to earn the right to look at your boobs.” I thought she', then the trigger 'seemed awfully young to know about such things.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'But I have developed… People call it a muffin top if it hangs over your jeans. A muffin top.', then the trigger 'I don’t really like that name.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'No, that you’re a loon is what I was thinking. OK, let’s get some fellas. Nice fella here. You’re quite young.', then the trigger 'How old are you?' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'And she went, “Tell Dad what your blusher’s called.” “No.” “Tell Dad what your blusher’s called.”', then the trigger '“No.” I said, “Look, we’re 35 and 41.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'And all sort of matched colour-wise and I put them on the counter.', then the trigger 'She said, “These are lovely.” I said, “They’re for my friend.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'What time do you go walking with the dog? Is it tea time? – Tea time. – Three o’clock.', then the trigger 'The specifics aren’t that important, love.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'I went into Marks, went into the baby section. Had a wander round.', then the trigger 'Realised that while I don’t like children, I really love tiny clothes.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward '– Ice cream. – Ice cream is a good answer.', then the trigger 'What about nice fella in the nice shirt, what kind of food you think?' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'And at one point the train wobbled and he lost his balance. And he put one hand firmly on my boob.', then the trigger 'And I let him.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward '– Who pays for the actual dinners? – (Woman) He does. – The fella? – (Woman) Yeah.', then the trigger 'They’re not really free, though, are they, love?' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Like, on the way out. – Was it on the way out? Maybe… – (Indistinct) – About 14?', then the trigger 'That was when you were born?' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'I rang my sister cos I thought she’ll want', then the trigger 'to know about these.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Got nice glasses. Er… Well, OK. Let’s go with that to make her feel better about herself.', then the trigger '“That I’ve got nice glasses.” That’s brilliant.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward '(Gasps) There’s something really satisfying about being the same temperature on the inside as the outside.', then the trigger 'I was in the bath the other day.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Did you live under the stairs? In what way the telephone? So I can speak to people.', then the trigger '“So I can speak to people”, she said.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'And I can’t tick “No periods.” I clearly can’t. I don’t mean clearly.', then the trigger 'Oh, uh… I mean, I have periods, but it’s not… Is it?' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'The reason she’s not is cos it’s not possible. Er… What do you think I’m thinking now about you?', then the trigger '– (Indistinct) – That you’ve what?' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'I was in Australia for six weeks and midway through I just got quite flat and quite', then the trigger 'sad, and just really wanted to go home.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'Was it fixable or did you have to buy a new one? – We got a new one.', then the trigger '– You got a new one?' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.

The setup points the reader toward 'We’ve got more for the blokes. We need another one from the ladies. – Best thing about being a woman?', then the trigger '– (Woman) Multiple orgasms.' forces a reinterpretation. The main mechanism is incongruity-resolution.